


Maybe Forgiveness Is Right Where You Fell

by chelseachelseaIbelieve



Series: Addy Verse [5]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-07 21:10:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 91,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelseachelseaIbelieve/pseuds/chelseachelseaIbelieve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "All The Dreams You Never Thought You'd Lose"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shake it Like a Salt Shaker

**Author's Note:**

> At first the idea was for there to just be random one-shots posted spanning years into the future chronicling Jonny, Patrick and Addy's lives, but this came to me and it will not let me live if I don't do it, so here it is.
> 
> This absolutely, 100% would not have happened without the amazing help of Meg who has let me ramble on and on over texts and emails with this. I even spent about 20 minutes standing in the middle of the bras and underwear aisle of Walmart relentlessly texting my ideas to her for this story. Everything this will be she has helped me build it!!
> 
> Also, this is set a little less than 3 years after 'Dreams'...Addy is about 3 1/2 years old to start this out.
> 
> Daddy = Patrick  
> Papa = Jonny

Jonny and Patrick had never talked about having kids before.

And then Addy had happened.

Thrust into their life at 3 months old and without a name, it had taken far less time for them to completely surrender their lives over to her than Jonny would like to admit.

Having children had never come up with them before and adoption had really never been discussed. But once Addy had woven herself so intricately into their lives in the span of six short weeks, there was only one option they had when faced with the possibility of losing her. They had fought; amongst themselves and side-by-side. Fought to save their relationship and fought to keep the tiny little person who had so quickly become theirs.

Three years later, Patrick and Jonny find themselves on the cusp of making the same life-altering decision. There’s a little boy they’ve seen on multiple occasions while working heavily with local orphanages. He’d lost both parents when he was five; still has nightmares of the wreck now three years later, loves chocolate milk, wants to be Simba from The Lion King, has proclaimed himself the ‘Official Big Brother of Everyone Smaller Than Him” and has captivated Jonny and Patrick so completely, worming his way into their hearts rather effortlessly.

It all started with a promise.

 

*

 

“Daddy, you look silly!” Addy shrieked, deliberately splashing water all over Jonny as he tried to dodge the majority of the flying water.

Patrick looked away from the mirror where he was standing over the sink, shaving; the bottom half of his face was covered in shaving foam.

He looked to where Jonny was working the shampoo in to Addy’s hair, sticking his tongue out at the girl, “You look pretty silly yourself, foamdome,” he said as a clomp of suds fell onto Addy’s nose. Addy tried to blow the bubbles away, going cross-eyed the harder she huffed.

“Your daddy likes to believe that he needs to shave more than he really does, it makes him feel more manly,” Jonny laughed, ducking his head close to Addy’s and flexing his arms with a playful growl. Addy laughed as Jonny covered her eyes with a dry washcloth, carefully rinsing the soap out of her hair.

Patrick grinned at himself in the mirror, tapping his razor a few times in the sink filled with warm water. “Papa’s just mad because he looks like Wolverine when he doesn’t shave and his hair will never be half as awesome as mine.”

Patrick ducked last minute when a wet washcloth came flying at his face.

Jonny clapped his hands together, “Alright, Bug, you’ve played so long the water is about to turn you into a giant Bug-shaped icicle. We need to get you ready to go spend the day with Aunt Abby while Daddy and I, and Uncle Sharpy go spend the day with the kids, yeah?” Jonny stood up, grabbed the towel off the warmer and reached down for the little girl getting in what last splashing she could. She made sure once more that all of her toys were secure in the bath net in the corner and pulled the plug.

Patrick turned his attention to the two, still half-shaven, raising his voice to just below a shout, “Shake it like a salt shaker, Ads!”

Addy smiled bright, shaking from head to toe frantically, laughing when water from her hair splashed into Jonny’s face. Patrick laughed out loud at the sour expression Jonny shot his way, returning to his task. Whatever, Jonny could deal, it was just water. They were both still in their pajamas as it was only a couple hours before lunchtime, but Jonny’s worn NHLPA shirt and sweats were covered in water. As was the norm for whoever ended up giving Addy her bath. Patrick often said she acted like a giant puppy taking a bath, much to Addy’s delight.

Addy reached her arms towards Jonny, letting him lift her out of the tub and up to stand on the lid of the toilet. Jonny wrapped the towel around her, “You look like a giant burrito, kid,” and grabbed the matching hand towel to try to dry her wavy hair a bit without making it completely unmanageable, spritzing a mist of hair detangler around her head as he started massaging it in to her scalp. 

Addy said something but her voice was muffled by the towel Jonny was once again working through her hair. “What did you say, little girl?” Jonny cupped her face in his hands, ducking his head until they were nose to nose.

Addy’s giggles shook her little body as Jonny initiated a ‘kiss attack’ on her face. “I said…Papa stop…Daddy, help. I said I want to shave like Daddy!”

Jonny froze mid-kiss to Addy’s nose as he looked over to Patrick who was looking back at him through the mirror. Jonny wasn’t really sure how to respond but Patrick just shrugged his shoulders. “Want me to get you your very own super special razor?”

Addy nodded her head furiously, “Please Daddy?”

“Ok, I’ll get you a special Buggy-Razor. But you are only allowed to use that one, ok, and only with me or Papa around? You know you are not allowed to ever touch Daddy or Papa’s razors, right?” Patrick asked seriously despite a fourth of his face still covered in white foam. They kept their razors on the top shelf of the cabinet but had always stressed the importance of how dangerous they were to Addy just to be safe.

“Yes, Daddy, I know! I promise and cross my heart,” Addy replied solemnly, dragging her finger in an ‘X’ shape over the towel.

Patrick nodded his head, catching Jonny’s eyes. Patrick could see the question all over Jonny’s face. Leaning back, he whispered, “Calm down, psycho. I’m not giving our kid a real razor. They have plastic ones at the store just for kids. That is how my dad taught me to shave.”

Jonny cocked an eyebrow, “Yeah but she’s not really going to grow up and shave her face.”

Patrick shrugged, tongue-in-cheek, “Hey, I’ve seen some women that could use a good shave.”

Jonny pushed at his shoulder, hissing quietly, “I don’t even want to know what you’re going to do when she wants to start shaving her legs.”

Patrick grinned wide in the mirror, “I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to shave my legs. That will be the perfect excuse.”

Jonny just stared at him as Addy poked at his chest, humming to herself; not paying a bit of attention to what they were talking about.

“Teach by example, Jonny Boy,” Patrick bit down on his tongue to keep from laughing.

“You wouldn’t even?” Jonny challenged.

“You’d love it,” Patrick declared, watching the flush of heat creep up Jonny’s neck and into his cheeks.

Addy leaned against the counter by the sink, watching Patrick closely as he made the practiced, methodical strokes with the blade against his skin. He only had a few strips left but Addy was focusing so completely on his every move. When he took the last swipe but still had a few patches of foam on his face; he bent down to rub his face on Addy’s. 

“Daddy, NO!” Addy shrieked, sliding past Jonny and jumping down to take off out of the bathroom, a blur of fluffy towel and bouncing curls; her still-wet feet slapping against the wood floor, leaving a trail of footprints behind her.

Jonny groaned, “Pat, we’re gonna be late.”

Patrick wiped the remaining foam off his face with a clean washcloth. They could hear Addy’s squeals as she ran through the different rooms of the condo trying to find a hiding spot. Patrick turned to Jonny, “I’ll wrangle the monster, you get your hot ass in the shower.” Jonny hissed, jumping a bit when Patrick pinched his ass before leaning in for a quick kiss.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are!” Patrick raised his voice as he left the bathroom. Addy yelped. Patrick groaned when he saw the towel pooled in the middle of the hallway, which meant there was a very naked Addy hiding somewhere in the house. He was instantly glad for Jonny’s neurotic insistence of turning the heater up whenever they gave Addy a bath so she wouldn’t get cold; the last thing they needed was for her to catch a cold or something.

He grabbed the towel up off the floor and made a point of looking in all the rooms even though he knew exactly where Addy was. She had one spot in the house she always went to, without fail, when she was hiding. Patrick banged around in a few rooms before going in to his and Jonny’s room. He made a show of looking under the bed, behind the pillows; he even looked ‘inside’ the TV, until he finally got to the closet. Huddled behind a group of hockey sticks leaning against the wall, Addy yelled when he flipped the light on

Instead of waiting for him to get her she preemptively took a run at Patrick, he held the towel open, scooping her up when she threw herself into his chest.

Patrick wrapped the towel around her, tossing her over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes and headed out of their room and down the hallway towards her bedroom to get her dressed.

Jonny passed them in the hall on his way to their bathroom.

“Papa, wait!” Addy screeched.

Patrick stilled, turning so Addy could see Jonny.

“Yes?”

“Are you going back to the big yellow house with all the kids again?” Addy asked.

Jonny’s brow furrowed. “Yes we are.”

“If Ry-Ry still doesn’t have a mommy or daddies can you give him an extra-special Bug- Hug? He gets sad and it makes me sad. Don’t let him be sad, Papa,” Addy pleaded.

Patrick’s heart ached at the raw concern in his daughter’s voice. They were going out to the orphanage today as ambassadors for the team, but Jonny and Pat had gone out on their own a few times to bring presents to the kids - off the clock so-to-speak - and had brought Addy with them a few times. Ever since they had adopted Addy, they had made bringing more awareness to adoption a top priority with both their personal endeavors as well as with the Blackhawks organization and the many charities they were affiliated with. They had visited one orphanage in particular, quite often, and Addy had taken an instant liking to a young boy named Ryker.

They’d stopped taking Addy with them, though, after she’d spent the entire ride home and a few hours back at the condo crying off and on about not wanting to leave the boy because he kept having nightmares and cried. Neither Jonny nor Patrick knew why she’d latched on to him so wholly, but they’d agreed after that, that bringing her probably wasn’t the best idea. But they couldn’t stop themselves from going back, again and again; always gravitating to the little boy with brown hair, freckles everywhere and deep brown eyes.

“Papa?” Addy pulled Jonny back out of his thoughts.

Jonny shook his head. “If we see Ryker we will make sure he isn’t sad,” Jonny promised as he walked over, kissing Addy’s damp curls.

“You’ll give him a Bug-Hug? You and Daddy and Uncle Sharpy?” Addy’s eyes were large and demanding.

“I promise.”


	2. Cross My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know that Duncs and Seabs wives are both pregnant at the same time so in this work, they both had boys born days apart.
> 
> Duncs' son's name is: Brooks Maverick Keith aka "Mav"  
> Seabs' sons's name is: Jameson Keith Seabrook aka 'Jam Master Flash' by Patrick
> 
> This fic will feature Duncs and Seabs and their families more as they weren't really mentioned at all in the last one...just the Sharps. The Sharps will, of course, be in this one as well!!

Jonny could feel the tickle in his throat as he got closer to the front door. He tried to cough, to make it go away, but it persisted and only got worse once he unlocked the door and went inside. It was like walking head-first in to an invisible wall. His throat itched and his eyes watered; he sneezed. He didn’t really understand what was going on because he hadn’t had a reaction like this since he was little and had gone to a friend’s house on one of the rare evenings when he didn’t have practice.

He sneezed three times in quick succession, grabbing a couple tissues from the kitchen as he found a cup and filled it with water. The cold liquid soothed his throat but only for a moment as the itchy, dryness was back as soon as the water was gone.

He tried to clear his throat but his eyes only watered more.

He could hear Addy’s quick footsteps accompanied by Patrick’s voice. Addy was excited about something, her voice higher than normal, practically shrieking with delight.

“Papa!” Addy called out, “I got a surprise for you!”

Jonny tried to straighten up but his chest felt tight. He sneezed three more times. ‘A good sneeze comes in threes’ his mom always says.

There was only one thing that Jonny was allergic to…

Addy bounced in to the kitchen, her arms carefully cradling a small ball of long black and white fur nestled against her chest. She looked so proud as she held the creature out towards him, “Look what Daddy and I found stuck in a tree at the park today! Can we keep him?”

Jonny really hated cats!

Well that wasn’t exactly fair. He hated that he was allergic to them and how they made him feel whenever he was around them.

Addy pressed the sleepy-looking kitten into the crook of her neck, giggling when the kitten licked her.

Patrick was standing behind Addy, his hands on her shoulders and looking more nervous than Jonny could ever remember him being before. “I know we always said our schedule is too hectic for animals, and you’ve always wanted a dog and I know you don’t like cats, but look at him…or her. It’s just so damn cute!” Patrick crouched down, his head on Addy’s shoulder as they both smiled up at Jonny in alarmingly synchronized expressions of shameless pleading.

Jonny sneezed again.

Patrick stood back up, his eyes narrowing at Jonny as he blew his nose, “You ok? Are you coming down with something?” Patrick asked as he stepped around Addy and approached Jonny, standing directly in front of him, looking him up and down carefully.

Jonny, once again, tried to clear his throat. He leaned around Patrick, his hand resting at the back of Addy’s neck. She looked up at him with large, questioning eyes. “Hey, Buggy, how about you take your friend into the living room and play with him or her on the floor. It probably wants to stretch its legs after being stuck in that tree, yeah?”

Addy saluted him; a gesture she learned from Patrick. She turned to leave but then quickly spun back around, gesturing for Jonny with the crook of her tiny finger. Jonny leaned in, “His name is Ozzy and I will take good care of him if you and Daddy let me keep him. Cross my heart.”

Jonny patted her curls before she ran off.

“Don’t be pissed” Patrick started speaking quickly once Addy was gone, “but we found it in a tree, crying so much I thought it was hurt at first. I couldn’t leave it in the tree but I also couldn’t take it down and then just leave it in the park. What if a dog got it, or a bird or something? I never really asked before but are we even allowed to have animals here? I never see anyone with animals but that doesn’t mean they don’t have them.”

Jonny’s eyes started watering again and he felt another sneezing fit coming on. He pinched his nose trying to stave it off.

Patrick’s hand went to Jonny’s neck and Jonny leaned into the touch, “Jonny, what’s wrong?”

“It’s the cat,” Jonny groaned, “I’m allergic to cats!”

Patrick’s eyes went wide, “Holy shit, why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t I already know that?”

Jonny shrugged.

Patrick started pacing the length of the kitchen, “I guess I can take it to that no-kill shelter we worked with that one time. Or maybe I can find someone who will want it?”

Jonny felt horrible. Addy had looked so happy skipping off to go play with the kitten. Jonny couldn’t stand the idea of having to take it away from her. Being the reason they had to take it away.

“Maybe I can find someone that will take it,” Patrick murmured as he took his phone out of his back pocket and started scrolling through his contacts.

Jonny sighed, covering Patrick’s phone with his hand, “Look, I could get some of that allergy medicine and we could get one of those air-purifiers. I’ll be fine. Really!”

Jonny tried to hold back another sneeze but it just made his eyes water even more and his ears burn.

Patrick let his hands drop to his side with a huff, “Jonny, you are not going to just suffer your way through the next however many years to keep this cat around. I would love to keep it, but not if this is what is going to happen to you every day.” Patrick’s face softened, “Besides, you’re a pain in the ass when you don’t feel good.”

Jonny agreed but he still hated it. Patrick hooked his pinkie finger with Jonny’s and tugged him along with him as he walked out of the kitchen and towards the living room.

Addy was in the living room on her hands and knees chasing the kitten in a circle, leaning over the kitten and letting it bat at the long curls that spilled down around her head.

“Addy,” Patrick cleared his throat, “c’mere Ads.”

Addy jumped up, mindful of not stepping on the kitten as she made her way over, giggling when the kitten chased after her, crashing in to her ankle when she stopped in front of Patrick and Jonny.

Jonny’s throat felt itchy, his chest heavy.

“Daddy, Papa, Ozzy is the best ever. Can we show Uncle Sharpy? Maddy will be so jealous…Ozzy is so much cuter than Shooter,” Addy giggled, “Papa, that rhymed.”

Jonny cupped her face in his hand, nodding because he couldn’t really speak around the raspy dryness in his throat. He really hated this. Why couldn’t he be allergic to ferrets or lizards or something like that? Why did he have to be allergic to something his daughter loved? Why did he have to tell her no and be the one to break her heart?

Patrick crouched down so he was at eye-level with Addy. He looked up to Jonny and Jonny silently tried once more to get him to change his mind. Patrick shook his head.

“Addy, I…,” Patrick started but stopped, tilting his head to the side; thinking, “Addy, remember a couple weeks ago when you were really sick? When you had a fever and your throat hurt and you kept sneezing?”

Addy thought about it for a moment before her eyes lit up, “When you and Papa were gone and Aunt Jacks took me to the doctor? And then Grandmere stayed and we builded a tent in my room?”

Jonny let his fingers slip through Patrick’s hair, letting him know he was with him.

“Yes,” Patrick nodded, “remember how bad you felt, though? How much your nose hurt and only ice cream made your throat feel better?”

“Ice cream for dinner!”

Patrick smiled at that. Addy had never picked up Jonny’s appetite that was for sure. “Well, Ozzy makes Papa feel like that all the time because he is allergic to cats.” Patrick waited to see if she would understand what he was saying.

Addy just kept looking between Patrick and Jonny.

Jonny knelt down beside Patrick. “Remember when we talked about how Mav is allergic to peanuts so we have to be very careful with sharing food with him; that he could get really sick and have to go to the doctor?”

Addy looked at Jonny with a weird expression, shaking her head quickly “You’re gonna eat Ozzy? Papa, you can’t do that!”

Patrick bit his tongue so hard trying not to laugh he was sure he’d drawn blood. Out of the corner of his eye, Patrick could see Ozzy disappear behind the couch chasing after one of Addy’s balls. There wasn’t anything he could hurt himself with back there so Patrick just let him go while they figured this out.

Jonny held his hands up, “No, no of course I’m not going to eat Ozzy. People can be allergic to all kind of stuff, not just things they eat. Ozzy’s fur has little specks of dust that goes in the air and it makes me feel sick. It makes me feel like you did a few weeks ago.”

Patrick took Addy’s tiny hands in his own. “We don’t want Papa to feel like that, do we?” Patrick asked. Addy shook her head. “Papa’s head is already big enough, can you imagine how big it would be if it was full of snot?”

“Gross!” Addy whispered, fascinated by the thought. 

Patrick kissed Addy’s cheek because she was just the fucking best, okay?

“Okay, well, we don’t want Papa to be sick all the time and Ozzy makes him sick,” Patrick edged cautiously, “so we’re going to have to find a new home for him, yeah?”

Jonny sneezed in to the crook of his elbow. Addy cocked her head to the side, stepping over so she was standing in front of Jonny. She stared at him intently; her little hands coming up to cup his cheeks as she looked him over. Jonny’s eyes were still watering, his nose and cheeks were red and his breathing was the slightest bit raspy. He looked pretty fucking pathetic, really.

Addy nodded, “You’ll feel better, Papa?”

Jonny sighed, pulling Addy against his chest. She hugged him tightly. “I’m so sorry, Bug.”

Patrick had pulled his phone back out when Addy had pulled her attention to Jonny. He’d remembered Seabs mentioning that they were trying to find a pet for Jameson now that he was older so he shot him a quick text with a picture of the kitten. Less than five minutes later he had his answer.

“Good news, Ads,” Patrick said, holding his phone out even though he knew Addy couldn’t read it. He still wanted her to see it, though, “Uncle Seabs wants to take Ozzy for Jameson. What do you think about that?”

Jonny had hoped they would be able to find someone to take the cat and they wouldn’t have to take it to a shelter if they could avoid it.

Addy frowned, looking down at the floor.

“What’s wrong, Bug?”

“I wanted to give Ozzy to Ry-Ry. Nobody loves him, at the yellow house. Ozzy would love him.” Addy chewed on her bottom lip, refusing to look up at them.

“Honey, they aren’t allowed to have any pets over there,” Jonny tilted her chin until she was looking at him.

Giant crocodile tears started falling almost instantly down Addy’s cheeks. “I miss Ry so much Papa,” Addy threw herself back against Jonny’s chest, almost knocking him off balance. She cried loudly into his hoodie, clutching at the fabric desperately.

Jonny looked over at Patrick with the silent question. Addy had been talking more and more about Ryker over the past few weeks and because of that, he hadn’t strayed too far from Jonny and Patrick’s minds either. They had stopped by the orphanage a couple times in the past month and Patrick always found himself scanning the group of kids that instantly crowded around them for the little boy with the brown hair and sad eyes. He told himself that he was paying extra attention to him because of Addy, because for some reason she seemed to care for him so much.

But if he was being completely honest with himself, his need to make sure Ryker was alright had little to do with Addy.

Jonny shot Patrick a look and motioned with his head. Patrick knew exactly what he was asking. They had agreed not to take her back because of what had happened the last time she had gone with them. Addy had cried so much after leaving that it broke their hearts. They had thought that they were doing what was best for Addy by keeping her away, but not taking her with them was obviously not helping either.

Patrick nodded at Jonny and reached over for Addy. He gently extracted her from her hold on Jonny, wiping under her eyes with the pad of his thumb, “How about we go see Ry tomorrow?”

Addy looked weary, “Me too?”

“You too,” Patrick promised, “if you are good for Aunt Jacks tomorrow while Papa and I are at practice, then after our naps we’ll go see Ry, okay?”

Addy started jumping up and down excitedly, “I will be extra super good!”

“You’ll eat all of your lunch, even if Aunt Jacks gives you veggies?” Patrick narrowed his eyes in mock seriousness.

“Yes!” Addy promised.

Patrick knew this next one might be the toughest of them all, “And when Uncle Seabs comes over in a little bit to pick up Ozzy, you’ll be a big girl and not get mad?”

Addy sighed, but looked back to Jonny, looking him over once more. She nodded.

Jonny laughed, joining in, “You’ll sleep in your own bed tonight and not sneak into bed with us in the middle of the night?”

“Cross my heart,” Addy did just that.

Patrick and Jonny didn’t say anything else and Addy stared at them, bouncing on her tippy-toes.

Patrick broke first, “Alright, alright, if you cross your heart then we’ll go!”

“YAY!” Addy yelled leaping into Patrick’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryker will be formally introduced in the next chapter if everyone is still on board!! The boys and Addy go for a visit and misunderstanding leads them to a realization...
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of this chapter!! It wasn't exactly what I had planned for it but I let it guide the way so this is the end result, lol


	3. Because You're My Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this posted sooner but I missed the entire 2nd period of the Hawks game, watching the press conference from Boston, so I got a little side-tracked!
> 
> Tell the ones you love how much you love them and please stay safe!!
> 
> *HUGS TO YOU ALL*

“You got your badge, Ads?” Patrick asked as he held the heavy wooden door open, letting Jonny enter the main playroom followed closely by Addy.

Addy carefully placed her hand over the nametag that she had put in the same place she knew the ‘C’ went on Jonny’s jersey. Her little fingers smoothed the fabric of her shirt gently, careful to not disrupt the sticker in any way. The orphanage didn’t have the greatest security, but you did have to sign in with the front office before you were allowed to go back to the playroom and the corridor lined with the kids’ bedrooms. Patrick had even joked with the receptionist, Debbie, that he and Jonny should just have their name tags laminated, so that they wouldn't have to be responsible for killing anymore trees with all the paper ones that they wasted with how frequently they came to visit.

Debbie had just smiled, nodded her head and patted his cheek before she had unlocked the doors for them, by pushing the release button at her desk.

The playroom wasn’t as full as it normally was; it was oddly quiet for the time of day. However, once a couple of the kids saw them, the noise level increased exponentially as they all crowded around their visitors. Jonny picked Addy up so she wouldn’t get lost in the crowd and she clutched at his neck as she scanned the crowd.

“Scotty, how you been?” Patrick asked as he high-fived one of the older boys.

“Getting better at Mario Kart…bet I could whop you all up and down the track,” The blond kid replied.

“You’re on! Next time I stop by, it’s me and you for the gold. Unless you got a hot date or something,” Patrick chirped the teen, pulling the brim of the kid’s hat down over his eyes as the younger kids started making kissing noises.

Scotty blushed, “Yeah right, you’re on!”

“I don’t see Ry, Papa.” Addy whispered pulling her body in closer to Jonny.

“I’m sure he’s here somewhere.” Jonny said as he rubbed her back soothingly. Addy’s forehead dropped to his shoulder.

Jonny watched as Patrick talked to a few other kids and he couldn’t help but marvel, as he always did, at how effortlessly Patrick interacted with the kids. He remembered all their names and little facts about them, had inside jokes with some but always made a point to talk to them all. He never left anyone out. Whenever they came out on behalf of the Hawks the rest of the guys would all stay huddled together but Patrick could always be found in the middle of all the kids; he was always the center of all the chaos.

Jonny smiled to himself as the crowd around them started thinning out once the novelty of their arrival had worn off. A little girl buried under a baseball cap tugged at Patrick’s shirt.

Patrick crouched down, squinting his eyes for effect, “This wouldn’t happen to be my most favorite red-head, would it?” He pulled the cap up her forehead so he could see her face clearly and the girl started giggling, “Because I don’t recognize this little girl in front of me at all.”

The girl removed the cap completely but kept her eyes on the ground, shifting nervously, “It’s me Mr. Pat, it’s Izzy…”

“What’s wrong, Lizzard?” Patrick poked at her neck until the girl was practically doubled over. 

Izzy took a minute to calm down and hesitated to speak, “Danny said my hair was ugly and looked like poop.”

“Do I need to go talk to Danny?” Patrick asked, “Because your hair does not look like poop, and is in fact very pretty; almost as pretty as mine.”

Izzy nodded, “Tell him he’s a booger-head.” She pointed the kid out.

Jonny nudged Addy who was still sulking on his shoulder as he walked over to where a group of kids were watching TV, huddled in Blackhawks beanbag chairs they’d brought out a few weeks back with a few other guys from the team. “How about you watch the movie while Daddy and I go see if we can find out where Ry is,” Jonny asked. Addy nodded, squirming out of his arms, plopping down next to one of the girls around her age, before starting to talk quietly with her.

Jonny looked around the room and spotted Ms. Angie sitting by herself with the cordless phone trapped between her shoulder and her ear, shuffling through a rather large stack of papers. She spotted him and waved, mouthing an apology. Jonny waved her off, not in any particular rush as he walked over to where Patrick was kneeling down talking quietly to the little boy who Jonny was guessing was Danny.

“…you see why it’s not cool to tell someone their hair looks like poop, bud?” Patrick asked.

The kid looked solemn as he nodded his head.

“No more being mean, right? Do you ever hear me call anyone names?” Patrick asked and Danny shook his head, “Okay, how about you go apologize to Izzy, that’s what I would do.”

Danny got up; mumbling an apology to Patrick but Patrick stopped him before he could walk away. Danny turned around, worry written all over his face. Patrick smiled down at the boy, holding his fist out, “Come on.”

Danny pushed his much smaller fist against Patrick’s with a smile and took off across the room. Jonny came up beside Patrick as they watched Danny approach Izzy, whisper something into her ear and then Izzy smiled so brightly at him as she threw her arms around him. Danny turned back around and went to the other end of the room, his face about three shades pinker than normal.

“Yo, Connor,” Patrick said as a kid that looked about nine or so ran by. The kid stopped and turned to face them, “Where’s Ryker?”

Connor shrugged, “Don’t know. He left yesterday with a couple. The woman smelled gross.” Connor scrunched his nose at the memory but took off when Patrick didn’t say anything else.

Patrick looked over at Jonny. A silent question loomed between the two of them. Had Ryker been adopted? Of course that was all he’d ever wanted, but who were these people that took him and why was Patrick suddenly more than a little upset? Why did Patrick feel like he just took a puck to the stomach?

Angie came over to them, apologizing for not welcoming them sooner, “We’re having a little bit of a difficult time with a potential adoptive couple and one of our kids.”

“Connor said Ryker’s gone?” Patrick jumped right in, shoving his hands in his pocket and rocking back and forth on his heels. His mood was shot and he didn’t much feel like beating around the bush.

Angie smiled, eyes soft, “I’m sorry but I am not allowed to give any of that information to you, it is strictly confidential.”

Patrick nodded his head, “I understand. Just wish I could have said goodbye,“ he looked over to Jonny, “Addy is going to be so upset.”

Angie shook her head, “Ryker’s not gone, gone. He should be coming back really soon. Any minute, actually.”

As if on cue, the door to the playroom opened up and a rigid looking couple walked through the doors followed by Ryker. Ryker had his head down, muttering loudly “not you” over and over again.

Jonny looked to where he had left Addy. She had just spotted Ryker, jumping up from where she was watching the movie, “Ry-Ry!” she yelled as she ran and tackled the boy.

Ryker’s head snapped up just before Addy’s much smaller body crashed in to his. His smile was almost blinding as he wrapped his arms around Addy, almost lifting her clear off the floor.

Patrick couldn’t tamp down the relief he felt when he saw the two together. He didn’t really understand any of it, but when he felt Jonny nudge him in the side and looked up to the brunette he saw the uncertainty in his eyes as well.

The couple Ryker had come in with stalked over to where they were standing, looking rather tired and all together irritated. “Ms. Clearly, I don’t think this is going to work out with Ryker Matthew.”

Patrick scrunched his nose at that. Who called a kid by their first and middle name for no reason? That’s like a ‘you’re in big trouble’ thing. That would be like calling Jonny, Jonathan Bryan all the time. That’s just fucking weird.

Angie threw them an apologetic smile and Jonny and Patrick stepped back in order to give them a little privacy but the room wasn’t that big.

Patrick looked over to where Addy and Ryker were huddled together, Ryker’s hands flailing around as he retold one of the many stories he always told Addy as she listened intently. Ryker looked over and Patrick waved. Addy grabbed Ryker’s hand and pulled him over to where they were standing.

“Look, it’s Ry-Ry,” Addy practically yelled.

“I see that,” Jonny laughed, ruffling Ryker’s hair as the boy tried to duck away with a smile.

“My man!” Patrick grinned as the two did their ‘secret’ handshake.

The couple talking to Angie wasn’t far away, and the woman was not trying to maintain any form of privacy, “This is simply not going to work out. He refused to sleep last night and wouldn’t eat anything that was made for him this morning.”

Patrick frowned. Of course he probably didn’t eat anything they made. They probably made stuff like hummus for dinner and plain oatmeal for breakfast. He doubted they would understand that Ryker loved scrambled eggs mixed with ketchup because it looked like bloody brains.

Angie grimaced, but forged ahead, “I understand your frustrations but sometimes it just takes a little more time than expected.”

The woman shook her head, “No, I think we want to look for a child that is younger, much younger,” she practically spit out.

From his position beside Patrick, Ryker took a deep breath. They could hear everything plain as day and Patrick was getting more and more pissed as this little episode wore on. He pulled Ryker into his side and Ryker tucked his head against Patrick’s hip.

The woman continued, “That boy clearly has an attitude problem. If he ever expects anyone to adopt him…”

Addy jumped forward before Jonny or Patrick could stop her, “You’re so mean! Didn’t your daddy ever tell you it’s not nice to be mean? Ry-Ry is the best and you are mean. We love him and you’re just…” Jonny pulled her back, apologizing as they lead the two further away towards a corner of the room that wasn’t being occupied to try to calm Addy down.

“Addy, you know better than to act like that…” Jonny started but Addy stopped him.

“No Papa, she was not being nice to Ry and you and Daddy don’t let people be mean to your friends when you play your games so I don’t let people be mean to Ry,” Addy glared past Jonny towards the woman. Jonny had never seen her this upset before. He couldn’t really argue that logic.

Ryker walked over from where he had been standing with Patrick, “Addy, it’s ok. I don’t think I am going with them, they don’t want me.” Ryker smiled extra wide, his missing bottom tooth obvious as he tried to get Addy to relax.

That upset Addy even more as she launched herself at Ryker, her arms gripping tight around his waist. “I want you, Ry-Ry,” she mumbled in to the fabric of his shirt.

Patrick didn’t honestly know what he was feeling as he watched it all unfold in front of him. On one hand, he wanted to go over to the couple that was still arguing with Angie and rip into them for not only upsetting Addy, but more importantly for blatantly saying what they did in front of Ryker. If they didn’t think Ryker would fit with them as a family, fine, but don’t be a dick about it and say it right in front of the kid. He’d already dealt with so much loss and confusion at his young age, Patrick couldn’t imagine what he must be feeling right now.

On the other hand, he wanted to go over and grab both Ryker and Addy and take them both away from people like that couple or anyone else who might hurt them like that. Ryker eventually got Addy to ease up on her hold and took her over to his cubbie, pulling out some pictures he’d drawn until he found the one he was looking for.

Jonny and Patrick followed a few steps behind and Patrick was finally able to breathe easier when the couple left without coming over to get Ryker. Patrick wasn’t sure if being relieved that Ryker wasn’t going to be adopted by them was okay or not, even if the potential parents seemed particularly shitty. Ryker deserved so much better than parents like that. He deserved parents who would understand that he still had nightmares about the night his parents died in the crash while he had been in the back seat. He deserved parents who would be patient with him and the fact that he is so shy at times, but other times it seemed like he actually couldn’t stop talking. Parents that would chase him around outside and build mud pies with him because he loved to play in the dirt and tell him he did great when he tried to write his name in cursive but couldn’t get the lowercase ‘k’ because it was a tricky bastard. But really, he just deserved someone who would love him no matter what.

Jonny bumped Patrick’s shoulder with his own, silently questioning, but Patrick ignored it in favor of watching as Ryker handed one of his drawings to Addy, “I made this special for you.”

Addy’s eyes grew wide, “Really? Why?”

“Because I missed you and you’re my best friend even though I am way older than you,” Ryker justified.

Patrick and Jonny laughed.

 

*

 

Later on that night after dinner, bath time, and story time that had involved Jonny, Patrick and Jackie were finally done, Jonny and Patrick were able to get away to the bedroom and get ready for bed themselves.

“That woman today pissed me the fuck off saying that stuff about Ryker,” Patrick raised his voice from where he was laying on the bed as Jonny finished brushing his teeth in the bathroom.

Spitting the foam into the sink and rinsing his mouth out, Jonny wiped his mouth and flipped the light off. “I know. He acted like it was no big deal but I think he was just shocked when Addy almost attacked her,” Jonny chuckled as he climbed under the covers. He’d never promote violence around or especially with Addy, but a small part of him had been proud of their daughter when she’d stood up to the woman.

Patrick burrowed into Jonny’s side, “I thought Addy was actually going to hit her.”

“She doesn’t like it when someone is mean to someone she cares about. I think being around so many hockey players growing up has given her a warped sense of how to handle certain situations. The gloves were about to come off, that is for sure,” Jonny laughed.

“Too bad we had to stop it,” Patrick grinned, “with as crazy protective as she gets about Ryker, she probably would have been better at fighting than both of us put together.”

“That has definitely never been either of our strong suits,” Jonny agreed.

The silence grew between them as Patrick picked nervously at a string that had frayed at the bottom of Jonny’s shirt.

Patrick groaned, “Okay, I’m about to say something but you have to promise you won’t get pissed.”

Jonny sucked in a breath, this usually meant something big was about to happen, “I will do my best, but no promises.”

Patrick buried his face in Jonny’s chest, silent for a moment. He swung his leg over Jonny’s hip so he was laying straddling Jonny’s waist, his head tucked into the curve of Jonny’s neck. After a few more minutes of silence Jonny’s hands went to rest warm and, hopefully, comforting on Patrick’s thighs. Jonny was starting to get worried because this was so, so unlike Patrick to be this nervous to the point of actually being speechless.

Just as Jonny was about to speak up, Patrick took a deep breath.

“I want us to adopt Ryker.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Addy got a little fierce in this one, huh...what did you think?


	4. To Talk To A Dragon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I swear I didn't forget about this fic or lose interest, not at ALL! Finals were all last week and I just finished those up Sunday and I've had a bunch of other real life shit getting in the way, but I typed this up Monday night and then my wonderful Meg helped with the editing and hand-holding that goes into every chapter. Playoffs have not helped at all, either, so I blame them too.
> 
> Anyways, I made this longer in hopes that you all won't all-together hate me for how long it took to post this chapter!

Jonny couldn’t really say that Patrick’s declaration of wanting to adopt Ryker was shocking, per say, but it did catch him a little off guard. He had noticed the change in Patrick’s entire demeanor when they had thought that Ryker had been adopted, and to be honest, Jonny couldn’t deny the flare of panic he had felt at the thought of never seeing the little boy again. In hindsight it was easy to see this coming.

Once again, they found themselves curled around each other in bed and on the verge of possibly making another life-altering decision. It was in this very bed that Jonny had said that he had wanted them to adopt Addy and now it was Patrick proposing the very same thing, but this time with Ryker.

“Just think about it,” Patrick mumbled while he traced random patterns just under Jonny’s collarbone, “he’s eight so it won’t be like it was with Addy, with a small baby. Not that that was a bad thing at all. Addy fucking rocks and I definitely wouldn’t be opposed to having another baby but, dude, it was fucking hard with our schedule and we would have died if it wasn’t for Jackie so, like, maybe we can revisit the whole baby thing after one or both of us have retired and we can actually raise the kid on our own…”

“Patrick, focus!” Jonny pushed gently at the blonde’s shoulder when he looked to continue to ramble on. Jonny knew all to well that when Patrick was nervous he was incapable of shutting up. It’s like he’s afraid that if he stops talking it will open up enough space for him to be rejected.

Patrick blushed as his forehead dropped down to Jonny’s chest. “Sorry,” he mumbled against the warm skin.

“Jacks would probably kill us if we added another kid to the mix. She already has Addy so much, as it is. It’s not just us this would affect,” Jonny reasoned.

Patrick propped his chin on Jonny’s chest, “Addy is starting preschool this year and Ryker is already in school so Jacks would actually have more time than before.”

“Adopting an 8 year old is nothing like adopting an infant.”

Patrick shrugged, like he hadn’t already factored that logic into his thought process. “We didn’t know what the hell we were doing when your mom showed up with Addy and I think we still did a pretty fucking awesome job.”

“Ryker has been through so much already with losing his parents, he is going to need so much…” Jonny started but Patrick cupped his hand over his mouth, effectively shutting him up.

“He needs parents.”

Jonny licked Patrick’s hand and the blond jerked his hand back. Jonny smirked before he continued, “Our life is so crazy and chaotic, that is the exact opposite of what he needs right now. We’ve got a system down with Addy and she is used to it all but…”

“And Addy loves him,” Patrick stated firmly.

Jonny’s reached up to trace the shell of Patrick’s ear. “You love him!”

Patrick’s eyes narrowed, “So do you.”

Jonny nodded, “Patrick, this isn’t about me not wanting to adopt Ryker. When I had thought that he had been adopted and that we would never see him again, it was one of the worst feelings I’ve ever had, but we have so much balancing on the edge right now with Addy and hockey and we already ask way too much of Jacks. If we adopt Ryker, only to end up making things worse for him in the long run because we were being selfish…we’d never forgive ourselves. As much as it hurts, if he could get adopted by parents who work normal hours and live in an actual house and not a condo, who aren’t allergic to cats, and who aren’t away for weeks at a time; would it be fair for us to take that away from him?”

Patrick laid his head down listening to the steady beat of Jonny’s heart for a while. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that their lives were all over the place. On the one hand, they were financially secure to the point where it was fucking ridiculous between their contracts, endorsement deals and what they’d put into stocks and future holdings and could literally give Ryker and Addy anything and everything they ever wanted. But on the other hand they were traveling almost constantly nine months out of the year. Patrick had left his family when he wasn’t *that* much older than Ryker and he knew first hand that having all the money in the world would never make up for the time he lost with his parents and his sisters.

But dammit, they loved Ryker; Addy loved Ryker. That had to count for something. Actually that had to count for a whole fuck of a lot to a little boy who had been sitting in foster care for three years with no one wanting to adopt him, no one thinking he was good enough to be a part of their family. “Can we talk to Jacks and see what she thinks? We’ve managed to do this with Addy and get a routine set up with her and I know we can do the same with Ryker. He needs us, Jonny.”

Patrick pulled off of Jonny’s chest to settle against his side. Jonny’s arm snaked around Patrick’s waist, pulling him in closer, “Let’s talk to Jacks. We can’t do this without her and we certainly can’t force this on her. If she says it’s too much, we can’t push it.”

“Okay.”

 

*

 

The next morning, Patrick called Abby and asked if she would be willing to keep Addy for a couple hours before they had practice so that Patrick and Jonny could talk to Jackie without being distracted or having to worry about Addy overhearing them. The weather was especially nice that day, so Abby had offered to swing by and take Addy with her and Maddy to the park and for ice cream afterwards.

“Stop being so fucking weird and tell me what is going on?” Jackie almost yelled after they had been sitting in the living room for almost 10 minutes without anyone saying a word.

Patrick looked to Jonny, who opened his mouth to say something and then quickly shut it.

Patrick sighed, deciding the best method was to do this quickly and directly. “We want to adopt Ryker and we need to know what you think about it because it will affect you and yeah…”

Jonny looked at Patrick like he’d suddenly grown another head or something. What the fuck was that?

Jackie sighed heavily, her head dropping onto the back of the couch with a laugh. “Good lord I thought you two were going to ask me to like birth your next child or something.”

Jonny’s head snapped up, “Wait…what?”

Jackie laughed, “Addy’s getting ready to start preschool which means she is getting older and growing up. You both have been cagey lately and I just figured this next one you would want to grow from your own loins, figuratively speaking. Actually it was Erica’s stupid idea. She asked me a couple weeks ago what I would do if you guys asked. Me being the logical option for proximity alone. Plus I guess the moms have been conspiring because you two were the first to bite the bullet of all of us kids, which is hilarious in and of itself.”

Patrick shook his head, “wait wait wait…you thought we were going to ask you to get pregnant for us? And all of you guys are discussing this, at great length, with each other?”

Jackie rolled her eyes, “Jess said that if I had a baby with Jonny, for you two, it would be a Kane and a Toews and, no offense Jonny, but eww. Erica said you guys could just use a donor egg and I could be the surrogate with either of you two being the biological father. I really thought that was where this was going. And for future reference, I love you both, but no!”

Jackie smirked. It wasn’t too often she could render these two this dumbstruck. But she thought back to Patrick’s original question. “So, you want to adopt again?”

Jonny nodded.

“Remember when we did the cookout for the local news, to try to bring more awareness to the orphanage last summer?” Patrick asked.

“Yeah?”

Patrick continued, “Remember the little boy that was really quiet and kept asking if you needed any help?”

Jackie didn’t have to think too long. The little boy’s face came to mind almost instantly. “The one that Addy was practically glued to the entire time? The one she talks about for days after you guys go visit?”

Patrick’s face lit up, “That’s the one! He’s eight years old, so he is already in school and Addy loves the shit out of him. He’s a really great kid and he needs us, he needs our family and what we can give him.”

“Patrick…” Jonny warned.

Patrick holds his hand up, “I’m not trying to pressure her or anything, but it’s the truth.”

Jonny leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, “I’m sure you understand what we are asking here, Jacks. Adding another kid to the mix will mean asking more of you and we need you to tell us how you feel about it all because no matter what we want, while we are not in a position to do this alone, we cannot expect you to do this if you don’t want to.”

Jackie nodded. She did have Addy a lot during the season but Jonny and Patrick never really gave themselves enough credit. “Patrick is right, though. He’d be in school most of the day. And Addy is getting ready to start preschool so other than when you guys are on road trips, I would only have them a couple hours here and there and on game days.”

“They’ll be in school pretty much all of the season. We usually have practice during the time they would be in school so on non-game days we would have them,” Patrick started thinking out loud.

“But when we would go on road trips this would mean two kids to take care of instead of just one. And it will take Ryker some time to settle in and get used to everyone. Things will probably be a little…turbulent at first.” Jonny hated being the voice of reason in this because even to him it sounded like he was against this, which he wasn’t. Not at all! He just wanted everyone to be aware and 100% informed before they made this decision either way.

Patrick shook his head, “But we probably wouldn’t get him until the summer anyway, which means we would all be together all the time. Which would be perfect, really, to help him settle in.”

“It would give him time to get used to me before the season started,” Jackie agreed.

Then Jonny remembered something they had discussed a few weeks back, “Jacks, you were wanting to get your own place?”

“And?” Jackie laughed, “we’d already discussed how it would work with Addy when I told you guys I was planning on moving out this summer. Addy would stay with me while you guys are away and I don’t see why Ryker couldn’t as well. And game days we’d either go to my place or stay here if we don’t go to the game.”

Patrick nodded enthusiastically but Jonny went to speak again.

Jackie stopped him. “Look, Addy obviously loves him and from what I remember of him, he was a good kid. A really good kid. Sad and lonely, but good. Adding him to the mix will not actually be as colossally earth-shattering as you are making it out to be,” Jackie pointedly looked to Jonny. “Look at how quickly you guys figured your shit out with Addy. Yeah I’ve helped, but it was always all on you. I’m not saying this will be perfect and there won’t be bumps along the way, but if you guys want to adopt Ryker then I am all for it. I told you guys that I would help you with Addy as long as you need me. Ryker will be no different.”

Patrick’s knees were bouncing. “Really? You mean it?”

“Absolutely!”

Patrick lunged at Jackie as the two became a mess of arms and legs, screaming and laughter…and possibly a few tears but fuck that, Patrick had cried over that commercial with the sick dog, no one could fault him for getting emotional now.

 

*

 

They had a day off before their next road trip started, so they’d scheduled an appointment with Ryker’s social worker, Lila. They told her that they wanted to adopt Ryker and she had been over-joyed with the news.

“Of course, you’ll have to go through the adoption process, which I know you are both familiar with, but I don’t expect there to be any major issues along the way. Addy is a living, breathing example of your success as parents. That child is an absolute joy. But I must admit, off the record, that I had been hoping that you two would realize how much you love that boy.”

Jonny fidgeted in his seat across from where Lila was sitting behind her desk.

“I’ve seen hundreds of children get adopted and sometimes you just don’t know. But you two already have a special relationship with Ryker and that counts for so much in my book,” Lila clapped her hands together excitedly, “now, let’s get started! There are forms and paperwork you’ll need to fill out. Your formal petition to adopt, a medical release from you both as well as your fingerprints in order to perform a background check…”

“This is even faster than when we adopted Addy,” Patrick mumbled, eyes wide.

Lila peered at them over the rim of her glasses, “This is just preliminary paperwork to get the ball rolling. You both are already in our system, which will help. You’ve passed multiple home inspections prior to and since adopting Addy and your records are virtually spotless with children services. This will all help speed the process up. You see, the need for space is a major issue here. There are simply far more children than beds available so when we can have one of our kids adopted, with complete confidence, we try to expedite the case.” When Lila noticed the slight hesitation between the two, she stopped rifling through the paperwork in front of her. “I do apologize. This can wait if you need more time to think this over.”

“No!” Jonny jumped forward slightly. “We are sure!”

“How quickly are we talking?” Patrick asked.

Lila smiled, “Possibly a month or two, if we do not come across any problems with any drug tests or home inspections, which history with you two suggests there will be none. And of course, once the preliminary paperwork is accepted and you both are cleared, you will be allowed to take Ryker home over night or for the weekend if you wish. It helps the children transition better if they become familiar with their new surroundings before they are asked to live there permanently.”

Patrick did the math. They were at the end of the regular season now. This next road trip would be their last three games of the season before the post season and they had already clinched a playoff berth.

This would put everything happening much sooner than he had anticipated and depending on how far they went, they could still be in the playoffs when it became official. Ryker could even be able to stay with them for a couple days fairly soon. Patrick wasn’t about to wait or push any of this back because of their schedule. They would make this work no matter what.

“Let’s do it!” Patrick grinned.

Lila started gathering the papers up again, humming to herself as she flitted from one filing cabinet to another. Jonny reached between the two chairs, holding his hand out to Patrick. Patrick beamed, weaving their fingers together.

“Wait,” Jonny’s voice sounded loud, breaking the silence and squeezing Patrick’s hand lightly, “I want to talk to Ryker first.”

Patrick and Lila both looked to him, confused.

“I want to make sure he wants this. We can’t do this if it’s not what he wants.”

Lila nodded. Very few adoptive parents ever stopped to ask for the children’s opinion if they were old enough, but this proved even further, in her mind, how much this was going to work out. “Of course. He should just be finishing up with dinner if you’d like to go talk to him before he starts settling in for the night.”

Jonny and Patrick stood up and Patrick opened the door. Just before they left, Lila’s spoke once more. “I don’t think there will be any problems. I will be here with the paperwork all ready for you when you are done. Take your time.”

The kids swarmed them as soon as they entered the playroom. Jonny and Patrick made the rounds: secret handshakes, promises of Go Fish rematches, opinions on which tutu was prettier…but Ryker wasn’t among the crazy crew like usual. He was sitting over in the Art Corner, coloring by himself. Patrick caught his eye when the little boy glanced over at them.

Jonny nodded at Susie, one of the day workers, before they extracted themselves from the little hands trying to demand their undivided attention and made their way over towards the boy.

Patrick pulled one of the small, bright green seats out and spun it around, straddling it so he could look over Ryker’s shoulder. “Whatcha drawing, my man?”

Ryker ducked away, with a shy smile, when Patrick ruffled his hair. He shrugged his shoulder, “nothing.”

Jonny looked over the picture of a big red brick house with a yard that stretched well past the confines of the paper edges with what looked like a giant dog standing beside a tiny dog house. A little boy and girl stick figures were tossing a pink and purple polka-dotted ball back and forth. There was a flag pole with a flag that had something on it that looked suspiciously like the Hawks logo on it, flying proudly beside the house.

“Can we talk to you for a minute, buddy?” Patrick asked seriously.

Ryker’s head snapped up, looking Patrick right in the eye. He nodded seriously, his shoulder’s tense. His bottom lip quivered before he caught it between his teeth.

Patrick looked to Jonny, alarmed.

Jonny knelt down beside Patrick, “What’s wrong, bud?”

Ryker looked around the room, his eyes shiny, watery. “Was there another accident? Is Addy ok?” His voice spiked at the mention of Addy.

Why would he think something was wrong with Addy or that there had been an accident? Patrick looked back and forth between Ryker and Jonny before he caught sight of the calendar on the wall. Lila had told them a long time ago as much as she knew about the wreck that had killed Ryker’s family. This week was the 3rd anniversary of the wreck. Patrick turned so he was facing Jonny and mouthed “the wreck” to him. Jonny nodded.

Patrick cupped his hand around the boy’s neck, “Nothing is wrong, Ry. Okay? Everyone is okay?”

Patrick searched his eyes, not missing the relief that flooded them almost instantly.

“We do want to ask you something, though, if that is okay,” Jonny cautioned steadily, not wanting to upset the boy any more than he already was.

Ryker started coloring again, finishing up the blue in the sky, his tongue poking out between his lips as he concentrated on his task.

“Well,” Patrick started, trying to think of the best way to say this, “okay…if you could have one thing in the whole wide world, what would it be?”

“To talk to a dragon,” Ryker stated matter-of-factly without looking up.

Jonny snorted beside Patrick.

“Okay, besides that. What do you want most, more than anything else?”

Ryker kept coloring. “To be adopted.”

“What if me and Jonny said we wanted to adopt you. Would that be ok?” Patrick held his breath, gripping the back of the tiny chair he was barely sitting in.

Ryker stopped coloring; the crayon dropping from his fingers as he looked back to them with a mix of confusion and trepidation. “But I don’t really like hockey. I mean, it’s okay but Tristan really loves hockey. You should probably ask him.”

Patrick shook his head. “You don’t have to like hockey, Ry. We’re not going to force you to play or anything. Tristan is a very nice boy but we want to adopt you. We want you to be a part of our family.”

“And Addy, too?”

“Addy too!” Patrick laughed, “You would be her big brother. Do you think you could handle that?”

Ryker’s eyes grew wide, “I would be the best big brother. I wouldn’t let anything hurt Addy, I promise.”

Patrick’s heart broke at how serious the little boy was. He’d always been protective over the smaller kids at the orphanage. Patrick didn’t want him to carry all that responsibility around with him all the time. “You would be an awesome big brother, Ry. But being a big brother means playing with Addy and getting into trouble with her, even fighting with her when she gets too bossy, because she will. But we want you to have fun, okay? Jonny and I are going to take care of you and Addy. We will make sure nothing hurts either of you, okay? That will be our job, yeah? And your job will be to just have fun.”

The first step was going to be letting Ryker be a kid again. Everything else would fall into place after that.

Ryker thought Patrick’s words over for a minute before nodding his head quickly.

Jonny leaned forward, tapping his finger against the table, “so is that a yes? It would be alright with you if we adopted you and you came to live with us?”

“Yes! Yes!” Ryker yelled, throwing his arms around Patrick’s neck as he was the closest to him. “When can we leave?”

Patrick’s heart plummeted. “Soon, but not today, bud. Jonny and I are going to go see Ms. Lila right after we say goodbye and we are going to fill out a stack of paper that is like, this high,” Patrick motioned with his hand, “and as soon as we are allowed to take you home, we will.”

Ryker settled back in his chair, less enthusiastic but still smiling. He nodded.

“In the meantime though, hopefully very soon we will be able to maybe take you home for the weekends if you’re up for it.” Jonny said as he stood up. He looked back down at Ryker’s picture and for some reason he wanted it. “Can I have this?”

“Sure!” Ryker grinned, pushing the picture towards Jonny. Somehow, Jonny knew that this picture was really important and he didn’t want to lose it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? Feedback is such a huge motivation and any ideas/suggestions are completely welcome, though I know these last few chapters have kind of sucked...


	5. We Tend To Do Everything Quickly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 things
> 
> 1- The name of the restaurant is definitely why Meg owes me a candy bar
> 
> 2- I've never been to Chicago nor am I familiar at all with Chicago so everything about Chicago in this chapter is made up. I could have researched for authenticity but adding logic would have taken away from what I wanted. This was what I wanted so cue the hand-waving at facts
> 
> 3- I'm not focusing heavily on the facts of adoption, I don't want it all to be too clinical, but I actually have quite a few adopted family members (mostly cousins but an aunt and uncle as well) so I am familiar with the process of adoption. If Ryker's adoption seems a little fast, in some cases it might be, but my aunt and uncles adoption of my 3 cousins (all siblings, ages 2, 4 and 10 at the time) took 5 weeks from start to finish and almost 18 years later we're golden. Some issues I might stray from fact a bit just to work with the fic but I have tried to stay as true as possible.

“Papa, are you sleeping?” Addy whispered.

Jonny grunted. “Not anymore,” he opened his eyes, blinking rapidly to focus on Addy, whose face was less than an inch from his, their noses practically touching. “Did you sleep well, you little bed theif?”

Addy giggled, nodding as she sat up on Jonny’s stomach. A storm had rolled through in the early morning, which inevitably meant the little girl had ended up sandwiched between Jonny and Patrick in their bed.

Jonny looked at the clock, “How long have you been up?”

It was after 9am. Jonny blindly reached over to Patrick’s side, only to find it empty.

“Don’t know, but Daddy and me had cereal.”

Jonny yawned. Patrick was always the easier of the two to get out of bed in the morning. Addy was still in her pajamas but her hair was neatly pulled back into a ponytail on top of her head instead of the rowdy, wavy mess it had been when she had crawled in bed in the early morning hours. Jonny had woken up a few hours later with Addy laying across him and Patrick with her hair in his mouth.

Addy was a squirmer in bed. One time Jonny actually woke up with her foot in his mouth. Trying to explain to a bunch of hockey players how a three year old gave you a black eye is just about as hard as it sounds.

Jonny stretched, careful not to throw Addy off from where she was still perched on his stomach. “What’s on the agenda for today, kid? No practice or games today, and Daddy and I don’t fly out until tomorrow evening. What ever shall we do with you?”

Addy reached up, cupping Jonny’s face with her tiny hands, her expression utterly thoughtful as she whispered, “Aunt Jacks is taking me to the zoo and to see the new princess movie.”

Jonny hadn’t remembered that bit of information, but with the playoffs about to start he could admit that he sometimes got a little too tunnel-visioned. Did he have an event or signing today that he somehow forgot? Jacks never had Addy on their days off, those were always family days. He made a mental note to check his schedule.

Jonny mimicked Addy, cupping her face in his hands as he leaned in closer, “why are we whispering?”

“Because Daddy said he’s gonna take you on a date,” she giggled wildly, her voice pitched higher than before, “because he loooooves you and he’s gonna kiss you and…”

“Adelaide Kane Toews you are a traitor,” Patrick appeared out of nowhere, startling them both.

Addy buried her head on Jonny’s chest.

Patrick walked over to the bed and winked at Jonny, “Well I guess since you ruined the surprise, I can’t take Papa on the date anymore. Which means you’ll just have to stay here with us and not go to the zoo or the movies with Aunt Jacks!” Patrick really sucked at being stern, even if he was faking it.

Addy usually called him out on it, not fooled for a second, but her head snapped up, eyes large and sad, “Daddy, no, I’m sorry! Papa, tell Daddy he has to date you!”

Jonny ran his hand up and down her back, “I don’t know. Will you promise not to tell secrets anymore? It’s really not nice.”

Addy nodded, turning towards Patrick, “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

Patrick beamed, “It’s okay Bug.”

Appeased by his response, Addy crawled off of Jonny to sit beside him on the bed, digging her feet at his side until they were tucked between him and the mattress, wiggling her toes against his skin.

So Patrick had planned this all out and had wanted to surprise Jonny?

Not including when they were on the road, which really didn’t count, they hadn’t had a ‘date’ in a long time. Actually now that Jonny thought about it, the last time they had some time alone, just the two of them, was that time up at the cabin last summer. They were up during the summer. Had already been at the cabin for a week with Addy when Jonny’s mom had shown up out of the blue, packed an overnight bag for Addy and threw a cheeky ‘have fun’ over her shoulder as Addy bounced excitedly all the way to the car.

Their track record kind of sucked lately.

Jonny looked to Patrick with a smirk as the blond blushed. Patrick moved closer, “Between the Playoffs a couple weeks away and everything else that will be going on,” they still hadn’t talked to Addy about Ryker yet, “I figured this was our only shot for a while. It obviously comes Addy approved.” Patrick tugged gently at Addy’s ponytail. Addy shrieked with laughter, diving under the comforter.

Jonny smiled, reaching out for Patrick’s hand. Patrick’s eyes still had an edge of sleep to them, his hair was a mess of curls, his sweats and Hawks shirt were probably from their rookie year and definitely on the tighter side. Patrick laced their fingers together, squeezing softly. He glanced at the lump of Addy still hidden under the comforter and back to Jonny. They had gotten the initial approval on the adoption which meant that while they waited for it to become official they were allowed to have Ryker for home visits. They had scheduled the first visit for the weekend before the Playoffs started.

But now they needed to tell Addy.

Jonny ran his thumb lightly over Patrick’s knuckles, bringing him out of his thoughts. Jonny silently questioned him. Patrick nodded.

“Hey Ads, you wanna come out of there for a minute? Daddy and I want to tell you something,” Jonny coaxed, lifting the comforter up. Addy popped her head out, some of the smaller strands of her hair sticking up all over the place.

“Yes, Papa?”

Jonny’s nerves spiked. He knew Addy loved Ryker but he was still worried about how she would react to what he was about to say. She still got fiercely jealous at times when it came to having to share Jonny and Patrick’s attention. As much as she loved Ryker, a tiny bit of Jonny was still worried. “You really like going to visit Ryker, don’t you?” he asked.

Addy nodded her head frantically, “can we go see him today, before your date?”

Jonny pulled himself up so he was propped up better against the headboard, scooting over so Patrick could sit down on the edge of the bed. “No, we can’t go see him today, sorry Bug,” Patrick frowned, “but what would you think about him coming and staying the night with us here soon?”

“Like a sleepover,” Addy shrieked, standing up but being careful not to actually jump on the bed. She still remembered their talk a couple weeks back about jumping on the bed. She didn’t like it, but she didn’t like being in trouble either.

Jonny laughed, “Sure.”

“Can he come over tonight? We could go pick him up right now,” Addy launched herself back on to Jonny, her knees digging into his stomach when she landed. Jonny yelped, shifting Addy closer to Patrick when she looked at him, concerned.

Patrick gathered her up in his arms, “Not tonight, but soon.”

“Because of your date?” Addy asked, her bottom lip pulling out into her perfected pout.

“No, silly! Not because of our date. If we didn’t have to leave tomorrow and we had enough time we would go get Ryker right now,” Patrick reasoned, “but we just have to be patient and wait until we have enough time so we can spend all our time with him and do all the fun stuff you guys want.”

“Can he come over in three days?” Addy held up three fingers. They were working with her counting as she got ready for Preschool. Three was her favorite number. She was three years old, after all.

Jonny shook his head, “Not in three days, but soon. You’re gonna have to be a big girl and be patient, okay?”

Addy thought this over, weighing her options before she agreed.

Patrick tilted his head to the side, watching, “What if Ryker was allowed to come and live with us? Would that be okay?”

Addy narrowed her eyes, “Like a sleepover or like forever?”

“Forever,” Patrick answered, truthfully.

“Because he doesn’t have parents?” Addy squirmed around until she was settled in Patrick’s lap.

“Right. Papa and I want to be Ryker’s daddies, like we are your daddies. And that would make him your big brother,” Patrick edged, trying to gauge her response, “what do you think?”

Addy could be so innocently frustrating at times because, even at such a young age, she could get so focused that it was hard to tell if she was not okay with something or was simply thinking it through. It always made Patrick think of when she was a baby and would spend long minutes just staring at him or Jonny, like she was trying to figure them out and how they fit into her little world.

“Ry-Ry would be the best big brother,” she finally decided.

Patrick kissed the top of her head, “Yeah, we think so too.”

Jonny poked at her belly, eliciting a squeal, “So we’re good? We all want Ryker to be a part of our family?”

“Oh yes, Papa, so much!”

 

*

 

“When Addy said you were taking me on a date, I didn’t think we would be leaving town to do it,” Jonny mumbled as the bright lights of Chicago faded behind them.

Patrick laughed, “Shut up! My surprise, my rules.”

They weren’t far from their destination and Patrick knew it was driving Jonny crazy not knowing where they were going. Thinking about it, Addy spoiling the surprise actually gave Jonny even more time to think and as soon as they hit the city limits, heading west, every guess Jonny had, had flown right out the window.

Jonny let his head fall back against the headrest. Patrick wasn’t going to tell him what they were doing so he resigned himself to waiting it out. Patrick reached over to slip his fingers between Jonny’s and Jonny let his head roll to the side, smiling at Patrick. There were definitely worse things to deal with.

“Your face is stupid,” Jonny grinned, easy and soft.

Patrick laughed, keeping his eyes on the road, “You love my stupid face.” Patrick turned off the main road and down a single-laned gravel path.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” Jonny breathed in.

They drove a couple miles deeper until Patrick finally stopped the car. With one last squeeze of their hands, Patrick got out of the car and Jonny followed, “The old observatory?” Jonny had heard about the place but it had shut down a few years before they had come to Chicago.

“C’mon,” Patrick pulled at the front pocket of Jonny’s hoodie. It was starting to make sense as to why Patrick had told him to dress warm and comfortable.

Patrick led them around the path through the thickest part of the tree line before they broke into a clearing with the observatory looming large and almost majestic a few hundred feet away. They walked in silence but instead of going to the front doors, Patrick walked them around towards the back. It was getting steadily darker as the sun was about to set within the hour. There was a clearing in the trees directly behind the building, right in the path of the sunset. The back deck of the observatory was bare except for what looked like a rather large pile of pillows and blankets and a small table. A little lamp was in the middle with two covered plates and two chairs facing each other.

“How the hell did you manage this? You’ve been home all day,” Jonny asked, pushing lightly at Patrick’s shoulder.

Patrick practically giggled, “Dude, I’m a fucking millionaire hockey god. I can make shit happen. Don’t you worry about it.”

They walked over to the table. Jonny pulled the dome covers off the plates: shrimp scampi over spinach linguini for them both with Jonny’s favorite salad, almond and apple organic romaine with a lemon and raspberry vinaigrette, on the side. Jonny looked back to Patrick, who was biting at his bottom lip.

Jonny closed the distance between them, their lips sliding together with a promise. Jonny’s fingers found their way into the longer curls that now reached past the base of Patrick’s neck, pulling the smaller blond against him. Patrick’s arms wound around Jonny’s neck but neither rushed to deepen the kiss.

Jonny pulled away first, “You did good.”

Patrick brushed his nose gently against Jonny’s, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They pulled away from each other after a few moments and sat down at the table.

“St. Pierre’s?” Jonny asked. It was Jonny’s favorite restaurant in Chicago.

Patrick nodded, lifting the top off the ice bucket beside the table and pulling out two bottles of Jonny’s favorite beer.

Jonny shook his head as he took one of the bottles, amazed at how perfectly ‘Patrick’ all of this was. So hyper-focused on what Jonny liked but with that edge of Patrick’s charm running through it all. “I thought you hated St. Pierre’s,” Jonny questioned, twisting the top off his beer and taking a deep pull.

Patrick shrugged, “Nah, just hate the name,” he laughed.

Jonny laughed, too, letting the silence take over them. They both started eating and Jonny was sitting with the perfect view of the sun getting ready to set in front of him. He frowned when he looked over at Patrick. Jonny stood up, walked over to Patrick’s side, shook his head and then reach down to grab the bottom of the seat and pulled the chair, and Patrick, next to his chair. Patrick watched as Jonny picked Patrick’s plate and beer up and set them back down in front of him. Without a word, Jonny sat back down beside Patrick and started eating once again.

Patrick didn’t move, just kept staring at him. “Watch the sunset,” Jonny said around a mouthful of food.

That snapped Patrick out of his daze as he scrunched his face up at Jonny talking with his mouth full. Jonny smiled wide at that, sticking his tongue out at Patrick.

Patrick hooked his foot around Jonny’s ankle as they finished eating. The sun was just starting to set as they pushed their plates away.

Patrick scooted over to close the little gap between their chairs. Jonny curled his arm around Patrick’s neck, pulling him in against his side. Patrick broke the comfortable silence around them, “I just thought that with the road trip and then getting ready for the playoffs, we are going to be around people non-stop for the next couple months. Even a restaurant felt like too much so I thought it would be nice to just be alone, for real. Just the two of us.”

Jonny understood perfectly, “Like up at the cabin?”

Patrick nodded against Jonny’s shoulder, “That weekend was…amazing.”

It really had been.

“Thank you,” Jonny breathed out, leaning his head to rest against Patrick’s. They watched the sun sink beneath the horizon, their feet tangled together under the table and their sides flush against each other. 

As the sky grew to an almost black, Patrick nudged Jonny with his elbow, “As much as I’m liking this, I think that looks like it would be way more comfortable,” he motioned towards the pile of pillows and blankets to their right.

Jonny stood up, pulling Patrick up with him. They maneuvered the large cushions and pillows to their liking and sank down on to the makeshift lounge. It really wasn’t cold out but it was still the end of Spring and there was a decided breeze in the air. Patrick lit a few Citronella candles to keep the bugs away before burrowing into Jonny’s side. They were a good distance from the city, far enough away that the sky was much darker than they were used to seeing, the stars were much brighter.

“Would you rather we’d gone to a restaurant or like maybe go to a bar or something afterwards? Maybe meet up with a few of the guys, since we never really do that anymore,” Patrick asked, mumbling into the fabric of Jonny’s hoodie. Bar hoping had never been Jonny’s style but he did enjoy it occasionally, especially after a particularly hard-fought win.

Jonny turned onto his side so he was facing Patrick, “Nope. This is perfect.”

Patrick ducked his head and Jonny would swear that if it wasn’t so dark, with only the low light of the candles flickering around them, he could see the blush spread across Patrick’s cheeks.

“There’s another reason I wanted to do all of this,” Patrick said after a few seconds.

Jonny waited for him to continue.

“I think we should move…like get a house or something,” Patrick said, surprisingly calm for as nervously wild as his eyes looked.

“You think we should move?” Jonny clarified.

“With Jackie moving out it will actually free up the extra room, but I just think we need something a little bigger. Something that is ours, and not some high-rise condo. I know things have been great there with Addy so far, but I just don’t really like the idea of her growing up in a condo, that shit is weird, having to take an elevator to get to your house. And Ryker is already older,” Patrick was on a roll now, “and like, I don’t want them trick-or-treating in a condo, or having to take them to the Sharps’ neighborhood like we did last year. I mean, it was cool with Maddy and Addy but that is their neighborhood. I want us to have our own where like we know our neighbors but we don’t have to worry about the walls being too thin. I want to have a cookout in our backyard, not on a balcony or a rooftop hundreds of feet in the air. I just…I want Addy and Ryker to have a backyard where we can build a tree house or something, maybe get a dog at some point.”

Jonny thought about what all Patrick was saying and he knew Patrick was right. Jonny would be lying if he said the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. “I want all of that too,” Jonny flattened his hand across Patrick’s back, tugging him closer.

Patrick narrowed his eyes, “Really? Because I thought I was going to have to fight you tooth and nail to leave that condo, especially after you wouldn’t even consider moving in to my condo when we decided to move in together.”

Jonny laughed at the memory, “Yeah, well my place was far superior. Had a better view.”

“But…”

Jonny pulled the blanket up further around them, reaching for Patrick’s hand under the covers, “But, our family is getting bigger and we need a bigger place. Neither of us grew up in a condo and I don’t know about you but I couldn’t imagine it. I want a swing set in the backyard for Addy and Ryker like Davey and I had growing up.”

“I know we are about to jump head first into the playoffs and everything that is going on with Ryker but…” Patrick started.

“But it wouldn’t be fair for Ryker to get used to the condo just for us to uproot him once again when we move,” Jonny finished, pretty sure that was where Patrick was going.

“Yeah. Lila said he’ll need stability in order to build a sense of security after everything that has happened in his life.” Patrick curled his fingers around Jonny’s hip, “Do you think it will be possible to get a house before we get him?”

“We’re millionaire hockey gods, remember?” Jonny laughed when Patrick bit at his shoulder with a huff, “We’ll talk to Danielle. You know, the realtor the Hawks use? She is used to having to find stuff in a hurry. We’ll look at places when we are back here and hopefully find something we like, and then we’ll make the guys help us move all our stuff. We probably won’t have anything by the time Ryker stays the first time, but I don’t see why we couldn’t have one by the time we get him for good.”

Patrick settled up onto his elbow, ducking down to kiss Jonny, neither fighting for dominance. They weren’t in their usual frenzied rush, either from lack of time, or lack of patience. The last five years seemed like an entire lifetime, but it also felt like it happened in the blink of an eye. If you had told Patrick five years ago that he and Jonny would be on their way to having two kids and an actual house by now, he would have laughed in your face.

Patrick pulled away from the kiss, leaning his head on Jonny’s arm as he caught his breath, “This whole house thing is happening pretty quickly, you know. Are you sure about it?”

Jonny tucked a stray curl behind Patrick’s ear, smiling, “In case you haven’t noticed, we tend to do everything quickly.”

They really kind of did.

Mollified by his answer, Patrick was interested more in the making out and getting back to that. So they did!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was suggested in a comment that Patrick and Jonny should go on a date so voila, here it is, lol!! Let me know what you thought. Also, it felt like Addy has been largely missing in this fic so far so I tried to correct that a bit.
> 
> Feedback is literal air. I got a bit more comments with the last chapter than I had been getting for the previous few before it and it helped get the juices flowing for this chapter so please don't hesitate to let me know what you are thinking.
> 
> Again, suggestions are welcomed as I've actually worked quite a few suggestions into this fic as well as in 'Dreams'


	6. I Make Messes Sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryker's visit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't apologize enough for how long this has taken me to post but this chapter has been a HUGE labor of love between me and my best chick, Meg!! I think I've scrapped over 10 pages worth of story and have retooled nearly every aspect of this chapter because it never felt right.
> 
> Been also dealing with some personal stuff (trying to get custody of my cousin, great-aunt passed away) not to mention Playoffs, but this chapter is kind of a big deal to me because it is all Ryker so it's been kind of intense!!

Picking a kid up from an orphanage was a really weird experience.

Considering Jonny and Patrick were now working on their second adoption, it would seem, at least on paper, that they would be impervious to the process by now. Adopting Ryker, though, was proving to be a lot like, and nothing at all like, what they had gone through with Addy. They had Addy almost the entire time. They went through the medical tests, psychological evaluations and drug tests, all of which they were pretty used to in their line of work, and they had had so many home inspections they’d lost count after the first dozen.

They still had to pass the same tests and go through the home inspections, this time with the added bonus of working out inspections on both the condo as well as the house, all while getting ready for the Playoffs. But this time, they didn’t have Ryker. Where Addy had been familiar and comfortable in the condo with them, Ryker had never been, and so other than visits, he was to remain at the orphanage until the adoption was final.

It felt weird having to schedule time to see Ryker. It felt wrong. It rubbed Patrick the wrong way and the days leading up to their first visit had found him increasingly anxious.

Walking into the familiar building, however, with Addy’s hand in his and Jonny at his side, Patrick finally felt like he could breathe easier.

They signed in and got their nametags. Addy carefully smoothed hers out over her heart, smiling proudly at Jonny once the sticky paper was secure over her green and blue plaid jumper. Jonny gave her a thumbs up.

“What do you think, Bug?” Patrick asked as the little girl looked over to him and started giggling. Patrick crouched down to her level as Addy stepped over and pulled the nametag from where Patrick had put it on his forehead. She pulled it off so quickly it actually stung and Jonny laughed at the slightly red patch that covered almost all of his forehead. Addy took the name tag and placed it, like she had her own, over Patrick’s heart.

“Daddy, you are silly,” the little girl giggled once she had corrected his mistake.

Lila, Ryker’s social worker met them at the front desk and lead them from the front office, down the hall to a small room. When kids were leaving for the day or for overnight visits they would have them wait in these rooms so the other kids wouldn’t see them leave. Not only was it tough on the younger kids, sometimes, when their friends left for periods of time, but it was simply unfair for the others to have to watch. Every kid here wanted nothing more than to get their perfect forever-family and seeing their friends get it and not them, was tough.

Lila opened the door to the small room and they stepped in.

It reminded Patrick more of a holding cell, more than anything. No windows, no pictures on the wall, standard white paint that made the room look far more sterile than inviting. There was a single table in the middle with two chairs.

Ryker was sitting in one of the tall chairs, his feet dangling as he kicked lifelessly at the air. They were actually early but Ryker looked like he had been sitting there for a while. They could have at least given him crayons and paper or something to keep him busy. Ryker loved to draw more than anything else in the world. And he was pretty fucking great if you asked Patrick.

“RyRy!” Addy yelled, alerting the boy to their presence.

Ryker’s head snapped up and the sad look on his face disappeared in an instant. He jumped out of the chair just in time to catch Addy against his chest as the little girl knocked his backpack over in her excitement.

Jonny bent down to pick it up, noticing that it was far lighter than he thought it would be. “Hey bud, you ready to head out?”

Ryker nodded his head over Addy who was animatedly chattering away as she refused to stop hugging him. “I’ve been waiting since after lunch,” Ryker announced proudly.

It was 1:30pm, but they actually weren’t even supposed to pick him up until 2pm. Lunch was usually over by 12:30pm.

“I’m sorry you had to wait so long,” Patrick stepped closer, trying to pry Addy’s arms from around Ryker’s small waist, “we can’t leave if you don’t let go, Monster.”

Lila spoke up at that. “We told Ryker that we would get him when it was time to come and wait but he insisted on being ready early.”

Ryker nodded, “You always come earlier than you say you will when you visit so I hoped you would come early today. I packed my toys, is that okay?”

By the weight of the bag, Jonny knew that there could only be a couple toys, max. He’d never really thought about it before, considering all the toys that were in the play room, but the kids must only have a few toys each, of their own, if they were even that lucky. Jonny frowned. He would have to talk to Billy with the Hawks charities and see about figuring out some way of changing that if it was possible. He didn’t want to go over anyone’s head here at the orphanage but it just didn’t seem right that these kids that had already lost so much in life didn’t even have enough toys or belongings to fill a small bag.

“You know us too well,” Patrick ruffled the boy’s hair. Patrick rubbed his hands together like he was coming up with a great, top-secret plan, “Well, if you are ready, how about we ditch this place and go see what kind of trouble we can get into.”

Ryker ducked his head but seemed to realize that Patrick was only kidding. Addy was ready and willing get into anything at any time. She was far too much like Patrick in that sense. Ryker, however, at least so far, was far more reserved, probably having to do with years of existing in an overpacked orphanage that tried to do its best, but inevitably came up short. Ryker, always looking out for the other kids, would put their needs ahead of his. Jonny had watched him make sure everyone got a popsicle before finally taking one himself, or consoling the little redheaded girl after one of the bigger boys had pulled her hair.

Basically, Ryker had never really gotten to be a kid. Even when Patrick was little and obsessed with hockey, his parents had always made sure that he was still able to be a kid and build mud pies with his sisters in their backyard. They’d infamously shaved their dog once, which was also the last time he was allowed to have a pet.

They left the small room, signed Ryker out until the next day and headed out to the car. They were going to head over to the park and meet up with the Sharps so the kids could all get to know each other and play for a couple hours.

Sharpy and Abby were already waiting on a bench under a large shady tree when they got to the park. Addy ran over as soon as Patrick unbuckled her from her booster seat, and pounced on Sharpy before leaning over to kiss Abby’s cheek in greeting. Ryker made his way around the car and followed Patrick and Jonny but kept himself partially hidden behind Jonny’s legs.

“How you doin’, Mama?” Patrick asked, kissing Abby’s cheek and ducking down to rub Abby’s round belly.

“Exhausted and I haven’t seen my feet in weeks,” Abby pursed her lips, “and I am waiting for the Playoffs to start so you two can take my husband off my hands for a couple days.”

Sharpy gasped in feigned shock. Abby shoved his shoulders, “Don’t even, you are worse than Maddy and this one inside of me combined and you know it.”

Sharpy just shrugged because he knew it was pretty much true.

“Maddy, come here,” Abby called out to the little girl crouched at the top of the slides.

When Maddy saw the new additions, she clapped her hands and slid down the slide as fast as she could. “Uncle Patty,” she yelled, running over and jumping into Patrick’s arms. “Hi Uncle Jonny,” Maddy waved happily at Jonny.

“I want to introduce you to someone,” Patrick told her as he lowered her back to the ground. Jonny side-stepped from in front of Ryker so he could see everyone but the boy didn’t move any closer.

“This is Ryker. Ryker, this is Maddy.”

“Hi,” Maddy smiled brightly.

“Hello.”

Next Patrick pointed to Sharpy, “And this is Patrick Sharp, do you remember him from when he visited with the team a few weeks ago?”

Ryker nodded his head.

Shapry crouched down so he was on level with the boy, “You can call me Sharpy if you want? All my friends call me Sharpy.”

Ryker smiled, “Okay, Mr. Sharpy.”

Sharpy laughed, grinning at the boy, “And this lovely and very pregnant woman is my wife, Abby.”

Abby stuck her hand out to the boy, “Hello, Ryker, it is very nice to meet you.”

Ryker shook her hand and looked her in the eyes, “It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Abby.”

Maddy and Abby took off after a few minutes, asking if Ryker wanted to play but he just shook his head, standing closer to Jonny and Patrick as the girls ran off after each other.

They all watched as the girls played. Ryker stayed firmly planted between Jonny and Patrick on the bench, silently watching as they all talked.

After about 20 minutes, Sharpy looked over at Patrick with a wink, “Peeks, I do believe that I could swing higher than you on those slides over there.”

Patrick laughed, “Please, I could beat you any day of the week with my eyes closed.”

Sharpy stood up, stretching before taking off towards the swings, throwing a quick “you’re on” over his shoulder.

Patrick looked down to Ryker who was watching with barely hidden interest. Patrick ducked his head down, “You think I could beat him?”

Ryker nodded quickly.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

“Let’s do this!” Jonny mocked, dropping his voice low like that commercial they had done all those years ago. Patrick waited until Ryker was walking in front of them before he shoved Jonny’s shoulders. He was never going to live that commercial down.

They all gathered around the swing set with the girls on either side of Ryker, talking animatedly about how awesome this was going to be and who would win. Patrick and Sharpy started swinging and it only took a few minutes before Ryker was actively ensconced in the debate with the girls.

Patrick and Sharpy kicked furiously, trying to push themselves higher and higher as the kids laughed so hard they ended up rolling around on the floor by the time Sharpy, in a last ditch effort to thwart Patrick, tried to grab Patrick’s swing and only made them crash into each other in the process.

“No fair!” Patrick complained, “I was totally winning.”

“Uncle Sharpy…you are gonna be…in so much trouble,” Addy tried to catch her breath, leveling a finger at the older man, “you cheated and you almost hurt my daddy.”

“My wife is the judge so we’ll just see what she says,” Sharpy grinned, pulling himself up as the kids continued giggling at their feet. He playfully toed at them with his shoe which just sent them into another fit of laughter.

Patrick stuck his tongue out at Sharpy.

Abby shook her head at her husband, “Don’t look to me for any help, Patrick Sharp. You lost that one by a mile, even before you decided to cheat.”

“What? You’re my wife,” Sharpy whined, “you’re supposed to be on my side!”

Sharpy tossed his arm around his wife’s shoulder as they teased each other quietly.

The kids pulled themselves up off the ground.

Ryker mumbled something about taking a walk with Jonny as Jonny smiled proudly at Patrick, playfully nudging the boy towards one of the paved trails. The two walked side-by-side with Jonny walking slow enough to keep pace with Ryker.

“Do you like to go fishing?” Jonny asked Ryker. Patrick rolled his eyes. It never really ended with Jonny and fishing.

“I’ve never fished before,” Ryker admitted. Patrick could only imagine the look on Jonny’s face when he heard that.

“Would you want to go…I could teach you how. We have a cabin up in Canada with a big lake and we have a boat and…,” Patrick couldn’t hear any more of their conversation but he could tell by the way Ryker was getting a bit of a bounce in his step that he would likely end up as Jonny’s new fishing buddy. 

As they walked further down the trail they both had their hands shoved in their pockets in an almost familiar mirrored image of each other and Patrick couldn’t help the tightness that gripped at his chest as he watched the two walk further and further away. 

“Uncle Patty? Will you swing with me really high?” Maddy asked, pulling Patrick’s attention back and batting her eyelashes shamelessly at him.

“Of course, Pup, hop up here.” Maddy let Patrick lift her up so she could sit securely in his lap with her feet wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck. When Maddy was about two years old, she had spent almost three days acting like a dog and ever since then Patrick had taken to calling her that. 

“Daddy,” Addy stomped her feet, tugging at Patrick’s arm. When it was obvious that Patrick wasn’t going to give in she started mumbling under her breathe, “this is so dumb!”

“Adelaide Kane Toews, I don’t think so.” Patrick extricated his arm from her grip, “You are not going to be rude or you can go sit on the bench until we leave. We can take turns or you will get no turn at all, it’s your choice.” Maddy buried her head in Patrick’s shoulder. Addy didn’t like sharing Patrick with anyone, and she really didn’t like how close Patrick was with Maddy at times.

Addy’s eyes welled up with tears as she bit at her lip, “I’m sorry Maddy,” she whispered.

Patrick wanted to scoop his daughter up into his arms whenever she was sad but he had to stop himself. They were trying to break her of this jealous streak she had, especially in regards to Maddy.

Maddy pulled back from Patrick, her lip quivering, “It’s okay Buggy!”

“Okay, that was very nice of both of you. Addy,” Patrick wiped at the wetness under her eyes, “it’ll be your turn before you know it, yeah?”

Addy nodded her head.

“Come here Monster,” Sharpy said as he picked the little girl up and swung her up so she could sit on his shoulders. He walked around with her, bouncing her lightly, running her into the leaves hanging low on the trees. Addy laughed, clutching at Sharpy’s hair.

Patrick started swinging with Maddy in his lap. Maddy shrieked with delight, holding onto Patrick tightly but after a few minutes she told Patrick she was done. Patrick slowed down until they were stopped and helped the girl down.

“Come on Buggy,” Maddy yelled as she raced over to where her dad was playing with the younger girl. Addy’s eyes lit up as Sharpy set her back down on the ground. Addy hugged Maddy quickly and then took off towards Patrick, jumping into his waiting arms, “I’m so sorry, Daddy!”

Patrick grinned, “Addy, who do I always say is my best girl?”

“Me,” Addy whispered, pointing her thumb at herself.

“That’s absolutely right! You will always be my most favorite girl in the whole world. But we still love Maddy, yeah?” Addy nodded her head. “Daddy and Maddy will always be close and it is okay if that upsets you a little, but you can’t be mean. You will always be my girl, nothing will ever change that!”

 

*

 

“Daddy, can we have an ice cream party and stay up past our bedtime and watch movies?” Addy asked around a mouthful of pizza, “RyRy has to go back tomorrow so we should get extra time.” Addy always tried to push her luck when it came to her bedtime, and having Ryker here for the night was just the excuse she needed.

Patrick laughed. They had already decided to let the kids stay up as long as they could since Ryker was only staying the one night but Patrick couldn’t help but to admire Addy’s ability to cease opportunities. They knew that the kids likely wouldn’t last that long past bedtime, anyways.

They were already getting away with a lot having pizza for dinner without Jonny’s normal stipulation of some sort of vegetables along with it. And no, banana peppers on the pizza didn’t count, Patrick already tried that one. Jonny hadn’t argued how awful pizza was when Patrick had suggested they order a few and let the kids pick their own toppings. Jonny had ordered a salad for himself, not surprisingly, but he did end up stealing a piece of Patrick’s extra, extra cheese.

Ice cream might be pushing it, though.

A few years ago, Jonny would have pulled out a 10-point slideshow on the incredibly unhealthiness of eating both pizza and ice cream in the same day, let alone with the same meal. But he had mellowed out, at least where the lectures were concerned. Eating healthily with a kid was hard because you always tended to just eat what was left over from what they ate, and what kids loved to eat was rarely on their nutrition plan. Jonny, however, had always been proud of the variety of foods that Addy would willingly eat. He stopped protesting pizza and bagel bites long ago after Patrick had pointed out that Addy still ate more fruit and vegetables than most kids they’d ever encountered. And while they had endured many temper tantrums at the dinner table, it was usually about Addy not wanting to take a bath or not wanting to get ready for bed. It had never really been about Addy refusing to eat her veggies.

Ryker was chewing contentedly on his bacon, sausage and extra cheese (no pepperoni) pizza, happy to remain silent.

Patrick glanced over at Jonny and Jonny shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t about to be the one to get on Addy’s bad-side by refusing her ice cream. The rules were relaxed today.

They wanted Ryker to have fun while he visited. At first, Patrick had suggested going to the Pier or Willis Tower but they didn’t want to overwhelm him or make him think they were trying to win him over by cramming a million things into his first visit. They would have plenty of time to take them to the zoo and the museums over the summer, so for now they wanted to just spend their time together. Patrick couldn’t deny the way they had clicked with each other when they had visited the orphanage, but he also knew that there was a possibility that that chemistry might not translate completely when it was just the four of them in a different environment.

Jackie had even gone off on some secret weekend vacation, with a guy Patrick suspected, and really didn’t fucking like one bit.

“We can do ice cream,” Patrick started and was cut off by Addy’s enthusiastic celebration, “but we gotta clean up from dinner, first, okay?”

Addy and Ryker nodded quickly, eyes bright.

When they were finished with the pizza, Ryker helped Jonny put the dishes in the dishwasher while Addy and Patrick put the rest of the pizza in Ziploc bags and cleaned off the table.

“Papa, papa,” Addy ran up to Jonny, “there were 13 pieces of pizza left. I counted them all by myself.”

“Way to go, Ads.” Jonny high-fived the girl. Addy held her palm out toward Ryker who complied with a slight blush.

“How high can you count, Ry? Can you count to 100?”

Ryker ducked his head slightly, “Yeah.”

Addy’s eyes went wide, “Wow! That is super smart. Papa says that when I go to school with the big kids I will learn how to add and suptract…”

“Subtract,” Jonny corrected her.

Addy nodded, not missing a beat, “Do you know how to do that, Ry? I bet you do because you are super smart, I bet you know more than daddy!”

Jonny laughed loudly as Ryker’s blush intensified.

They finished cleaning the kitchen and Patrick dug the ice cream out of the freezer along with all the sprinkles that Addy loved and the butterscotch syrup that was Jonny’s not-so-secret favorite. Patrick would get it out of Ryker what his favorite topping was and stock up on that as well. Patrick slipped out while Jonny helped them build their ice cream concoctions and by the time they made their way into the living room, Patrick had fabricated a massive fort of sheets and couch cushions. He had grabbed all of the blankets, quilts and pillows in the house to cover a large part of the floor in front of the television.

“What do you think?” Patrick held his arms wide, “I thought maybe we could have a sleepover tonight?”

Patrick also suspected that a big reason why Ryker had had such a hard time at that couple’s house a few weeks before was because they had basically tossed him into an unfamiliar room by himself and expected him to be okay. Ryker was used to sleeping in a room with other kids and random noises all through the night. Suddenly being in a dark, unfamiliar room by himself must have been scary. So Patrick thought that a ‘sleepover’ might do the trick.

“OH MY GOODNESS!” Addy yelled, nearly dumping her bowl of ice cream that she had been carefully carrying into the living room.

Jonny reached out quickly and grabbed the bowl before it was tipped over.

Addy practically dive-bombed into the huge makeshift bed, burrowing under the covers before making grabby hands at her bowl of ice cream that Jonny was still holding.

Ryker stood still, eyes darting back and forth between his bowl of ice cream and the spot next to Addy. Without a word, Ryker turned around and headed back towards the dining room. Jonny silently questioned Patrick before turning and following, finding Ryker eating his ice cream, looking entirely too small against the large table.

Jonny pulled the chair out beside Ryker and sat down, facing the boy, “We don’t have to do the sleepover if you don’t want to. Patrick is just a big kid who will use any excuse to watch Disney movies and build a fort.” Jonny nudged at Ryker’s side with a smile.

The corner of Ryker’s mouth twitched up, “I make messes sometimes,” he blurted out loudly, still refusing to look at Jonny. “I don’t want to make you mad and you send me back.”

Jonny frowned.

“Ryker, can you look at me?” Jonny asked, waiting until the boy looked up. “We all make messes, yeah? But Patrick and I would never send you back.” Jonny reached up to push a strand of hair behind the boy’s ear, “There is nothing you could do that would make us want to send you back, do you understand?”

Ryker shrugged his shoulders, his eyes dipping to his lap once again, “I made Mr. and Mrs. Winston mad because I spilled milk on their carpet and they sent me back.”

Jonny had to quell the sudden urge he had to find these people and ask them why the fuck they would treat Ryker, or any child for that matter, that way. Jonny sighed, “I’m sorry that they did that and it upset you but as long as you still want us, we will always want you, okay?”

Ryker nodded, smiling shyly.

Jonny stood up, “You ready to head back in there and watch Patrick try not to cry during Toy Story 3?”

“Yeah,” Ryker giggled, picking his bowl up carefully.

Jonny ruffled the boy’s hair, “If anyone makes a mess we’ll just clean it up, eh?”

Ryker and Jonny went back into the living room where Patrick was tugging gently at Addy’s ponytail whenever she tried to take a bite of her ice cream as the girl giggled helplessly. The menu to the DVD was looping on the television screen.

Addy scooted over until she was plastered against Patrick’s side and Ryker took the spot beside her. 

“Everything good, my man?” Patrick asked. Ryker nodded.

Patrick pushed play.

Addy barely made it halfway through the movie before she was drooling on Patrick’s thigh but he didn’t move her just yet. Jonny put in The Goonies next, because it was one of Ryker’s favorites. The kid was a champ and made it to the end but he was fading fast. Patrick switched the tv over to cable and found a station that always played cartoons he used to watch when he was little. Patrick wormed his way out from under Addy, adjusting her so she would be more comfortable on the makeshift bed.

Ryker was nodding off, his head lulling on Jonny’s shoulder but he jerked awake when Jonny tried to gently move his head to one of the many pillows around them. Jonny placed his hand on Ryker’s arm, “It’s okay, Patrick and I are just getting up. Go back to sleep.”

“Where you going?” Ryker mumbled.

“Patrick’s going to sleep on the couch and I’m going to sleep in the bedroom so you and Addy can have more room,” Jonny whispered. Patrick was sitting up, pulling the quilt that he’d used when he was little, up to Addy’s chin. He leaned down and kissed her cheek.

Ryker shook his head slowly, “Stay…please,” he tugged at Jonny’s sleeve.

Jonny hadn’t been sure if Ryker would feel entirely comfortable with Jonny and Patrick in the beginning but the edge of fear in his sleepy voice was enough to quell the worry for the time being. Of course Ryker knew that Jonny and Patrick were together and he had certainly shown no reservations about being adopted by them. But it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t feel some form of trepidation towards them in the beginning, until they became more familiar with each other in their own space.

Jonny looked to Patrick who was smiling softly. They were both still in the clothes they’d worn all day, both too focused on getting Ryker and Addy washed up and in their pajamas to worry about themselves. But Ryker was mumbling something that Jonny couldn’t make out and was still clutching at his sleeve so Jonny used his free hand to drag a pillow over and laid back down. Patrick followed suit.

Ryker burrowed into Jonny’s side, still clutching at the fabric of his shirt and Jonny couldn’t stop himself from softly kissing the boy’s hair. Patrick reached above them, finding Jonny’s hand above Ryker and Addy, twisting their fingers together with a light squeeze. It didn’t take long once Patrick’s thumb started stroking gently at his wrist before he was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think?
> 
> I hope this was remotely worth the wait but I apologize again!!
> 
> Good news is that I have the next chapter almost already done so let me know what you think about this and I will try to get the next chapter up ASAP!!


	7. This Is It For Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go house hunting!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WITH GAME 5 AND PATRICK WITH THE HATTRICK AND HOLY CROW!!! Ok I will shut up now!!

So many things changed since Addy had come into their lives almost four years ago, but many of the changes just…happened. Patrick couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when he started actually wanting to go home after a really big win instead of going out with the boys to celebrate, or when Jonny had stopped spending hours before and/or after, practice talking to the coaching staff, or working on his technique and training. He was still the first one to arrive and the last one to leave most days, but he had a place to go now, he had a purpose outside of the rink and outside of the Blackhawks.

They both had a reason to exist outside of hockey now.

It was a natural overtaking that just happened without them really realizing it. Even when they did notice the slight differences in their normal patterns, they didn’t really question it. Their lives used to be primarily centered around hockey. The brief amounts of time between games, practices, and events were mostly spent with the two of them bouncing between each other's condos attempting to pass the extra time before their return to the ice.

The biggest difference, though, was always felt the most during the playoffs. Jonny and Patrick would always get so intensely focused on their next game, they would throw themselves so completely into conditioning and trying to learn as much as they could about their opponents. Nothing else ever mattered during the Playoffs. The phone calls lessened dramatically and even when their families would come in to visit, they would leave them to their routines.

Since Addy came into their lives, though, every year as she got older and older, she encompassed more and more of their thoughts and their focus at all times. During the Playoffs and the regular season. Jackie would take her during the day to the park on play dates with Abby and Maddy or to the Zoo, but it was never the same. Their thoughts were never 100% hockey anymore.

But their game didn’t suffer because of it. It had actually been surprising when they had won the Cup the first year they had Addy and Jonny had realized that he was still able to give his all to the team and to the game, just in a different manner than before. It had been a relief in many ways because he had worried, on a small level, that having Addy would interfere with his game.

If they could win the Cup while fighting off tummy aches, teething and a spectacularly bad case of the flu, Jonny could ease off of the gas a little and not feel so guilty. The following year when they only made it to the second round, a reporter had off-handedly suggested that maybe his focus wasn’t all there.+ Jonny had shut that idea down quick, citing their lack of offense at times, coupled with the unbalanced defense due to so many injuries, and that while they had fought, the other team had simply fought harder.

The relief came when, afterwards, Jonny realized that what he had said was true and not just a fabricated answer to appease the media and account for their failures. They didn’t lose because Jonny and Pat had a kid that demanded their attention, just as much as the other guys on the team with kids did too. They lost because of hockey, pure and simple.

Five years ago if you had told Jonny that during the playoffs, not only would they be going through their second adoption, but that they would also be house-hunting on top of it. He would have dead-armed you and then laughed. But here they were.

The few days that they actually managed to be in Chicago during the first round of the playoffs - when they weren't at practice, doing radio interviews, filming segments for NBC, making pancakes for Addy's breakfast, trying to find Addy's frilly Hawks tutu that she insisted on wearing during home games, or finally switching from the toddler bed to a big girl bed because Addy's toes hung off the edge and Patrick really needed to cut the strings on that one - basically when they weren't taking care of all the little necessities that made up their everyday lives with Addy, they were meeting with the Hawks' realtor, Diane, to look at potential new houses for their growing family. They had talked over the phone and discussed what they were looking for as far as number of rooms and bathrooms, square footage, price range, new construction versus older homes, lot sizes and school districts.

The first couple houses they looked at were kind of a hot mess. The most bang for your buck, so to speak, with enough room to house what felt like the entire team and their families. Intricate, ornate fixtures with detailed molding and hand-carved woodwork adorned the houses. They were nice, objectively, but they felt too stuffy and uninviting. They had two kids…they needed some place that they could actually live in and not have to worry that they were going to get the furniture dirty after playing outside all day or scratch the floor with equipment bags or stain it with paint because Ryker loved painting. One house even had a fountain in the front that changed colors at night. Patrick had laughed when he saw the fountain but quickly apologized. It was all just too much.

Yeah, they had more money between them then they would ever really know what to do with and they could totally afford to live in a house this grand, but they wanted a home, not just a house. So after the third house they looked at that had marble floors and chandeliers, they sat down with Diane to retool their search.

They wanted an open floor plan so the kids could run around and have more space than they have at the condo. At least five bedrooms, so the kids could each have their own room, an office for Jonny and a spare room for guests. They didn’t really care how many bathrooms there were but they needed at least one tub for Addy’s baths because somehow they had lucked out with her and she loved to take baths. They wanted the house to be big enough, especially after living in the increasingly cramped condo, but they didn’t want too much space that they didn’t know what to do with it all. Patrick hated houses where he felt like he could get lost if he made a wrong turn. Jonny liked a more contemporary/modern look as opposed to gold-plated mantels and chandeliers and Patrick wanted a big back yard, big enough for a pool – with a security fence, of course – and a swing set, maybe a basketball hoop, too. And while it wasn’t consistently cold enough for a backyard rink in the winter, they could install a rubber matting or concrete floor for street hockey if they wanted.

Most importantly, though, was the Christmas tree. Patrick refused two houses as soon as they walked into the living room because he couldn’t instantly picture where the Christmas tree would go. It was a big deal for him and he refused to buy a house that wasn’t Christmas-conducive.

They finally had a two day break back in Chicago. On one of their rare full days off before their game the next day, they allowed themselves to be dragged all over Chicago and the outskirts of town by Diane in search of the perfect house.

The first house they looked at had been in Cary and was a Tudor-style Ranch house with a large outbuilding on almost three acres of land. It was nice on the outside, but the inside was like a weird mixture of country with the countertops in the kitchen looking like camouflage but the bathrooms looked straight out of the 80s with a sort of tacky gold trim around everything. While the outside had looked hopeful, Jonny knew as soon as they walked in that this wasn’t for them. He also really didn’t like that the master bedroom was on the first level and the rest of the bedrooms were on the second.

So they scratched that one off the list.

The next house was a French Provincial two-story in Palos Park. The brick exterior was nice and gave it an older look even though it was less than a year old. The living room was large with vaulted ceilings at nearly 25 feet tall and floor to ceiling windows. It passed the Christmas tree inspection as Patrick said they could get as big a tree as they wanted and it would look great tucked in the corner with all the windows. But the kitchen was deceptively small, which wasn’t a huge deal as neither of them were particularly adept at cooking, but the cabinets that covered nearly the entire space were too dark and made the room look even smaller. The black countertops didn’t help.

“It looks like a pirate’s kitchen…and not in the fun way!” Patrick had whispered.

Jonny wasn’t even sure how to respond to that.

They would keep it on their list of possibilities. It was positioned at the end of a cul-de-sac but wasn’t pressed up against the other houses. They had space and Jonny liked the idea of Addy and Ryker being able to play with the other kids in the neighborhood in that picturesque way life in a cul-de-sac provided.

Another house in Crown Point was quickly scratched off the list but a house in Naperville made their short list.

A Traditional style house in Northbrook really caught their eye. It had a gazebo style wrap around porch, arched hallways and durable wood floors with tons of windows for natural lighting and the kitchen was open and modern without looking sterile. Jonny could see Ryker and Addy sitting at the island eating breakfast in the morning while Patrick fought with the coffee maker and tried not to burn the eggs. There was a study with floor to ceiling Mahogany shelves built into the wall, for Jonny, and a theater room in the basement that caught Patrick’s eyes. Jonny saw a lot of Disney movies and romantic comedies on the 92” screen in his near future. The rooms were large…the smallest of which was already bigger than their bedroom in the condo and while the master suite was on the first floor in this house, along with what Diane called an “In-law suite,” there were 3 bedroom located upstairs. One of which had a bathroom attached that they could take and the two other rooms were connected by a Jack and Jill bathroom. Jonny kind of liked the idea of the second floor being just theirs and the kids’.

There was also a large open space between the kids’ rooms and what could be a playroom of sorts. Wooden floors went throughout the entire house, except for the basement which was carpeted, so they could throw down a protective covering, set up an easel in the corner, surrounded by all the windows so Ryker could paint and draw without having to worry about making a mess. Maybe they could get a little easel for Addy too, if she took an interest in it.

Beside the theater room in the basement was a large open area that Jonny could set up as an in-home gym and there would still be enough space if they wanted to put in a pool table or leave the space open for floor hockey. The yard was almost two acres and while you could see the other houses around them, they were far enough away to still feel like they had privacy even without a fence. There was plenty of room for a pool and whatever else they wanted to do with the space. It wasn’t excessively large but it was a big step-up from the condo.

They were walking back into the living room with Diane as she talked about the local school districts when her phone rang. “Excuse me for just a few minutes,” she apologized as she walked out into the backyard and shut the door behind her.

Patrick was standing in the middle of the room, with his back to Jonny, just looking around without saying a word. Jonny walked up behind him, snaking his arms around Patrick’s waist, pulling the shorter man back against him. “What do you think?”

“The tree would go over there.” Patrick pointed to the part of the living room with the bay window, with floor-to-ceiling windows all around in a half circle. “All the presents stacked around it and the lights and ornaments. It would look great from outside, and we could actually hang up lights and decorations.”

Jonny tightened his grip, hooking his chin on Patrick’s shoulder, “You’re going to go crazy for Christmas this year, aren’t you?”

“Do you forget who you are talking to? This place is going to look like Santa puked on it,” Patrick laughed, wrapping his arms around Jonny’s, breathing in deeply.

“So is this it?” Jonny asked.

“I can see the kids…us…in every corner of this house. I can feel us here,” Patrick explained. “What do you think?”

“I think this is what you want, so it’s what I want, too.”

Patrick turned around in Jonny’s arms, frowning, “But can you see it too? We can’t get this place just because it is what I want.”

Jonny lowered his head, his lips finding the skin just below Patrick’s ear. “I can see us packing up Ryker’s shitty little car that he bought off his buddy, for college. I can see us teaching Addy how to swim in the pool we are gonna get in the backyard, or Addy locking herself in the bathroom after her first breakup, or Ryker slamming his bedroom door in our face when he is 16 and hates us. I can see BBQs and ice cream parties, forts in the living room and tears in the bathroom. I can see Addy getting married in the backyard and grandbabies and toys everywhere.”

“Slow down there Grandpa,” Patrick laughed.

Jonny continued, “But most of all, I can see you, and me, long after the kids have moved out, long after we’ve retired; you with a horrible comb-over because you refuse to just shave off what little hair you have left. I can see us growing old here and still pissing each other off.” Jonny ducked down to lightly kiss Patrick’s neck, “Does that answer your question?”

Patrick stared up at Jonny for a few moments. All the emotions swirling through him written clear as day across his face, shining up at Jonny. Which would just have to do, because he couldn’t think of anything to say at the moment that could properly describe what he felt in that moment.

Because Patrick could see it, all of it, and so much more.

He nodded, his voice breaking “Yeah, that answered my question.”

Patrick’s thumb swept back and forth through the short hair at the back of Jonny’s neck. They had just found their home and Patrick wanted nothing more than to melt into Jonny at this very moment. Truth be told, he wanted to have his way with Jonny in every room of the house, well maybe except for the kids’ rooms because that was just fucking weird, but you get the point. This was it. They were home.

A soft click pulled them back to reality as Diane cleared her throat, shutting the door behind her. “Sorry to interrupt but we’ve got a couple more houses to see before it gets too much later, unless you want to call it a day?”

Patrick pulled away but grabbed Jonny’s hand, unwilling to stop touching him in some way, “No, we’ve seen enough. We want this house. This is it for us!”

Diane smiled, “Oh I am so glad. Okay, well since we won’t be looking at any more houses tonight, how about we go back to my office and discuss what offer you are willing to give and go over the paperwork for an inspection and whatnot.”

“Of course,” Jonny agreed, “but we are willing to pay whatever we need to in order to get this house as quickly as possible. We will be getting our son within the next couple weeks and we would really like to bring him home, here, even if we have to sleep on the floor for the first night or two.”

Diane’s eyes went soft as she looked the two over. “I am sure that can be arranged. You both are aware that money talks, but I think we can get you and your family in here in time, within reason.”

Three hours and many phone calls later, Jonny and Patrick had met the asking price and gave an extra fourth of the house price on top in order to speed the process along with the owners, who also turned out to be Hawks fans. They had been willing to turn the house over in two weeks, even without the extra money, but Jonny and Patrick both agreed that they were doing them a huge favor and wanted to repay them somehow. The house would be fully inspected the following day and baring the outcome of that, the papers would be signed thereafter.

They finally had their home.

Now all they had to do was wait for Ryker to join them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what did you think? feedback is the biggest motivation!!
> 
> these houses are based on actual houses I found while researching Chicago real estate listings for this chapter. I actually do my homework sometimes!
> 
> and again, if you have any ideas/suggestions you would like to see added in just let me know. I don't think I've had a suggestion that I haven't been able to work in yet, lol!!


	8. I Want To Go Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this might be the earliest I've ever posted a chapter!! Be proud of me, lol!!

They were only a few days into round 2 of the playoffs against the San Jose Sharks, but the series was already heated and extremely physical. This time however, the Blackhawks had an advantage. Bur was back in Chicago, wearing the Indian head logo proudly across his chest once more. He was back where it felt like he belonged.

The series was going well until Game 2 when a Sharks player checked Jonny hard into the boards halfway through the third period and left Jonny crumpled up in a heap on the ice. Jonny had gone into the boards at an awkward angle, and was visibly shaken up. Sharpy and Bicks rushed to assist him off the ice before he was taken straight down the tunnel. For the most part, Patrick was past the point where he would let himself get worked up over Jonny getting hurt. As long as he wasn’t being taken off in a stretcher, Patrick could make himself focus long enough to finish the game. He had long ago realized that other teams and other players targeted him in an attempt to get at Jonny and vice-versa. When something like this happened, Patrick became even more focused.

From that point on, Q put Bur on the line with Patrick and no one was able to touch him. Bur kept everyone off Patrick’s back and Patrick was able to score two goals to bring them ahead and win the game.

He wasn’t going to let Jonny getting hurt throw him off his game, but he also wasn’t going to let the game go to OT and keep him from being able to go see Jonny any longer than he had to. So Patrick got them the win and he was the first one off the ice and heading down the tunnel.

Jonny was laying back on the massage table in the PT room as their road physician poked and prodded at him to see if there was any issues they needed to deal with besides some deep bruising. Jonny was already changed out of his gear and into a Hawks shirt and mesh shorts.

“I’m fine,” Jonny groaned. “There is some soreness in my side but no sharp pains, it’s just bruising. My head feels fine, I can see everything clearly, no vision disturbances, no headaches.”

“Did you somehow manage to become a doctor in the last twenty four hours without making me aware of it or something? Completing med school and residency in a day? Must be a record,” Pat asked with a sarcastic edge to his voice, as he walked into the room.

“There is nothing wrong with me,” Jonny insisted, “I would tell you if there was,” he said, hooking his finger with Patrick’s pinkie, tugging lightly to get Patrick’s full attention. They didn’t take injuries lightly, not anymore.

Patrick knew that Jonny was telling the truth, at least to the best of his knowledge. In the beginning they had both played that game of shrugging off injuries in an attempt to not worry the other, but they had gotten over that quickly. Namely after Jonny had kept playing when he knew his head was fucked up all those years before and had wrecked his car because he was too much of a stubborn jackass to admit he was in trouble.

Now they tried to be honest with each other at all times because it wasn’t just about them anymore. He believed Jonny that he was okay physically, but what Patrick was more concerned with, was his head. Patrick opened his mouth to ask but Jonny shut him down quickly.

“They did a concussion test first thing, and I passed,” Jonny sighed.

“He did pass,” the physician assured Patrick, still poking at Jonny, “but he’s going to need someone to keep an eye on him over night and then be reevaluated in the morning before we fly back to Chicago. He appears to be fine, but on the off chance he has slow-developing symptoms, flying might be a problem so we’ll check once more before we head out in the morning.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him tonight,” Patrick promised, reaching a hand down for Jonny to pull himself up with. “I’m going to go grab a quick shower and change, and then we’ll head back to the hotel.”

Jonny waved him off, his face scrunched up in pain as he moved experimentally. No localized pain, but tomorrow was going to be rough.

Patrick was back less than 10 minutes later and helped Jonny out to the bus where they would wait for the rest of the guys to finish up with the media and head back to their hotel.

Jonny found a position that was the most comfortable and stuck with it, half leaning against Patrick and half propped up against the back of his seat. Patrick twisted in his seat a little so he could take on Jonny’s weight more comfortably as Jonny relaxed against him.

Patrick pulled his cell out of his pants pocket when he felt it vibrate against his leg. It was Jackie.

“Hey Jacks…yeah, no, he’s ok. They are going to do another concussion test in the morning but so far so good…yeah, okay, I’ll let him know. Did Addy see anything...no that’s good…no don’t wake her up. Just don’t let her watch the highlights in the morning. We should be getting in in the early afternoon. Did you guys go see Ryker today...good. Ok, well some of the guys are starting to filter in so we’ll be going to the hotel soon. Call if you need anything, okay…will do, love you too. Give Addy a kiss for us in the morning. Night.”

Patrick hung up as a few more guys got on the bus.

“What did Jacks say?” Jonny asked, grunting as he shifted slightly in an attempt to turn around. Patrick stopped him, urging him to stay where he was. After all these years he was kind of used to talking to the back of Jonny’s head, anyways.

“Addy was already asleep so she didn’t see anything. She only lasted the first two periods because they went and saw Ryker earlier and played pretty hard, I guess. Jacks said your mom called after you got hit so you’re calling her as soon as we get back to the hotel, oh and this,” Patrick smirked, kissing the side of Jonny’s neck, without moving as much as possible, “is from Jacks. She said to feel better asshole because you still owe her a DDR rematch.”

Jonny groaned, but this time not from the pain, “She is awful.”

Patrick smirked, “I know, isn’t she the best?”

The ride back to the hotel was uneventful. It was getting late and they had an early plane to catch back home in the morning so most of the guys were heading up to their rooms while only a handful were going out to celebrate. Patrick, Jonny, Sharpy and a few other guys were waiting for an elevator to take them to their floor. Jonny was leaning into Patrick’s side, still babying the bruising that was no doubt getting worse by the minute. It would be interesting to see how bad it was when he changed out of his clothes. Taking a shower would probably be rough too. He might have to get Patrick to help him out. All Jonny wanted to do though was put some ice on it, lie down with Patrick, and sleep until he absolutely had to wake up in the morning.

Patrick’s phone started vibrating in his pocket, again. Sharpy was reenacting a story about Maddy projectile vomiting the last time she was sick and trying to make some of the guys watch the video he had recorded.

“So she was puking and instead of helping, you pulled out your camera?” Shawzy asked.

Sharpy flipped him off and started playing the video.

Patrick shook his head and answered the phone, “Hello?”

“Hello, Mr. Kane?” A female voice asked. It sounded familiar but Patrick couldn’t place it, he was too tired for his brain to be properly functioning right now.

“Yes?” The closer Patrick listened, the more it sounded like someone was crying in the background, but there was a lot of talking going on around him. A couple guys were yelling and gagging as they watched Sharpy’s video.

Patrick plugged his ear with his finger to try to hear the woman better.

“I’m sorry for calling so late, this is Lila Montgomery, Ryker’s social worker…”

Patrick’s whole body tensed up and his ears started ringing, “What happened, is something wrong with Ryker?” Patrick tried to keep his voice in check. 

At the mention of Ryker’s name, Jonny looked quickly to Patrick as Sharpy trailed off with his story until they were all standing, staring at Patrick.

“Everything is fine. Ryker is fine,” Lila assured him quickly. Patrick sighed and leaned forward, relief running hot just under his skin. “It’s just that, he was watching your game tonight as we’ve been doing lately because it helps to settle him when you are away, so he can still see you, but he became extremely upset when he saw Mr. Toews get injured,” Lila explained. At the mention of Jonny’s name, Patrick could hear the quiet crying in the background turn into full on sobbing.

The elevator pinged as the door opened. Jonny was still looking to Patrick and Patrick mouthed that everything was okay. Their small group stepped into the elevator and waited as the doors shut and they climbed the 17 floors that would take them to their rooms.

“Is he with you?” Patrick asked quickly.

“Yes, we tried to get him to go to sleep but he was too upset, I thought maybe talking to you might help.”

Patrick pinched the bridge of his nose, “I know it is late but would it be okay if we Skyped with him for a few minutes so he can see that Jonny is okay? We’ll make it quick, I promise.” Why couldn’t they fly back to Chicago tonight? All he wanted to do was to get Ryker in his arms and let him know that everything would be alright. But they were stuck here in fucking San Jose until the morning. Jonny leaned into Patrick’s side trying to hear what was being said.

Everyone else in the elevator remained silent; Patrick’s voice the only noise breaking the stillness.

“Of course, Mr. Kane,” Lila quickly agreed, “I thought you might suggest that so I have it all set up right now.”

“We are at the hotel and almost to our room. We’ll be on in just a few minutes. Can I talk to Ryker?” Patrick asked as the elevator arrived at their floor and they all filed off and split up. Sharpy patted Patrick on the back with a knowing grin before turning down a hallway.

“Of course,” Lila spoke calmly. There was some rustling on the other end as she passed the phone to Ryker.

Patrick could hear Ryker sniffling, trying to contain his tears before softly speaking. “Hello?”

Patrick smiled, keeping his voice light so as to not upset Ryker even more, “Hey kiddo, is everything okay?”

“I was just…we were watching…and then…Jonny…and,” Ryker started, almost choking on the sobs that were trying to break through. It didn’t take long before the boy was reduced to tears once more and Patrick couldn’t understand what he was saying, only picking up on Jonny’s name every now and then. They got to their room. Jonny opened the door and headed straight for his laptop.

Patrick waited until Ryker stopped talking before he continued, “Ryker, listen to me, okay? Jonny is just fine. He got a couple bruises but he is right here with me.”

Jonny pulled his laptop out of his suitcase and turned it on, impatiently tapping his fingers on the keypad.

“Give us like two minutes and we’ll be able to talk to you on the computer like we always do, will that be okay?” Patrick knew Jonny’s computer was going as fast as it could but it just wasn’t going fast enough. He couldn’t shake the intense need he suddenly felt to see Ryker, to not only try to calm the boy down, but to calm himself down as well.

“Yeah,” Ryker sucked in his breath, trying to stop the tears once more.

Patrick really hated this. At least when something happened with Addy while they were on the road, if she was sick or just not having a good day, Jackie was there with her whether during the day or in the middle of the night. The staff at the orphanage was great, but Patrick still felt uneasy about it. Until Ryker was home, with them permanently, it wouldn’t be enough to talk to him for thirty minutes on the computer every day when they weren’t in Chicago.

Jonny logged into Skype and a few moments later they were connecting. The image that popped up was fuzzy at first but it quickly adjusted and Ryker’s face was filling the screen because he was leaning in so close to the webcam. He had the phone pressed up to his ear as he was still talking to Patrick and Patrick could just make out his favorite dinosaur pajamas.

Ryker smiled brightly when he saw Jonny who was just about as close to the screen as the boy was. Patrick moved to stand behind Jonny and waved. The tear tracks were easy to spot and Ryker’s eyes were tired and red-rimmed, but he was smiling.

“I’m gonna hang up the phone now, alright,” Patrick asked as the boy nodded, handing his own phone to Lila who was standing just off to the side.

“Hey buddy,” Jonny started, “were you watching the game?”

Ryker nodded, his eyes shifting all over the screen to study every visible surface of Jonny’s face, “You got hurt!”

“Did you see how great Patrick played? He won the game for us,” Jonny tried to deflect.

Ryker wasn’t going to be swayed, he shook his head, “Yes, but you got hurt.”

“I did, but it was only a few bruises. I talked to the doctor and he said I am going to be just fine, okay?” Jonny tried to assure him. Patrick noticed how Jonny was gripping the laptop so hard his knuckles were turning white. He was sitting rigid on the side of the bed, trying not to move or wince and upset Ryker even more.

“You promise? You didn’t hurt your belly, did you? Is your head mushy?” Ryker glared into the screen.

Patrick slipped into the bathroom to change and get ready for bed, giving the two some space since Ryker’s focus was solely on Jonny and making sure he was okay, but he kept the door open so he could hear what was going on.

“My belly and my head are not hurt, I promise,” Jonny laughed. “We’ll be back home tomorrow afternoon. Think you’d be up for a visit?”

Ryker nodded his head excitedly, “And Addy?”

Jonny tilted his head slightly to the side, “Addy is going over to the Sharps tomorrow to play with Maddy, so we thought maybe we could hang out, just us guys?”

Jonny and Patrick had talked about wanting to spend some time with just Ryker, if possible, and Sharpy had offered to host a play-date at his place since they would have the rest of the day off once they landed tomorrow morning. Patrick had suggested renting out the go-cart track for a couple hours. Jonny would have to sit that one out but it would still be fun for Ryker and Patrick. Jonny could watch from the sidelines. Or maybe they could go to the Planetarium or the Art Museum.

Ryker bounced happily, “Yes!”

Jonny laughed loudly. Unable to contain his own enthusiasm when faced with the clear excitement on the boy’s face, “Okay, then you need to go to bed and get lots of sleep so you’ll be ready for tomorrow.”

“Is Patrick still there,” Ryker asked, biting his lip.

Patrick walked out of the bathroom having just finished brushing his teeth. He was in his own pajamas by now, though Jonny was still fully dressed. Patrick sat down beside Jonny and leaned into him on his good side, so Ryker could see him, “Right here, kiddo!”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“You bet! Unless you are sick of me already?” Patrick asked, feigning seriousness.

Ryker giggled, not even answering him.

Lila stepped into the frame, softly coaxing Ryker with a gentle hand to his back, “Think you can go to bed now?”

Ryker nodded, his smile fading, “Promise you’ll come tomorrow?”

“Cross my heart,” Jonny promised, drawing an imaginary X over his chest.

Ryker’s gaze turned towards Patrick.

“Cross my heart, too!” Patrick repeated the action.

“Okay,” Ryker yawned. He stared at the screen for a few moments, biting his lip. Lila spoke quietly about him getting to bed and he nodded. He started backing away from the screen but stopped, “I love you,” he whispered as he clicked out of the screen before they could even respond and Jonny and Patrick were left, staring dumbly at the blank screen.

Jonny’s hand tightened around Patrick’s hip. “Did he just…,” Jonny breathed out.

Patrick tried to catch his breath, “Yeah. He did.”

Patrick leaned his head back against Jonny’s shoulder.

“I want to go home,” Jonny nudged his nose against Patrick’s temple, breathing out heavily. He wanted to get out of this damn town and get back to Chicago. Back to their city, their home, their kids. Jonny had to keep reminding himself that it would likely all be over with in a few days and Ryker would be able to come home. As they got closer, though, it seemed like the days grew longer.

Patrick pulled Jonny’s hand off his hip, twisting their fingers together, hugging Jonny’s arm against his chest. “Me too!”

 

*

 

On Thursday they got the keys to the house just before they left to go back to San Jose for Game 5.

Friday night they were eliminated from the Playoffs.

On Monday they went to the courthouse with their families at 8am. Ryker was dressed in a slightly oversized suit, waiting patiently with Lila in the courtroom. When he saw Patrick and Jonny enter the room he took off running and leapt into their arms. Patrick and Jonny stood before Judge Phillips, once again, this time with Ryker standing between them and clutching their hands. He refused to sit with Lila or even with Addy and their families, refused to leave Jonny and Patrick’s side. He was about to get his forever family and he wasn’t going to let go for anything. Judge Phillips, as jovial as ever, expressed his joy at seeing Jonny and Patrick expanding their family once again and being able to be a part of it. By 9:30am all the paperwork had been signed, the adoption was official and they were finally, FINALLY, leaving the courthouse with their son and daughter. Heading to their new home for the first time as a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Was it okay? Did it suck?
> 
> Feedback is literal crack, just so you know!!
> 
> PS: Just as a warning, I have a couple major tests coming up for my classes (college fucking sucks) this coming week. I feel like I will either get it done and posted by Monday-ish, or I won't have much time to do it between then and Friday so don't kill me if it's a little while before this next chapter!! I would much rather spend all my time writing for this because I am a little more than a little in love with this group!!


	9. This Will Be The House I Die In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A housewarming, a HUGE surprise, and (because I am me) lots of fluffy goodness!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please forgive me for how long this took. I assure you I didn't mean for this to happen but I had finals and then had to turn right back around 3 days later to start the next term and my lovely, beautiful, rockstar bestie who edits these monsters for me has been very busy. But this chapter is so much longer than they normally are...like twice as long so I am hoping it will go a little way towards earning your forgiveness.
> 
> anyways, things are starting to ramp towards the second half of this so just keep that in mind.

Sometimes Patrick looks back over the last four years and wonders if maybe he should have had a moment where he completely freaked out because he and Jonny literally went from being in a semi-serious relationship to having a kid overnight. Addy had brought with her added responsibilities, a new person to think about, to keep alive, to love. Addy gave them something besides hockey to live for. They had adapted unfathomably easily to suddenly being dads in a time when they were still getting used to simply being together, and everything else that entailed. But arrive, she did. Patrick had freaked out a lot more over far less in his life but for some reason, he always just knew that when it came to Addy, there was no turning back.

Adding Ryker to the mix felt even more right…like a natural extension of what their family was always supposed to be. It grounded Patrick in a way nothing else, not even hockey, ever had.

They were currently on their way to their new house. A new house that was full of unopened boxes and unassembled furniture and beds.

Both of Jonny and Patrick’s families were following them, in what was a weird little Kane/Toews caravan across Chicago. Their families were going to spend their last day in Chicago with them before heading back into town for the night. Jonny had offered the spare rooms and couch to anyone interested but he had been politely declined. Although neither of them would ever admit it but Jonny and Patrick both really kind of wanted their first night in the new house to be just them and the kids, though they would of course never turn their families away.

“So I was thinking,” Patrick said intentionally raising his voice so Addy and Ryker could hear him from where they were leaning into each other, watching some cartoon on Patrick’s iPad, “maybe tomorrow or the day after we can go pick out the paint for your rooms and whatever else you want to decorate them with. How does that sound?”

Ryker looked up, his face clouded, “I’ll like whatever you like.”

Jonny and Patrick looked to each other quickly before Patrick reached behind Jonny’s seat to poke playfully at Ryker’s leg. “Hey, listen you can pick out whatever you want…within reason of course, It’s your room.”

Ryker just stared at Patrick, trying to read his expression before looking to Jonny’s face in the rearview mirror. Ryker gave in and nodded, the side of his lips twitching into a small grin.

Addy was too busy watching the show to comment, but she had already informed them of the Cowboys and Indians room she wanted with a special corner of her closet already picked out for her princess dresses and other costumes she had accumulated from her aunts and uncle. Jonny had already started calling around for a muralist to come in and make her room look like an Old West town with tumbleweeds and horses. Patrick knew once they could break the constant hesitation from Ryker, the kid would open up like a book and then they could figure out what to do with his room as well. It was just going to take some time to get him to loosen up after spending so much time at the cramped orphanage where nothing was your own and everything was shared.

Ryker had left the courthouse with them with only a small bag that contained the few articles of clothing and toys that he had to his name. Jackie and Erica had had no problem taking Jonny’s credit card and armed with Ryker’s measurements, had already bought enough clothes to fill his closet and dressers but they would let him pick out some stuff on his own tomorrow. Even though he literally had nothing, they didn’t want to overwhelm him too quickly.

They turned onto the road that led down to their house and pulled into their driveway. As soon as they rounded the grouping of trees in the front, they couldn’t help but take notice of all the cars scattered between the driveway and the front yard. Kids were running around everywhere, weaving in and out of the random groupings of team mates and their wives.

Jonny drove slowly up the driveway, shrugging his shoulder at Patrick’s questioning look, “I didn’t know about this. Did you?”

“No.”

Addy was the first to notice all the commotion, poking Ryker until he looked up. He’d only really met the Sharps, and outside of seeing some of the guys at the orphanage, Ryker didn’t really know any of the guys. Jonny parked the car, hesitating briefly with his hand over the seatbelt buckle. He nodded his head back towards Ryker but kept his eyes trained on Patrick. What if this was all too much for him to handle, finally being adopted and then being thrown into the middle of the chaos that is what looked to be the entire Blackhawks family?

Ryker was now looking out the window, his eyes large and his mouth falling open, but he didn’t look the least bit apprehensive. Patrick took a deep breath and opened his door. Unless they just turned around and left, they weren’t going to be able to hide. He stepped out and closed his door before opening the back door where Addy was already out of her seat and waiting with Ryker close by. The two of them jumped down onto the pavement and were instantly swarmed by kids of all ages. Names were being shouted in all directions but Patrick could see how Addy was holding tightly onto Ryker’s arm, almost protectively. She was used to the madness that occurred when all the families got together, but Ryker seemed to be holding his own. He was smiling shyly at everyone but he started up a quick conversation with Brooks about his favorite Mario Kart character and that seemed to be all it took. The other kids all took off, running around the outside of the house, Addy was lost to the masses but Ryker held back.

Jonny walked around the car as their parents and siblings pulled up to park behind them and started piling out of the cars. Ryker stood between Patrick and Jonny, looking around at the house and all the people floating in and out, no one outside of the kids having noticed their arrival yet.

Jonny’s hand cupped the back of the boys head to get his attention. “I know it’s a little crazy but everyone is just really excited to meet you,” Jonny smiled reassuringly.

Patrick crouched down, “If it gets to be too much just find me or Jonny, okay? We got your back.”

Ryker nodded, leaning forward to hug Patrick quickly before taking off in the direction the kids disappeared to.

Patrick stood up just as Jackie appeared at his side looking sheepish. “This might be my fault…Sharpy texted yesterday asking for the address and I gave it to him…which I will never make the mistake of doing again.”

Patrick tossed his arm around his sister’s shoulders. “It’s alright Jacks.”

They dodged more kids running around the front yard as they walked around to the back of the house where it seemed like most of the commotion was coming from. Patrick scooped up a giggling Maddy as she ran by, kissing her face until she squealed with delight before he let her back down.

Guys from the team and some of the staff, along with their wives, girlfriends and kids, were scattered all over the back yard. Sharpy and Bur were holding court at a ridiculously large grill that Patrick was sure hadn’t been there before, while Abby and a few other wives filed in and out of the house carrying large pans full of food, bags of chips and piles of plates and plastic cups. Large metal tubs were positioned around the back patio filled with soda and beer and Patrick just took it all in for a moment.

Sharpy finally noticed them, smiling brightly as he jogged over to meet them halfway. “Toes, Peeks, I know this is a lot but everyone is getting ready to scatter for the summer so I thought we could do a Goodbye/Welcome to the Family thing all in one.”

Jonny clapped his hand on Sharpy’s shoulder, “As long as you make sure my house and yard isn’t trashed in the morning, you can do whatever you want.”

Sharpy ducked his head, in a rare moment of unabashed seriousness, “I kind of didn’t want the last time we are all together to be cleaning out our lockers. So in my attempt to make it up to you, I’ve already enlisted a few guys, myself included of course, who are sticking around Chicago for a bit to be on call when you guys need help moving all your shit in, whenever you want or become overwhelmed.”

Patrick grabbed Sharpy’s chin and held it still, looking closely at the older man in mock confusion, “Who are you and what have you done with my friend?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Sharpy laughed, keeping his voice low in case there were any little ears close by. “You assholes helped Abs and I move all our shit into our place so…now we are even.”

“If you say so,” Patrick grinned.

Sharpy returned to his post manning the grill, rapidly producing a pile of hamburgers and hotdogs that were quickly snatched up and inhaled so fast, few people probably even tasted them.

About an hour later, Patrick found himself wandering aimlessly into the house. It was the first time they had been back to the house since they got the key. Between the playoffs, the adoption, and packing, they simply hadn’t had the time to come back since they had signed the contract.

The weather today was gorgeous and there seemed to be a constant stream of people going in and out of the house. A rush of kids ran from the front of the house out to the back and Patrick caught Ryker’s eye, giving the boy a quick smile, as he and Addy cheered happily, along with the other kids, about nothing in particular.

Patrick walked into the living room that was blissfully empty and leaned against the wall just taking everything in. His house in Buffalo had never really become his home, which was why he had sold it a few years back. The last home he had before Jonny was the home he left at 14 to chase after his dream. Of course, he had no clue that the dream he was chasing would eventually morph from hockey to the life they had steadily built together over the last five years.

The furniture was all pushed to one side and they were definitely going to have to get more furniture now that they had more than doubled their living space, but there was something about the idea of buying stuff for their new house together that made his stomach tighten and his pulse flare up. A lot of what they had at the condo and what they brought with them had been Jonny’s. Patrick wasn’t particularly attached to most of the stuff at his old condo, and he had just let pretty much everything go when he had sold the condo as well. Now, though, he was ready for them to really make this house their own.

Patrick walked up the stairs letting his hand drag up the smooth, heavy mahogany of the banister as he went, and followed a set of voices coming from Ryker’s room. As he approached the room he recognized the voices of his and Jonny’s dads.

“It really shouldn’t be this difficult to put together a damn platform bed.” His dad grumbled. Patrick poked his head into the room but neither noticed.

“Are we missing a piece,” Bryan asked as he looked around where they were crouched on the floor with boards and what looked like a million screws and oddly shaped pieces scattered all around them. “These damn directions are shit. I could probably build a bed quicker than it is going to take to put this thing together.”

“Surely between the two of us, we can get this done,” Patrick’s dad declared, snatching the directions off the chair beside them and flattening it on the floor. 

The two of them looked entirely uncomfortable, both still in their suits from the hearing, now minus their jackets. Patrick should probably go in, let them off the hook and make Jonny help him do it, but a small part of him liked seeing the two working together. Their moms were always on the phone with each other, discussing everything from new recipes to whatever particular jackass stunt Patrick or Jonny pulled at the moment. But their dads never really had the chance to do their own thing outside of whatever their wives or children had already planned when they all got together.

“My grandson’s not sleeping on the floor his first night here, dammit,” Jonny’s dad declared, pulling at his tie with his finger to loosen it.

Patrick’s dad knocked his knuckles against Bryan’s arm to get his attention. “How about that, though? I love Addy more than life itself, and I know you do too, but there is something about that grandson of ours, huh?”

Bryan nodded, sitting back on the heels of his feet, “He sure is a great kid. I think the boys were smart to finally see what was right in front of them.”

“That kid needed them something fierce,” Bryan agreed. “But I think they needed him just as bad. Addy was a blessing in disguise, but Ryker has settled something in them.”

“Funny how kids’ll do that to you?”

Patrick slipped away from the room. He had to leave before he started openly crying or something equally embarrassing, and ruined the moment. Hearing their dads talking so openly with each other, so approvingly, was almost too much to handle. Patrick was used to overhearing people talking about him in not so flattering ways when they didn’t think he was around. Hearing them sound almost proud of what he and Jonny were doing was something he never really expected before. So he would let them work on the bed, let it be their surprise when they were finished. He looked into Addy’s room and sure enough, her bed was already assembled. Though not as intricate as Ryker’s, that was one less thing he and Jonny would have to worry about after everyone left later on, and for that Patrick was immensely grateful. At this point, Patrick had seriously been contemplating just picking a room and building another fort on the floor for the four of them to sleep in again.

Patrick made his way towards his and Jonny’s room but stopped short when he heard more voices, he continued forward after and as he got closer the voices sounded upset, and he was pretty sure one of the voices was his sister. Never really being one for tactful acts and rational thought processes when his sisters were upset about something, Patrick opened the door with a little more force than he had planned, startling the two people standing in the middle of the nearly bare room.

There standing, much to Patrick’s surprise, in the middle of the room was Jackie and David. His sister had her arms crossed against her chest, while David looked downright deflated.

“What’s going on?” Patrick asked taking in the sight in front of him, but he didn’t get an answer. “Jacks, what the fuck is going on?” Patrick tried to control his voice and not sound so shaky but Jackie was clearly upset about something, if her smudged mascara and shaky hands. Patrick suddenly felt like he needed to do something, anything, to make it better. He couldn’t deal with his sisters being upset, especially not Jacks, after everything she had done for him since Addy came into the picture.

Jackie shook her head, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy. Across from her, David was looking at her expectantly.

“David,” Patrick warned, not really sure why his sister and Jonny’s brother were arguing, but it was clear that that was what was happening. “Someone tell me what the fuck is going on. Why are you both in here arguing and why is my sister crying?”

David stayed silent as he gestured towards Jackie, like he was trying to encourage her to talk. After a moment Jackie huffed loudly and spun around to face Patrick. She was clearly pissed but there was an underlying fear behind her eyes that startled Patrick and made him want to hug her and never let go. Whatever she was scared about, surely Patrick could make it better. He wasn’t used to seeing that, not from Jackie. She was the one he could always talk to, the one that was always strong. What the hell could possibly be scaring her?

Jackie squared her shoulders and stepped closer to Patrick. “You really want to know?”

Patrick was pretty sure he didn’t based on every gut instinct he had at the moment. He nodded.

David moved closer to Jackie and wrapped his arm around her waist supportively. Jackie relaxed against him slightly. A subtle move that did not go unnoticed by Patrick. All it did was confuse him even more.

“Okay, fine. I’m pregnant.” The words hung heavy in the air. Jackie sucked in a defiant breath before continuing, “The baby is David’s. I love him, Patrick. Although right now I really kind of fucking hate him for making me do this,” Jackie crossed her arms over her chest and turned more into David’s grasp, who returned the motion with a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Mom and dad don’t know about this, no one does, well except for you now.”

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK?

“You’re pregnant?” Patrick stuttered, “You’re pregnant and the baby is his?”

Patrick’s fists clenched at his sides as he looked to David, who was still holding Jackie close to him. He’d always gotten along with David, always had a great relationship with him but the fact was, Patrick’s sister was standing in front of him crying and it was all David’s fault. Patrick wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of him right now

Patrick stalked towards David without a word. Jackie moved in front of David separating the two men. “Move out of the way Jacks,” Patrick’s voice turned gravely, his eyes locking with David’s.

David wove his arm around Jackie’s waist, trying to move her to the side and out of the way. Patrick’s eyes flashed. “Don’t fucking touch her. You are so fucking done. If you touch her again I will wipe the floor with your fucking face. Look what the fuck you did…she’s pregnant with your kid and now you’ve made her cry!”

David held his hands up defensively, “Patrick, it’s not what you think. Calm down and we can talk about this.”

“Fuck you, I’ll calm down,” Patrick went to lunge at David but before he could a pair of hands grabbed tightly around his waist to hold him back. He struggled for a moment against the grip but he wasn’t going anywhere. He looked behind him to find Jonny standing there off to his side.

Jonny was looking back and forth between everyone, completely shocked. He eased his grip on Patrick, only slightly, sensing the tension in the room, and in Patrick’s body.

“I was looking for you,” Jonny explained to Patrick, his voice barely above a whisper, “what happened? Patrick? David? Jacks. Someone say something.”

Patrick stared at Jackie without saying anything, not even close to backing down. Jackie threw her arms in the air, resigned to the fact that this would no longer be a secret.

“Your brother got my sister pregnant and I found them up here arguing and she was crying. I don’t know what he did to her and frankly I don’t care. He’s done enough,” Patrick spat out.

“What the fuck?” Jonny moved between Patrick and David, standing closer to David so he could see Patrick better.

“Hold the fuck up,” Jackie yelled, getting everyone’s attention. “First of all, Patrick, I love you, but you do not get to make decisions for me and this whole macho bullshit is well past its expiration date. THIS is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you, because today is about Ryker, not this.” She paused taking a deep breath before continuing, “and frankly, I knew you would react like a fucking Neanderthal. But David thought we needed to tell everyone tonight after everyone else left and it was just our families. Everyone is flying out tomorrow and he thought it would be best to tell everyone face-to-face. That is what we were arguing about. So if you want to continue being an asshole, just know that David was the one that wanted to tell you, not me.”

“We all need to just calm down,” Jonny cautioned breaking the silence first, “we have got a lot of family and friends and a bunch of kids running all over the place. Now isn’t the time for a fight...”

Patrick staggered back as if Jackie had actually slapped him across the face. “Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

Jackie motioned between Patrick and David, with Jonny still standing cautiously in the middle. “You almost attacked David, Patrick. You act like I am this fragile little thing that will shatter into a million pieces, and you always scare off any guy I’ve even tried to just talk to since moving to Chicago.”

Jonny could tell that any fight that Patrick had in him was now gone, he stepped back. He couldn’t believe what was happening. Davey and Jacks? When the hell did this even start happening?

Patrick’s eyes softened, “Nobody is good enough for you, Jacks.”

Jackie reached out and took Patrick’s hand in between hers, “Patty, that is for me to decide. Not you.”

“How long have you two been together and how did we not know?” Jonny asked, still searching for any clues that he might have missed.

“Since last Christmas when we all got together in Buffalo,” Jackie kept her eyes fixed on Patrick, not breaking eye contact, not backing down. “David flies down when he can. It sucks to be separated all the time but we’ve made it work. That first weekend you had Ryker was the last time we saw each other. I’m just over four weeks pregnant so…”

Patrick remained unmoving, “How long have you known you were pregnant?”

“A week.” Jackie answered ducking her head sheepishly.

“You’ve known for a week,” Patrick’s eyes went wide, “and you didn’t say anything?”

Jackie narrowed her eyes at Patrick, trying not to laugh, “I just told David. I love you, but there is no way I was telling you before I told him. I wanted to tell him in person but not until everything else had calmed down.”

Patrick looked to David, willing his nerves to remain in check. “And you?”

David stepped in slightly closer to Jackie, “I wanted to tell everyone at the same time. We’re all taking off tomorrow going our separate ways and who knows the next time we’ll all be together and by then Jackie will probably be showing. I don’t want this to be a secret,” David pleaded, looking between Jackie and Patrick. “I know you probably hate me, Patrick, but I am not ashamed of any of this.”

“You’ve been sneaking around behind our backs…”

“Because you make it your mission to police my love-life, Patrick,” Jackie shook her head. “You have to ease up…did you really think I was never going to meet someone or fall in love…have children?”

Patrick shrugged his shoulders, blushing, “I just…when I think about you being with someone and them hurting you, I can’t even think straight. You’re my sister. I never really got to protect you growing up because I left. When you guys had dick head boyfriends who hurt you and I was so far away, it killed me. I’m supposed to beat up your jackass boyfriends when they make you cry.”

“We are not little anymore, Patty,” Jackie smiled. “David didn’t make me cry, at least not in the way you are thinking. I was just afraid this would cause a bunch of problems within the family. Today was supposed to be such a happy day I didn’t want to upset everyone.”

Jonny moved so he was standing beside Patrick, he reached out and poked Jackie’s side with a smile. “Despite your well-meaning but highly-misguided brother’s reaction, this baby isn’t going to cause any problems. I don’t think anyone is going to be upset about this, surprised, yes, but I can assure you that everything will be okay. Patrick and I will make sure of it.”

Patrick made himself relax. Jonny was right and so was Jackie. It wasn’t fair to keep Jackie from living her life while he lived his own. It still went against everything he felt as her brother but that was his thing to deal with.

Patrick moved forward and gathered Jackie up in his arms and held her tight. “I still don’t think anyone is good enough for you.”

“I know,” Jackie laughed into his neck, her falling tears catching on Patrick’s neck and the collar of his dress shirt.

“No offense David.”

David laughed, “None taken.”

Jonny put a hand on Patrick’s arm, resting his other hand on Patrick’s back, rubbing gently. “We need to let them talk, Patrick. I think they still have a lot of stuff to figure out.”

Patrick nodded, kissing Jackie’s hair and pulled away, “I love you.”

Jonny clapped his brother’s shoulder, leaning in to hug Jackie quickly. 

“Congratulations,” he threw over his shoulder as he pulled Patrick out of the room and shut the door behind them.

 

*

 

After the last of the party-goers had left and the kids were upstairs digging into the half a dozen boxes of toys they could reach, Jackie and David told their families that Jackie was pregnant. For about 5 seconds no one even moved as they all tried to process the information, that was until Andree jumped up and hugged both Jackie and David, speaking a weird mixture of French and English. That spurred everyone into action and for the next 20 minutes there had been an endless amount of hugs, back-slapping, laughing and tears. Patrick noticed Erica and Jess looking specifically at him for his reaction but he just smiled and shook his head.

About an hour later, after the last of their families had left, Jonny and Patrick split up to get the kids ready for bed. Patrick took bathroom duty, getting Addy scrubbed up in the bathtub while Jonny and Ryker threw whatever sheets and blankets they could find on the beds. Patrick handed off a towel-wrapped Addy to Jonny to get dressed and then Patrick helped Ryker find his pajamas and toothbrush before sending the boy off to take a shower.

Their dads had gotten both of the kids’ beds assembled but had left them on their own to put their bed together, after they nearly gave up half-way through Ryker’s bed. While Ryker was showering, Jonny and Patrick, with Addy’s help, made their bed up, which really just consisted of their mattress on the floor. But after everything from the day, Patrick was pretty sure he could sleep standing up so he wasn’t going to start complaining about the sleeping arrangements.

Jonny tucked Addy in while Patrick said goodnight to Ryker, before they switched off once more, closing the doors softly behind them when both kids were down for the count.

Patrick pushed off from where he was leaning against the door, hooking his finger in the belt loop of Jonny’s dress slacks, pulling him towards their room.

“Long day,” Jonny grunted.

“I hate your brother,” Patrick said but Jonny could see the corner of his mouth pulling up.

Jonny grinned, “Yeah but apparently your sister loves him so…”

Patrick shoved Jonny playfully into their room. They stopped to look around. Their mattress lay in the middle of the floor, covered in Addy’s favorite pink and black polka dot blanket that she insisted they use. The two dressers they had were shoved up against the furthest wall surrounded by a mound of boxes and duffle bags.

“I know one thing,” Patrick sighed, “this will be the house I die in because I’m never moving again. I don’t even know where to start.”

Jonny laughed, “We start by getting out of these damn suits, getting showers and then sleeping until the minions wake us up at the ass crack of dawn.” Jonny walked Patrick towards the bathroom picking a couple towels out of a box by the door and tossing them at Patrick’s head. “Go!” before following himself.

Thirty minutes later they were showered, and had finally found their pajamas and were lying in bed.

“Do you realize how much stuff we have to do tomorrow?” Patrick asked. “We have so much to unpack and so much we still need to go buy.”

“Maybe we can talk Uncle Hammer into taking the kids to Ikea and getting them whatever they want,” Jonny suggested biting his lip.

Patrick curled into Jonny’s side letting a small laugh out, “Yeah right, those kids would eat him alive. He’s already scared enough of Addy as it is.”

“Then I say we just go one room at a time,” Jonny pulled Patrick closer. “The kitchen will probably take about half an hour because we’ve got nothing for that, but we do need to go to the grocery store…do we even have anything here for breakfast?”

Patrick thought for a second, “IHOP?”

“How did they ever let us have one kid, let alone two? At least we have running water, I guess.” Jonny reasoned. Things really had been chaotic recently but they probably should have made sure they had actual food in the house. “Okay, IHOP, then the grocery store first thing after that. We’ll bring that stuff back and then we’ll just go from there, but we have to get food.”

“Bananas and peanut butter for Addy,” Jonny said as he began to make a mental list in his head, Patrick nodded.

“Eggs and ketchup for Ryker,” Patrick added, Jonny scrunched his nose at that thought. “It really does look like bloody brains, it’s so disgusting!” that drew an actual shiver from Jonny. Patrick laughed into his shoulder.

A soft knock at their door was followed quickly by Addy throwing the door wide, running and jumping on the mattress.

“What are you two doing out of bed, Bug?” Patrick asked as he tugged on Addy’s oversized shirt until she stopped jumping up and down by his knees. Ryker was standing at the foot of the mattress looking both hopeful and embarrassed.

“I couldn’t sleep and I went to Ryker’s room and he couldn’t sleep either,” Addy said pouting out her bottom lip, “so we want to sleep with you and Papa.”

“We talked about this, Buggy,” Jonny warned.

“I know,” Addy whined, “but the new house is scary.”

Patrick looked to Jonny. It probably was a little weird sleeping in a new house, in a new room all by yourself. Jonny rolled his eyes but threw back the blanket. Patrick smiled brightly.

“Come on monster,” Patrick growled playfully, “but only for tonight.” Addy happily climbed up the mattress, but Ryker still hesitated. “You coming kiddo?” Patrick asked him.

The boy’s face relaxed as he crawled up the mattress. Patrick ducked down to kiss Jonny’s shoulder before scooting over to the other side of the mattress so both kids could fit between them. Addy positioned herself practically half on top of Patrick and Ryker happily squeezed in between Addy and Jonny. It took a few minutes until everyone got situated, which meant as it always did, that Addy ended up with her left hand buried in Patrick’s hair, twisting the longer strands between her fingers. It had been something she had been doing since she was little and Patrick would lay down to take naps with her. He remembered Jess always wanting to play with his hair when they were little. His mom said it was a security thing.

“Daddy,” Addy whispered.

“Yeah Bug?” Patrick whispered back.

“Even though the new house scared me when I was in my own bed, I do like it,” Addy assured Patrick as she leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Night, Daddy,”

“I’m glad, Buggy. Night.” Patrick lifted his head up to see Jonny, but Jonny and Ryker were already asleep, curled in towards each other with only the top of Ryker’s head poking out from underneath the blanket. Patrick smiled. Until he had actually started sharing a bed regularly with Jonny, he had always slept with the blanket pulled up over his head. This was just another small detail that reminded Patrick of just how perfectly Ryker fit in their little family.

The four of them were sleeping on a mattress on the floor with their entire lives boxed up and spread all over the large house and they had so much to do, it was almost dizzying. But everything that Patrick loved was crammed onto the mattress on the floor of their new home and the more Patrick thought about it the more he knew it was pretty fucking worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Was it even a little worth the wait? I am really HOPING that the next chapter will be up soooo much sooner than this one!! Let me know what you are thinking, it helps me moving forward more than you might realize!!


	10. Don't leave...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the good, the bad and the fluffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got this one up a little bit quicker than I had been!! We're in the swing for the second half so start preparing yourselves, lol!! Big things are ahead...

It had been a month since they brought Ryker home. Slowly but surely they were settling into their own weirdly normal routine. Today was the day that the routine was going to be shaken up a little. Patrick had an event that afternoon to help welcome home some military servicemen and women coming back from overseas, so he and Jonny had gotten up early to make breakfast so that he could spend some time with the kids before he had to leave. Patrick realized, belatedly, that this was probably the first time he had gone anywhere without the kids or Jonny all summer.

Was it odd that he didn’t actually find that strange?

By some miracle, they had actually managed to wake up before the kids and were able to get a couple cups of coffee in each before little feet could be heard moving around upstairs. They had already argued over what to make for breakfast…Patrick had won and Jonny was still grumbling as he fried the bacon, real bacon, in the skillet when Ryker and Addy made their way into the kitchen. Addy was dressed in her favorite pair of Blackhawk footie pajamas from Uncle Bur that let her slide all over the hardwood floors, and Ryker was wearing one of Patrick’s old Buffalo Regals shirts his mom had dug up a while back.

When the bacon was done frying and Jonny had trudged out of the kitchen to start some laundry, Patrick started in on the pancakes. He made some fucking boss pancakes, if he did say so himself. He let Ryker and Addy sit on the counter and watch as he dramatically flipped the pancakes in the pan, much to their delight. He flubbed on a few attempts but whatever, the first few of the batch were always lame. He’d make Jonny eat those.

He dug out some of the cut fruit they always had on hand from the fridge and snuck each of the kids a handful of chocolate chips, letting them toss them into the batter for the next set of pancakes.

“Really?” Jonny had groaned when he came back into the kitchen and seen the chocolate in the kids’ hands, mumbling something about needing to make better healthy eating choices.

When he turned his back to load the dishwasher, still complaining more to himself than anything, Patrick motioned for Ryker and Addy to dump the rest of the chocolate into the pan, quickly flipping the pancakes over before Jonny turned around. Jonny stood up when the giggling grew louder, rolling his eyes at Patrick who just shrugged his shoulders feigning innocence.

When the pancakes were done, Jonny helped Ryker and Addy down from the counter so they could help set the table. They put chopped up strawberries and raspberries on top of their chocolate chip pancakes, snatched up a couple pieces of bacon, poured an ungodly amount of syrup on top that made Jonny stare in disbelief and they all sat down at the table to eat.

Addy curled her feet under her so she was tall enough to not need a booster, “like a baby” she had protested the first time they had sat down at the new table. Ryker tucked a napkin into the collar of his shirt, just as Jonny was doing the same. No one talked much at first, shoveling food into their mouths, but it only took a few minutes before Addy started chattering away. Typical Addy. She talked to herself often, or off-handedly to anyone who would listen, not so much preferring a response but just knowing someone was listening.

“Do I have a mommy?” Addy asked out of the blue.

Patrick started choking on his pancake. Jonny slapped his back to help clear the food. “What made you ask that, Bug?” Jonny cautioned.

“Ryker had a mommy and a daddy, Maddy has a mommy and daddy, Brooks and Flash have mommies and daddies,” Addy counted off on her fingers, “but Crystal has two mommies and I have two daddies. Aunt Abby is gonna have a baby like Aunt Jacks. Can daddies have babies too?”

Patrick just stared at the little girl for a moment. She wasn’t even four yet…shouldn’t they have at least a couple more years before this particular conversation came up?

Jonny glanced over at Patrick, a hint of worry clouding his eyes. Patrick took a deep breath and nodded. They had always said they weren’t going to lie to Addy about how they got her. It just seemed like they would have more time to prepare than this.

Patrick thought for a moment, trying to figure out what exactly he wanted to say and how he was going to say it. “Remember when we talked about how boys and girls are different when you accidently walked in on Ryker taking a shower?” Patrick asked.

Addy nodded her head, “Yes, Daddy, and that is why it is always nice to knock.”

Patrick laughed, unable to stop himself from leaning over to kiss her still-messy hair, “That’s very good, Buggy. But yes boys and girls are different and girls are extra special because they are the ones who grow babies in their bellies, like Aunt Jacks and Aunt Abby.”

Of course there was the logistics that some women couldn’t have babies and some women didn’t want to have babies, but Patrick figured that was still just a little too advanced a concept for Addy to understand, even though she always surprised them with how well she was able to comprehend most situations. Patrick hoped they still had a couple more years, at least, before they would have to dive into those issues among others.

“So only mommies can have babies,” Addy nodded her head, “not daddies?”

“That’s right, baby girl,” Jonny said. Ryker was listening intently to their conversation but continued eating rather than commenting.

“Who is my mommy, then?”

Jonny stood up and grabbed his chair, placing it closer beside Patrick and sitting down. While they had agreed to not lie to Addy about being adopted, they had also agreed to not give her the name of her biological mother until she was older, and only then if she wanted to know about her. They had a copy of her original birth certificate of course, with her mother’s name on it, stashed safely in the fire-proof safe at the back of their closet with all their other important documents. The woman’s name didn’t mean anything to Patrick, but Jonny felt like he was sitting on a ticking time-bomb because he knew the name. He had recognized it as soon as he saw it at the courthouse all those years before.

Jonny shook his head to try and clear his thoughts. “You know how we talked about how sometimes mommies and daddies can’t take care of their babies so they have to let someone else take care of them?” That particular discussion had happened one day when they had come back from visiting Ryker at the orphanage, Addy had asked if all the kids’ mommies and daddies had died like Ryker’s. That seemingly innocent question had spawned a whole 3-year-old-appropriate conversation about adoption.

Addy nodded, frowning.

“Well your mommy couldn’t take care of you, but she loved you so much and she wanted you to have the best life,” Jonny ran his fingers through the unruly curls on Addy’s head, “And Daddy and I loved you from the second we saw you when you were a baby, and we knew right away that we wanted to be your daddies and that we could take care of you.” 

Addy sat back in her chair, carefully thinking over Jonny’s words.

Beside her, Ryker finished the last bite on his plate and entered the conversation for the first time, “So Addy is just like me?”

“Yep,” Patrick grinned, “Addy was very little, just a baby, when we got her, but you both are so special, we knew we wanted you both to be with us and part of our family. We wanted to be your daddies.”

“Even when I got mad and threw all the DVDs on the ground and said you were mean butts?” Addy blushed. That had been a real experience.

“Especially when you got mad and threw all the DVDs on the ground and called us mean butts,” Jonny said as he poked Addy’s belly.

“Listen to me, okay,” Patrick asked in a serious tone, waiting until both Addy and Ryker were focused on him, “nothing either of you can ever do will make us not want you, do you understand? We will fight and get into arguments, and when you get older you will probably hate us and think we are embarrassing,” Ryker smirked at that, but Patrick could tell that Addy didn’t really understand what he was saying. “But you two are so special, okay? We picked you two over everyone else because we love you so much.”

“And hockey too?” Addy smiled brightly as she leaned forward in her chair towards Patrick.

Patrick shook his head, “No Bug, not like hockey.”

Addy’s face fell. Jonny’s hand settled comfortably in the crook of Patrick’s elbow where his arms rested on his legs. Jonny squeezed gently. Patrick didn’t need to look to him to know what he was thinking.

“We love you both infinity times more than hockey!” Jonny declared, laughing when both Addy and Ryker’s faces went slack at what that meant. Infinity was Addy’s favorite number right now because it beat all the other numbers. It was the best number ever, or so she said.

“Infinity times more,” Addy whispered.

Patrick scooped her up into his lap and tickled her until she squealed, “Double infinity times more!!!”

Ryker scooted over into Addy’s now-empty seat, and Jonny reached over to cradle the back of the boy’s head in his hand, “Never forget that, okay?”

 

*

Patrick hadn’t ended up getting home until after the kids were already asleep. He’d stayed with the soldiers returning home and their families long after his intended time, because once he had started talking to each one of them and got to hear about their individual stories, he’d lost track of time. Before he knew it, the sun had already set. He had apologized for monopolizing their time and said his goodbyes.

Jonny was wandering around the living room, picking up stray toys from behind and underneath the furniture when Patrick finally arrived home.

“Are they already asleep?” Patrick asked, hopeful the kids would still be awake, even though he already knew the answer.

Jonny shook his head, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Patrick shrugged, closing the distance between him and Jonny. He wrapped his arms around Jonny’s waist, remembering the unabashed looks of love, relief and pure joy that the spouses and family of the soldiers had had. He had stood back and given them their moments before ducking in to introduce himself, but when he had watched their reactions, seeing the men and women clad in their fatigues finally walk through the doors. He’d been overcome with this overwhelming need to see Jonny, to touch him and to feel him. He never really gave it much thought before, but he was suddenly so grateful for the fact that their jobs allowed them to be together and not apart. Patrick wasn’t sure if he could be anywhere near as strong as those families had been.

“Hey,” Jonny whispered, rubbing his hands up and down Patrick’s back, pulling the blonde closer to him, “you okay?”

“Yeah, just promise you will never leave me like that. That you will spend the rest of your life right here, chained to me…because I couldn’t do that.” It didn’t take much for Jonny to figure out what ‘that’ was. Patrick always became extra emotional whenever he did one of two things; visited with children and worked with veterans.

“That’s kind of always been the plan,” Jonny assured Patrick, kissing him softly before pulling away. “Bed? You look like you are about to drop.”

Patrick nodded, twisting his fingers between Jonny’s as he led the way, turning off the lights as they went and making sure the doors were locked before heading up the stairs. Patrick couldn’t help the compulsion that clawed at him to look in on Ryker and Addy. He just really needed to see them safe and asleep in their beds.

“How is it that I feel like I could pass out while standing up right now, but you’ve had the kids all day and look like you could still go a few more hours?” Patrick laughed, as he stripped out of his dress shirt and slacks, digging in a drawer to pull out a pair of worn, soft pajama pants that may or may not have at one time belonged to Jonny.

“Emotions can take a lot out of you,” Jonny said, running the pad of his finger across the contour of Patrick’s cheek bone, just under the slight redness around Patrick’s eyes. Patrick had never been one to shy away from or hide his emotions. It was one of the things that Jonny loved the most about him, one of the reasons he was so drawn to him in the beginning. Patrick took a lot of good-natured ribbing for it but Jonny always admired that he was unwilling to compromise or hide what he felt. It was endearing but, more than that, the confidence that came with being that open was one of Patrick’s most attractive qualities. “Besides, I can feel the crash coming on now that everything has settled down. We played pretty hard all day.”

Jonny quickly changed into a pair of lightweight sweats, laughing when Patrick all but face-planted onto their bed. “Up,” he demanded, pulling the comforter back so they could both climb in.

Jonny moved towards the middle of the bed, holding his arm open for Patrick to burrow into his side like he always did. Patrick positioned their pillows around them to his liking, turned onto his side and tangled their legs together, hooking his ankle around Jonny’s calf.

“You good?” Jonny laughed.

Patrick deliberately snuggled deeper, throwing his hand around Jonny’s waist and then nodded, “Yep, good now.”

Neither one of them spoke for a few minutes. Jonny ran his hand absentmindedly up and down Patrick’s arm as Patrick took to drawing nonsensical patterns with the tip of his fingers around Jonny’s belly button. It tickled just a little, but Jonny especially loved moments like these. They weren’t overly handsy most of the time. Having one and then two kids will ensure that you hardly have time to yourself, let alone to enjoy the presence of anyone else. But moments like this, when Patrick was in an extra-tactile mood, were sometimes better than the frenzied, rush of a few stolen minutes or the frenetic entanglement of limbs, hands, hot breath and swallowed moans after the kids have fallen asleep and before they are no longer able to keep their eyes open themselves.

No, this was better. Lazy hands and no space between them with no intention of pushing things further…no marathon of emotions and feelings that can cloud their minds and steal their thoughts. Sometimes less really was more.

“So, what did you guys do today?” Patrick yawned, burying the long moan of exhaustion in Jonny’s neck.

“Ryker seemed a little quiet after you left, but after watching The Mighty Ducks with Addy and eating lunch, he was back to form.” Jonny squirmed when Patrick kissed his neck softly, tickling the sensitive skin. “Addy talked us into playing Warriors and Dragons – I was the dragon of course – and then we went outside and ran around until it was time for dinner. Then after we cleaned up from dinner and they got washed up, they played in Ryker’s room until Addy fell asleep on the floor and I walked in to find Ryker building a fort around her.” Jonny laughed, remembering the sight of Addy snoring on the carpet, surrounded by a multicolored wall outlining her small frame. “I took a picture of it on my cell. I’ll show you in the morning.”

Patrick hummed into his skin, “She made me be the dragon the other day. I think it’s just an excuse for them to use us as a personal jungle-gym,” Patrick laughed quietly. He was starting to crash. His voice was wavering and it was getting harder and harder to focus on what he was actually trying to say.

Jonny shifted, turning onto his side so he was facing Patrick. He pulled the blonde flush against his body, fitting them together as they had a million times before. Patrick sighed contentedly against his chest. Jonny nosed playfully against Patrick’s hair until Patrick snorted softly, raising his chin up. He knew what Jonny wanted – a proper kiss before bed, it was their bedtime tradition – but he could still make him work for it a bit. Jonny ducked down ghosting his lips over Patrick’s so minutely that Patrick had to lean in to garner more contact.

“I love you, Patrick.” Jonny whispered against Patrick’s lips.

Even though Patrick was seconds away from sleep, tucking his head in between Jonny’s neck and the pillow, he still responded, “I love you too.”

 

*

 

“Daddy, Papa, wake up. Something is wrong with RyRy.” Addy yelled, while flinging the door to their bedroom open.

Patrick and Jonny shot up in bed at the same time, and that was when they could hear Ryker crying and screaming all the way down the hall.

“He won’t wake up,” Addy nearly sobbed as Jonny and Patrick hurried out of bed. Patrick picked Addy up on his way out of the door, hoisting her onto his hip.

Ryker had been having what Lila, his social worker, had described as night terrors, off and on since he had come home and up until now they had been able to keep Addy from seeing him when it happened. It was incredibly terrifying to watch his little body and his little mind have to contend with such a phantom terror, and they were adults. It sounded like Addy had tried to go in and wake him up, which Patrick and Jonny both knew was easier said than done.

Jonny caught Patrick’s eye before ducking into the room where the crying was getting even louder. Patrick kissed the top of Addy’s head as she buried her face against his chest, pulling desperately at his neck as he took her downstairs, promising that Papa would make Ryker all better. Jonny seemed to be able to get through to Ryker and calm him down better than Patrick, so Patrick would sit with Addy downstairs, curled up on the couch until things calmed down.

Lila had explained to them that Ryker sometimes had these night terrors when he was at the orphanage. She had explained to them, in great detail, what to be on the lookout for. They were usually brought on by some kind of change, no matter how small, that seemed significant enough to disrupt Ryker’s psyche, and the day following the episode would leave Ryker mentally and physically exhausted. On the days after Ryker’s episodes, Jackie would come and pick up Addy for the day so Jonny and Patrick could focus all their energy and attention on Ryker, assuring him that everything would be okay. The last one had been the worst yet. Afterwards, he had spent the entire day not letting either of them out of his sight.

It took a second for Jonny’s eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room, save for the small nightlight by the closet, but he quickly spotted the thrashing boy and made his way over. Hovering over Ryker wasn’t a good idea because when he woke up and saw anyone, even Jonny, over top of him, it made things even worse. So Jonny grabbed the desk chair and pulled it beside the bed and sat down. He placed his hand gently over Ryker’s heaving chest, being careful not to apply any pressure but started a slow, constant sweep of his thumb over the boy’s heated skin just under his collarbone.

“Ryker,” Jonny spoke clearly but not forcefully, “Ryker, you are okay, you are having a bad dream. Can you open your eyes?”

Jonny waited a moment but the boy didn’t respond, his eyes squeezed shut as his moaning turning into a low groan.

Jonny started talking again. “Ryker, buddy, try to open your eyes. You are in your bed in your room. Whatever you see it isn’t real.”

Ryker’s hand flew up to grab ahold of Jonny’s thumb against the his chest.

“That’s right, Ryker, it’s me…it’s Jonny. Listen to my voice…follow it. I need you to open your eyes.”

Ryker started screeching at that moment, his chest rising violently under Jonny’s hand. His grip on Jonny hand was so tight it had to be hurting the boy, but Jonny doubted it was even registering. Jonny reached up, weaving his arm under Ryker’s head, cradling his head against his chest until he was half standing, half on the bed. Jonny reached up, placing his hand against Ryker’s cheek, his thumb padding back and forth threw the tear tracks.

“Don’t go! Don’t leave.” Ryker started shouting.

“Come on buddy, open your eyes. You are okay, I promise. Just open your eyes.” Jonny pleaded.

Ryker stopped yelling suddenly as his body started convulsing in what Jonny, by now, knew was a sign that he was finally coming to. He was so tense and rigid that when he started to wake up and try to relax, his body would start to spasm as it fought to regain control.

Jonny ran his hand up and down the boy’s arm in a calming manner, “There you go, can you hear me? Everything is okay, you are just fine. Can you open your eyes for me?”

Ryker’s eyes remained pinched shut for a few seconds, tears still squeezing out the sides, but he eventually managed to open his eyes, trying to focus in on Jonny’s face.

Jonny smiled down at the boy, relief washing over him. This had been the worst one yet by far. “Everything is okay, Ryker. You just had a really bad dream,” Jonny whispered. He went to pull away a bit so he wasn’t smothering the boy, but Ryker held onto his arm with a death grip, shaking his head rapidly. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

“Don’t leave.” Ryker nearly cried out, hiccupping with a sudden resurgence of fear.

“Was it the wreck again?” Jonny asked. Lila had told them that talking with Ryker after an episode was beneficial because it helped him to understand what was real and what wasn’t. The few times that this had happened before had all been about the wreck that killed his parents.

Ryker shook his head sniffling, “No, it was about Patrick.”

“Patrick?” Jonny asked confused. Why would Ryker have such a horrible dream about Patrick?

Ryker nodded quickly, “He left and never came back, just like my mom and dad and…” he started crying again, hiccups taking over his body once more.

Now it made sense, when Patrick had left today, it was the first time since Ryker had come home that either of them had left without taking the kids with them.

“How about I go get you some water…would you feel better if you saw Patrick?” Jonny asked.

Ryker nodded once more but his eyes widened slightly when Jonny started to pull away.

“I’m just going to go downstairs really quickly and then Patrick will be right back, okay?”

“Okay.” Ryker sniffled.

Jonny slipped out of the room but left the door cracked to let even more light filter in. He jogged down the stairs to get the water but stopped when he spotted Patrick and Addy on the couch. Addy was asleep in Patrick’s lap and Patrick had his head back against the back of the couch, asleep as well.

“Pat, babe, wake up,” Jonny said quietly, trying not to wake Addy up.

Patrick jolted awake but managed to not move too much, “How’s Ryker?”

“He really needs to see you. I think he had a dream that you got in a wreck or something…like his parents…because you left earlier today.”

Patrick sighed. He should have known something like this could happen. Now he felt awful.

Jonny lifted Addy off of Patrick’s lap and onto his chest. Her arms and legs wrapped around him instantly but she was still lightly snoring. “Grab a glass of water on your way up, okay?”

Patrick nodded, running his hands over his face. Jonny leaned down to kiss Patrick before he walked carefully up the stairs with Addy securely in his arms. Patrick grabbed a glass of water, and made his way up the stairs. He peeked cautiously into the room not wanting to scare Ryker anymore than he already had.

Ryker was buried under his Dinosaur blanket but he scrambled out from under it when he saw Patrick. Patrick had just enough time to put the glass of water down on the dresser before Ryker launched himself against Patrick’s chest. Patrick just held the boy, swaying slightly back and forth as Ryker’s hands swept over his back and into his hair as if he needed the extra reassurance that Patrick was really, truly there.

After a few minutes, Patrick walked them back to the bed. He placed Ryker onto the sheets, following him onto the bed when a flash of fear clouded the boy’s eyes.

Patrick hugged Ryker closer, tightening his hold just shy of too much around the boy’s tiny body. “Are you okay kiddo?”

“Don’t leave,” Ryker sobbed into his neck.

Patrick knew he couldn’t promise to never leave, but he really didn’t want to lie to him either. This was something far bigger than he or Jonny were going to be able to handle on their own without some kind of help or guidance. First thing in the morning he was going to call Lila and see what she suggested as being their best course of action.

The fact of the matter was, they were going to have to leave him at some point. Patrick and Jonny both, and sometimes for long periods of time. They were going to have to figure out how to make this as easy as possible for Ryker before the next season started, because Patrick wasn’t too sure if he could actually leave if this is what would happen every time. He could never knowingly put this kind of stress on Ryker.

Patrick repositioned them so they were both laying on the bed, with Ryker back under the covers but still pressed as close to Patrick as possible.

Patrick thought again about the boy’s plea to not leave, rubbing circles against Ryker’s back. “Everything is going to be okay. I promise.” It saddened Patrick to realize that that was the best he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think/are thinking about this chapter and the fic so far!! This chapter dealt with a few issues that I think are important to the fic and will not be just a one and done kind of thing!!


	11. We're Going To Beat This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life really fucking sucks...is all I can say in regards to why this took so long!! I almost lost my job and all my kids (I work at a daycare) because my boss is an incompetent asshole who went on vacation for a week and scheduled us well over our limit and we had to scramble the entire week to try to make things right while she was sitting by the pool in Florida...and school and life in general all kind of crumbled because of it. I wasn't able to work on this like I wanted to, but trust me that I did. This story is always in my head and on my mind but unfortunately I have to push it aside to deal with other things going on.
> 
> This chapter is unbeta'd because my lovely beta is also having time issues and with finals coming up I just couldn't wait any longer to post this. So if it is horrible, it is all on me...any errors/typos/whatthefuckery is all on me!! I'm so sorry in advance!!
> 
> Again, I have been researching for this and will use as much info as possible but I don't want it to become too clinical...plus I do some hand-waving here and there in order to fit what I want with the plot.

The day after Ryker’s last night terror Jonny had called Lila while Ryker had been napping on the couch, his head in Patrick’s lap as Patrick looked over paperwork for his newest charity event. Jonny had explained about Patrick leaving and Ryker’s reaction both right after he’d left and later on that night. Lila gave him the name and number of a psychotherapist that they often worked with at the orphanage who she thought could help.

“Is it us?” Patrick had whispered when Jonny explained what Lila had suggested, “Are we making things worse for him?” Patrick ran his fingers through Ryker’s hair as the boy snored lightly in his lap. They had been so sure that this was the right thing to do…that bringing Ryker into their family was what was supposed to happen. But if this was making him worse…

There were few times Jonny had seen Patrick as distraught as he was at that moment. Patrick’s other hand was curved lightly around Ryker’s arm, his thumb gently moving back and forth. Jonny recognized the motion, Patrick was holding onto Ryker in order to not fall apart.

Jonny wished he could give Patrick the answers he wanted, needed to hear, but he knew he couldn’t because he was just as worried about the very real possibility that somehow they had caused more harm than good to Ryker.

They needed to figure out how to get a handle on the situation before Ryker got any worse.

A week later, Noel Simmonds, the psychotherapist that Lila had recommended, was sitting in their living room in one of the chairs across the coffee table from where they sat on the couch. With the sensitivity required and the fact that they literally were recognized anywhere they went, they had all agreed that it would be better all-around if they met in the quiet comfort of their house instead of the heavily populated area of downtown Chicago where her office was located. Where they were sure to be noticed. They never had a problem with fans approaching them on the street and for the most part, they had always respected their privacy when they were out with the kids, but they didn’t want to chance anything happening that would upset Ryker further. Not when he seemed so small all of a sudden, so fragile.

Ryker and Addy were playing upstairs while the three talked. It was all rather informal but that did nothing to help calm Patrick’s nerves.

“…and the last nightmare happened after you had left for the day, Mr. Kane?”

Patrick nodded. “Patrick, please call me Patrick. And yes, the last one was that night,” Patrick sat up straighter, picking at the seam of his pants and not looking up. “I had no clue it would upset him so much. Everything was good before that, we had breakfast together and he knew I was leaving. He didn’t seem upset before.” Patrick had been struggling with so much guilt since that night. He’d canceled a few upcoming engagements that he’d had on the books, promising to make it up to those involved but he just couldn’t leave again. He’d stuck close to Addy and Ryker ever since. He’d insisted on keeping their bedroom door open in case something happened again. Patrick even found himself waking up in the middle of the night, slumped against the headboard of Ryker’s bed after he had sat with him while he fell asleep.

He just felt so fucking helpless and he hated it.

Noel spoke up, breaking Patrick from his own train of thought. “Ryker isn’t able to control his anxiety any better than you can control your adrenaline when it starts pumping when you get scared. It’s instantaneous and especially with children, much harder to know when exactly it will happen or how to control it.”

“Anxiety?” Jonny leaned forward.

Noel sat up on the edge of the chair, looking squarely at Jonny and Patrick. “There are no real tests I can run as far as blood work or anything like that but from what you have told me and from what I have observed so far, I believe that Ryker is a good candidate for having Separation Anxiety Disorder. It is a more heightened form of Separation Anxiety that occurs in older children and adults that lasts much longer than Separation Anxiety does in small children.”

“Is there a…cure or a treatment or something,” Patrick shook his head, looking desperately back and forth between Jonny and Noel. Jonny reached between them for his hand, lacing their fingers together. “I don’t even know what that means.”

“Mr. Kane…Patrick. Treatment varies based upon severity of the case. With Ryker there are going to be things I will need you both to do on your own with Ryker to help him and I will want to see him once a week to talk to him, unless he has another episode at night in which case I will want to see him the next day. Having lost his parents at an age where he can still remember not only them but the wreck itself, and now trying to find his way in a new family; all of this is building up inside of him and talking to me will hopefully help relieve some of that stress.”

“I mean, did we do the wrong thing by adopting him?” Jonny dropped his voice, as if speaking the words any louder would make them definitely true.

Noel smiled softly at the two of them, “I am not trying to imply that Ryker is unhappy here or that this is somehow a toxic environment for him to be in. On the contrary, from what I have seen of him, he is a very happy boy. But his mind and his heart are at war with each other right now. I can see how much he cares for you but there is an underlying fear when it comes to the two of you.”

“He’s afraid of us?” The breath seemed to knock right out of Jonny at that. Patrick gripped his hand almost to the point of pain.

“He’s afraid of getting close to you, letting you both in,” Noel corrected them, “because he loved his parents and then they died. It is reasonable to assume that he fears that if he loves you the same will happen to you and he will lose more people he loves.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Patrick’s scrubbed at his face with his hands.

“Can I ask you a few questions?” Noel ventured cautiously.

“Of course,” Jonny said, leaning forward to give her his full attention.

“Ryker and your daughter are upstairs playing and from the sounds of it they are having a great time. But he keeps coming down every few minutes to show you something or ask a question. Does he do this often?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Patrick looked to Jonny who was nodding his head. Ryker was always showing them something new, or something he had already shown them a million times before. They’d never really thought anything of it, though.

“Does your daughter do the same?”

“Not really. She’s pretty good about entertaining herself for the most part unless she needs help with something.” Noel nodded, encouraging Patrick to continue, “But until recently it’s always been just her for the most part. I mean, we play with her all the time when we are here but we are gone a lot so she’s pretty used to playing by herself.”

Noel clasped her hands together in her lap. “When Ryker comes down here, when he approaches you he tends to stand so that he is touching one or the both of you, whether it is with your feet pressed together or his hand on your arm or playing with your shirts. He needs that physical contact to keep reassuring himself that you are still here. That you haven’t left him.”

“I just thought he was being inquisitive like kids are at his age,” Jonny reasoned.

Noel made a note on her pad of paper. “The frequency of it is what suggests the abnormality.”

As if on cue, Ryker came running down the stairs with a stack of Legos in his hand.

“Patrick! I’m building a battleship and I want you to be the pilot. Can you come play with us?” Ryker asked, leaning bodily into Patrick, his little elbow resting on Patrick’s knee, thrusting the contraption towards Patrick.

Patrick smiled sadly, pulling Ryker against him, hugging the boy to his side. Ryker didn’t protest, didn’t pull away. In fact, he seemed to melt into the touch. The deep sigh that escaped his lungs wasn’t lost on anyone.

Patrick looked to Noel in alarm. Noel smiled softly at him and nodded.

“Hey kiddo, of course I’ll be your pilot but I need to finish talking to Miss Noel first, okay? As soon as we are done I’ll be up.” Patrick ruffled the boy’s hair.

Ryker smiled toothily up at Patrick before running back up the stairs.

Patrick’s head fell into his hands and Jonny rubbed at his back. How had he not seen this before? How could he and Jonny not get what was happening? They were supposed to be taking care of him and looking out for him, not making it worse. Ryker had been entrusted to them under the belief that they would help heal him but instead they seemed to be ripping open the wound. Patrick kind of felt like he was going to be sick. Jonny’s hand made its way into the hair at Patrick’s neck, rubbing soft circles. Patrick relaxed minutely into the touch.

“It is important to know that there is nothing you or Mr. Toews did wrong,” Noel spoke softly. “This was set into motion long before you ever met Ryker.”

“You said there were things we could do?” Patrick rubbed at his cheek. He needed to be able to do something, anything, to help Ryker work through how scared he must be. “What can we do?”

Noel nodded, “There are things you both can do that can help make things easier because as I understand, you will be gone very frequently with your jobs?”

They both nodded. Though Patrick would be lying if he said he hadn’t been questioning the role that hockey played in his life and what he was and wasn’t willing to give up for it in light of what had been going on recently. He always thought that the only way he would ever stop playing was if he got seriously injured or just got too old to help his team anymore. He had never even considered the possibility that there might be something, or someone, one day that would become more important to him than playing. It was quite shocking how wrong he could have been because he knew without a single doubt that if he had to, he would be done with hockey if it meant his son could be at peace with his own mind and body.

Patrick hoped, with everything he had in him that they would be able to help Ryker without it coming to that type of a decision but Patrick also knew what his decision would be if it ever came down to it.

“Who will be the kids’ primary caregiver while you both are away?” Noel asked, jotting down more notes on the piece of paper.

“My sister.” Patrick answered.

“Okay, the first step is to get Ryker used to being around your sister before you have to leave. Let him get comfortable with her while you both are here. Then I want you to show him the places where you will be going most of the time when you do leave. If there are places you go frequently when you are away, take him there so that he can become familiar with them, so he can picture in his mind where you will be while you are away. This will help to take some of the unknown away.”

Noel waited for this to sink in before starting back up. “Once Ryker has spent some time with your sister, you are going to need to go on some test runs to get him used to you leaving, before you actually have to. Run some errands without the kids or just get away for an hour or two. Help ease him into you having to leave for longer periods of time. But there are two very important keys to this. One, you need to be completely honest with Ryker when you leave. Tell him where you are going and how long you will be gone for. This will give him something of a tangible goal that he can stick to and know when you will be back. It is extremely important that you make sure you will be back on time because this will help build not only his trust in what you are saying to him, but also his security in knowing you WILL come back. Secondly, there will be times when he will be upset and you have to leave, but you are going to have to trust your sister to be able to handle the situation. Set up a time period of when you can call after you have left to check in on things, I usually suggest 20-25 minutes to allow things to calm down, but don’t jump the gun, you will need to be patient.”

“And this will help him overcome this anxiety?” Jonny asked.

Noel chose her words carefully because the truth was, there were no guarantees. “In my experience, these steps, coupled with weekly sessions with me, have proven to be highly effective. But please understand that kids react differently. Some may start to show signs of improvement fairly quickly while others might take longer.”

As Patrick and Jonny said their goodbyes to Noel some time later, Noel tried to reassure them that they would work together in order to help Ryker. They watched as she walked to her car and drove down the driveway before shutting the door.

Patrick locked the door, turning to Jonny. “He’s been through so much already. It’s just really not fucking fair.” Patrick deflated, falling against Jonny’s chest.

Jonny wrapped his arms around Patrick. “I know. I think sometimes we tend to forget because he usually seems so happy and like everything is okay,” Jonny huffed, resting his cheek against the top of Patrick’s head.

“I really thought he was doing so good…that we all were doing so good,” Patrick rubbed his nose against Jonny’s shoulder, muffling his voice.

“We’ll figure it out.” Jonny promised, tightening his grip around Patrick.

Patrick buried his face into the side of Jonny’s neck as Jonny swayed them slightly back and forth in the middle of the foyer.

If Patrick hadn’t left that day, this wouldn’t be happening. If he hadn’t walked out the door, they wouldn’t be talking to psychotherapists and waking up in the middle of the night at every small noise, thinking it was the beginnings of another horrible nightmare for their little boy. Patrick knew it was all his fault and he would do whatever it took to fix it for the sake of their entire family.

Patrick and Jonny remained there, clinging to each other, for a few more minutes as Patrick tried to control his emotions. Jonny cupped the sides of his face, running his thumbs over the corner of Patrick’s eyes where moisture had collected, before leaning in for a quick kiss. “We’re going to beat this!”

Patrick nodded. He wanted to believe Jonny, with every fiber of his being, but he was too scared to hope. This was bigger than all of them. “I promised to pilot some battleships.”

Jonny smiled, kissing him once more before pulling away. Patrick took a couple deep breaths, wiping quickly at his eyes and blinking rapidly to clear any remaining tears. The last thing he wanted to do was let Ryker or Addy see him so upset.

“You’re good,” Jonny whispered.

After Patrick had disappeared up the stairs, Jonny sank down into one of the dining room chairs, his mind racing in a million different directions. Should he call people? Like his parents, or Patrick’s? Or should they wait until they know more about what was going on? They needed to at least talk to Jackie and let her know because she would be just as big a part of this than they would be, she always had been with Addy. Some part of him was arguing whether or not he should call the Hawks front office and let them know because this had the potential to cause some problems once the season started. It was his job as Captain to keep everyone involved with issues that had the potential to affect the team in any way. A bigger part of him said fuck that and everyone else could fuck off for all he cared. It was his job as a father, first and foremost, to protect and shield his kids. He’d deal with everyone else when the time came but right now he needed to make sure his family didn’t fall apart.

He needed to call Jackie, and he really didn’t feel like attempting dinner so take-out would have to suffice, then he needed to get the kids ready for bed and god…he really needed to stay strong for Patrick. Not because Patrick was weak, not by a long shot, but Patrick was taking too much of this on his shoulders and Jonny needed to remind him that they were a team from time to time.

So Jonny ordered dinner and called Jackie, asking her to come out to the house the next day if she was free and then he busied himself setting up for dinner while he waited for the food to arrive. Once the delivery boy was heading down the driveway, Jonny pulled the containers out of the bag and headed up the stairs. Patrick was on his hands and knees in the playroom with Ryker and Addy climbing all over him, shrieking with laughter when Patrick growled playfully. He straightened up onto his knees as Addy clung to his back, giggling when Patrick pulled Ryker over his shoulder and continued to tickle the boy on the floor until he was nearly breathless. Jonny rapped his knuckles against the wall to get their attention and the three froze. Patrick’s face was a red-spotted and as flushed as the kids, his smile wide and genuine. He looked happier than he had in a long time.

“Dinner is here,” Jonny laughed.

Addy cheered, jumping down from her perch on Patrick’s back and running towards Jonny. Jonny scooped her up against his chest, pushing her sweaty bangs out of her eyes. “Need help washing your hands?”

“No, Papa!” Addy moaned as if it was blatantly obvious, “RyRy helps me.”

Jonny kissed her cheek and placed her back on the floor. Addy ran back over to where Ryker was pulling himself up off the floor, grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the bathroom, “I’m hungry!”

Jonny grinned, shouting, “Yell if you need help.”

Patrick was still slumped against the floor on his side, “I’m too old for this!”

“You’re 27,” Jonny teased, reaching a hand down to Patrick, “Come on old man, we have some heathens to feed.”

Patrick slapped Jonny’s hand away, pulling himself up with a groan. Before Jonny could walk away, however, Patrick grabbed at his hand, fitting their fingers together. Patrick kissed the fabric against Jonny’s shoulder as they made their way down to the kitchen.

Dinner passed as it always did with moments of comfortable silence, followed by Addy loudly and spasmodically retelling a story with Ryker jumping in at times to correct her overactive imagination. Cleanup afterwards was fairly simple, at least for dinner. They all worked together to clean up from dinner and then straight up the playroom. Baths and showers were taken and teeth were brushed but Jonny decided to switch things up a little.

“What do you say we all bunk together in our room tonight?” Jonny asked. Patrick seemed to be in a better headspace since after Noel had left but there was still that lingering look of fear around the edges of his eyes.

They had been steadily trying to wean Addy out of crawling into bed with them at night, which at first seemed to have been working, until one night when Jonny had checked in on Ryker only to find Addy curled up on top of the comforter with her favorite green and yellow fuzzy blanket pulled up to her ears and Ryker’s arm around her shoulder. Jonny had mentioned the following day that he and Patrick could talk to Addy about it if Ryker wanted but he had declined, stating matter-of-factly, “She gets scared sometimes, it’s okay.”

It would only be so long before one of them would inevitable get sick of the other and the closeness they currently shared would likely take a hit, so if Ryker was okay with it, then they wouldn’t press the issue.

But recently, after that last night when Addy had woken them up, so scared and worried, they had all kind of clung to each other. They had had plenty of people tell them that it wasn’t healthy to encourage young children to sleep in bed with their parents, but they were all learning together. Trying to navigating these scary new waters together and figure out what worked best for them. As Addy got older, she was starting to understand that she needed to sleep in her own bed, but Jonny and Patrick never wanted Addy or Ryker to worry about coming to them when they were afraid. If the kids, or Jonny and Patrick, needed that closeness, on occasion, to feel a little more at ease with everything going on, everyone else could just fuck right off.

When Jonny had asked the question, Addy and Ryker had gone still, studying him for a second to make sure he wasn’t messing with them before they took off down the hallway in their matching-but-not-matching footie pajamas. They ran into Jonny and Patrick’s bedroom and dove into the middle of the bed, wiggling under the blankets.

Patrick just stared at Jonny for a moment, his eyes searching until he smiled, raising up on his toes for a quick kiss. He grabbed Jonny’s hand, pulling him towards their bedroom. Addy and Ryker switched their normal spots so that Ryker would be next to Patrick and it wasn’t lost on either of them that Addy was getting better and better at sharing Patrick, at least with Ryker.

She still had her moments with Maddy, though.

Jonny and Patrick turned off the lights and got in on their respective sides. Addy burrowed into Jonny instantly, her head pillowed on his shoulder as she settled in half on top of her Papa. Ryker curled up against Patrick, his forehead pressing against Patrick’s arm as he breathed in and out deeply, sinking into the mattress.

Jonny’s cold toe poked at Patrick’s calf, nearly making him jump at the contact. Patrick looked over and smiled at Jonny when the brunette scrunched his nose at him, reaching over to tug lightly at Patrick’s hair. Jonny’s grip loosened on the strands but his fingers remained buried in his hair.

It felt like an eternity had passed since they had talked to Noel and while the idea that Ryker actually had this…actual thing…wrong with him was scaring the shit out of him. Knowing what was wrong and being able to hopefully start working towards making things right, knowing what they were up against, was just as much a relief.

Tomorrow would be Day 1. And Patrick knew exactly what he needed to do first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you are thinking with this?! It's going a little deeper/darker than I had originally planned but I am actually liking it, when normally I kind of don't. Any thoughts or ideas are welcomed either here or message me on tumblr at dannybriereisaliferuiner
> 
> ps: did you guys know there is an actress on Teen Wolf whose name is Adelaide Kane? I just started watching it on Netflix last night and almost dropped my bowl of cereal, lol!! So fucking weird...


	12. I Won't Let You Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick seeks help from a rather unlikely source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals (Summer Semester) are over...unfortunately I start the Fall Semester this coming Monday but I dont think things will be as intense as they have been, or at least not for a while...but I am hoping to get one more chapter posted by this weekend to try to make up, somewhat, for how far apart these chapters have been!!
> 
> This chapter is leading us into the last half of the fic and I have reworked a bit and am changing up one point to the story...you'll know it immediately when it comes up in the next couple chapters but changing it will help with the plot and will work better with the story so when you see it in the future, please don't kill me...there is definitely a reason for it!!
> 
> My normal wonderful beta is hella busy right now with multiple jobs and other stuff going on so my amazing, beloved Cass swooped in to save the day so I could get this posted as quickly as possible. Any and all mistakes are mine and mine alone!!

The ground was soft under his feet, spongy in a way that was kind of creepy if only for the fact of where he was. The air smelled of freshly cut grass and the sun bounced off the polished stones as Patrick slowly wove his way between the headstones. He walked carefully in deliberate lines, making sure to avoid walking directly over the plots. He’d always felt it was disrespectful in a way he couldn’t quite articulate.

He’d done some research on what little information he had, scouring through Google searches on his phone late one night in bed after Jonny had fallen asleep half on top of him. It hadn’t been hard to find the obituaries with the location of burial.

Travis and Kristen Burton. Parents of Ryker Matthew Burton.

The small stone that marked both gravesites was the standard marking when a proper headstone couldn’t be afforded. Patrick frowned at the thought. They’d known from talking to Lila that there had been no family members willing or able to take Ryker. It made sense that no one had likely been able to cover all the funeral costs. They were both 25 when they died; high school sweethearts struggling to raise their son on their own with no family around to help and now they didn’t even have a proper headstone. What if Ryker, when he was older, wanted to visit them? He should have a place to visit and lay flowers, a headstone to lean against as he sat between them and talked about everything and nothing all at once. Someplace where he could feel safe if he ever felt lost to the world.

If Patrick couldn’t fix Ryker, he could at least fix this for Ryker.

Patrick wasn’t really sure why he was here, exactly. He knew WHY…but at the same time, he really didn’t.

Patrick dug his toe into the shockingly green grass, opening his mouth to speak and then shutting it just as quickly. He felt silly being here, stupid for sneaking off and a little bit guilty for not telling Jonny. He also felt like he needed to do this. He needed to do something, anything, to help Ryker.

So he started talking.

“Ummmm, hi…Mr. and Mrs. Burton. I’m not sure if…if you know me…if you can see me, or hear me or whatever. But my name is Patrick…Patrick Kane, I play hockey with the Blackhawks…but that isn’t really important.” Patrick smiled, “Actually I was just wondering the other day if you guys might have ever come out to a game before. If maybe we’d met before the wreck? That would have been cool.” Patrick shoved his hands in his pockets. “Anyways, I kind of just wanted to let you know about me and Jonny…Jonathan Toews…because,” the words seemed to stick like honey in his throat, “we adopted Ryker a couple months ago and it just seemed like you should know. But I guess if you can hear me then you already know, maybe.”

Patrick squinted into the sun, not sure where he was even going with this. “It just kind of…sucks because you guys had to be gone in order for us to find Ryker. I’m sure you’d rather not be gone. Even though he doesn’t talk about it too much, I know Ryker would rather you were still alive.”

“He would so much rather be with you than us.” Patrick trailed off, moisture gathering at the corners of his eyes. He wasn’t upset for himself or Jonny or Addy so much, because it was the truth. Ryker would probably give anything in the world to have his parents back. And that was okay. Patrick was just really upset for Ryker. It’s hard when you love someone but you can’t give them what they need. It’s the worst feeling in the world.

“I know he would rather be with you,” Patrick’s voice broke. “He’s just so small and so scared right now…but he is amazing and so strong. He is the most awesome little dude I’ve ever met.”

Patrick started pacing back and forth in front of the marker, tears pooling in his eyes, building until finally falling down his cheeks unhindered. “I’m so glad we have him and I know that is selfish of me to say but it’s the truth. I love him…we all do…so much but he is having a really hard time right now and I just don’t know what to do.”

Patrick breathed out heavily. “They’re calling it Separation Anxiety Disorder. He gets really upset sometimes if either or both of us leave and he has these horrible nightmares. Jonny is with him right now talking to Noel, his therapist…we’ve been taking turns, trying to ease our way to him being able to see her without us.”

Patrick could still remember having to leave that first time, when Noel had looked at him and nodded with a confidence he didn’t understand and was kind of pissed about. Ryker had looked to Patrick with big, round eyes, his knuckles going white from his grip on the arm of the chair he was sitting in. He kind of wanted to yell at Noel, it was too soon and how was this helping to make Patrick leave if that was what triggered this all in the first place? But Patrick had to trust Noel, even if all he wanted to do was plant himself in front of Ryker and refuse to budge. In the end, Patrick had promised he would be just outside the door. Ryker nodded, his eyes watery as Jonny wrapped his hand around the boys arm for reassurance. Patrick closed the door behind him, sliding down, his back pressed rigidly against the door. His heart raced every time he could hear Ryker’s muffled voice raise; it felt like the longest hour of his life.

But they were working at it.

“We’ve been doing this thing,” Patrick laughed, “where we took this big map of the US and Canada and we learn about the cities we’ll be going to when we go on road trips during the season…Noel says being familiar with them and being able to see them will help Ryker feel like he is in control even when we are away because he will be able to visualize where we are. Anyways, it was Jonny’s idea…”

*

“Uncle Bur was a Shark, right Daddy?” Addy asked, leaning her whole body over the map as she and Ryker placed shark stickers where Jonny had shown them where San Jose was. They were allowed to decorate the cities however they wanted. After they were going to hang it on the big wall in the den so they could see it whenever they were away.

“Yep.” Patrick nodded as he searched Google Images for a good picture of the arena to show Ryker. “Got it!” Patrick clicked on the image and turned the screen towards Ryker. “That is where we will be playing. It’s called the SAP.”

Jonny tapped at the keyboard to his laptop a couple times before clearing his throat, “It is 2,164 miles from the UC to the SAP.”

Ryker nodded, taking in the information before turning back to the picture on Patrick’s laptop.

“I’m glad Uncle Bur is back. I don’t like the Sharks. They are buttwipes.” Addy announced, her tongue poking out of her mouth as she drew devil horns on the shark stickers.

Patrick laughed. Jonny bit his lip, “Addy, you know you are not allowed to say things like that. Who told you that word?”

“Shawzy,” Addy shrugged her shoulders, her curls bouncing around her face.

Jonny should have known. “What have we told you about repeating things from Shawzy?”

“To not to,” Addy looked up defiantly, “but they hurt Uncle Hoss and Shawzy is right they are buttwipes and I hope they step on legos.” Addy slammed down the marker in her hand. To a 3-almost-4-year old, that was a really awful thing to wish on someone.

“Adelaide Kane,” Jonny warned.

Patrick and Ryker watched as Addy crossed her arms defiantly over her chest, meeting Jonny’s glare head on. As funny as their little deadlock was, Patrick knew he needed to back Jonny up because Addy would not back down on her own. She was a stubborn little shit.

“Bug, how did you even know about Uncle Hoss getting hurt? That was before you were even born.” Patrick asked, handing a bunch of markers to Ryker who kept coloring.

“I saw it on tv. And I saw who did it.” Her hands perched on her hips.

Patrick shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “But the guy we were playing then was on the Yotes when it happened. We weren’t even playing the Sharks.”

“But I heard Uncle Bur say he had to play with him when he got traded. He’s a Shark now…I don’t like the Sharks.” Addy said matter-of-factly.

Patrick really couldn’t argue with that logic. “Listen, you don’t have to like him but you can’t call him that.”

“Fine…he’s a tool.” Addy amended with a quirk of her eyebrow.

“What?” At this point, Patrick wasn’t even sure what was going on.

“That’s what Papa calls Uncle Ty.”

“JONNY?!”

“WHAT?”

“Really?”

“It’s the truth,” Jonny balked. “I’d rather she call him that than Uncle Segsy.” Jonny scrunched his nose up.

Patrick looked to Ryker who was sitting back watching the entire exchange with a smile. “Ryker, do me a favor and never listen to Jonny…ever.” Patrick winked and the boy lost himself in a fit of giggles.

*

Patrick smiled at the memory. “We’re still working the kinks out on that one. Addy can be…passionate at times, especially when it comes to someone she loves and god, she loves the hell out of Ryker.”

“She’s actually the reason we ended up adopting him. They were attached to each other from the beginning. Watching the two of them play together in a room full of kids, was like watching just the two of them. When we thought we lost Ryker…when another couple was thinking about adopting him…it kind of slapped us in the face how much he had worked his way into our lives without us really realizing it.” 

“Addy looks to Ryker like he is just the absolute best person on the planet.” Patrick thought for a moment, “It’s like how she looks at Jonny, like they both can do no wrong. And Ryker just handles her so well. Believe me, she can be a terror when she wants to be, but he is so patient with her.”

Patrick sat down at the end of the plot, running his hand palm down through the grass. “I can only assume that he is as great as he is because of you. It’s not fair, I know. You only got a few short years with him…” 

“You got his first words and first steps, first lost tooth, first booboos and first day of kindergarten, but that was it. We won’t have that with Ryker and we never got that with Addy either. We’re missing huge chunks of time with them both. It’s strange to think that I never got to hold either of my kids right after they were born, that they were someone else’s before they were ours.” 

Patrick thought back to that night when Andree had shown up at the condo with Addy tucked away in that little carrier. It’s hard to think back before that point in time. It was hard to wrap his head around the fact that they actually had a life before Addy, that she wasn’t actually the beginning of it all. “I’ll never forget the first time Addy said Papa and watching Jonny’s face go through this mixture of pure joy and then absolute fear because we weren’t sure if we were even going to be able to keep her at that point. Not knowing if someone was going to tell us we weren’t good enough for her, that she deserved better.”

Patrick pulled at a few blades, breaking them off and twisting them through his fingers. “If you can find any comfort in knowing that we have adopted Ryker, I hope it is in the fact that Jonny is so fucking amazing…with Ryker and with Addy.” Patrick turned, laying down across the warm grass. He closed his eyes against the sun and folded his hands behind his head. “Everyone talks about how great a Captain Jonny is, and it is true, he is the best Captain in the league I don’t care what anyone says. But more than that, he is an even better dad. The strength and the passion that he has for the team, the sometimes blind confidence when we feel like we’ve hit the bottom, the determination…the way he can stay calm when it feels like everything is falling apart around you, or say that one thing that can pull you out of the dark and make you believe you can do anything…that doesn’t stop on the ice or in the locker room.”

The warmth of the sun on Patrick’s face was soothing as the nervous energy he felt when he first got to the cemetery seeped out of him. “But he is also the biggest dork ever. I give him shit for it still but he has mellowed out on the whole Captain Serious thing. That all kind of flew out the window when we got Addy. He tried to fight it at first because he was scared out of his mind, but I could tell how much he loved her from the start. It took a while for him to stop almost growling at anyone who came close to her in the beginning. I don’t even think he realized he was doing it until I was taking a video on my phone at the park and someone walked too close. I still have that video somewhere.”

“You should have seen Jonny the first time we took Addy skating at a public rink. I thought he was going to somehow try to summon the power to create a force field around her or end up in jail any time someone got within 10 feet of her as she tottered along. Ever since then we’ve stuck to renting a rink if only for Jonny’s nerves,” Patrick laughed loudly, remembering the first time they’d taken Ryker skating.

*

“Don’t let go!” Ryker’s voice hitched as he held tighter onto Jonny’s hand.

“I’m not.” Jonny grinned, tightening his own grip, “I won’t let go until you are ready.”

“Papa, LOOK!” Addy yelled as she skated past them in a blur of arms and legs.

“Looks good, Bug.” Jonny said just as Addy dove onto her belly in a fit of giggles. Patrick skated past them, chasing after the little girl. When he reached where she had starfished out on the ice, he grabbed her legs and began pushing her across the ice on her back.

“Is she okay?” Ryker looked worriedly at Jonny, stumbling a little.

Jonny laughed loudly. “Buddy, she is just fine. Ever since Mav taught her how to dive she loves falling on the ice just as much as she loves skating on it.”

Ryker fumbled for Jonny’s hand when Jonny switched sides so Ryker could reach out to the boards with his other hand. “I don’t get it.”

“Are you not having fun?” Jonny frowned. “We don’t have to skate. I know you don’t really like hockey…You don’t have to do this.”

Ryker shook his head, “I don’t like it as much as you guys but it’s okay. I think I’ll like skating more when I can do it myself.”

Jonny felt that familiar tug in his chest when he saw the determination in Ryker’s eyes. Ryker straightened his back, breathing steadily as he pushed himself forward. Jonny held onto his hand tighter but gave him more room.

Addy sped by them once again. “Go RyRy!” Addy slid on her butt into the net with a laugh.

Patrick skated up beside them, breathing heavy from chasing after Addy all afternoon. “Looking good, my man, you’ll be doing laps around this place in no time.”

Ryker smiled, his eyes trained on his feet. He wiggled his hand free from Jonny’s grip, inching forward with his arms outstretched. He got a few strides in before grabbing back at Jonny’s arm as his feet fell out from under him.

“Gotcha,” Jonny promised, holding Ryker up.

“Okay okay okay, enough of this. You will learn how to skate well enough. How about we have some fun?” Patrick announced pulling up in front of Jonny and Ryker, turning so he was skating backwards in front of them. Patrick held out his hands towards Ryker, “Just keep your knees locked and I’ll do all the work, yeah?”

Ryker bit at his lip before nodding enthusiastically and taking hold of Patrick’s hands. Patrick secured his grip, ducking down so he could hold Ryker’s gaze, “I won’t let you fall…don’t worry.” Patrick started skating, picking up speed as they made their way along the boards. Ryker laughed wildly, his cheeks and nose red from the chill in the air.

Addy tackled into Jonny’s legs, wrapping her arms around his knees. “Papa, tell me again about the first time you took me skating when I was a baby.”

Jonny ruffled her hair. “Why do you always want me to tell you that story?”

“Because Uncle Sharpy said he would give me a dollar every time I ask because you were scared.” Addy practically sang the last word, roaring with laughter when Jonny growled and took off after her.

Once he caught up to her he swung her up into the air, holding her above his head. “Is that so? Well you can go tell Uncle Sharpy that I still remember what happened the first time he had to watch Maddy all by himself.”

“Was he scared?” Addy shrieked.

“He cried,” Jonny pulled Addy against his chest, covering her face with kisses.

*

Patrick pulled himself up until he was sitting cross-legged in front of the grave marker. “Look, I know it’s not fair how things have turned out. From this point on, Jonny and I take over. First girlfriends or boyfriends, first love and first heartbreak. College, marriage, kids, maybe, I don’t know, it’s all I can think about when I see him and Addy. I just need them to be okay, you know?”

“I feel so goddamn stupid sitting here, talking to myself but we’re running out of options. I’d like to think that somehow you are able to keep an eye on Ryker, wherever you are. I need to get back before they are done with their session but we really need your help. Whatever it is, whatever it can be, Ryker needs it. As much as it sucks, Jonny and I will only ever be second best. And that is how it should be…” Patrick took a deep breath. “All that matter is that Ryker gets better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Comments are what drives this entire beast forward...and remember I am open to any and all ideas you might have!! Catch me here or on tumblr - dannybriereisaliferuiner!!


	13. It Will Always Be This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past - Present - Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I wanted to get another chapter posted this weekend and by god I wanted to make it happen after how long it has been between chapters lately. This chapter isn't as long as they normally are but sometimes less is more!! This chapter is going to shoot us into the last half of the fic, plot-wise.
> 
> Fall semester starts Monday, just a little advanced warning in case updates slow down a little after this but I will try my HARDEST to keep up!!

I saw you with her then and I knew it was the right choice.

*

“Let’s be honest, boys. There has always been talk around the league of the two of you and the nature of your relationship,” Jeremy Roenick began, the light from the cameras shining so brightly it was almost impossible to see anything behind where Jeremy was standing in the middle of their living room. 

Jonny nodded, looking quickly to Patrick. He was suddenly very glad that they had decided to do the interview at the condo and not in the studio or at the UC. They had the home crowd advantage, so to speak and it was making it easier to open up and speak about their personal life like this. “There was always talk, but other than some teasing, no one really came right out and asked.”

Jeremy narrowed his eyes, “Would you have told the truth if they had?”

Jonny looked once more to Patrick, “We never really discussed it, but I would like to think that neither one of us would have lied about it.” Jonny grinned, “We weren’t exactly hiding it from anyone.”

“How do you mean?” JR asked.

Patrick smirked, watching Addy crawl around the living room. “We had been living together for a while. I would have thought people would notice that I was never going back to my place, I was always here.”

JR nodded. He already knew most of the details from talking to Jonny and Patrick beforehand to get a feel for what they were and weren’t comfortable discussing. “How long have you been together?”

Addy crawled over to Patrick, tugging at his pants, “Up?”

Patrick smiled wide, bending down to scoop her up. “We’ve been together a couple years now, been living together for a little over a year.”

Jonny kept looking between the camera and Addy, watching to see if she would have any reaction to it, but she seemed to not even notice it. They had promised they would give JR the first official sit-down interview after announcing to the world not only that they were together but that they had adopted Addy as well. They had been caught up in the emotions of winning the Cup again and having just completed the adoption, they had put it all out in the open. No regrets. This was them keeping their promise.

JR poked playfully at Addy’s belly causing her to double over, burying her head in Patrick’s neck. “And how did this little one come into the picture? Had you been thinking about adopting?”

Jonny snorted. “No, that was the furthest thing from our minds at the time. But she quite literally appeared at our doorstep and she’s been here pretty much ever since.”

“Just like that?” JR laughed loudly, tickling Addy’s cheek, “Well I mean, she is easy to fall in love with, I can see why you would want to keep her.”

JR had promised beforehand that he wouldn’t ask anything Jonny and Patrick weren’t comfortable with talking about. They had all agreed to not go into too much detail about WHY Addy had ended up with them. There were too many details still unknown even to Jonny and Patrick and they didn’t want anyone to be able to try to take advantage of the situation in any way. 

Addy placed a wet, sloppy kiss on Patrick’s cheek, “Yeah, we kind of got attached.”

“How old was she when you got her?”

Addy leaned over, reaching towards Jonny who took her instantly. “She was about 3 months old.”

“So who changed the diapers?” JR grinned, looking between the two.

“We both did, I guess,” Patrick laughed, shrugging his shoulders, “my sister’s been living with us since we got her, but we are kind of boring and take turns. One of us will give her a bath while the other cleans up after dinner, we’ll tag-team if she has a bad night…I’ve spent quite a few nights sleeping an hour here and there in the rocker in her room. It’s pretty lame, actually, not very exciting.”

“And your sister moved in, Patrick? You’re pretty famous for being extremely close to your family…” JR led in as they moved from the middle of the living room to the couch with JR taking a seat off to the side.

“Yeah, Jacks has been amazing. She’s here for when we have practice or road trips, or any other obligations that pull us away.” Patrick bounced Addy, who had decided she wanted him again, in his lap, “But we try to be home as much as possible and when we are home, we are the ones with Addy."

“So have you guys let any of your teammates babysit, yet?”

“Are you kidding?” Patrick nearly shouted. “Who knows what we would get back if we did.”

Jonny nodded in mock seriousness, “Sharpy’s been trying to get her to call him King ever since she said her first word.”

“Are you kidding me?” JR bellowed. “That’s awesome.”

“I wish I was kidding,” Jonny groaned.

“Don’t let Sharpy’s charm fool you; he is an awful influence on children. Maddy is just lucky that Abby is the one in charge in that relationship.” Patrick nodded towards the camera. He was going to catch so much shit from Sharpy for this, and he was loving every minute of it.

“I know when my kids were born, everything changed for me. How has your life changed since you became dads?”

Addy reached over and grabbed Jonny’s nose, giggling when Jonny crossed his eyes at her. Jonny acted like he was going to bit her arm before pulling her against his chest.

“For me,” Patrick started, “I feel settled in a way that I never really expected. I always thought that there would be a certain trapped feeling that came with being in a committed relationship and having kids, especially with what we do, at my age. I never thought I would be 24 and have a kid. It makes some decisions incredibly easy because if the choice is between something else…anything…and this,” Patrick motioned between him, Jonny and Addy, “it will always be this. No question.”

“I know a lot of things don’t bother me as much as they used to. Surprisingly.” Jonny started, “Something I could never stand was not being in control 24/7 but having Addy made me realize that there is always going to be so much that I can’t control so I need to just let go sometimes. I’d like to think I am still the same captain I always was but now we have a life that is more separate from hockey at the end of the day. It used to just be time spent between games but now it’s a whole other life.”

When Jonny glanced over to Patrick, Patrick was smiling shyly back at him, the corner of his mouth turned up.

“It’s gotta be hard, though,” Jeremy questioned, “as a player and a father I know that there were times when, even when I was home, I had to step away and let my wife take over with the kids because I needed to get in the zone for an upcoming game or I needed a little space after a bad loss. The wives and girlfriends of athletes are notorious for having to shoulder the brunt of the weight when it comes to raising the kids. As players, we get to spend the summer with them when they are fun and ready to roll, we do less of the school grind, the everyday routines. With you two, when one is gone so is the other. How do you manage being hockey players and full-time dads at the same time?”

Patrick shifted closer to Jonny, getting comfortable. “Well, I mean, there are other single dad’s in the league. Look at Danny Briere.” Patrick pointed out. JR nodded his head, Danny was a good friend of his. “From what I understand he had his kids whenever he was in Philly. Of course his kids were older but he also had 3 so that makes it even trickier. He had help, though, from friends and even some of the guys on his team. We have my sister to help when we need it but Addy is still young. Our parents were in town during the end of the playoffs for the final adoption hearing so they got to get their fill of her and we got to focus more on the game. It all just kind of works its way out.”

Jeremy nodded, looking to Jonny.

“We didn’t consciously make the decision where we sat down to talk about how we would handle playing and having Addy, we just kind of did it.” Jonny explained. “We’ve built a support system around us that works. During this last playoff run there was a moment when I stopped for a second and realized how different it was than just the year before. I can’t really explain it but there was just a different energy about it. In 2010 when I lifted the Cup for the first time there were so many different emotions and I couldn’t focus on any one thing in particular. It’s still kind of a blur. But this year, it was like I was hyper focused and I remember every detail.”

Addy crawled across Jonny’s lap and into Patrick’s. She yawned and Patrick glanced to the clock on the wall. It was well past her normal naptime. Patrick rubbed at her back gently, her head falling against his chest. Addy grabbed a handful of his shirt.

“I don’t know if you’ve seen this yet,” JR shifted, reaching behind his chair to pull out a picture, holding it out towards Jonny, “but that is probably my favorite picture of the entire night.”

It was a picture of them with both their families out on the ice. Jonny and Pat had already had their turn with the Cup and were surrounded by their parents and siblings. Jonny was holding Addy, the three of them in their matching jerseys, the little girl’s eyes were wide with all the commotion. Their dads were laughing about something and their moms were crying; Patrick’s sisters were crushing David in a group hug. Jonny had a hold of Patrick’s jersey at the collar, gripping it tight and Patrick was smiling so big, so completely, it almost looked painful. The corner of Jonny’s mouth was turned up in a strikingly intimate smile.

Jonny took the picture from JR and showed Patrick, who had his hands full with a now sleeping Addy in his arms. Jonny shook his head, “No, I haven’t seen this before,” he turned to Patrick, “you?”

Patrick smiled, “Nope, it’s a good one, though.”

“Keep it,” JR leaned back in his chair, the cameraman still just over his shoulder. “So have you guys thought about more kids in the future?”

Jonny started laughing, “This one is a handful, but I guess, never say never.”

Patrick nodded in agreement, “If the right circumstances presented themselves anything is possible.”

*

“Jonny!” Patrick yelled.

“What?” Jonny yelled back, “Where are you?”

“In the office, come here.”

Jonny grabbed a few stray toys in the hallway before making his way into the room, “What?”

“Where are the kids?” Patrick asked, not looking up from the papers in his hands.

“Downstairs playing Go Fish, why?” Jonny asked, moving to stand beside Patrick, trying to look over his shoulder to see what he was looking at. Patrick’s shoulders were tense, Jonny noticed.

“Those papers we got in the mail yesterday,” Patrick waved them around, his voice catching in a slightly panicked note. A manila envelope had been delivered Priority Mail to them the day before containing the last of Ryker’s paperwork and other documents from the courthouse. “There was a copy of Ryker’s parent’s death certificates…I never noticed it before but look at the date of the wreck.”

Patrick pointed to the date, July 3, 2013. “Okay?”

“Do you remember when we did that interview with Roenick after we won the Cup?” Patrick huffed out, frustrated. Why wasn’t Jonny getting this?

Jonny thought for a moment before he realized what Patrick was getting at. “It was the day before the 4th of July because we were heading out that night to spend the holiday in Buffalo.”

“Exactly,” Patrick almost yelled before dropping his voice to a near whisper, “we did this interview the same day Ryker’s parent’s died. Do you think somehow we made it happen?”

“How do you mean?” Jonny scrunched his nose. This made no sense, at all.

“JR asked if we wanted more kids and I said if the right circumstances presented themselves, maybe.”

Patrick looked so worried. Jonny didn’t want to upset him further but this was getting a little out of hand. “Patrick,” he grabbed ahold of Patrick’s shoulders, “you…or I did not cause that wreck. The guy texting on his phone while driving did. I think you might be giving yourself a little too much credit here.”

Patrick blushed, shrugging out of Jonny’s grip. “Shut up, that’s not entirely what I meant…it’s just way too much of a coincidence, I guess. It’s weird, right?”

“The timing is odd, but it is nothing more than coincidence.”

Jonny wrapped his arm around Patrick from behind, biting playfully at the tense muscles of Patrick’s shoulder, eliciting a laugh from the blond. Patrick had a way with working himself up over things like this; events or moments that couldn’t be neatly explained away. They would simmer and flourish in his overactive imagination until he couldn’t think straight. Jonny placed his palm against Patrick’s chest, silently waiting until his breathing evened out. He needed to change the subject. “The convention is next week.”

Patrick rolled his eyes, “Yes, I’ve gotten the same emails and texts as you, Captain.”

“Training starts back up in full swing here soon.” Jonny leaned back against the edge of the desk. He’d been thinking about a lot of things lately and there was something he couldn’t shake.

“I know,” Patrick fit himself between Jonny’s legs, his fingers toying with the thin fabric of Jonny’s Henley. “I was thinking, I know we wanted to spend the summer here in Chicago to get Ryker used to us and everything, but what if we took off for like a week and went somewhere?”

“Where do you want to go?” Jonny asked, resting his hands on Patrick’s hip, pulling him closer.

“The lake?” Patrick peaked up at Jonny nervously. “I know the last couple years you haven’t wanted to go up there for some reason, and I didn’t want to ask. If you want me to know I know you will tell me.” Patrick took a deep breath. “But I really want us to go up there because there is something I want you to do for me.”

Jonny smiled. He had been avoiding going home since they got Addy but it wasn’t the lake that he was avoiding, more like one person in particular. Lately, though, he’d been thinking more and more about going back. “I was actually going to suggest the same thing. What do you need me to do for you? Why do you look so nervous, you know I would do anything for you.” Jonny kissed Patrick softly. He could feel Patrick smile against his lips.

Jonny thought back to a few weeks ago when his mom had called.

*

“I saw her today…I saw Cheyanne.” Andree had almost sobbed.

*

Cheyanne was there, Jonny’s mom had seen her.

Addy’s biological mother was in Manitoba.

Jonny was so caught up in his own head that he almost missed it when Patrick started speaking again.

“I want to go up to the lake…,” Patrick bit his lip, tugging at Jonny's shirt, “because I want you to marry me! I want to do it there with both our kids.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so who wants to kill me now?? Let me know what you think...if you hate me, I'll understand. Comments are so welcomed...


	14. Where Everyone Cuddles and Everyone Wins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: discussed past child abuse

“Papa?” Addy whispered as Jonny pulled the blanket up to her chin.

“Buggy?” Jonny replied, kissing his daughter’s cheek.

“Is daddy gonna be okay?” Addy asked, her eyes wide and full of concern as she burrowed deeper under the covers.

Jonny ran his hand over the sloppy braid he’d managed after her bath, his hand coming to rest on her cheek. “Daddy is going to be just fine. Doctor Emily promised, remember?” Addy had made them swear to bring home a note from the doctor once she and Ryker had been informed that they couldn’t tag along to the doctor’s office. They were using this as an excuse to test out Ryker’s progress with them both leaving for about an hour.

Ryker had done well, Jakcie had reported, though Jonny thought it had more to do with how worried Addy was as Ryker tended to funnel his attention into her when she was upset. When they had come home Jonny handed the note over to Ryker who had read it allowed for Addy until she was sufficiently satisfied.

Addy nodded her head. “I missed him, he does better voices than you for stories.”

Jonny laughed out loud, bending down to kiss Addy’s forehead. Patrick had a pretty nasty upper respiratory infection on top of a stomach bug and had been put on antibiotics first thing in the morning. Fearing a repeat of the Great Hawks Plague of 2014 when he, Patrick and Addy had passed a bug back and forth for weeks after it had circulated among the team, Jonny had insisted that Patrick confine himself to their bedroom while he waited out the 24 hours before the meds kicked in and he wasn’t contagious anymore.

“I know. Daddy missed you and Ryker both but he is very sick and he needed to sleep as much as possible so he can get better. You can see him first thing when you wake up.” Jonny swore.

Addy held out her pinky finger, “Promise.”

Jonny hooked his pinky with hers, “Promise.”

Addy studied him for a moment before turning on her side to snuggle up to Tofu, the stuffed bunny David had won for her at a carnival the summer before. “Night, Papa.”

Jonny tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear, “Night, Bug. Love you.” He walked to the door, turned the light off and was just about to close the door when Addy spoke up again, “Papa, don’t forget to do Hug O’ War with Ryker. Daddy does it every night. It helps him not have scary dreams.”

“I will,” Jonny smiled as he shut the door behind him and made his way towards Ryker’s room.

Jonny had listened from behind Ryker’s door quite a few times over the last few weeks as Patrick recited the poem to the boy. It was their nightly ritual. Patrick had overheard Ryker telling Addy one night how his dad used to read the poem to him every night before bed. Patrick bought a book filled with children’s poetry just for that one poem and had given it to Ryker the following night. A week later, Ryker had asked Patrick to read it to him.

Ryker was waiting for Jonny when he turned the corner and walked into his room, already under the covers and sitting up against the wall. “Ears cleaned? Teeth brushed?” Jonny grinned as Ryker nodded quickly. “I know Patrick usually does it with you, but would you mind if we did Hug O’ War together tonight? Or would you rather wait until tomorrow when Patrick is feeling better?” Jonny asked.

Ryker nodded, relief melting the tension in his shoulders as he grabbed for the book and flipped to the marked page. Jonny still didn’t know it completely by heart so he would need the help. Ryker, on the other hand, could recite the poem forward and back, probably.

Jonny held the book up in his hand. “I will not play at tug’ o war.”

“I’d rather play at hug o’ war,” Ryker followed as the two traded off with each line.

“Where everyone hugs.”

“Instead of tugs.”

“Where everyone giggles.”

“And rolls on the rug.”

“Where everyone kisses.”

“And everyone grins.”

“And everyone cuddles.”

“And everyone wins.” Ryker yawned, smiling.

Jonny waited for Ryker to scoot down under the covers and turned the nightlight on above the headboard, crouching down beside the bed. “We’re just down the hallway, okay? That’s where we will be if you need anything.”

“Yep.” Ryker’s eyes were already closing. “Can I tell you something?” He whispered.

“Of course.” Jonny replied.

“You won’t get mad?” Ryker asked slowly.

Jonny frowned, his hand resting gently at the back of Ryker’s neck, “Nope.”

“I want to call you Papa, and Patrick, Dad. Like Addy does, because I love you.” Ryker’s eyes were still closed. Jonny wasn’t sure if it was because he was so tired, or afraid to see Jonny’s reaction while he talked. Jonny’s hands suddenly felt clammy and his pulse pounded in his ears. “But I love my mommy and daddy, too and I don’t want to make them sad.”

Jonny really wasn’t sure how to respond to what Ryker was saying. It was too monumental on so many different levels. It was daunting and frightening…and exhilarating all at once. “I know buddy, that’s okay. But we love you too, no matter what.”

“Is it okay to love them and you at the same time?” Ryker yawned, his little fingers circling Jonny’s wrist.

“If that is how you feel then of course it is okay.” Jonny tried to swallow around the lump in his throat.

“It feels kind of funny in my stomach to call you Papa.” Ryker reasoned, opening his eyes.

Jonny nodded in understanding even though Ryker couldn’t see him.

“When will it be okay?” Ryker asked sleepily, his voice trailing off.

“When you are ready, you’ll know.” Jonny leaned forward so their foreheads were touching. He pulled away after a moment, slipping out of Ryker’s grip with a gentle squeeze to his shoulder. Ryker’s breathing was already evening out as Jonny took a couple quick breaths to regain his composure.

That was not at all the conversation he had expected to have 5 minutes before when he’d walked into the room.

Jonny left the door cracked, did a final sweep through the house to turn off the lights and lock the door. He grabbed a couple bottles of water and some crackers for Patrick before he made his way to their room.

Jonny quietly slipped around the door not wanting to wake Patrick if he was sleeping but he was surprised when he found Patrick sitting in the middle of their bed watching TV.

“Good news is, I am caught up on Breaking Bad. Bad knews is that I might be a little more than probably hooked on Teen Wolf,” Patrick sighed, making a show of turning off the TV and sprawling out on the bed.

Jonny moved towards Patrick but Patrick leaned away. “Contagious,” Patrick groaned, his voice scratchy.

Jonny knew, of course, which was why he had banished Patrick to their room while he was on solo kid duty all day. Volleying back and forth between playing with the kids and waking Patrick up to take his meds on time. Keeping the kids fed and trying to keep food down in Patrick who had been throwing up all morning. Jonny knew he should keep his distance from Patrick but he didn’t much care. “Been taking extra Vitamin C.” Jonny said by way of explanation.

“Whatever, you get sick from me because you can’t keep your hands to yourself, I am not going to take care of your dumb ass.” Patrick grumbled.

“Yes you would.” Jonny laughed ducking in for a quick kiss.

Patrick smiled, his nose and cheeks red and slightly puffy. “Shut up.”

“Feel up to a shower?” Jonny asked.

“You gonna join?” Patrick tried to smirk but was assaulted by a coughing fit for his troubles.

“Now who can’t keep their hands to themselves,” Jonny pushed himself away from the bed. “More like I’m gonna change this snot and germ infested bed while you wash up so I don’t have to sleep in the spare room tonight. It’s fucking disgusting.”

Patrick moaned but eventually got up and in the shower on his own. Jonny stripped the sheets, pillowcases and comforter off the bed, tossing them in the laundry room down the hall. He’d deal with it tomorrow. He’d wear a Hazmat suit and a face mask. He remade the bed and sprayed some kind of antibacterial air sanitizer that Abby swore by and was just finishing up when Patrick drug himself out of the bathroom and dove back onto the fresh sheets without a word. He sighed happily as he sunk into the clean linen.

Jonny was so tired from their day that had started with Patrick waking them both up with a deep, wet sounding cough at 5:30 in the morning. If he didn’t get in the shower now he would end up curling up on the floor with a pillow and he really wanted to curl up with Patrick instead. So he ducked into the bathroom to get ready for bed. He thought about what Ryker had said to him and the raw emotion of the confession as the boy drifted off to sleep. He wasn’t sure what brought it on but he knew that he was going to keep that bit of information to himself for right now. Jonny didn’t want to get Patrick’s hopes up or make him aware of it because he knew it would drive Patrick crazy with hopeful expectation; not meaning to, but waiting desperately for Ryker to finally call him “dad” when Jonny still wasn’t sure Ryker ever would. When or if it happened, Jonny wanted it to be a surprise for Patrick.

After he showered and brushed his teeth he exited the bathroom only to find Patrick back in the middle of the bed, going through an old box, spreading its contents in front of him. Patrick was wide awake now.

Jonny crawled onto the bed, curling on his side around Patrick’s hip. “Addy made me promise that she gets to see you first thing in the morning.”

“Pinky promise?” Patrick asked, digging to the bottom of the box.

“Of course.” To Addy, there was nothing more sacred than a pinky promise.

“Did you do Hug O’ War with Ryker?” Patrick twisted around so he could see Jonny. More than anything he felt bad for missing that with Ryker. It had become their thing that they did every night and Patrick felt like he was letting Ryker down. It was too important.

Jonny nodded, “Yep. Ry was far more accepting of my being your substitute than Addy was. Apparently I suck at doing the voices for her stories or whatever.” Jonny pinched Patrick’s hip.

Patrick laughed before launching into another coughing fit. Jonny blindly grabbed at one of the water bottles he had placed on the nightstand and handed it to Patrick. Patrick took a few deep swallows, grunting against the urge to keep coughing before it subsided.

Jonny couldn’t see anything as his position had him staring at the surprisingly broad expanse of Patrick’s back; he wasn’t complaining, though. Patrick smelled like their soap and the sheets smelled clean. Jonny was so tired. “What are you looking at?” He asked, swiping his thumb against the stretch of skin on Patrick’s waist just above his sweats. 

“That box of stuff Mama T brought down before Ryker’s adoption,” Patrick said. “All I’ve done is sleep and watch tv all day and I got bored so I started looking through our closet and found it. I’ve never really had the chance to sit down and go through it before.”

“Who said you could go through my box?” Jonny asked playfully.

“What’s yours is mine.” Patrick walked his fingers from Jonny’s hip to his knee.

Jonny smiled at the thought, glad that Patrick couldn’t see him. The idea of everything he had being Patrick’s was way more intriguing than he would have ever thought possible before. “Not yet,” Jonny buried his face in the comforter to hide his laughter when Patrick snorted.

“Soon.” Patrick’s voice dropped but he refused to turn around.

“Not soon enough,” Jonny declared, weaving his arm around Patrick belly, leaving it resting around his waist.

Jonny just laid there, curled around Patrick not the least bit interested in moving. Patrick continued to dig through the box, pulling out old drawings from when Jonny was little, random pictures and award ribbons. When Jonny had told his parents that they were going to adopt Ryker Andree had started putting together the box with stuff from his childhood that she thought her granddaughter and new grandson would like. Now that Addy was older, she’d figured that it would be fun for the kids to be able to have little keepsakes and mementos from when Jonny was their age. The box had gotten shoved in their closet during the move, though.

Patrick was going to hand the box over to the kids the next day; it was theirs to do with as they pleased, but first he wanted to go through it himself. Some of the stuff he recognized as being little odd and end things that had cluttered the shelves and walls of Jonny’s old bedroom, but some things were new to him as well.

Patrick looked through all the pictures, running his finger over a few of them, “You and David were fucking cute.” Patrick declared.

Jonny snorted, “Are there actually any pictures in there my mom didn’t hand over to completely embarrass me? I swear BHTV has baby pictures of me I’ve never even seen before.”

“Yeah but they turn them into some pretty great videos. I swear they show them before games some nights just to see how red you’ll get,” Patrick grinned, poking Jonny’s thigh.

“Don’t act like you didn’t get emotional over that one they did with both of us when we were little,” Jonny pulled at the bottom of Patrick’s shirt. “As if you don’t have it bookmarked on your laptop.

“Addy likes watching it,” Patrick ducked his head, trying not to laugh.

“Blame it on the 3 year old.”

“Hey, she’s almost 4 and whatever, the one video where David is in the swing and you bite at his feet to make him laugh,” Patrick grabbed at Jonny’s knee where he knew he was ticklish, “you have a cold, dead heart if you don’t think that was goddamn cute.”

Jonny shrugged, going quiet as Patrick continued looking through the box. Patrick pulled out a pair of little Nike High Tops and laminated school projects. Patrick had most of his stuff from when he was little in boxes in the house in Buffalo. He should go through those, too. Maybe he could get his dad to ship them or bring them with him the next time he makes the trip out?

Jonny entertained himself by tracing odd patterns into the strip of Patrick’s skin that was exposed, watching as goose bumps chased his finger until Patrick was squirming underneath his touch. “Stop it!” Patrick giggled.

Jonny groaned loudly, pulling himself up. He positioned himself against the headboard, wrapped his arms around Patrick’s waist and pulled the blonde back against his chest. Patrick went boneless against him, without a word, pulling the box into his lap.

Jonny used the opportunity to let his hands wander, remapping the contours of Patrick’s sides, down over his hips, up his shoulders and past the curve of his neck. The touches were light and innocent – Patrick was too exhausted and too weak for this to go any further but Jonny had missed Patrick none the less. Missed having him beside him during the day, playing with the kids in the backyard, working seamlessly around each other in the kitchen or the way in which they worked to get the kids showered and ready for bed at night. It wasn’t exciting like when they used to go out to Rockit with the guys whenever the mood hit them, but it was theirs. A routine they had created all on their own that worked best for their family and they both were fiercely proud of it.

But most of all, Jonny missed the little touches during the day that he never really even gave much thought to until Patrick was laid up in their bed and Jonny felt only half whole. Addy would try and hilariously fail to repeat a joke she had heard from one of the kids at her most recent playdate or Ryker would quote one of Patrick’s favorite scenes from Star Wars as he played Barbies with Addy and Jonny would look around for Patrick only to remember he wasn’t there. He was in the same house, sure, but it still felt too far away. So Jonny busied himself by making up for all the lost touches from the day while Patrick ignored him.

It was kind of perfect.

Until.

Patrick pulled out a worn copy of Jonny’s favorite book from when he was little: Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher. Jonny laughed when he saw the book, thumbing at the frayed edges of the paperback, “I probably read this a hundred times.”

Jonny took the book from Patrick, flipping through the pages until a picture fell from between the pages and into Patrick’s lap.

“Who’s this?” Patrick wiggled a bit, sinking deeper between Jonny’s legs.

Jonny propped his chin on Patrick’s shoulder, looking to where Patrick was pointing. Jonny tensed up immediately shaking his head. “She was just an old friend.”

“What’s wrong?” Patrick asked, leaning to the side so he could turn around to see Jonny. “The picture was lodged between the pages of your favorite book, she’s not just an old friend. You look like you’ve seen a ghost, who is she?”

Jonny willed himself to relax. “Actually I haven’t seen her since we were about 9 or 10 years old and her parents moved her away.”

“What’s her name?” Patrick asked, settling back against Jonny’s chest once Jonny had calmed down.

Jonny bit his lip, “Cheyanne.”

“How did you know her? School?” Patrick asked, flipping the picture over to see if there was anything written on the back. There was nothing.

Jonny sighed. There was no real way he could get out of talking about her without Patrick knowing that something was up so he needed to relax or Patrick would never let it go. “Yeah, we were placed next to each other in Kindergarten and we became best friends. Every year we were in the same class, until the middle of fifth grade when her parents moved away in the middle of the night.” Jonny rushed through the last part.

Patrick coughed. “That’s crazy.” He knew something was up with Jonny by the way he was acting but he knew better than to force the issue outright. He needed Jonny to come around to it or he would clam up. 

“Yeah, I never got to say goodbye. We went to pick her up on the way to school one morning and the house was empty.” Jonny shrugged his shoulders, trying to seem aloof to the whole thing. The truth, however, was that his nerves were on edge, his skin was tingling with all the memories that were flooding back to him and his ears were pounding.

Patrick was silent for a while, flipping the picture over and over in his hands. “What happened to her?”

“What?” Jonny startled.

Patrick turned to the side so he could see Jonny. He pointed to the picture, “You have your arm around her shoulder but there is a big bruise on her collarbone, like you are trying to hide it or something. You’re doing your fake smile, that smile you get with the press when we are in a slump but you don’t want them to see how much it is messing with you so you do that fake smile. You’re doing it here.”

Even when he was little Jonny still had his little tells that Patrick could even now pick up on in an instant.

Jonny looked back down to the photograph, his eyes landing on the bruise peeking out from behind his forearm. He could remember the fear he’d felt when he’d seen that bruise and realized where it had come from. “My mom would pick Chy up for school every morning and then drop her off even when I had practice, but sometimes Chy would miss a couple days here and there. I never really understood what was going on but Chy sometimes looked like she was sick…or like she was in pain a lot and tired, but I didn’t get it. I didn’t really know what child abuse was, you know, or what it looked like. I was too wrapped up in hockey and my parents were never like that.” Jonny took a deep breath. Looking back on the picture he hadn’t seen in almost two decades, Jonny felt sick to his stomach with guilt. He should have known what was going on. “Chy was always at my house. Always. I would come home from practice and she would be there helping clean up after dinner or playing board games with David and my dad while my mom heated up leftovers for me. And then, she was just gone.”

Patrick nodded, his face clouded. “They just left?”

Jonny nodded, “Yeah, she was just gone.”

“You never saw her again?” Patrick asked, grabbing Jonny’s hands in his own and wrapping their arms around him.

“Nope.” Jonny breathed out heavily. He hadn’t thought about that day in years.

The truth was, up until he’d seen her name on Addy’s birth certificate he hadn’t even known if Cheyanne was even alive or not.

“I wonder why they left in the middle of the night?” Patrick whispered to himself.

Jonny worked his jaw, pulling Patrick closer. “Actually, just after I was drafted I was talking to my mom and I mentioned how I wished I could have been able to at least call Chy and let her know what was going on because she had always believed I would make it to the NHL. She always used to say “they are going to make you Captain of the NHL” and then I would try to explain that there isn’t a captain of the entire NHL but she would just get irritated and say there should be and that I would be so awesome that they would do it just for me.”

“She’s a smart girl.” Patrick deadpanned, squirming when Jonny pinched the soft skin under his ribs.

“Anyways, when I mentioned her name, Maman got this look in her eyes that I remembered her getting the morning they had left. So I asked her what really happened because I was old enough then to know I didn’t know everything,” Jonny buried his nose in the curve of Patrick’s shoulder, muffling his voice. “I didn’t know anything about it when I was little but she said that she and my dad had suspected that Chy’s parents were abusing her but never had any proof until she showed up with the bruises on her that day. I guess my dad confronted her parents about it and my mom called Child Protection but it was a holiday and they were short-staffed and wouldn’t make it out until the next morning. Her parents, I guess, freaked out and took off. By the time Child Protection would have shown up at the house they would be long gone.”

“Jesus!” Patrick shook his head.

“Yeah,” Jonny pulled his knees up on either side of Patrick. “I guess my parents had requested to foster Chy until everything was sorted out.”

Patrick nodded. He understood that primal need to protect a child at any costs, but that wasn’t a unique emotion only to him and he could absolutely see Andree wanting to protect this little girl in the picture. Andree had always been fiercely protective over Patrick, especially when he didn’t deserve it in the past. When he was at his lowest, Andree had always been one of his biggest supporters. Long before he and Jonny were even together.

“How could someone do that to a child?” Patrick whispered. He was suddenly attacked by an image of Addy covered in bruises, crying in pain and he tensed up. The anger that flared in him was instantaneous.

“We weren’t much older than Ryker,” Jonny sighed. He couldn’t imagine any scenario that would cause him to become so upset that he would actually hit Ryker. Let alone hit him hard enough to leave such unforgiving bruises on his little body. The thought alone made bile rise in the back of his throat at the reality of what Chy must have gone through. And there had been no one there to help her.

“That picture was taken the night before they left. The last time I ever saw her.” Jonny murmured into Patrick’s skin.

Jonny still had no clue why Chy had given Addy to Andree that night all those years ago but he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it had something to do with her parents. When she had shown up at his parent’s door, Andree hadn’t even recognized her and didn’t realize it was her until years later when she was putting this box together and had stumbled across a picture of the two in an old photo album. She’d cried, sitting on Jonny’s little twin bed with the puck-covered sheets when she thought about the little girl lost to the world all those years ago that she had been unable to save.

It was in that moment that Andree had remembered something.

Andree had always told the boys that she loved them ‘beyond the stars’ and had eventually started saying the same to Chy without even realizing it. Andree hadn’t even registered it at the time but when she had seen the pictures from all those years ago she’d remembered that as the woman had pushed the infant into her arms, among the rush of the storm and the shock of what was happening, Andree remembered the woman imploring her to “love her beyond the stars” before ducking into the beat-up station wagon and speeding away. She’d called Jonny immediately, sobbing into his answering machine in partially-incoherent French. Jonny had called her back immediately, afraid something had happened and after his mom clued him in on her beliefs that Addy’s mom was Chy, Jonny had admitted that it was true and that her name was on Addy’s birth certificate.

Andree had been stunned.

Jonny had been riding a rollercoaster of emotions since finding it all out himself but he had begged Andree not to say anything to Patrick. Against her better judgment, Andree had eventually agreed not to tell him. She believed completely that her children’s lives were theirs to live without interference from her, but she was certain to let Jonny know she didn’t agree with his decision to keep Patrick in the dark.

The guilt Jonny felt for keeping the truth about Addy a secret from Patrick had been eating away at him for years but it was nothing compared to the guilt he felt at not being able to somehow, someway, save Cheyanne all those years before. Addy wasn’t Cheyanne’s daughter; not anymore. She was his and Patrick’s and Jonny knew Patrick better than he knew himself. Knowing who Addy’s mom was would bring unnecessary stress onto Patrick, it would bring a constant worry that he wouldn’t be able to shake. Jonny needed Patrick to keep believing that Addy’s mom was some nameless, faceless woman and Jonny could give that peace of mind to him.

Even if it meant giving up any peace of mind of his own.

Patrick turned around in Jonny’s arms, his head burrowing into Jonny’s neck. “Just because her parent’s took her away doesn’t mean she’s clueless to how your life has turned out. You are the prodigal son of Manitoba, designated leader of all the Moose,” Patrick laughed against Jonny’s neck, “she knows her faith in you was never misplaced.”

Jonny nodded but remained silent as Patrick’s weight settled solidly against him. Jonny reached down just enough to pull the comforter up to cover him and Patrick. The Convention was days away and then they would head up to the cabin for the first time in years. They were bringing their kids up to experience one of the few places where Jonny felt completely at peace in the world. It had been pretty much the four of them all summer but just the idea of the four of them being together on the lake was enough to make Jonny feel slightly better.

He was going to marry Patrick Kane.

And he was going to find Cheyanne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting closer and closer to the end...what did you think? Feedback literally makes the world go round. I am a scientist. This is fact.


	15. Blissfully Unaware

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay boys and girls...we are getting into the meat and bones of the last half of the story. I'm guessing there are probably around 6 more chapters left, give or take one or two so buckle up it's about to get bumpy!! And for real I am damn near hyperventilating just thinking about this being even close to being over with. Not ready...not at all!!
> 
> Oh and btw: Chy's name is pronounced "Shy"

Patrick had been sleeping. 

Sleeping rather comfortably and soundly when he’d been pulled to consciousness by two whispering, mutinous children. He burrowed into Jonny’s neck, mumbling as Jonny’s arm tightened around his neck, pulling him closer. Maybe he could just ignore them and go back to sleep?

“Wake them up.” Addy whispered from what sounded like a few feet away.

“No you,” Ryker countered. “It was your idea.”

There was a ruffling noise followed by Ryker grunting and Patrick smiled against Jonny’s neck. He knew sleep was out of the question at this point, but he wasn’t going to give up so easily. He had no clue what time it was but he was absolutely sure it was too early to be awake.

Patrick felt a pull on the comforter around his hips.

“Why are you so big?” Ryker hissed under his breath with a grunt before the mattress dipped next to Patrick.

“Daddy says I almost bigger than you,” Addy corrected and Patrick could hear the pride dripping from her voice. While it had been a bit of an exaggeration, Addy wasn’t all that much smaller than Ryker. He had quite a few inches on her but was skinny – Addy had been a chubby little baby and the trend had stuck.

The mattress shifted again as Patrick felt Ryker climb up onto the bed next to Addy, then there was silence.

For about 5 seconds.

Patrick felt a finger poking at his cheek as a tiny hand pushed his longer hair away from his ear, “Daddy you awake?” Addy whispered, head bent close to Patrick’s. “Daddy wake up.” Addy raised her voice, pulling Patrick’s eyelid up to see if he was awake.

Patrick groaned, noticing for the first time that he was drooling on Jonny’s chest. “Wake your Papa up. He told me he wanted to wake up really early this morning with you guys.”

“Papa is awake,” Jonny grumbled shifting onto his side until he was facing Patrick, his voice thick with sleep, “and you’re a liar.”

Addy gasped, “Daddy you don’t lie, that’s not nice.”

“I know, I know,” Patrick groaned, extricating himself from Jonny arms and rolling over onto his back. “Daddy is just really sleepy from yesterday. Wait until you have to get two kids and two adults slash grown children and one pregnant and highly irritable grumpy sister through an entire day of traveling and passports and potty breaks.”

“What?” Addy asked, her head tilting to the side.

Patrick patted her knee, “Never mind.”

Jonny was stirring beside him, stretching with a loud moan. Patrick rubbed at his eyes.

Ryker nudged Addy as she swung her legs over Patrick’s waist, sitting heavily on stomach. Addy nodded her head, “We made you and Papa breakfast.”

Patrick’s adrenaline spiked and all the nerve endings in his body sang as he and Jonny sat up quickly. Patrick flung his arms around Addy before she tumbled off him with the sudden movement. There weren’t any visible burn marks on Ryker or Addy, Patrick looked them over quickly. He didn’t smell anything burnt…no fire alarms were ringing in the cabin. “I thought Papa and I explained to you guys why you aren’t allowed to touch the stove or the oven. It is dangerous.”

Ryker shook his head quickly, “Timmy from school had to stay in the hospital for a whole week because he tried to make grilled cheese. He had to wear bandages on his arms and they were stinky.” Ryker shook his head in disgust at the memory, “We made cereal.”

Jonny, who was half out of the bed and on his way to the kitchen stopped abruptly with a laugh and sat back down on the bed. The relief overwhelmed him as he hooked an arm around Addy and Ryker both and pulled them back towards him.

The four of them sat in the bed, huddled together for a couple more minutes before Ryker spoke up again. “We’ll clean the mess up, we promise.”

Jonny snorted beside him as Patrick shook his head at the two. “What are we going to do with you two monsters?”

“Go swimming?” Addy cheered, bouncing up and down from where she had shifted from Patrick to wedge herself between Jonny and Patrick.

“Swimming?” Patrick asked in feigned shock.

Patrick looked to Jonny, who nodded once, before grabbing Addy while Jonny grabbed Ryker and started tickling them without mercy.

Once the kids were left gasping for air, Jonny and Patrick stopped their assault.

“I guess we better go eat this breakfast that has been prepared for us.” Jonny stated loudly for effect.

Who knew if the cereal they’d dug up in the kitchen was even edible but they’d bought the milk and a few other essentials on their way up from the airport the day before after they had dropped Jackie off at David’s apartment. Though if they’d already ‘made’ breakfast, the milk was probably warm by now with whatever cereal they’d found likely turned to mush. “Sounds delicious.”

“Maybe if we all help clean up the kitchen and find our bathing suits we can go out to the lake. It’ll be warm enough during the day but after about 4 or 5 it will start to get cooler.” Jonny said.

Ryker and Addy cheered as they scrambled off the bed and ran out of the room.

Jonny grabbed Patrick’s hand, “Up,” he declared with a tug. Patrick fell back against the pillows with a grin. “Fine,” Jonny warned, ducking his head under Patrick’s arm, slinging the blond over his shoulder. Jonny secured his arms around the back of Patrick’s knees, stumbling a little when Patrick used his position to pinch Jonny’s ass as they made their way out of the bedroom. Jonny carried him down the stairs and into the small dining room, much to the kids’ delight. Addy started jumping up and down pointing at Patrick and Ryker fell dramatically to the floor in a fit of laughter.

As Jonny neared the kitchen with Patrick still over his shoulder, squirming and demanding to be let down, Jonny felt the familiar crunch of cereal beneath his feet. From what he could see it looked like twenty boxes of cereal had exploded and there were a couple puddles of milk on the counters. The fridge door was cracked open. He couldn’t see the floor but he was already afraid to look once he sat Patrick back down on his feet. They stood in the middle of the room and looked around, surveying the damage. The floor was littered with what looked like about 3 different kinds of cereal and Jonny was infinitely glad that he had replaced the carpeting throughout the cabin with hardwood floors. It wasn’t anything a broom and dustpan, and probably a mop, couldn’t fix.

Addy tugged at Patrick’s shirt. “Daddy, we sit the table like at home” Patrick and Jonny looked to where Addy was pointing. There were two bowls of puffy, overly-soggy cereal, two large classes of orange juice that were filled so full some had spilled onto the table. It was topped off with a single banana in the middle of the table and two large wooden spoons resting cockeyed beside the bowls.

Patrick smirked, looking to Ryker and Addy who stood proudly by their creation. “Looks great,” Patrick announced pulling out his and Jonny’s chairs. The milk was about room temperature and the cereal had lost pretty much all of its flavoring by that point but Patrick and Jonny made a show of eating both bowls and splitting the banana when Ryker sat down beside Patrick and Addy crawled up into Jonny’s lap to watch them. Jonny had his determined face on as he ate, like he was challenging himself to not leave a single flake or drop of milk in the bowl. It was the same face he got when he downed a couple protein shakes every morning during the season and when he was training.

“Where’s your bowls?” Jonny asked, looking between Ryker and Addy.

“We already eat, Papa!” Addy giggled, pointing back to the kitchen. That would help explain the explosion of corn flakes all over the floor and countertops.

Ryker looked back as well, with a slight grimace. “Sorry. Addy was really excited and I was gonna clean it up but I don’t know where the broom is or the rags…”

Jonny ruffled the boys hair, cutting him off, “It’s okay Ry. We’ll all pitch in and get it cleaned up in no time. It was very nice of you two to want to surprise us.”

Ryker’s smile was instant and bright.

 

*

 

“Do it super high, Daddy!” Addy shrieked as Patrick grabbed ahold of her hands. He was standing at the edge of the dock, the summer sun warm at his back as he took in Addy in front of him.

“You all buckled in?” Patrick eyed the girl playfully.

Addy tugged with all the strength she had at the straps of her Spiderman life jacket and nodded, holding her hands up once again for Patrick to take.

“Remember to keep your eyes shut and you nose closed.” Patrick warned as he lifted her off her feet. He swung her back and forth a couple times before launching her out into the water where she splashed down a distance from where Ryker was trying to master underwater handstands. Addy popped back up with a shriek of laughter, kicking her feet crazily. “Again, again Daddy!”

“You gotta swim back over here first. Remember how Uncle Hoss taught you how to kick your feet…good job, Buggy.” Patrick crouched down at the end of the dock, reaching down to pull Addy out of the water.

 

*

 

Jonny was at the back patio, cleaning the grill for lunch and talking to his mom on the phone while he watched Patrick and the kids on the dock. Ryker and Addy were giving Patrick a serious workout as he tossed them each into the lake, one by one, until Patrick had cannonballed into the water himself, chasing after the kids as they shrieked with laughter.

Jonny smiled at the sight. He was really glad they’d decided to come back up here. He really had missed it and everything that came with being back where so many of his favorite memories started from. He really liked the idea of his kids making memories with him and Patrick that they would hopefully never forget. He hoped they would want to come back as much as he did when he was young, begging his mom as soon as school let out to head out to the lake.

“Jonathan are you listening to me?” He heard his mom raise her voice on the other end of the line.

Jonny shook his head, going back to scrubbing the grill rack with the wire brush. “Sorry, Maman.”

“When I’d called those weeks ago to tell you I saw Chy, it wasn’t so you would come up here and stir up trouble.” Andree pleaded with Jonny. “What do you mean you found her?”

“I called Jimmy and asked him if he knew anything.” Jonny explained, “He asked around and found out she works doubles at Trickle Creek every weekend, but only on the weekend.” Addy’s shrieks floated up to Jonny who looked up in time to see her standing on Patrick’s shoulders, her arms stretched out for balance as Patrick held onto her ankles. She stood still for a moment before jumping back into the water. Her fearlessness tugged at Jonny’s heart. She had this fierce independent streak that sometimes worried Jonny because she was so young but she also trusted Patrick so unconditionally to not let anything happen to her that she didn’t think twice about diving headfirst into the water.

“Jimmy? The one with all the hair?” Andree asked after a moment. Jonny could picture her motioning with her hands to indicate the crazy curls of his long-time friend and it made him smile.

“Yeah, the one with all the hair,” Jonny laughed.

“What are you going to do with this information?” Jonny didn’t miss the worry in his mother’s voice.

Jonny sighed as he finished cleaning the rack, ducking back into the kitchen, using his elbows to open and close the slider, to wash the black residue off his hands and arms. “I’m going to go down and see her. Tomorrow morning.”

“What does Patrick think about this? I can’t imagine he is happy about it.” Andree ventured, her voice held an edge to it that surprised Jonny.

Jonny was having a hard time figuring out why Andree seemed so against Jonny seeing Chy. He’d figured she would be excited that he’d found her, maybe even want to see her herself, but he wasn’t expecting this reaction.

Jonny took in a deep breath, “Patrick doesn’t know yet and I don’t know if I am going to tell him or not.”

There was a sharp intake on the other line before Andree’s voice raised significantly, “Jonathan Bryan Toews I raised you better than this.”

“Maman, it’s complicated…I just think it would be better if I saw Chy first before I said anything to Patrick.” Jonny leaned against the countertop. “Look, I don’t even know what is going to happen. Maybe he never needs to know?”

Jonny had barely finished before Andree started in. “I am going to choose to believe that in all of this massive stupidity you actually believe that is the right thing to do because I can’t think of any other reason why you would even consider this ridiculousness. But let me tell you right now, if you do not tell Patrick what you are up to, you are going to regret it.” Andree paused for a second before continuing, her voice softer now, “Jonathan, I know you’ve always felt guilty about what happened with Chy and God only knows how much I want to see her, to make sure she is okay and to ask her why. But you have your own family to think about now. They come first before anyone else. They have to! This has the potential to destroy everything you’ve built with Patrick over the years if you continue to lie to him, do you really want to risk that?”

Jonny shook his head, glancing out the window over the sink that looked out onto the lake. Patrick and the kids were up on the bank; Ryker was clinging to Patrick’s back as the two chased Addy across the sandy shore before Addy took off down the dock and jumped as far as her little body would take her. Ryker followed and then Patrick was splashing down soon after. “Maman, I think you are being a little overly dramatic about this.”

“And I think you are being overly naïve. What are you even planning to do when you see her?”

The truth was, Jonny had been feeling more than a little guilty about it all. When he had first brought up the idea about coming back to the cabin with the kids, he had been so sure that he wanted to find Chy. He really had believed that it would be too much for Patrick to worry about, and it would all be innocent enough, but the closer they had gotten to actually leaving, as well as the entire trip up here, he had done nothing but turn different scenarios over and over in his head.

What if Chy wasn’t really Chy anymore…what if she was a completely different person that Jonny couldn’t recognize anymore? The Chy he knew, remembered, wouldn’t just hand her daughter over to anyone, even if it was Jonny’s mom. What if she demanded to see Addy? Would he be okay with that? Would Patrick? Surely then he would have to tell Patrick and what would happen then? What if Chy wanted her back?

It was all too much for Jonny to process but his gut was telling him that he needed to do this. He had to find her and see her and if he’d learned nothing else in life it was to always trust his gut.

“I just want to talk to her. I have so many questions to ask, first of which is why she did what she did with Addy. I need to know why.” Jonny pleaded. He didn’t really have a plan beyond that point.

Andree sighed heavily, “I know baby, but as much as I would like to know why she did it, there is too much at risk. What if she wants to see Addy? What if she ends up realizing that what she did was a mistake?”

The hair on the back of Jonny’s neck bristled. “She can’t do anything, Addy is our daughter.” Jonny demanded as he gripped at the countertop. Knowing it was a possibility in his head that Chy might want Addy back and being confronted with it out loud appeared to be two different matters all together.

No matter what happened, Addy was theirs.

“Exactly, she is yours AND Patrick’s daughter.” Andree’s tone softened. “You can’t make decisions like this without discussing it with Patrick. You cannot keep this from him. It’s not just you and him anymore; you two have two of the most amazing children together. This is the type of thing that whether 2 months from now or 10 years from now, when it comes out – and it will come out, it will be devastating. Please promise me that you will talk to him?”

Jonny pinched the bridge of his nose, a headache already forming at the base of his neck. “Maman, I’m not trying to keep this from him to hurt him, I just don’t want to cause unnecessary stress or worry. Patrick is fiercely protective over the kids and he sometimes lets that cloud his judgment. He doesn’t need to freak out about it because I am not going to let anything like that happen, but he will if I tell him.” Jonny was going to take care of it; it was on him.

“Patrick IS protective over those kids and that is absolutely his right and it is absolutely not your right to dictate what he is and isn’t aware of when it comes to something that can affect your family. Maybe you need to have a little more faith in Patrick to trust you but you aren’t even giving him the option.” Andree demanded.

Jonny’s shoulders fell. He knew his mother was right. The more and more he thought about all of this, even though he dreaded actually telling Patrick, he knew it had to be done. He’d already been lying to him for too long but he had been so afraid to tell him the truth. After he’d kept it a secret for so long, he’d told himself, what was one more day, one more month?

But how was he now supposed to just drop this on him? They were supposed to be enjoying this week as a family, waiting for their friends and family to come in before they surprised them all with the wedding. This was supposed to be a happy, carefree time for them.

Jonny glanced back out the window.

Even from this distance it was still so easy to make out Patrick’s blinding smile as Addy hugged him tight, wrapping her arms and legs around him, kissing all over his face while Ryker tried to float on his back a few feet away. Patrick had no idea what Jonny was holding onto and Jonny knew that he was going to be really upset once he found out.

The thing was, Jonny knew that he could forget the whole thing with Chy. He could drop it and go out to the lake, jump off the dock and just be with his family…like it was meant to be and just let it all go. But he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to do that. Not now that he knew where Chy was. The moment he got that information from Jimmy, there was no turning back.

At this point, he was just really, REALLY hoping that their love for each other and their family was going to be enough because Jonny had the sinking feeling like this could be a deal breaker between them. Too big for Patrick to overlook this time. Jonny felt sick to his stomach at just the thought.

“I know I’ve got to tell him.” Jonny whispered into the phone. Patrick was wrapping the towels around the kids and collecting their shoes and the few other items they had brought out with them; ushering the kids away from the lake and back towards the cabin. Jonny straightened up and cleared his throat, smiling softly when Patrick bent down to hook his arm around Ryker’s shoulder as they slowly made their way back towards the house, his head ducking down as he said something to the Ryker that made him laugh. Addy skipped along beside them, not paying them any attention.

Andree pulled his attention back as she spoke once more, her voice sad. “Be truthful with Patrick, my love.”

“I will.” Jonny promised, his eyes tracking Patrick as he and the kids got closer and closer. “I have to start getting everything ready for lunch but how about you and dad come out for dinner tomorrow night? I’m gonna have to tell him tonight,” Jonny paused, taking a deep breath, his vision blurring slightly, “and he might need someone to talk to depending on how things go.”

Andree sighed on the other end of the line, “Of course. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Jonny pulled himself together as Patrick slid the back door open and the three padded into the kitchen talking loudly. Addy ran over, hugged Jonny’s knees and then grabbed a juice box out of the fridge, running off toward the living room.

Andree cleared her throat, her voice picking up noticeably, “Now let me talk to my grandbabies.”

Jonny held the phone out, “Who wants to talk to Grandmere?”

“ME!” Ryker yelled from upstairs and Addy came running from the living room but Patrick got to the phone first.

“Mama T why am I talking to you over the phone when you should just be here instead? We’ve got a surprise for you.” Patrick winked at Jonny.

Jonny’s stomach churned and his mouth went dry at Patrick’s raw happiness. They’d decided not to tell their families and friends about their wedding until after they had all arrived and Patrick was practically dancing with the secret information.

“No fair, Papa!” Addy crossed her arms over her chest as she turned the corner into the kitchen. She pointed at Patrick accusatorily, her other hand perched defiantly on her hip.

“Mon garçon préféré.” Andree laughed loudly, “You know I don’t like surprises but I think we are coming out for dinner tomorrow.”

“Awesome. Remember, you promised me pie last time you were down. I specifically remember the word peach being involved as well.” Patrick side-stepped Addy, ruffling her hair, as she tried to jump up and grab the phone from him.

“If you don’t let me talk to my granddaughter there will be no pie.” Andree warned in mock seriousness.

Patrick pulled a face, “Your words hurt. If you insist.” Patrick kissed the receiver with a loud smack of his lips before handing the phone to Addy. Addy grabbed the phone, stuck her tongue out at Patrick and took off running for the living room giggling when Patrick made like he was going to chase her.

“Don’t sit on the furniture you are still wet. When Ry is done you are next in the shower.” Jonny yelled after her.

Patrick crowded Jonny into the corner of the counter, leaning his entire body into Jonny’s. Jonny ran his hands from Patrick’s bare shoulders up to his neck. His skin was warm and smelled like a combination of sand and sunscreen. His nose and the tops of his cheeks were slightly sunburned. Jonny kissed the red skin gently, pulling Patrick against him with a deep sigh.

He really hoped this was going to be worth it.

 

*

 

“Daddy, I thought you said we were going to watch a movie.” Addy practically shouted springing up onto her knees from where she had been tucked against Patrick’s side on the couch.

Patrick grinned at his daughter, “We are! The problem is that your Papa forgot to step into the 21st Century and apparently has something against modern technology, which is why he’s trying to wrestle that VCR into submission.”

“Huh?” Addy cocked her head as she looked between Patrick and Jonny.

“Never mind, Buggy.” Patrick ruffled the girl’s hair.

“For your information, I used to watch these same movies when I was about Ry’s age,” Jonny grumbled.

Patrick laughed, “Yeah well I think that bit of nostalgia is lost on our daughter who has never seen a movie that wasn’t a DVD.”

“We didn’t have DVDs at the home,” Ryker stated matter of factly from where he was crouched next to Jonny who was trying to plug cables into the television set that was lucky if it hadn’t seen the 1980s.

“No?” Jonny asked, stopping for a moment.

Ryker shook his head.

The orphanage likely didn’t have the money to buy things such as DVDs and largely relied on donations from the community. Patrick hadn’t really given it much thought but now that it was in his head, he did remember seeing a small bookcase in the corner of the large play room that was filled with old Disney VHS tapes, some with torn covers, most with no covers at all.

Jonny glanced back to Patrick and Patrick nodded. When they got back to Chicago Patrick would get in contact with their charities coordinator through the team and get the ball rolling on that. Addy was lucky enough to never have wanted for anything in her young little life as Patrick and Jonny were more than able to provide her with the best of whatever she needed, though they did try to not spoil her too much. Their families and the guys on the team more than made up for anything Jonny and Patrick deemed “too much” for a 3 year old. But so far, Addy hadn’t fallen into being a spoiled brat because Jonny and Patrick had both agreed, that wasn’t happening. Yes, she was rotten, but she wasn’t one of those mean little kids running around demanding they get their way at all times.

Ryker, on the other hand, had experienced both sides of the proverbial coin as he had gone from being an only child and having his parent’s unconditional love to suddenly having to share space with dozens of other kids. It had bred a certain stillness in the boy as he had been forced to grow up much quicker than other kids his age. And now he had a constant fear of losing everyone around him. Patrick couldn’t imagine what the other kids at the orphanage had gone through in their short little lives.

Patrick and Jonny would round up a few of the guys once they got back to Chicago and they would set the orphanage up with some movies from within the last decade. There wasn’t much they could do but they could at least try to make some aspects of these kids’ lives better even if they couldn’t give them all the one thing they wanted most in the world.

Jonny reached back behind the television set, his tongue poking out from between his lips in concentration before the screen came to life and Addy cheered, jumping bodily into Patrick’s lap.

Jonny stood up, rubbing his hands together, “Okay, what do we want to watch?”

Before anyone else could speak up, Addy shouted “The Aristocats!”

“Nice job with the assist, bud!” Ryker ran over, jumping onto the couch and high-fiving Patrick as he settled in on the blondes other side. “How about we watch something else, we watched that last time,” Patrick poked at Addy’s belly.

Addy twisted away from his reach with a pout, “It’s my favorite.”

Patrick looked back and forth between Jonny and Ryker, both of whom shrugged their shoulders in an eerily similar fashion before Jonny pulled the tape off the shelf and popped it in. Patrick didn’t claim they NEVER spoiled Addy.

Jonny flicked the light off in the room and made his way back over to the couch. Ryker scrambled to Patrick’s other side and Addy crawled into Jonny’s lap once he settled down beside Patrick.

Fifteen minutes into the movie Ryker jumped down off the couch and disappeared around the corner. Moments later he came back out with one of the old comforters from the spare beds, burrowing back into Patrick’s side. Patrick pulled the blanket up so they could all fit under it. Ryker turned into Patrick’s arm as Jonny reached between them, lacing his fingers with Patrick’s as the movie started playing after all the previews were over.

Once everyone was settled in, Jonny’s mind started to roam as he thought about what he was going to have to tell Patrick before they went to bed tonight. As much as he would like to just let them all fall asleep in a giant heap on the couch like they had done so many times before, waking up twisted around each other; Jonny knew he was going to have to move this along once the kids were asleep. There was no telling how Patrick was going to react and they really needed to have this conversation when the kids weren’t awake and within earshot. Jonny was dreading it in a way that left his stomach feeling like it was full of lead and his throat feeling way too small.

He was going to try to enjoy this. His family. The unabashed closeness that had manifested naturally and had never been questioned.

Addy was singing along in his lap, Patrick was curled against his side and Ryker was safe and content and almost asleep with his little feet tucked under Patrick’s thighs. No matter what, Jonny had to believe that this would never change. This would be the one constant that made his entire life worth waking up every morning for.

Jonny ran his free hand through Addy’s curls under his chin, ducking down to kiss the top of her head. Everything was quiet until Thomas O’Malley strutted across the screen at what had always been Addy’s favorite part. She sang along quietly, wiggling to the music against Jonny’s chest but by the time Scat Cat and the gang made their appearance, Addy and Ryker were both out and Patrick wasn’t far behind.

Jonny nosed at Patrick’s temple, startling the blonde slightly. Patrick blinked up at Jonny with the silent question. Jonny smiled softly, “Let’s get them in bed, eh?”

Patrick’s face looked extra soft from nearly falling asleep himself but he nodded without speaking. Jonny turned Addy in his arms until she wrapped her arms and legs around his chest, burying her face in his neck without waking as Jonny stood up. Patrick cradled Ryker against him and the two made their way towards the kids’ room. They tucked them in and then switched off, Jonny lingering with his lips pressed against Addy’s hair a moment longer than usual, silently praying that by the time they woke up in the morning everything would be fine.

Jonny jumped when Patrick’s hands slid up his shoulders and then relaxed against the touch. Patrick tugged gently and Jonny followed him, glancing back once more into the room. He flipped the nightlight on for Ryker, turned the main light off, and shut the door behind him.

Patrick had ahold of his hand and led them silently and slowly to their room. Jonny knew he was going to have to say it now or he would never get the courage to say it at all.

Before they reached the bed, Jonny tugged Patrick’s hand gently. Patrick stopped and turned back towards him. “You know I love you, right?” Jonny asked. He just really needed Patrick to know that no matter what happened from this point on. He needed that to be an anchor, a constant truth between them that would never change no matter what went down in the next few minutes.

Patrick smiled goofily at Jonny before he stopped and his face fell slightly, “Of course. What’s wrong?” Patrick moved from around the side of the bed until he was standing closer to Jonny.

Jonny glanced down to his hands as they twisted the edge of his shirt between his fingers. Patrick stilled them with his own, gripping them tightly. Jonny nodded, “Remember when I told you about Chy, my friend from when I was little?”

Patrick’s eyes searched Jonny’s before he nodded.

Jonny’s stomach was churning. “Remember when my mom called a couple weeks ago and she was really upset but I told you that everything was fine?” Jonny hedged forward.

“Yeah,” Patrick grabbed Jonny’s hands, “what’s going on, Jonny. Did something happen?”

“Sort of,” Jonny scrunched his nose. Patrick’s face was so full of raw concern it was actually physically hurting Jonny to see it. “She ran into Chy that day. She is back in the city.”

“And you want to go see her?” Patrick guessed, smiling brightly, the relief instant on his face. “Of course you want to go see her. Why do you look like you just ran a bag skate from Q after a bad loss?”

“I do want to go see Chy,” Jonny amended, “I’m actually going to go try to see her in the morning but that isn’t…”

Patrick shook his head and yawned, “I don’t get what’s going on?”

Jonny squeezed Patrick’s fingers and closed his eyes. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears and every point of consciousness was focused down to the places where Jonny’s skin met Patrick’s. It was like nothing else existed but where they were touching and Jonny tried to hold onto that feeling. Jonny breathed in deeply, in and out, in and out.

Jonny opened his eyes, “Patrick…Chy is Addy’s mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think about this chapter?
> 
> What do you think Patrick's reaction is going to be?
> 
> You know I love to hear your reactions and/or suggestions/ideas so please do not hesitate to let me know...feedback is amazing!!!


	16. If I Asked You Not To, Would You Still Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am hoping the content (and the fact that I updated so quickly *wink, wink*) will make up for the length...padding felt dishonest and adding the next scene to the end felt like it cheapened the mood so this is going to be a stand alone chapter of sorts!!

“What?” Patrick stuttered, his head whipping up, “What do you mean Chy is Addy’s mom?”

“I mean…Chy is Addy’s biological mother.” Jonny spoke slowly.

“No, no no no, that can’t…how do you even know? Was that why your mom called and was so upset? Did she say something to your mom?” Patrick nearly shouted, his entire body rigid with alarm.

Jonny shook his head. “She didn’t say anything to maman…I don’t even know if she recognized my mom. But after Maman had seen Chy she remembered the woman who gave Addy to her begging her to love Addy “beyond the stars” which was what maman used to say to us when we were little, and then it all fell into place, I guess. When she called and she was so upset, she told me that she thought it might have been Chy.”

“This makes absolutely no sense.” Patrick started pacing around the room. “When we first got Addy we really thought she was yours because the timing was right for when you’d slept with that woman,” Patrick’s face twisted in pain at the thought, “but the DNA test wasn’t a match. And now all of a sudden you’re sure some woman that you haven’t seen in almost 2 decades is our daughter’s mother?”

Jonny rubbed his hand roughly over his face, “I know she is, Patrick.”

“How?” Patrick demanded.

“It’s her name on Addy’s birth certificate.” Jonny whispered.

Patrick’s shoulders slumped; he’d forgotten about the birth certificate. “Her birth certificate?”

“Yes, her name is on the original one we got at the adoption hearing.”

Patrick spun around to face Jonny, “Her adoption? You’ve known since her adoption?” Patrick’s voice started to raise before he looked to the door, remembering that the kids were asleep just down the hall. Patrick continued through clenched teeth. “That was over two years ago, Jonny.”

Jonny nodded his head.

“You’ve known this for two years?” Patrick stepped towards Jonny, his hands clenched at his sides. Jonny didn’t think Patrick would actually hit him, but he wasn’t completely sure of that either. “You looked at that name, knew who she was and you said nothing?”

Jonny nodded again, “Yes.”

“Why?” Patrick demanded, his eyes flooding with tears.

“I—“ Jonny started but Patrick stopped him.

“You swore to me, Jonny. No more lies, no more holding back the truth. You gave me your word!” Patrick reached out like he was going to grab Jonny’s arm but then he backed away. “After everything came out about you and that girl you swore you wouldn’t lie to me again. We were building a family together and it was too important to risk…and all this time you’ve known?”

“I didn’t say anything because it didn’t matter to me who Addy’s mom was,” Jonny pleaded, reaching out to Patrick but Patrick stepped back. “All I knew was that in those months after Addy came into our lives…that was the happiest…the scariest, most fun times of my life and it was because we finally had a purpose. We weren’t just seeing where things went…we made that decision that night when maman showed up with Addy; when we agreed there were no take backs.”

Patrick stood stalk still listening to Jonny speak, his eyes were closed tight but tears still managed to escape. “Do you remember what else you said that night?” Patrick asked, his voice shaking as he leveled his red-rimmed eyes on Jonny. “I’ll make you trust me again, no matter what. That is what you said to me.” Jonny watched as Patrick’s hands shook at his side as he threw Jonny’s words back at him. “Goddammit Jonny, and that is exactly what you did. I trusted you with everything I had and you still kept very important information from me about OUR daughter.”

“But you still can, Patrick,” Jonny rushed forward, grabbing Patrick’s hands. Patrick visibly stiffened up but didn’t move away. “I didn’t tell you because it really doesn’t matter…we are her parents. I didn’t want you to worry about something that literally meant nothing.”

Patrick bit at his lip for a moment, “Is that why you didn’t want to come back here? Why we haven’t come back since we’ve had Addy?”

Patrick had calmed down somewhat, which gave Jonny some hope. “I didn’t know where she was or what she was doing, I guess a part of me was worried that somehow we would run into her and something would happen?”

“Then why did you decide to come back?” Patrick shook his head, “Wait, you said your mom saw her…?”

Jonny nodded once more, bracing himself for the next blow. “She is in town, yes. A friend of mine knows where she works.”

Patrick just stood there and stared at Jonny.

“I’m going in the morning to go see her.” Jonny rushed the words, lowering his eyes as Patrick’s fingers gripped tightly in his palms before he jerked his hands from Jonny’s all together.

“You what?”

Jonny straightened up, clearing his throat so he could speak clearly. “I’m going to go see Chy tomorrow morning.”

“And that’s why you are only telling me now about all of this?” The corner of Patrick’s mouth pulled up in a mean sneer. “Isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Jonny wasn’t going to lie now.

“I should have known something was up when you decided out of the blue to come back up here. Stupid me, I thought it was because this was where you wanted to get married. We’d waited so long and suddenly everything was falling into place so perfectly.” Patrick laughed. “Addy is finally old enough to understand, we got Ryker…I finally felt like everything was perfect and we were finally ready. But all it really was, was a convenient little detour once you’d made your mind up to see her?”

“Patrick, that is not true—“

“Is this what this is, Jonny?” Patrick held his arms out wide, “Am I just the fun little consolation prize on the way towards your big happy reunion? Some little side story you can tie up neatly along the way?”

“Absolutely not!” Jonny growled, raising his voice for the first time. “You are everything to me.”

Patrick snorted in disbelief, “Obviously not.”

“It’s the truth!”

Patrick squared up to Jonny, arms folded across his chest. “Then why, if it doesn’t matter to you who Addy’s mom is, do you now need to go find her?”

Jonny searched Patrick’s eyes, surprised when he saw a curious edge behind the anger. “It’s not going to change anything…but I need to talk to her, to see her. I need to know that she is okay,” Jonny sank down onto the edge of the bed, his head falling to his hands. “I need to know why she did it.”

Patrick sat down but left so much room between them. Jonny couldn’t remember the last time they’d sat that far apart outside of the locker room or on the bench during a game. Patrick’s voice was low now, he sounded so small, “What if she changes her mind, though? What if whatever made her give Addy up in the first place is fixed now and then you come walking back into her life and she realizes she made a mistake? You were her best friend, practically her family. I’m nothing in this equation if she decides she wants Addy back.”

Jonny’s head shot up at Patrick’s words, “She can’t do anything, she has no rights to Addy anymore. Addy is ours and nothing is going to change that.”

Patrick scrubbed at his face with the palms of his hand, “How do you even know that? Just because you want something to be a certain way doesn’t mean it will be. Who’s to say that if she didn’t petition the court they wouldn’t give Addy back in a heartbeat. Things have changed, yeah, but I am pretty sure they would rather a child be raised by their single mother than by two guys. And what about Ryker, he can’t lose anyone else.”

“That’s not fair, Patrick. We have been amazing parents and you know it! Do not belittle what we’ve done just because you are upset,” Jonny’s voice rose. “And I already talked to Anthony and he told me that Chy had no legal claim to Addy at all, she cannot take her from us under any circumstances.”

“You talked to Anthony about this before you told me?” Patrick’s voice broke as he jumped up and started pacing again.

Jonny reached out to try to stop him but Patrick shrugged his arm off, “I just wanted to make sure she couldn’t do anything, I wasn’t going to risk that, are you kidding me? Friend or not, no one is taking Addy away from us, I don’t care who it is.” Jonny demanded as he stood up to block Patrick’s path. “Can you just try to understand, Patrick, please?”

Patrick rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes in an attempt to hide the tears. “No, I can’t, Jonny…not right now.” Patrick exhaled heavily, “This is too much, Jonny…too much.”

Jonny nodded, but said nothing.

Patrick walked over to his side of the bed and grabbed a couple pillows off the bed. He went to the closet and pulled the spare comforter off the top shelf.

“What are you doing?” Jonny asked.

“I can’t sleep in that bed with you…honestly, I don’t even want to be in the same room as you right now.” Patrick sighed, crushing the pillows against his chest.

Jonny moved to block the door, “Wait, this is all on me. I’ll go sleep on the couch…you can sleep in the bed.”

Patrick shook his head. He moved around Jonny but stopped just before opening the door, “If I asked you not to,” Patrick’s voice shook, “would you still go?”

Jonny’s breath caught in his throat at the calmness that took over Patrick at that question. Jonny grabbed at the hem of his shirt, his fingers flexing in the material. He hated that he had to do this…that all of this was happening when they were supposed to be caught up in the middle of what was supposed to be one of the best times of their lives. Instead, they were about to sleep alone for the first time in years.

“Yes.” Jonny hated admitting it but he knew it was the truth. He had to go. Even if Patrick couldn’t understand, Jonny still had to do this.

Patrick nodded, tears falling off his cheeks and onto the comforter. Jonny wanted to reach out and wipe them away but he knew instinctively that the last thing Patrick wanted right now was for Jonny to touch him. “Okay.” Patrick whispered and turned to leave.

Jonny caught Patrick’s elbow and the blonde stopped but didn’t turn around. “If this is too much…no one…no one knows about the wedding.” Jonny stopped for a moment, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat that had been steadily building, “I still want to marry you more than anything but if this is all too much…for you…we can just get through this week and then see what happens. No one will know.”

Patrick stiffened under Jonny’s touch but he didn’t say anything. He looked at Jonny out of the corner of his eye. Nothing more. Nodded once and then walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. Jonny leaned forward until his forehead rested against the cool wood, not even trying to stop the tears at that point.

Patrick walked slowly down the hall towards the living room, but at the last minute he turned down the small hallway towards the only door on the right. He cracked the door open, terrified that he would find the kids awake and scared, that somehow they had heard him and Jonny arguing. But they were both sleeping soundly in their beds, as if the entire world wasn’t falling apart around them. There wasn’t much in the room besides the two full beds and the single nightstand that was wedged between them. There were toys, however, all over the floor but the nightlight allowed Patrick enough light to see by as he slipped into the room and closed the door behind him.

Patrick snuck over towards Ryker’s bed, running his fingers lightly through the little boy’s hair, relieved to see that his face was relaxed and not scrunched up which usually meant he had been having nightmares. He hadn’t had a really bad night in a couple weeks. Patrick bent down and kissed his hair. “I’ll always be here no matter what,” he whispered.

Satisfied that the boy was safe and secure in his bed, Patrick made his way the few feet towards where Addy was sound asleep. She was laying up against the wall which made it easy for Patrick to climb up into the bed without needing to move her. He propped his pillow up against the headboard and crawled under her favorite fuzzy blanket, leaving the comforter he had grabbed from the closet on the floor by the bed. Patrick got comfortable, laying on his side facing Addy when Addy started moving around. Her eyes flicked open for a second, enough to see Patrick. “Hi Daddy.” Addy smiled, her voice thick with sleep, as she turned over and curled into Patrick’s belly.

“Go back to sleep, Bug.” Patrick whispered, moving the hair out of her eyes that had fallen out of her braid.

Addy nodded her head against Patrick’s chest, her eyes still closed, “Night Daddy, I love you.”

Patrick still felt numb from everything Jonny had said to him, from all the lies and then all the truths simultaneously exploding around him all at once. Patrick gathered Addy into his arms as she burrowed in deeper. “I love you so much, babygirl,” Patrick whispered against her hair. Patrick knew that the morning would bring a different view to everything and he would attempt to start working through everything he’d learned in the span of 30 minutes that stripped his entire world down to the studs. But right now, this was the only truth Patrick knew with absolute certainty. Shut away from the rest of the world, with his kids sleeping peacefully, Patrick just wanted to forget, if only for a few hours.

He laid in bed, so tired his entire body ached but unable to stop his mind from racing. A little while later, Patrick wasn’t sure how long, he could hear Jonny walking up and down the hallway until the door to the kids’ room slowly creaked open. Patrick, with his back to the door, didn’t move; didn’t want Jonny to know he was still awake.

The door lingered open for a couple minutes, the soft light from the hallway flooded the room. Patrick could just picture Jonny standing there, opening his mouth and then shutting it when he didn’t know what to say. Jonny eventually just sighed heavily before shutting the door and walking back towards their bedroom.

Patrick shifted, pulling Addy in closer as another wave of tears started falling until he felt like there was no way he could cry any longer, the exhaustion from the entire day took over and he fell into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooo, what did you think?? The awesome comments and discussions about the last chapter really pushed me when typing this chapter up, to get it done so quickly, so please let me know what you are thinking about this chapter and the events going forward!! It might help me get the next chapter out sooner rather than later...


	17. Not How This Works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally meet Cheyanne!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I am thinking there are probably about 5 chapters left after this one
> 
> sooooo not ready
> 
> not sure if I will ever be ready for it to be over with

The sun was way too bright and way too high for Patrick to still be sleeping, not when there were two kids running around who were awake before the sun more times than not and who naturally thought everyone else should be awake, too. There wasn’t an alarm clock in the kids’ room but Patrick figured it had to be at least 9, maybe even pushing 10. Addy’s spot, where she had slept curled up against Patrick all night, was empty. Patrick rolled over and looked across the room; Ryker’s bed was empty as well. Jonny must have gotten up with the kids, though it was strange that Patrick hadn’t woken up when Addy, no doubt, had climbed over him to get out of the bed.

Patrick fell back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling, trying to figure out how he was supposed to get up and go face Jonny after everything that had happened the night before. As much as he wanted to just stay shut up in the room until…forever…shutting himself away from Jonny also meant shutting himself away from his kids and that wasn’t going to happen.

Patrick sighed heavily and pulled himself out of bed. He scratched at his curls which he could tell were a mess without even looking in a mirror, scrubbed at his face to get some of the lingering sleepiness from his eyes and slipped out of the bedroom. It was strangely quiet, Patrick realized, as he turned the corner from the hallway. His heartbeat sped up for a split second when the thought struck him that maybe Jonny left with the kids?

Patrick stopped in the middle of the small area between the kitchen and the living room, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. Jonny wouldn’t take the kids, Patrick knew that without question. No matter what went down between them that was a truth neither one could ever escape.

A noise caught Patrick’s attention and he opened his eyes. Andree was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hand. “They’re playing in the backyard,” was all she said as she tilted her head towards the sliders. Patrick followed her gaze until he saw Jonny’s dad chasing the kids around on the grass between the back patio and the edge of the lake.

Patrick looked back to Andree, “He left an hour ago,” she explained.

Patrick nodded, worrying at his bottom lip between his teeth and turned towards the kitchen.

The coffee pot was brewing, nearly finished with what Patrick was guessing was at least the second pot this morning. Without paying attention, Patrick grabbed his mug out of the cabinet, dug the milk out of the fridge and pulled a spoon off the drying rack. Patrick inhaled the steam pouring out from the machine and rested his head against the side of the fridge. Everything was so fucked up. He was still so mad at Jonny keeping the truth from him about who Addy’s mom was for so long but he also knew that what they needed to do now was to talk about it and try to figure out what was going on.

The coffee finished brewing and Patrick blindly grabbed his mug but felt paper beneath his fingers. He looked down to the mug and there was a yellow post-it note stuck to the side.

I love you – J

Patrick’s vision blurred as tears welled up in his eyes, not even trying to stop them from falling as the anger rose in his chest. This wasn’t things were supposed to be. Not with them. He grabbed the mug and threw it as hard as he could against the wall over the microwave. The cup shattered with a satisfying crash as Patrick noticed for the first time that his hands were trembling.

“Oh Patrick.” Andree whispered behind him, standing in the doorway with her hand over her mouth.

Patrick turned around but couldn’t bear to look Jonny’s mom in the eyes. “We were going to get married this weekend. Are? I don’t know.” Patrick sagged forward.

Andree nodded.

“You knew?” Patrick wasn’t upset.

“Only since last night.” Andree confessed, stepping forward. “Jonny called after your argument last night. We talked until the sun started to come up. Bryan and I decided to come up a little early.” Andree reached out and placed her hand lightly against Patrick’s cheek. “Mon petit garçon triste”

“He said we could call it off if I wanted,” Patrick nearly choked out.

“Is that what you want?” Andree asked, tilting Patrick’s chin until she could look him in the eyes.

Patrick shook his head, his voice thick with emotion, “No.”

Andree’s eyes softened, “Did you tell him that?”

“No” Patrick closed his eyes, leaning forward until he was wrapped up in Andree’s arms.

Andree ran her hand up and down Patrick’s back. “Maybe you need to tell him that. We talked about a lot last night but I can tell you, he is very scared right now.”

“Scared of what?” Patrick’s head whipped up.

“That is for the two of you to discuss,” Andree smiled, tucking a curl behind Patrick’s ear. “Come. Let’s clean this mess up, get some coffee and food in you and then we’ll talk about what’s going on in your head right now.”

 

*

 

Jonny pulled up outside of the building that Jimmy had given him the direction to. Jonny looked up at the wooden sign: Trickle Creek General Store.

Jonny breathed in deeply for a few seconds, gripped the steering wheel tight and forced himself to get out of his dad’s old pickup before he talked himself out of going in. He knew that Patrick didn’t understand and in many ways he didn’t expect him to, but he kept reminding himself that he needed to do this. He needed to get the answers. Suddenly it felt very important to him. He’d already risked too much to turn back now.

Jonny walked into the small store, ducking behind the nearest aisle when a bell over top of the door signaled his arrival. He walked slowly to the other end of a shelf that was full of ropes and paint brushes and glanced around the side towards the back of the room where the lone cash register was. An old man was arranging knobs and pulleys that hung from the walls with his back to the store and even if Jonny didn’t know for sure who the woman at the register was, he would know that it was Chy. She had the same long blonde, curly hair that he remembered, but now it was pulled up in a messy ponytail and she looked like she probably came up to Jonny’s chest…maybe if he was barefoot. She was wearing a hunter green apron with the company name across it and she talked easily with the customer she was checking out.

Jonny hovered behind a rack of bolts and screws closest to the counter, picking up a package of hinges and took his place next in line. Chy finished bagging up the items and handed them and the receipt to the middle aged man with a smile as he walked out the door and the bell chimed once again.

“Did you find everything okay?” Chy asked, sliding the hinges towards the scanner without looking up. She pressed a few buttons on the older register.

“You could say that.” Jonny held his breath.

Chy smiled and looked up, not yet realizing who Jonny was.

It only took a split second before the color drained from her face and she dropped the hinges on the wood countertop with a loud clang.

“Everything okay, Cheyanne?” The older man behind the desk turned around, concern thick in his voice.

“Yes…everything is fine,” Chy stuttered, her eyes locked on Jonny.

Jonny looked around at the empty store, “Is there any way we could maybe talk…for a few minutes?” Jonny asked.

The older man turned around fully, looking Jonny up and down with a critical and very protective eye. It only took him a few moments before he realized who Jonny was, as well.

“Can I take my lunch break a little early, Marty?” Chy asked, never taking her eyes off Jonny. There was a wild edge to the corners, like she might take off running at any minute.

“I suppose so,” Marty agreed, still eyeing Jonny, “you sure everything is okay?”

Chy finally looked away, turning towards the older man. She pulled the apron over her head, placing her hand gently on the man’s shoulder. “Everything is fine. I’ll be okay.” Chy raised up on her toes and kissed the man’s cheek quickly before pulling her purse out from under the register. She walked around the counter and stopped, staring at Jonny, “Come on.”

Jonny silently followed her out of the store and across the street to a small deli. Without her apron on, Jonny could tell that she was still small, petite like she had been when they were little but she wasn’t worryingly thin like she used to be. Her hands, as she pulled the door open, were tiny but sure, not the least bit hesitant. She was wearing jeans and a flannel shirt, a far cry from the dresses and patchwork ribbons Jonny remembered.

As Jonny stood behind her while she ordered her lunch, the ‘usual’ the guy behind the counter had guessed, Jonny couldn’t help but marvel at how she looked both exactly the same and totally different at the same time. There was a determined set to her shoulders that replaced the habitually on edge rigidity that plagued her when she was so young, like she had always been waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop at any minute.

“Can I get you anything?” The guy asked as Chy stepped to the side.

Jonny cleared his throat, pulling his thoughts back, “Coffee, black. And a bagel, lightly toasted with cinnamon if you have any.”

The guy nodded and turned to get their order. They stood there, silently, while they waited. Jonny really wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be feeling right now because he felt equal parts curious and nauseous. The guy came back a few minutes later with their order. Jonny reached for his wallet but Chy just rolled her eyes and handed the guy a twenty.

They went to the empty booth furthest from the counter and sat down. Chy’s sub sat untouched and unwrapped on the table.

“How are you?” Jonny all but blurted out, tucking his hands under his thighs to keep them from shaking too much. He hadn’t thought he would be this nervous when he had envisioned this probably 50 different times in his head.

“I’m good,” Chy sat up straight. “Surprised to see you, though. It’s not every day the mighty Jonathan Toews comes waltzing into some random Podunk store. Something tells me your dad has probably a hundred hinges in his garage.”

Jonny frowned. “I’m still the same guy from when we were little.”

Chy tilted her head to the side with a sad smile. “Yeah, but you are so much more, too.”

Jonny shrugged.

Chy narrowed her eyes and smiled. “Mr. 2-time Stanley Cup champ, 2-time Olympic Gold medalist.”

“Gold and Silver,” Jonny corrected her. “We got beat by the US in 2014.”

“I weep for you,” Chy laughed loudly, “your name is positively besmirched now.”

Jonny laughed, ducking his head. Truth be told, while he had played his heart out, he hadn’t been very upset to come in second place. Watching Patrick nearly bursting with pride as he sung, loud and completely off key, the American Anthem, his own shiny gold medal hanging around his neck. Jonny had never been so okay with losing before in his life. Besides, now they each had a gold and a silver. They had gotten their medals mounted together on a plaque that hung in their house in Chicago. They had let the kids pick where they should display it after the move so it now hung proudly in the kids’ bathroom of all places.

“You’ve been keeping up?” Jonny peeked through his lashes, embarrassed to ask but too curious to let it go.

“It’s good to see everyone finally realizing what I knew all along.” Jonny didn’t miss the pride the clung heavy in Chy’s voice.

Jonny looked back down at his coffee. He had only taken a few sips and it was no doubt colder than he could stand to drink it. He wrapped his hands around it anyways, it somehow anchored him. He really wished Patrick was here with him.

Jonny decided that the best way to address the reason he was here was whatever way was the quickest. “I know it was you,” He spoke quickly, startling Cheyanne who looked at him with a blank expression. “I know you were the one who gave Addy to my mom.”

Chy inhaled sharply, nearly dropping her bottle of water.

Jonny cursed himself for being so brash. “That’s what we named her. Adelaide Kane T owes. But we call her Addy.”

Chy started fidgeting in the booth. “I know.”

“You do?”

Chy nodded, “I saw that interview you did after you won the last Cup.”

Jonny jogged his memory through all the interviews he’d done over the years. They all seemed to blur together. “The one with JR?”

Chy pursed her lips, “And I watched the Playoffs…when you brought her out onto the ice.” Her eyes dropped to her lap.

Jonny sat there, trying to wrap his head around what she was saying. Chy had been watching this whole time? “I just…why? Why did you do it?”

Chy picked at the edge of the paper still covering her sub but said nothing.

“Because I just, I don’t know how you could do that. And I am not judging you,” Jonny stumbled over his words, “I’m not trying to make you feel bad about it but…I look at her and I see so much. The sheer amount of love she brings to our lives, the potential for absolute pain if something ever happened to her that keeps me awake some nights, the…the way everything seems so much better just when she smiles at you.” Jonny couldn’t ignore the slight flash of anger that pitted in his stomach, “I look at her and I don’t understand how anyone could not want her.”

Chy reached across the table, hooking her pinkie with Jonny’s. In an instant it made him think of all the times Addy had made him pinkie promise one thing or another. Logically he knew that the two weren’t connected, but he had to remind himself to breathe once Chy started talking.

“It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I knew that if I gave her to your mom…to you, you would fall in love with her. Handing her over to your mom and then walking away was the lowest point of an already very low life for me.” Chy tugged at Jonny’s finger, shifting her hand until it was covering Jonny’s on top of the table. “But I knew it was the right choice.”

“But why?” Jonny pleaded. “What happened that giving up your daughter was the better option? I would have helped you…somehow.”

Chy shook her head. “Jonny, you always wanted to protect everyone, but there was nothing you could do for me. I had to do it myself. I was in a very bad way when I found out I was pregnant; doing things I would like to never have to admit out loud because it is bad enough that I have to live with it in my head every day.” Jonny opened his mouth to say something but Chy stopped him, “I stopped doing a lot of stuff when I found out I was pregnant and in so many ways, she saved my life. But I was still a mess and I had no business trying to take care of a child when I couldn’t even take care of myself. Having her…Addy…forced me to grow up but I knew it wasn’t enough.” Chy smoothed her thumb, reassuringly, back and forth over Jonny’s hand. “When I knew I had to give her up, I couldn’t bear the idea that she might end up with a family like mine…that she might end up as miserable as I had been. It might sound weird but when I tried to picture her growing up…getting her perfect family…all I could think of was you, because you were my perfect family.”

Jonny nodded but had no clue what to even say. He wasn’t about to even attempt to act like he understood what she’d gone through because the fact was he never would be able to.

Chy shook her head, the corner of her mouth pulling up in a sad grin, “When I saw your mom that night, she looked just as I remembered her. She actually smelled just like I remembered. I wanted to rush into your parents’ house like I used to when we were little and never leave. But when I gave Addy to her, I felt this instant relief, because for the first time in a very long time, I knew I was making the right decision.”

Jonny turned his hand over, taking Chy’s hand between his. “How are you now?” Jonny could tell that there was a lot from her past that Chy didn’t want to talk about. Whether it was because they were, in essence, complete strangers now, despite their shared past, or whether she just didn’t want to talk about it at all.

Chy smiled brightly. “Really good. After Addy…I went back and got my diploma and was able to get into the University of Manitoba by the skin of my teeth. Marty was one of the first people to take a chance on me. He gave me a job and lets me rent the studio apartment above the store. I work doubles on the weekend and go to school Monday through Friday.”

Jonny felt this deep swell of pride in his chest at how obviously excited Chy was as she spoke about her new life. The idea of a 9-5 job and college classes had never settled right in his head when his entire life had revolved around hockey. But Chy obviously loved it. “What are you studying?”

“Communications.” Chy shrugged her shoulders with an almost shy smile.

Jonny laughed at that, “As much as you used to like to talk, I would have to think that would be perfect for you.”

“Shut up!” Chy pulled her hand from where it was still held in his and shoved his arm.

Jonny looked at the clock overtop of the counter. “You better hurry up and eat before your break is completely wasted,” he pointed to her still-untouched sub.

Chy shook her head, looking back towards the store, “Because it is clearly bustling with activity.”

Jonny stood up, “What time do you get off work?”

“Around 5pm.”

“Would you like to come out for dinner tonight?” Jonny hadn’t really planned on inviting her out, but the more he thought about it, the more he felt like it would help to clear the air with Patrick, if he could just see her.

“Why?” Chy questioned, her eyes narrowing in surprise.

Jonny shrugged, “I just thought maybe you would like to come out and see…you know, see that everything is alright, with Addy. You don’t have to, of course. Though I think my mom would like to see you.”

Chy thought about it for a moment before slowly nodding her head, “Okay.”

Jonny smiled, “Great, is 8 okay?”

“Yes,” Chy nodded, “do you want me to bring anything?”

“Nope, we got it all covered. Do you still remember how to get out there?” Jonny asked.

“We used to go out there every summer, Jonny…I think I could drive out there with my eyes closed.” It had been their favorite place to go when they were little.

Jonny ducked down, kissing Chy’s cheek before pulling back quickly and headed towards the door.

“Jonny…” Chy called out to him.

Jonny turned around.

“You know, I don’t need to come out and check on you to know that she is okay. If I know nothing else in this world, I do know that you would never let things not be okay.” Chy said before turning back to her sub and leaving Jonny to think about her words all the way back to the cabin.

 

*

 

When Jonny walked into the living room some time later he found everyone piled in the living room watching a movie. Addy was wedged between his mom and Patrick on the couch, one hand clutching tightly at Patrick’s shirt; his dad was on the recliner with Ryker sitting half on the arm of the chair and half in his lap.

Addy spotted him first, “Papa, I helped Grandmere make a peach pie for daddy.” She climbed down off the couch and ran towards Jonny with her arms open.

Jonny scooped her up, “Sounds delicious.”

Jonny looked to Patrick who was watching the two. Neither said anything but Jonny was somewhat relieved to see that Patrick didn’t hold that same look in his eyes as he had last night. Like he couldn’t stand to look at Jonny anymore.

Now he just looked sad.

Andree cleared her throat, “How about grandpere and I take you little monsters to get some ice cream?” Andree looked pointedly from Jonny to Patrick, who was still sitting on the couch.

“Ice cream before dinner?” Ryker asked.

“Papa?” Addy questioned Jonny, “Can we have ice cream before dinner?”

“Excuse you, little missy.” Andree admonished with feigned shock. “Daddies don’t say no to grandmas. If I say we go get ice cream…you are supposed to ask what flavor.”

Andree started tickling Addy as the girl squirmed in Jonny’s arms.

Andree took Addy from Jonny as Bryan and Ryker followed her to the front door to collect their shoes. They left in a swarm of excited ramblings and promises for extra sprinkles and whipped cream.

Patrick stood up, “I need to tell you something.”

Jonny tensed up, maybe he had read Patrick wrong; his stomach suddenly felt like lead. “I do too, but you go first.”

Patrick took a couple steps forward, his hands were clenched, flexing at his sides. “I am so fucking mad at you for, once again, keeping very important information from me, like you’ve done before for God knows what reasons,” Patrick paused, closing his eyes. He took a deep breath, looking back up at Jonny. “But I love you and I still want to marry you…that is, if you still want to marry me. I just need you to know that.”

“Patrick of course I do,” Jonny went to step closer but Patrick held his hands up. Jonny nodded, took a step back. “Nothing has or will ever change that. But what I have to tell you…please just let me explain why.”

“She’s coming here, isn’t she? Chy?” Patrick wiped quickly at his eyes.

Jonny deflated a little and nodded.

Patrick looked around the room, “I don’t hate her, you know?” Patrick whispered. “I know it probably seems like I hate her, but I don’t. I knew that when you saw her today you wouldn’t be able to just walk away and leave it at that. She was important to you and I get that. But everything that she is…everything she represents to you…it scares the hell out of me.”

“What scares you about her?” Jonny asked.

“That she will come here and see Addy and fall hopelessly in love with her just like we did. That she will want her back…That Addy will somehow KNOW who she is and want her too. It terrifies me because we’ve built our life and our family, piece by piece, literally, and this one person could bring it all crashing down around us.”

“Patrick, she didn’t even bring up the idea of seeing Addy, I did.” Jonny admitted. “She needs to see what we have…to know that this is where Addy belongs, but I think she already does.” Jonny took a step forward, cautioned. He reached down for Patrick’s hand. “The fact is, Addy is going to ask questions when she gets older, even if for nothing more than out of curiosity. We are going to have to face it someday in the future and it might help if she is already familiar with Chy on some level. I don’t know.”

“I know, I just didn’t think we would have to deal with it so soon, and not with someone so close to home, you know?” Patrick sniffed, “I don’t love the idea but whatever. I’m guessing she is coming for dinner?”

“At 8.” Jonny answered.

Patrick nodded and then squeezed Jonny’s hand. “You have got to stop keeping things like this from me, Jonny. Why do you feel the need to not tell me things like who Addy’s mom is, or the fact that you freaked out and slept with someone after we started dating? You do realize that much of the fallout from both of those could have been avoided if you’d just trusted me enough to tell me the truth from the beginning?”

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you,” Jonny shook his head, “I just thought, stupidly, that I was somehow shielding you from it.”

“But…” Patrick hedged.

“But I realize now that I was only making it worse,” Jonny conceded.

Patrick sat back down on the couch. “Look, I know it had to be crazy as fuck when you saw Chy’s name on the birth certificate. I’m not saying you should have told me that very instant…but maybe a week or two later?” Patrick shook his head, “I’ve been thinking about it and I know you needed time. But at what point did it go from ‘how do you deal with your best friend literally handing her kid over to you’ to just flat out not telling me?”

Jonny sat down on the coffee table in front of Patrick. “At first, I just didn’t understand what was even happening, you know? I hadn’t seen Chy in over a decade and then all of a sudden I’ve adopted her daughter? How does that even happen?” Jonny scrubbed at his face with his hands. “And whenever I thought I should tell you…I just kept pushing it back a day and then another. All of a sudden it’s two years later and my mom’s calling and telling me that she saw her and…I was frozen. I didn’t know what to do.”

Patrick leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “If you had just told me what was going on then we could have dealt with it together. When you shut me out like that, you are also forcing yourself to deal with this shit completely on your own.” Patrick’s voice rose but Jonny could tell it was not so much anger as the helplessness practically poured off of him. “We are supposed to be in this together. Not you deciding what I need to know and what I don’t…or deciding that you will just take it all on yourself as some kind of silent martyr. That is not how this works.”

Jonny nodded, his eyes never leaving the floor. “This was all too much. I can’t do this again, I know. I hated everything about last night.”

“You have to trust that I can handle myself, and that we can deal with shit together or this will never work, especially when it comes to anything involving the kids.” Patrick warned.

“I know,” Jonny agreed enthusiastically, looking to Patrick with shiny, red-rimmed eyes. “I promise.”

“You promised last time.”

Jonny’s face fell. He grabbed Patrick’s hands, kissing both palms. They sat in silence for a few minutes, leaning towards each other but not embracing. Not yet.

“You said you still want to marry me.” Jonny sniffed, reminding Patrick of his earlier declaration.

“I did.” Patrick smiled, wiping the tears from his cheeks and then from Jonny’s.

“Do you want to postpone or…” Jonny scrunched his face.

“We’ve still got everyone coming up in a few days…we might as well give them a show.” Patrick laughed.

Jonny kissed Patrick’s hands that were now curled in his, once more.

“But you owe me,” Patrick grinned, “big time!”

Jonny didn’t respond, just lunged forward until Patrick was pulled tight against his chest. He kissed Patrick’s neck before finding his lips. There was still a slight hesitation to Patrick’s movements and he held himself still against Jonny, but at this point, Jonny would count Patrick not pulling away and kicking him out of the cabin all together as a victory. It hadn’t even been 24 hours since their fight but it had absolutely felt like an eternity.

Jonny’s parents came back with the kids a little while later. Andree eyed the two with cautious interest until she was apparently satisfied with what she saw. As Addy and Ryker ran to their room and Jonny’s dad slipped out to the back patio to fire up the grill, Andree stood in front of Jonny and Patrick. She looked them over without a word, smiled, and place a hand on both of their cheeks. “Don’t you ever do this to me again, both of you,” she smiled.

Jonny informed her about Chy coming to dinner which set her off into a flurry of preparations. Jonny and Patrick lured the kids out of their rooms with the promise of a bonfire and smores for dessert if they helped collect the wood for the fire.

The sun began to set when Bryan threw the chicken on the grill. Patrick was helping Andree finish the salad and Jonny was setting the table when the doorbell rang.

Everyone stopped. Jonny looked to Patrick and Patrick looked to Andree. Andree smiled reassuringly at Patrick, shooing him out of the kitchen. Patrick took a deep breath as he stood beside Jonny by the door. Jonny smiled softly, tugging gently at a curl behind Patrick’s ear.

“Ready?” Jonny asked.

“No.” Patrick breathed out as he reached out and opened the door.

Chy stood just on the other side, a bottle of wine in her hands and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. She looked like she was about to puke or run away.

“Hey, come in.” Jonny stepped aside.

Patrick’s head swam with all the nerves and emotions coursing through his body at that moment. Never before had he felt such a strong surge of protectiveness and adrenaline, like he wanted to actually hiss at the woman. Under any other circumstances it might be funny. But he also recognized the look on her face, too. She looked so lost and out of place. He kind of wanted to hug her as well.

Before anyone could say anything, however, a flurry of commotion started up as the kids ran through the sliding doors arguing back and forth with each other. In an instant, Addy was standing in front of Patrick, her back to Cheyannne, tugging at Patrick’s shirt.

“Daddy, RyRy said I can’t be the Hulk because I’m a girl.” Addy shouted.

Ryker came to a stop next to Addy, “Nuh uh, I said she should be Thor because they both have the same hair.”

“Like a girl!” Addy stuck her tongue out at Ryker.

Ryker rolled his eyes, “Thor is a boy.”

“I can be a boy!” Addy protested, folding her arms defiantly across her chest.

“That’s what I said!” Ryker threw his hands up in the air and stalked off back outside.

Everyone looked at each other before looking back to Addy. For the first time Addy seemed to register that there was a new face as she turned to Chy. Chy was watching the whole exchange with equal parts fascination and something that looked a little like an oncoming panic attack. Addy held out her hand. “Hello. Daddy says it is mean to not say hello to new people, but not to strangers because they are bad.” Addy looked up to Patrick for approval. Patrick smiled and curled his hand around the back of her neck with a gentle squeeze. “I’m Addy and I can be a boy just like my brother if I want to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what are your thoughts on Chy? do we love her...hate her...do we not care? let me know...comments are what I live for!!
> 
> as always you can find me on tumblr - dannybriereisaliferuiner


	18. It's Not Fair To Anyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chy confronts Patrick...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to be a little more timely than I had been before but please stick with me...

“I’m Addy and I can be a boy just like my brother if I want to.” Addy declared, holding her tiny hand up towards Cheyanne.

Chy looked from Addy to Jonny and Patrick, unsure. She took Addy’s hand in her own and shook it gently. “Hi Addy, my name is Cheyanne, but you can call me Chy.”

Addy looked up at Jonny and then back. “You’re not a stranger,” she paused, “but I don’t know you.”

Chy bent down, “I’m an old friend of your…” she looked up, not sure what the correct moniker to use was.

Jonny grinned, “Papa,” he supplied.

“I’m an old friend of your Papa’s.” Chy winked before standing back up. Addy studied Chy for a moment before nodding her head and taking off to find her brother.

Jonny took charge at that point, “Chy, this is Patrick,” Jonny wrapped his arm around Patrick’s waist, his hand on Patrick’s hip tugging him in closer.

Chy smiled, waving awkwardly.

“Patrick this is Chy.” Patrick waved back, his actions more stilted.

“I know you said not to bring anything but…well, here.” Chy blushed as she thrust the bottle of wine towards Jonny. Jonny took his hand from Patrick’s hip to grab the bottle.

“Thanks.” Jonny glanced over to where his mom was standing back by the kitchen doorway, all but dancing back and forth from foot to foot. “Chy, you remember my mom?” Jonny pointed.

Chy gasped, turning and all but running to his mom and collapsing in her arms. Jonny knew he’d told her his parents would be here but she still seemed surprised anyways. Neither Chy nor his mom looked to want to let go anytime soon as they gently rocked back and forth. Andree pulled back and took Chy’s face in her hands, “You are beautiful.”

Jonny tugged Patrick towards the backyard, excusing them to go see if his dad needed any help, but Jonny knew his mom needed a little time with Chy, alone.

Jonny’s dad had everything under control so Jonny and Patrick joined the kids as they tried to catch lightning bugs. Jonny tugged on Patrick’s chin when he caught him biting on his bottom lip. Patrick shrugged his shoulders. “Everything is going to be fine.” Jonny declared.

Jonny stood in front of Patrick, pulling the blond against him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Patrick breathed in and out steadily as Jonny felt his heartbeat slow down somewhat as the kids ran around them giggling and laughing at each other.

Andree and Chy eventually made it out onto the patio to join them, they had both been crying. “Hey kiddo,” Bryan called out when he turned around and saw Chy. Chy trudged forward, as if she was 10 years old again, and buried herself against Jonny’s dad’s chest. Bryan laughed against the top of her head, squeezing her tight.

Patrick couldn’t deny the jealousy that flared up in his chest when seeing how easily Chy slipped back into the place she used to occupy in Jonny’s life. It was like a hole being filled that Patrick never even knew existed. Andree and Bryan were so obviously relieved to see her again and you couldn’t deny how close they had been and in many ways, still remained even after all these years. It probably wasn’t fair that Patrick felt so jealous at the way Andree looked so lovingly at Chy…but he was. Patrick had always loved the fact that Andree had so instantly taken to him from the time they first met, a fondness that had only grown more and more over the years. But this was totally different. Chy fit like family in a way that Patrick maybe never had.

Patrick shook his head, trying to erase the thought.

They all stood around and made small talk while the chicken finished cooking and Patrick helped Andree pull out the salad and the baked zucchini.

The dining room table wasn’t big enough to fit five adults and two kids so they were going to set the kids up in the living room, much to their delight.

“Papa, do I have to wash my hands?” Addy asked as Jonny ushered the kids into the living room.

“You’ve got so much bug juice all over you, you might start glowing.” Jonny’s voice trailed as they made their way into the bathroom.

“Cool!” Ryker exclaimed loudly.

Ten minutes later, both kids were set up in the living room with their plates and a movie and the adults were settled in around the small round table.

“Jonny said you are going to college?” Andree asked, looking to Chy who was sitting between Jonny and his dad.

Chy wiped her mouth with her napkin, “Yeah, this is my second semester.”

“What are you taking?” Bryan asked.

“Communications, focusing more on Art History. I’m actually thinking about maybe working in a museum or something after I graduate.”

Andree smiled brightly, “That is wonderful.”

They all fell quiet again as they ate. Patrick was largely pushing the food around on his plate trying to force himself to loosen up.

Andree took a sip of her iced tea. “Patrick, darling, when did you say your parents are getting in?”

Patrick sat up straighter, “They’ll be here in…3 days?” Patrick looked to Jonny for confirmation. Jonny nodded. “Yeah, 3 days.”

“I have so much to discuss with your mom.” Andree beamed.

Now that Andree knew about the wedding, Patrick knew he was going to have to tell his mom as soon as she got in. Andree was not going to be able to contain herself and Patrick knew he couldn’t let one mother know and not the other. Which meant that his sisters would find out and any hope of keeping the wedding a secret until the day of, were shot.

“The girls already talked Jonny into taking them shopping when they get in.” Patrick laughed when he looked over at Jonny who was already starting to protest.

“More like Jacks threatened bodily harm.” Jonny corrected Patrick. But they all knew that Jonny wasn’t really upset in the least. Truth be told, he spoiled Patrick’s sister nearly as much as Patrick himself did. It had been Jonny’s idea to let them take his card to get new dresses for the wedding but since it was all a secret, Patrick had suggested to whole trip to Jackie for the sake of a girls day out. “Maybe I can get away with just handing Addy and my card over to them and letting them go?”

“I doubt it.” Patrick huffed. His sisters loved dragging Jonny shopping with them because he would literally buy them anything to speed the process up. “And while they are doing their thing, how about I take you and mom out on the town. Whatever you want to do. Ryker can come with us or he can hang out with his grandpas.” Patrick looked to Andree.

“That sounds lovely, Patrick, thank you.” Andree smiled knowing if any protests on her part would be futile. She’d learned this lesson a long time ago. It was best to just let the boys have their way in these circumstances. “Are your sisters coming in with your parents?”

“They’ll trickle in. Jacks is with David so whenever they get here and Jess and Erica’s flights get in about an hour apart so it won’t be that bad.” Patrick said around a mouthful of chicken.

“How is David?” Chy chimed in.

That set Andree off recapping David’s life story for Cheyanne and Patrick kind of zoned out. Jonny tapped his knuckle against Patrick’s thigh at one point, smiling at him when Patrick looked up. Patrick smiled back.

While Andree was still talking about David, Ryker brought first his plate and then Addy’s plate into the kitchen before darting back out to the living room. Moments later, Addy was standing at Patrick’s elbow. Without speaking, she climbed up into Patrick’s lap, facing him with her legs hanging over the sides of the chair on either side of his hips.

Addy put her head down on Patrick’s shoulder, facing Jonny and wrapped her little hand around Jonny’s arm. It reminded Patrick of when she was a baby and she’d gone through this phase where they had to put her high chair between them when they ate so she could touch them both at the same time. That had lasted for a couple months and while it had seemed odd at the time, looking back, Patrick thought it was kind of great.

Patrick wrapped his arms around Addy, giving up on eating all together as he leaned his head against hers and let Andree’s voice wash over him. He noticed, a few times, that Chy would glance over at him and Addy before turning back to Andree and Patrick held Addy against him tighter.

“She’s out.” Jonny leaned in and whispered a little while later. Patrick startled slightly, lulled by Addy’s rhythmic breathing. Jonny gently removed Addy’s hand from his arm and stood up, collecting his and Patrick’s plates. He slipped into the living room, coming back out with Ryker propped against his shoulder, his eyes drooping shut.

Patrick stood up slowly, readjusting Addy against his chest as Ryker sleepily said goodnight to everyone.

When both the kids were tucked in properly, everyone decided to move out to the patio. It was cool out, but not chilly. “I’ll grab the wine Chy brought.” Jonny announced.

Patrick followed Jonny back inside, grabbing up any dishes that had been left lying around. Jonny pulled the wine out of the fridge, stopping when he noticed Patrick puttering around the kitchen. “What are you doing?”

“Cleaning up the kitchen?”

“I’ll get it later, come on…join us?” Jonny pulled at Patrick’s hand gently.

Patrick shook his head and started filling the sink with soapy water. “Go. You guys should spend time with each other.” Patrick cleared his throat. “You haven’t seen each other in a long time, I’m sure you have a lot of things to talk about.”

Jonny eyed him suspiciously but let it drop when Patrick smiled sweetly at him. Jonny ducked down, kissing Patrick lightly before walking out with the wine and the glasses he’d pulled out of the cabinet.

When the slider clicked shut, Patrick leaned heavily against the counter, breathing deeply. His mind was waging an internal war with itself wanting to be out there, to hear everything that Chy had to say, to gauge her intentions, but also needing to just…stay away.

He wasn’t going to go curl up in bed with Addy again in case someone decided they were going to take him from her. He was being silly. So he cleaned. He scrubbed the counters and the appliances, he washed all the dishes and then sanitized the sink. When he’d finished that, only to be met with the faint laughter coming from outside, Patrick emptied the entire fridge and cleaning it top to bottom. After a while he just ended up sitting on the counter, nursing a beer while his mind raced.

Then all of a sudden, Chy was standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

Patrick jumped down with a blush, “Sorry, can I get you something?”

Chy smiled sadly at him, “Listen, I know you don’t like me…”

“No, I don’t not like you.” Patrick hurriedly protested.

Chy cut him off with a look.

“Ok, it’s not…” Patrick grasped at the words he was looking for, caught totally off guard by Chy’s abruptness.

“It’s okay,” Chy leaned back against the counter, looking down at her feet. “I get it.”

“You…you do?”

Chy nodded. “When I…gave Addy to Andree and told her that she was Jonny’s, I knew that by the time he would figure out that she wasn’t his, he would be too far gone to give her up. This was the Jonny I knew when we were younger, the kid who spent all his summer lawn mowing money on nursing a kitten back to health after its mother had abandoned it and then cried his eyes out when he had to give it to a friend because he was allergic. He suffered through feeling awful, barely being able to breath, until the vet had assured him the kitten would be okay.”

Patrick thought back to when he and Addy had found Ozzy, the kitten in the park, and had brought it back to the apartment that one time. How quickly it had affected Jonny. He couldn’t help but smile at the image of a smaller Jonny wracked with allergies but determined to make sure the kitten would be alright.

“But I never really counted on you.” Chy looked him square in the eyes.

“What?” Patrick had no idea what she was even talking about.

“I’d always tried to keep up with Jonny whenever I was able to. Grabbing a few minutes when I could on the library’s computer to see what he was up to. After I gave Addy to Andree I became almost obsessed with it.” Chy rubbed quickly at a tear in the corner of her eye with a shrug of her shoulders. “Trying to see if I could tell one way or the other if he had her, if he loved her yet.” Chy paused for a moment. “The first time I saw her with him, it was a picture of you and Jonny with her at a park or something. You were holding her and it looked like Jonny was playing hide and seek with her over your shoulder. Then there was another one a couple weeks later. You all were out walking, Jonny had her bundled up in one of those slings things across his chest and his parents were there and I am guessing your parents too…”

Patrick remembered that day all too clearly. “That was the day before we got the DNA results. We were going stir crazy in the house so we’d gone for a walk.”

Chy tilted her head to the side. “When you guys won the Cup and brought her out on the ice.”

Patrick wasn’t really sure what she was getting at.

Chy took a deep breath. “Tonight, when she fell asleep in your lap at the table…she did that during an interview one time and I remember then, knowing without a doubt, that Addy was where she belonged.”

Patrick scratched at the back of his head, not sure what to say.

“Not only because of Jonny, but because of how you looked at her like she was the most amazing creature to ever walk this Earth,” Chy laughed.

“She kind of is,” Patrick admitted, though he knew he was severely biased.

Chy smiled at his words, “I just want you to know that I’m not going to try to take her away from you guys.”

“I’m not…I mean, that’s not…” Patrick stuttered.

“You’ve barely said two words to me all night and you look at me like you either want to strangle me or banish me to the 7th circle of hell,” Chy laughed.

Patrick groaned, scrunching his face up, “Was I really that bad?”

“Yes,” Chy shrugged, “but like I said, I get it.”

Patrick pulled himself back up onto the counter, more at ease than he had been all day. “I’m sorry…I really am. It’s just hard for me to understand how you can look at Addy and not want to take her. She is beautiful and she’s perfect…and she’s everything good…and yes I know how cheesy I sound, but it is true. Don’t get me wrong, I am selfishly glad you don’t want to take her, but I still don’t get it.”

Chy thought about Patrick’s words for a few minutes. “Jonny said pretty much the same thing to me and I told him that back then I had no business taking care of a kid when I couldn’t take care of myself, but I didn’t tell him the whole story.” Chy took a few steadying breaths, “When you look at her, you both see all of this amazingness and love in her and a crazy bright future…but when I look at her, all I see is my past and all of the awful things it holds. I see the things I did that I am so ashamed of doing. I see her father who…was not a good guy in the least. I hate that that is what I see when I look at her, but it is the truth.” Chy looked up to Patrick, her chin held defiantly high. “When you make the choice to get out of that lifestyle, you have to leave everything about it behind you…you have to leave behind everything that reminds you of it or you risk falling back into old habits. Addy was the reason I was able to get out, the reason that I wanted to do better…but she is also the catalyst that could throw me back in there and I can’t risk that. I can’t risk that…but more importantly I can’t rip her away from the only family she knows simply because I managed to get my shit together years down the line. You can’t play fast and loose with that kind of responsibility.”

Patrick couldn’t help the immense swell of relief that washed over him as he listened to Chy tick off every reason why she couldn’t…wouldn’t…take Addy away from them.

Then Patrick remembered something. “Addy’s biological father? Does he…?”

“Know about her?”

“Yeah.”

“No, I never told him.” Chy admitted, her skin flushed.

Patrick still couldn’t help the bolt of fear that shot up his spine. “But…”

“No,” Chy shook her head, “No buts, he can’t do anything…he overdosed a couple months before I had Addy.”

“He’s dead?” All the air left Patrick’s lungs.

Chy nodded, stepping forward and reaching out for Patrick’s arm. “I didn’t decide to give Addy away lightly or with the possibility in the back of my mind that I might someday want her back. I knew what I was doing. I knew that once I handed her over to Andree that was it.”

Patrick felt like he might pass out and he was suddenly very thankful that he was not standing.

“They put an ad in the paper around town…before you and Jonny adopted her.” Chy pulled herself up onto the counter beside Patrick. Patrick remembered it being mentioned. Something about it being standard protocol to try to attempt to find a birth parent before legally stripping them of all their rights to the child. “I saw it, you know. But I never responded to it. Actually…the day I saw the ad in the paper, when I knew that that meant you guys were going to adopt her…that was the day I signed up to go back to school and get my diploma.” Chy bumped her shoulder against Patrick’s. “You got your family and I got my life back.”

“But why are you telling me this and not Jonny?” Patrick asked, turning so he could face Chy.

“Jonny is going to want to keep this connection open. If he is the same Jonny I used to know he is going to want to stay in contact because he is going to think it will help me somehow. I need you to understand, from me, that I can’t do that. I can’t be some shadow that lurks in the background, always on the edge.” Chy sniffed, clearing her throat. “It was nice coming here tonight and seeing everything…seeing Addy and seeing her with all of you. She is amazing and such an awesome little kid…you guys did good. It helps to see it, to know that, it really does. But after this, it has to be it. A clean break.”

“I couldn’t even imagine.” Patrick whispered, staring down at their feet kicking lightly against the cabinets.

“I’m actually engaged.” Chy’s said, her voice becoming lighter.

“Really?” Patrick was relieved with how happy the thought made him. Glad that he felt like he could let go of the worry and the unfounded distrust he had for Chy from the moment he knew how she was connected to Addy.

Chy scrunched up her nose. “He’s a really good guy; he works at the lumber yard just outside of town.”

“That’s great.” Patrick grinned. “You’re happy?”

Chy nodded her head enthusiastically.

“Good.” Patrick bumped her shoulder back and smiled.

“What’s going on?” Jonny’s voice startled them both.

Patrick’s heart rate jolted him at the sudden intrusion to the little bubble they had been in since they’d started talking. Patrick had kind of forgotten that they weren’t actually alone.

“We were just talking,” Chy winked at Patrick. “But I need to go say goodbye to your parents…it’s time for me to leave.”

“Are you sure?” Jonny asked, confused. When he’d left the kitchen not an hour before, Patrick had been so tense and trying so hard to avoid Cheyanne at all costs and now all of a sudden they looked like they’d know each other for years.

“Yep.” Chy hoped down off the counter.

“Hey,” Jonny tugged gently at her hand as she tried to walk around him and out of the kitchen. He really hoped he wasn’t overstepping on the new-found calm between Chy and Patrick, but he needed to ask. “Patrick and I are getting married here, this weekend,” Jonny glanced to Patrick who smiled softly, openly at him, “would you like to come out for it? Some of the guys and their families with be here, and our families of course, but it’s going to be small.”

Chy thought about it for a moment, reaching up to cover Jonny’s hand that was clutching her other hand just this side of desperate. “I bet it is going to be wonderful and I am so happy for you…both of you. But I need this to be it for us, Jonny.” Patrick closed his eyes at the sad inflection in her voice.

“What…W-why?” Jonny stammered, looking frantically between Chy and Patrick.

“Hey,” Chy reached up and directed Jonny’s gaze back to her, “I need this. You both need this. I’m going to be fine…better than fine, actually. And you two are going to be amazing. But I can’t start jumping in and out of your lives because it isn’t fair to anyone.”

“I don’t understand,” Jonny’s voice rose slightly. “I just found you again.”

Cheyanne nodded, “You’ll understand one day why it has to be this way.”

Patrick eased himself off the counter to stand beside Jonny, his fingertips resting at the small of Jonny’s back.

“Like forever?” Jonny asked.

Chy nodded.

Patrick understood that Chy thought she wasn’t strong enough right now for all of this, for both of their lives to intersect in the future. But he did hope she was wrong. That she would become strong enough because he knew this was going to wreck Jonny.

“But Addy…she’s going to ask questions when she gets older…do you not want us to tell her who you are?” Jonny’s looked back towards the kids’ room. “Are we supposed to lie to her?”

“No, I wouldn’t deny the truth and if she ever wants to meet me, we’ll go from there. But until that day comes, and we have to cross that bridge, I need it to be like it was before you found me. Can you do that for me?” Chy asked, tugging at Jonny’s ear with a frown.

Patrick could tell that Jonny was gutted, but Jonny agreed. Jonny would do it if he thought that was what Chy wanted. “Yeah.” Jonny’s eyes flashed for a moment. “But if anything happens…if you need help for any reason and you don’t have anyone else…promise you will call me, or mom? Don’t be so damn stubborn that you won’t ask for help if you need it.”

Chy smiled softly, reaching up to run her thumb along Jonny’s cheek. “Deal.”

Jonny wrote a couple numbers down on a scrap piece of paper he found in the junk drawer.

Cheyanne said goodbye to Jonny’s parents and there were tears, lots of tears.

Chy reached for her purse but stopped, “Can I…can I see her one last time?”

“Of course.” Jonny insisted as Patrick nodded his head.

They walked her back to the room and she pushed the door open slowly, silently. Jonny and Patrick held back but she didn’t shut the door, only slipped into the darkened room, lit only by Ryker’s small nightlight. Chy looked back as she approached the bed, as if asking if it was okay. Jonny smiled, encouraging her as Patrick pushed into his side. He wrapped his arms around Jonny’s waist, resting his head against his shoulder with a deep ragged breath. It felt like he was intruding, watching Chy, but he couldn’t look away. She was giving Addy up all over again and Patrick ached for Chy. Her strength was limitless, even if she didn’t believe it herself. So many people remained in awful situation and put kids in danger because they were too afraid to let go, even if it was the right thing to do. No matter what Chy had done before, she had been strong enough to give up her daughter because she knew that she deserved better. Watching Chy now, Patrick knew that he could never be that strong.

Jonny breathed out raggedly against Patrick’s hair, tightening his grip. Chy reached the bed and knelt down beside it. She rested her hands on the edge of the mattress, her chin resting on top as she just took a moment to watch Addy’s face as she slept. With shaky hands, Chy reached up and tucked a curl behind Addy’s ear and leaned in, whispering to the sleeping child. Jonny and Patrick couldn’t hear what she said, but Patrick was grateful for that. Addy couldn’t hear what she said, and being so young, she would likely not remember ever even meeting Chy, a few years down the line. But this was more for Chy; Patrick doubted she would ever be able to forget this moment and she deserved to have something whispered in the dark for just the two of them.

Patrick could feel Jonny breathing pick up slightly as if he was anticipating what was going to happen next. Patrick rubbed at Jonny’s back as Chy stood up and made her way back out of the room, being careful not to step on any of the toys on the floor. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red but she didn’t say anything as she shut the door with a soft click behind her. Chy led the way back out to the kitchen and grabbed her purse.

Jonny and Patrick walked Cheyanne out to her car. Jonny grabbed her up in a tight hug, “Are you sure you can’t –“ Jonny questioned as she tightened her arms around his neck.

“Yes, I’m sure,” her voice shook.

“I’ll miss you…again,” Jonny buried his nose in her shoulder, “I’ll always love you.”

“Beyond the stars,” Cheyanne cried into his chest.

“Beyond the stars,” Jonny echoed.

Patrick stood a few feet back, trying to give them some privacy. His heart was aching for them both. Maybe he could say that now that he wasn’t worried about Chy trying to take Addy from them, but watching them both clutch desperately at each other was heartbreaking. Patrick realized that they never got to say goodbye the last time, they never got any semblance of closure. He wasn’t really sure if that was going to help ease the pain for either of them now that they were getting the chance now. In a perfect world things could have maybe been different.

But in a perfect world, Chy probably wouldn’t have given up Addy in the first place. Jonny and Chy might now have ever been split up when they were little and who knew how that one moment in time changed the course of both of their histories. Patrick selfishly had to be grateful for how everything turned out.

Jonny and Chy eventually pulled away from each other, sniffling and wiping uselessly at their cheeks.

Patrick stepped forward to say goodbye when Chy slammed in against his chest, her arms wrapping neck with a sob. “I didn’t think it would ever be easy…and it still isn’t. But I think I can really let go now,” Chy whispered.

Patrick was stunned. By the hug, by her words; he was caught in a position he rarely found himself in. He was speechless. “I…”

“Just promise me that you will love her and protect her no matter what,” Chy practically begged in his ear.

“Of course!” Patrick demanded, pulling her against him.

Chy nodded her head against his neck, took a deep breath, and then pulled away. Quickly, she ducked into her car and shut the door, refusing to look over where Jonny and Patrick were standing before she backed carefully out of the driveway and disappeared.

Jonny turned to Patrick, his eyes wild as he opened and then shut his mouth a couple times. Like he had so much to say but didn’t know where to even start. Patrick surged up against him, knocking their chests together and holding on as tight as he could. Jonny had found and then lost Cheyanne all over again within the span of 12 hours and he looked like his entire had just been tossed around and then turned upside down.

“I didn’t realize how much I missed her until I saw her again.

“I know,” Patrick ran his thumb in a soothing circle at the base of Jonny’s neck. Telling Jonny he was sorry felt hollow and like a lie at the back of Patrick’s throat because he wasn’t necessarily sorry that Cheyanne had to leave, but he was sorry that Jonny was hurting so badly because of it. Patrick wasn’t sure if there was anything he could say to make Jonny feel even the slightest bit better right now, so he just hugged Jonny tighter. Cheyanne had sacrificed so much. Patrick resolved in that moment, clutching Jonny in the middle of the dirt driveway, to spend the rest of his life making sure that he was worthy of the precious little girl who was asleep just inside the cabin, and that he and Jonny would be the best fathers, husbands and teammates that they could possibly be because anything less would be an absolute failure to what Cheyanne had entrusted them with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final thoughts on Chy? the comments from the last couple chapters has been amazing and has really helped me iron out some issues I had so please please please let me know what you think!! Feedback is crack!! As always, you can reach me over on tumblr if you want - dannybriereisaliferuiner!!
> 
> Also just a heads up, my cousin's burial services are tomorrow and I am really not sure how I will handle it. Truth be told, I kind of threw myself into these last few chapters (he died just before I posted chapter 16 but I didnt know until after I posted it) emotionally with everything...it was kind of my only outlet for all the anger and sadness. But I might be a little out of commission mentally and emotionally the next few days so this next chapter might not come as soon. I apologize in advance if this happens.


	19. Every Man For Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting closer to the wedding!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wish I could say things have improved in my life since the last chapter but, as always, they have only gotten worse...after my cousin died (we are still awaiting the lab results to see if he was actually killed) we found out the my great-aunt (who was basically like a mother to my mom and her siblings after my grandma passed away when my mom was little) had lung cancer. She was 79 and very frail, she did chemo and radiation for a few weeks but then the hospital she was in broke her back and she held on long enough to go home and passed away not 12 hours after she got home. And on top of all of that, my uncle (who is also fighting cancer) had to have emergency surgery last Friday, then Aunt Bonnie passed away the following day and we've spent the last week and a half dealing with the funeral services and family flying in and out from out of state and I've been trying to juggle school and midterms and now coming up on finals, lol.
> 
> I apologize for how long this took but my head was simply no where near where it should be to work on this and I really didn't want to post anything half-assed.
> 
> But I did manage to get this part done. Originally, this chapter was going to have another part at the end, but i just couldn't do it...so I decided that while this is much shorter than I usually post, I would rather post it now rather than wait who knows how long to get the second half done...so basically I've just split the original concept for this chapter into two and this is the first part!! Please don't be too mad, I've been worrying myself sick over trying to get this done when I could and my beta has been awfully busy as well (when she hasn't been talking me down off the ledge, lol)

Patrick felt he was totally justified in sneaking off in the midst of his mom and Andree grilling him and Jonny about wedding details; absolutely justified! Their moms had drug the two outside at who knows what ungodly hour in an attempt to ‘envision’ what they had in mind for the actual ceremony and did they even consider where everyone was going to sit and where exactly were they going to be standing with the minister and had they considered framing it in front of the lake? Patrick had listened; nodding his head at random and then after a couple hours he faked an important phone call, escaping into the house. 

Luckily the kids were busy playing in their room and by the time Jonny found him 20 minutes later, they had a fairly decent recreation of Rapunzel’s kingdom made out of a hybrid of Legos and K-Nex that Patrick was pretty damn proud of.

“You traitor!” Jonny shouted as he jerked the door open, startling everyone. “I can’t believe you ditched me with them like that.”

“Papa, you scared me!” Addy squeaked.

Patrick waited for his heart rate to return to normal before speaking, “Hey, when the moms are involved, it is every man for himself.”

“Your phone didn’t even ring.” Jonny pointed out as he sat down Indian-style next to where Patrick was spread out on his stomach with Ryker perched on his back.

“Papa, look!” Addy exclaimed, her tongue poking out of her lips in concentration as she stacked the tallest tower of the castle onto the base.

Jonny reached over, running his thumb up Addy’s cheek, “Looks beautiful, Bug!”

“Are you hiding from Grandma and Grandmere too?” Ryker asked, balancing what looked like some kind of robot alien hybrid on the top of Patrick’s head with a giggle.

Jonny leaned over, draping his body over the boy, effectively pinning Patrick underneath them both. “They were asking about flowers and color schemes,” Jonny groaned loudly by way of an explanation, sticking his tongue out. Ryker giggled, trying to push Jonny off his back but eventually gave up with a groan. “I win!” Jonny declared, ruffling the boy’s hair and sitting up straight.

Patrick rolled over, making sure not to topple Ryker, until the boy was now sitting on Patrick’s stomach. “You and Addy will never hide from us, though, right?”

Ryker rolled his eyes, the ‘yeah whatever you think’ heavily implied.

Jonny laughed at Patrick’s complete sincerity, covering the blonde’s face with his hand. Patrick went to bite him but then thought better of it. They’d gone through a nasty biting phase with Addy that lasted about 6 months and they certainly didn’t need a repeat.

Jonny smirked at Patrick.

Just then, the door swung open once more; Donna and Andree stood in the doorway looking in at their sons, less than impressed.

Patrick groaned.

Addy laughed loudly, squirming where she sat, pointing back and forth between Patrick and Jonny, “They’re here, they’re here. I found them!”

“Your daughter’s a traitor?” Patrick mumbled to Jonny.

“Like father, like daughter.” Jonny took advantage of Patrick’s immobility under Ryker, leaning in to place a quick, wet kiss on Patrick’s cheek.

Ryker made gagging noises and Addy threw one of her stuffed animals at Jonny’s head. Patrick felt somewhat vindicated.

“Jonathan Bryan Toews and Patrick Timothy Kane do not even think about hiding behind your children, it won’t work.” Donna scolded. “Since you two decided to not tell anyone about this wedding, there is too much stuff that needs to be done in far too little time!”

Jonny stood up, picking Ryker up off of Patrick and reaching down to help Patrick up off the floor.

“Patrick Timothy Kane the second,” Patrick grumbled under his breath as they left the room.

Donna smacked him upside the back of his head once the door the kids’ room was shut behind them, “I know that! I’m the one who named you, you little shit.”

Jonny pulled Patrick into his side, covering his mouth with his hand once more before Patrick got himself into any more trouble.

It took an hour but Jonny and Patrick finally were able to get it through to their moms that they really did have everything under control. The details of which they were concerned with, and nothing more. No they didn’t have flowers or color schemes, yes they had ordered chairs and tables, no they didn’t forget about the food and yes they had already applied for their marriage license. Everything else didn’t much factor in because nothing else really mattered in the long run. After everything they had been through in the last few days alone; they were not going to stress out over stupid shit that didn’t really matter to them. There was no dress codes and Addy had already informed them that she wanted to be a Princess Pirate; not to be confused with a Pirate Princess because apparently there was a very big difference that they were supposed to know, Patrick had found out when he’d questioned the 3 year old.

They did have one task, however, for their moms. One that was likely to keep them busy and preoccupied for the duration, up until the actual wedding. The cake.

Their dads had already called dibs on grill duty, so the moms could find the cake.

“I don’t care if it is homemade, flown in from half-way around the world, or a sheet cake from the grocery store. Just make sure there will be cake. Addy already made us promise and she would absolutely disown us if there is no cake.” Patrick had implored to their moms before sending them off on their hunt.

That night, after Jonny had picked Jess and Erica up from the airport and Jackie and David were settled in, Patrick and Jonny waited until the kids were asleep before telling their siblings about the wedding.

Patrick had hoped that the kids being asleep would keep his sisters from yelling. It didn’t.

He’d hoped Jackie being pregnant would keep her from punching him in the arm as she was prone to do. It hadn’t.

Jonny and Patrick had both hoped their moms would help them out when the Kane sisters started shouting loudly about who had won some bet, what they were going to wear, and threatening physical violence for not telling them sooner. Not even close.

In fact, Patrick was pretty sure he saw his mom snickering from where she sat on the couch next to Andree. Patrick threatened to not let any of them come to the wedding if they weren’t nicer to him. He’d just told them he was finally getting married and they were being mean to him. He would just have to be mean back.

His sister laughed at him.

They demanded to go shopping the following morning.

Patrick really hated his life sometimes…when he didn’t really fucking love it!

 

*

 

Sharpy and a very pregnant Abby arrived the following evening, with Maddy and Shooter in toe. They were staying at the same hotel as the rest of the family. Jonny had booked the rooms in advance, reserving rooms for everyone else that was coming as well. The hotel was less than 15 minutes from the cabin and they just did not have the room to fit everyone.

“So you are finally going to make an honest man out of each other, eh?” Sharpy laughed, clapping Jonny and Patrick on the back as he wedged his way between them on the couch. “It’s about damn time!”

Patrick tried to shrug Sharpy’s hand off his shoulder which only made the older man tighten his grip.

“So do you want me to marry you two dorks or what?” Sharpy grinned wickedly. “It’s what, like $5 on the internet and I’m ready to go.”

“I do not think so,” Jonny coughed loudly.

“I’m offended!” Sharpy clutched at his heart. “Fine, fine! Ohhh I know, how about I provide the entertainment? We are having a bachelor party right?” Sharpy leaned forward, grabbing his beer off the coffee table. A loud rush of yelling followed by laughter came from the direction of the kids’ room. Maddy had gotten time in with both Jonny and Patrick after they had first arrived, before quickly running off to play with Addy and Ryker. They had yet to emerge from the room, though there had been a few loud thumps but no crying so they were all going to let it go.

“We’re not going to do anything like that,” Patrick shook his head, leaning back and kicking his feet up onto the coffee table next to their beers.

“That is so lame! Come on,” Sharpy groaned, “I do believe a certain blonde that shares the same awesome name as me had a very big hand in MY bachelor party, and let us all not forget that we very nearly got ourselves arrested at that miniature golf course we broke into at 3am. Besides, there’s gotta be some good-looking lads around this place that can help send you two into the married life with a bang….and if not, given enough alcohol and the right music, we could probably get Seabsie to put on a half-way decent show.”

Jonny rolled his eyes as Sharpy wiggled his eyebrows. Patrick was inclined to think that Sharpy was only kidding but when you are talking about Patrick Sharp and the shit he could come up with, and talk people into doing, all bets were off.

Abby quite literally wobbled into the living room from where she had been in the kitchen making snacks for the kids after Patrick had managed to somehow mess up pb&js. Shooter was close on her heels, following her around everywhere she went. Jonny got up to go brave the wild and bring the kids their food, taking the plate from Abby.

Abby looked pointedly at Sharpy who slide over up against the other side of the couch. Abby motioned for Patrick to scoot towards the middle before she sat down long ways, kicking her feet over Patrick to rest in Sharpy’s lap. Sharpy silently started rubbing her feet and Abby melted into the couch with a sigh. Patrick was pretty much trapped but he didn’t mind.

“How much longer do you plan on baking this kid?” Patrick asked as he spread both hands out over Abby’s belly. He had kind of been startled to realize that Abby still hadn’t had the baby since the last time he’d seen her. It drove home the fact that, even though it felt like they had always had Ryker, it had only been a few months since that first time with him in the park during their first overnight visit with Ryker.

“The turkey timer popped a long time ago,” Abby groaned emphatically, “this kid needs to vacate the premises immediately.”

Patrick felt the panic spike in his gut like a flash of heat, “Does anyone know where the closest hospital is?”

Abby laughed at him, “Patrick’s already got the route mapped out from here and from the hotel to the hospital.” Abby patted his cheek.

When Abby had been pregnant with Maddy, before Ryker and Addy, before Patrick and Jonny were even a thing, Patrick had been fascinated with it; the idea of pregnancy and creating a life in such a monumental way. Abby and Patrick were both touchy-feely type of people. Truth be told, they had little regard for personal space and Patrick had never really thought twice about touching or talking to her belly when she had been pregnant with Maddy and the sentiment had naturally extended to this pregnancy.

Sharpy was idly massaging his wife’s feet while he watched whatever it was that was on the television as Patrick flattened the material of Abby’s maxi dress across her belly.

“Her head is up here,” Abby moved Patrick’s hand towards the bottom curve of her belly.

Patrick’s head whipped up, “Her?”

Abby nodded, smiling brightly, “We’re having another girl!”

“Jonny!” Patrick shouted.

Jonny jogged back into the living room with the now-empty plate in his hands, “What?” He looked startled.

“We’re having another girl!” Patrick pointed down to Abby’s belly, smiling so wide it looked painful.

Jonny rolled his eyes but the corners of his mouth curled up. Jonny shook his head and walked back into the kitchen where his mom and Donna were still discussing what kind of cake they were going to get. Jonny ducked out as quickly as possible before they drug him into the conversation for his opinion. He really didn’t have one. Cake was cake.

Patrick remembered this stage of Abby’s pregnancy with Maddy when it felt like he could feel every movement and flutter and now was no different. Abby moved his hands towards the left side, “Her feet,” she said simply.

Addy pressed his fingers firmly against the skin and after a moment Patrick could see the movement of the baby’s foot trail against the thin material of her dress. “That’s insane,” Patrick laughed, repeating the action. “So I know you guys rejected my name idea last time, but you got to name Maddy so I think it is only fair that I get to name this one.”

“In what world should you have any say in any of this?” Sharpy didn’t even bother to look away from the television.

“In the world that, like Maddy, I will clearly be this little one’s favorite…and it’s a good name!”

“I’m not naming my daughter Patricia.”

“You suck…it is a great name.”

“You struck out on that with your own kid. What made you think it would work with mine.” Sharpy shouldered Patrick gently, making sure to not force him into Abby.

“Because you both love the shit out of me,” Patrick smiled obnoxiously wide.

“Not that much we don’t,” Abby snorted.

Patrick folded his hands across his chest but otherwise didn’t move. He was still trapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you think of this so far...the next chapter will be the bachelor party. I have a rough idea for what I want but if you have any ideas please feel free to let me know and I will try to work them in!! As always, you can message me on here or on tumblr - dannybriereisaliferuiner
> 
> who knows...maybe some good feedback will help snap me into action for this next part...because after the second half of this chapter, the wedding will be upon us!!


	20. We Got Soft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bachelor party is here...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we getting excited for the wedding, yet??

“This is so fucking lame,” Sharpy groaned as he cast his reel back into the water.

Patrick looked around and rolled his eyes.

“You know,” Sharpy started, “when you fuckers said we were going fishing for your bachelor party, I thought that was some kind of code or something. I didn’t think we’d actually end up in the middle of BumbFuck Nowhere actually fishing.”

Duncs laughed, nudging Jonny.

This had devolved into one of the few times Patrick had actually seen Sharpy become disgruntled. He was always the one getting under everyone else’s skin and somehow they managed to undo him without even trying.

No one said anything. Sharpy was doing a pretty good job of keeping a nearly constant flow going just himself. Normally all the talking would irritate Jonny because he liked the calm silence of the water when he went fishing, especially at night. But he had a slight buzz supplied from the cooler full of beer under their seats and Patrick was tucked into his side messing around on his phone, but really, after all the times Sharpy had pushed him to the point of not being able to see straight with anger over the years, he was absolutely loving this moment. He honestly didn’t care if they didn’t catch any more fish the rest of the night, it would be totally worth it.

“I mean, what the hell happened to you, Peeks. We used to shut the city down and now look at us,” Sharpy mumbled, slurring slightly, “what happened to us? We got married, had kids, and we got soft.” Sharpy patted Patrick’s knee.

Sharpy made sure his fishing pole was secure in the holster before leaning back to look up at the stars, reminiscing.

Duncs and Seabs and their families had arrived earlier the day before. Jonny had spent the day erecting a giant bonfire out of logs that looked vaguely like a teepee and Patrick had led the way with the kids to the lake. They’d all spent the last few days relaxing and now, the night before the wedding, wasn’t going to be any different. Erica had volunteered to stay at the cabin with the kids while everyone else headed back to the hotel. 

“Don’t get me wrong,” Sharpy blurted out of nowhere. Patrick jumped. “I love my wife and kids, and my dog, man. But we can still run this bitch.”

“Of course we can,” Patrick placated, his hand clapping Sharpy on the shoulder.

Sharpy shrugged away, almost falling out of his chair but David caught his arm, pushing him back into his seat.

Patrick took a slow pull of beer. It was only his second, but that was okay. His tolerance was shot…had been for a while now…but he really didn’t want to be hungover when he said “I do” so he was taking it easy. A couple years ago, there was no doubt in Patrick’s mind that he would probably be passed out in the bathroom of some random bar, hugging the nasty toilet praying for death right about now, and not for the first time either. The old Patrick would have definitely come stumbling into his wedding with a raging headache.

“This is it, Peeks. We’re all married…we’ve all got kids.” Sharpy shook his head.

Patrick wanted to point out that he and Jonny weren’t actually married yet, and David wasn’t either. Patrick glared at David. He better not even think about asking Jacks to marry him without first talking to him. Patrick didn’t say anything, just went back to his game.

It wasn’t hard to figure out what was really going on with Sharpy, though; they could all see it. He was freaking the fuck out waiting for Abby to go into labor. He’d done the same with Maddy, but this time it was even worse. He was agitated being so far away from her at this point in the pregnancy, no matter how much Abby had assured him she would be just fine.

Sharpy fell silent once more and everyone else settled in. Duncs and Seabs murmured back and forth between each other, heads bent together in quiet conversation. Jonny pulled Patrick closer against him, his fingers buried in Patrick’s curls. Patrick had given up on catching anything about an hour back and had settled in with his phone, never really having much interest in fishing, but he liked being around the boys. He couldn’t remember the last time they had all hung out without kids and not concerning hockey. This was long overdue.

“Who are you playing?” Jonny asked, nodding towards Patrick’s phone where his screen was lit up with Words with Friends. In the past, this might have also irritated Jonny. That Patrick couldn’t focus his attention on one thing for longer than half an hour, that he couldn’t enjoy the tranquility of the gentle rocking of the boat and the task of catching enough fish to feed everyone the next day. But really, Jonny was just happy to have Patrick with him, as a steady, heavy presence at his side.

“Jess.” Patrick smiled, his face illuminated by the light from the screen.

Sharpy tried to kick at Patrick’s ankle, missing on the first attempt before connecting on the second. “You boys sure you don’t want good ol’ Seabsie Boy to provide some entertainment.” Sharpy tried to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively and failed.

“Why is it always me?” Seabs voice rose as he pulled away from his conversation with Duncs.

Sharpy ignored him.

Sharpy was definitely on his way past tipsy and going headlong into full-on sloshed. He leaned in towards Patrick, “How about me and Abby take your monsters back to the hotel tomorrow night so you two can have some fun. Something tells me little Peeks is a screamer…and we wouldn’t want you to have to bottle that up on your wedding night.” Sharpy reached out to poke at Patrick’s cheek but was stunned when Patrick knocked his hand away, his eyes flashing.

“No! Absolutely not.” Patrick’s voice boomed out into the negative space around them.

Everyone stopped what they were doing, looking at Patrick as Patrick pulled up and away from Jonny so he was more at Sharpy’s eye level. Challenging.

Sharpy threw his hands up in the air in surrender, “I was just joking about the whole screamer thing. I didn’t think it would…”

Patrick shook his head furiously at Sharpy as Jonny’s hand curved around Patrick’s elbow, “You’re not taking my kids anywhere.”

Jonny pulled Patrick back a little as Sharpy looked beside him to David. David wasn’t really sure what was going on either.

Duncs cleared his throat, “Ummm…”

“The hell?” Sharpy asked, trying to shake the fuzziness out of his head. “I just thought you guys would want to be alone on your wedding night since you’re being lame and not going on a honeymoon or anything.”

“They’re staying with us,” Patrick demanded, he was visibly breathing heavier like he just finished a particularly awful sets of back to back bag-skates.

Jonny cupped the back of Patrick’s neck, working his thumb in a rhythm he hoped would be calming.

“What the fuck? Since when don’t you trust me with your kids?” Sharpy’s eyes went wide, clearly hurt by Patrick’s unwavering insistence.

“That’s not it,” Jonny promised, running his free hand over his face. Patrick was finally starting to back down but Jonny had been thrown by the instant reaction Patrick had had, especially with Sharpy, of all people. He’d never acted like this towards their friends before. But he also knew that they had no clue what was going on and Jonny and Patrick hadn’t really been around anyone since they got the diagnosis. “Ryker has Separation Anxiety Disorder. He gets really bad night terrors, which are like nightmares but so much worse, and it would completely drain him and leave him mentally and emotionally out of it for days afterwards. We’ve been working with him and a psychotherapist for a couple months and he’s been doing better,” Jonny looked over towards Patrick, “but it’s been pretty rough…on all of us.”

Sharpy deflated at Jonny’s words, “Why didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t intentional, but we’ve just kind of been trying to deal with it ourselves and everyone scattered after the season was over.”

“What does it mean?” Brent asked quietly.

“Basically, Ryker was…is afraid that what happened to his parents will happen to us. That we are going to leave and never come back and he was having panic attacks if either or both of us would leave. Patrick went to a charity event a couple months ago and that night…it was bad. That was when we knew something was wrong.”

“I knew you guys had to cancel a few events but I’d just figured it was because the kids were sick or something,” Duncs said.

Jonny rested his hand on Patrick’s knee that was bouncing wildly with nerves, “We decided to lay low and not push the issue, trying to spend as much time just the four of us as we can while we figure it out. We’ve been working on being able to be away for periods of time, a few hours here and there, but Ryker’s never been away from us over night.” Patrick’s knee had stopped bouncing somewhat, but he was still tense as he looked out across the water.

“Peeks,” Sharpy leaned in towards Patrick, “look at me!” Patrick bit his lip, hesitating, before finally looking up at his best friend.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, but I wish you had told me what was going on,” Sharpy admitted. Clearly Ryker was not the only one that this was effecting. Jonny and Patrick had seemed perfectly fine since they’d all met back up first at the Convention and now here. But looking at them, the naked and raw emotion was seeping out of them in waves. Patrick looked like he was one breath away from taking them all on and Jonny was trying to comfort him with the ease of someone who had been in this position many times before. “I’m sorry.”

Patrick sagged forward, “I just…it’s hard to explain if you’ve never seen it. That feeling of being absolutely helpless as you watch them in so much pain, you see that absolute fear in their eyes. I mean, we are supposed to make everything better and when you can’t…it fucking sucks.”

“But you guys have been working on it and from what Jackie says, he’s doing a lot better,” David said matter-of-factly.

“What are you guys going to do when we have to go on the road?” Duncs asked. Seabs shoved at him with a hiss.

“It’s okay, we’ve been worrying about that since it first started,” Jonny sucked in a deep breath. “Which is part of the reason we kind of dropped off the map for a while. The truth is, we don’t know how it’s going to go but we have to just keep working at it and hope for the best.”

“Don’t get mad at me,” Sharpy hedged on, turning so he was facing Patrick and Jonny, “but maybe if we took Ryker with us to the hotel, this could be like a trial run. See how he handles it, and we’d only be minutes away.”

Jonny tended to agree with Sharpy because he knew they would never know Ryker’s true progress if they weren’t willing to push the boundaries a little and always played it safe, but he also understood Patrick’s vehemence against it. It wasn’t fair that the only way they were going to be able to get through this in any manner was going to come down to them having to put Ryker right in the path of more pain. Patrick was practically vibrating beside him and Jonny knew nothing was going to be accomplished tonight. “Thanks, Sharpy, but I think we still need a little more time. It’s really not good when it hits and we’ve already had to deal with Addy seeing him like that and getting really upset…we don’t want Maddy to have to go through that, too.”

Sharpy shook his head but didn’t respond, trying to wrap his head around everything. He tried to imagine what it would be like if Maddy was going through what Ryker was having to deal with and just the mere thought alone made him shudder. He couldn’t even comprehend what it must be like for Jonny and Patrick to try to go about their lives with their children while waiting for what seemed like a huge bomb to go off at any moment.

It certainly explained why he hadn’t heard from them outside of a few text all summer. Jonny and Patrick had virtually shut themselves away with the kids from the moment they were eliminated from the playoffs. Sharpy had figured they were just trying to spend time with Ryker after the adoption had gone through…but he never realized it was so much more than that. Sharpy felt a wave of irrational anger take over him when he thought about everything Ryker had been through only to now still be fighting against his own mind.

Sharpy hooked his arm around Patrick’s neck, pulling him into his side, “We’ll get through this. We’re all here for you guys.”

 

*

 

“Sorry I kind of freaked out earlier and ruined our bachelor party,” Patrick mumbled into Jonny’s chest, burrowing in deeper against him.

Jonny rolled his eyes, “You didn’t ruin anything…although I think you really freaked Sharpy out. He was all out of sorts and mumbling to himself by the time we got back to the dock.”

They’d made it back on shore around 2am with their beer cooler now almost completely filled with fish for the wedding, had called a cab to take the guys back to the hotel and had instructed them to lock up on their way out before trudging, half-asleep to their bedroom.

“I should probably apologize tomorrow. Sharpy was just trying to do us a favor…but I just don’t want Ryker that far away right now,” Patrick propped his chin on Jonny’s shoulder, twisting Jonny’s hair between his fingers. Jonny hadn’t cut it after the playoffs and it was now possibly the shaggiest Patrick had ever seen it. Patrick absolutely loved it. “What if he had a bad night and woke up and didn’t recognize where he was. That we’re not there?” Patrick shook his head.

“We’ll figure it out,” Jonny promised. They were going to have to do something soon because it was getting too close to the season when they would have to leave for days at a time on road trips but right now was not the time to get into it.

“You sure you still want to marry me?” Patrick wrinkled his nose up at Jonny, “You sure you want to tie yourself to me forever? I’m kind of a mess.”

“I like your mess,” Jonny stated simply, kissing the tip of Patrick’s nose. Jonny pulled the comforter up under their chins.

“Are you nervous?” Patrick asked.

Jonny shook his head. “No.”

“Any last regrets?” Patrick slid his arm around Jonny’s waist.

“Nope. You?”

“Only that I wish we would have done it sooner.” Patrick yawned.

Jonny thought for a moment, “I’m glad we waited…it feels right, now that we’ve got Ryker.”

“Yeah it does.” Patrick whispered, almost asleep.

Moments later, the bedroom door flew open, letting light from the hallway flood in.

“What the fuck, Sharpy?” Jonny groaned, “Why aren’t you at the hotel?”

Patrick moved trying to shove his face between Jonny’s back and the mattress. “Go away!”

“Sorry boys, I almost forgot!” Sharpy had his hand clamped down over his eyes. “You decent?”

“Oh my god, you suck at life!” Patrick shouted under his breath, trying not to be too loud and wake the kids up. He reached across Jonny to turn the lamp on, on the nightstand. “What are you doing?”

Sharpy cautiously peeked through his fingers, “It’s my job as your Best Man to uphold tradition.”

“But you’re not my Best Man,” Patrick reminded him.

“I know,” Sharpy lowered his hands from his eyes, grinning wickedly, “it wouldn’t be fair if I was standing up there looking better than the both of you put together, so I understand.”

Patrick didn’t even know where to start with that, so he kept his mouth shut. Jonny groaned, slumping against him where they sat in the middle of the bed.

“As your best friend, I can’t let you make the biggest mistake of your married life before you even say I Do.” Sharpy walked around to Jonny’s side of the bed, reaching his hand out. “Come on, Cap.”

Jonny looked to Patrick, confused, and then to Sharpy. “What?”

“The groom and groom are not allowed to see each other before the wedding.” Sharpy sighed, as if it was plain to see.

Jonny just stared at him for a moment, “The wedding isn’t until tomorrow afternoon. There is no way I am not going to see Patrick between now and then.”

Sharpy waved his hand dismissively, “Well you guys can’t sleep together the night before. It’s the law.”

“No it isn’t!”

“Yes it is! Come on…UP!” Sharpy made grabby hands at Jonny.

Jonny knew there was no way Sharpy was backing down, so for the sake of his sanity and not waking the kids up by continuing to refuse, Jonny leaned over and kissed Patrick, “I guess I’ll be on the couch.”

“Sorry…” Patrick whispered against his lips.

Jonny shrugged his shoulders, “I’m marrying you tomorrow.”

“Yes you are!” Patrick grinned as Jonny pulled away shrugging off Sharpy’s hand when he stood up before stalking out of the room.

Sharpy fell face first onto the bed next to where Patrick was sitting, still kind of stunned. 

Patrick shoved Sharpy, “You asshole, I specifically remember you kicking me out of your house the night before your wedding because you and Abby couldn’t keep your hands off each other. It’s not a law…why’d you make Jonny leave?”

Sharpy moved his head to the side so he could speak, his hair covering much of his face, “Abby said I couldn’t come back to the hotel drunk because I would wake Maddy up and get Shooter going. When the wife speaks, I listen. That’s rule number one for you!”

Patrick pinched the bridge of his nose, “But why did you kick Jonny out?”

“The couch is lumpy!”

Patrick punched him in the arm as hard as he could. “Fucking asshole.”

Sharpy just laughed at him, reaching a hand out blindly to pull Patrick back against his pillow. “Go to sleep, Peeks. Big day tomorrow.”

Patrick hesitated just because, before laying down.

“Peeks?” Sharpy mumbled, blowing the hair off his face with a puff of air.

“What?”

“I’m sorry things still suck for Ryker.” Sharpy’s eyes were closed but his voice was clearer than it had been, possibly, all night.

Patrick nodded, though he knew Sharpy couldn’t see him. “Sorry I was mean to you earlier.”

Sharpy’s hand came to rest on Patrick’s forearm with a light squeeze. Moments later he was snoring softly beside Patrick as Patrick reached over and turned the lamp off once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on this chapter?? The bachelor party was a good bit unorthodox...and you can expect the wedding to be too!! In many ways this will not be the normal "dream" wedding that some of you might have in mind...but to me, in this world I have created for them, it is perfectly 'them' so while I am nervous as I venture into this next chapter, I am really excited and can't wait for you guys to read it!! But I need your opinions and any thoughts you might have to help me with their wedding. Is there any specific chapter or scene you liked in this fic or 'Dreams' that stands out to you or anything specific you feel about them going into their wedding?? SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE!!


	21. I really, really do!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding is here!!

Patrick woke up to the distant, tunneled sounds of people walking around the creaky wooden floors of the cabin, and with the window just above his head, he could hear muffled voices outside mulling around. By the way the sun was hitting across the bed, though, Patrick knew it was really early. The room was still, quiet among the commotion all around him but he was comfy and warm. So Patrick decided to stay in bed a little while longer, rolling onto his stomach and burying his head into what would have been Jonny’s pillow if Sharpy hadn’t bogarted it all for himself.

Patrick stretched his arms out under the pillow, pushing against the headboard of the bed until his muscles turned pliant and he sank back into the mattress. Today was it. He was actually, finally going to marry Jonny today so Patrick allowed himself to smile as big and wide as he wanted into his pillow. No one was around to see him and even if they were, he wouldn’t care to hide it anyways.

A few minutes later, the door creaked open but Patrick didn’t move. He listened closely to try to figure out who it was before deciding whether or not to let them know he was already awake. It could be his mom coming in to start in on everything that still needed to be done, at which point he was certainly still asleep, but he also really hoped it would be Jonny coming in to sneak a few minutes alone before the day really started. He was totally ready to wake up for that.

It wasn’t Jonny or his mom, though.

“Don’t you think your daddy has slept long enough? I think you should go jump on him and wake him up!”

“Uncle Burr you’re silly!” Addy whispered with a low giggle.

Patrick laid perfectly still, closing his eyes so he, hopefully, looked like he was still asleep. The bed dipped at Patrick’s feet and he tried not to smile, tucking his face ever so slightly into the crook of his elbow.

“Daddy, wake up!” Addy shouted, laughing as she and Ryker started jumping up and down at Patrick’s side, rejoicing in the fact that they were getting to do something they usually would get in trouble for.

Patrick remained motionless, his body bouncing lightly as the kids jumped around him.

Ryker kept going as Addy sat down heavily on Patrick’s lower back, bouncing up and down, “Daddy, you have to wake up. Papa says Grandmere is being mean to him but I think he’s lying because Grandmere is never mean to anyone and you need to tell him it’s not nice to lie! Daddy…Daddy, we’re getting married! GET UP!” Addy flopped down impressively hard, nearly knocking the wind out of Patrick in the process.

Patrick groaned loudly and Addy scrambled off him as he turned over. Patrick poked Ryker with his foot where he was now sitting on his knees at the end of the bed, smiling wildly. Patrick quickly grabbed Addy, picking her up and holding her above him in the air like when they played airplanes.

“We’re getting married, Addy…Addy…we’re getting married,” Patrick shrieked loudly as Addy tried to grab at him but his arm span was much longer than hers, holding her a safe distance above his head.

“Breakfast!” Someone shouted from somewhere in the house. “Come and get it before it’s gone!”

Ryker jumped up as Addy squirmed against Patrick’s hold. Patrick put her down beside him as Ryker reached out to help her down off the bed before the two, still in their pajamas, ran quickly out of the room.

Burr was standing next to the bed closest to Patrick, still looking out where the kids had run off so Patrick took advantage of his distraction, punching him in his thigh.

“What the hell?” Burr laughed, his head snapping back to look at Patrick as he rubbed his leg.

“Thanks for the wake-up, you awful, horrible excuse for a positive role model for my kids.” Patrick grinned.

“You weren’t even asleep.” Burr pointed out.

Patrick shrugged. True. “You met Ryker? How’d that go? He can be a little shy when it comes to strangers.”

“Aww man he’s my little dude,” Burr’s smile nearly overtook his face. “He’s a cool kid. Sized me up when we first met but then Ads vouched for me and told him I’m even better than Uncle Sharpy because I bring presents. Old Sharp Shooter was stunned when he heard that…though I am pretty sure your littlest rugrat was just angling for more presents.”

Patrick laughed, picturing it all in his head, easily. Addy was the master at getting presents out of people, but Patrick was not fooled by Burr’s innocent face, either, “Did you bring presents?”

“Are you kidding?” Burr questioned, “I know better than to show up empty handed with this motley crew. The trunk of my car is packed down.”

Addy was slick and had everyone wrapped around her finger, but Patrick and Jonny had always tried to keep things under control. Addy was excitable and loud and was very independent and outspoken…but she wasn’t a brat. They’d put a stop to people bringing presents to her every time they came to visit because they didn’t want to set a precedent where she expected something every time someone walked through their front door.

That had been the hardest rule for Sharpy to adhere to, because he loved giving presents, so Patrick could only imagine how it must have stung hearing Addy’s words. But they were lucky to see Burr once or twice a year so he had become the exception. Plus, he brought presents for all the kids because he absolutely knew better. Presents for all or presents for none. That was the rule. 

“When did you get in?” Patrick asked, shifting on the bed so the sun was at his back, warming him against the air conditioning pumping through the vents.

Burr shrugged, “Drove all night and pulled into the hotel a couple hours ago. Came over with the crew after a quick nap while everyone else was still asleep.”

Patrick sat up, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He still couldn’t believe he was going to be getting married in a few short hours. “How’s your sister doing…and the baby?”

“Nik is doing really well,” Burr smiled fondly, “the baby was a boy, Connor, and he’s a beast…almost nine and a half pounds.”

Patrick kicked his foot out at Burr from under the covers, “You know, we would have understood if you couldn’t make it to spend time with your family. He is your only nephew.” Patrick’s face scrunched up. They knew the timing would be close with the birth of Nikki’s first kid, and Burr had been determined to be there for it, but no one had expected the baby to come almost a week late.

“Are you kidding? And let Sharpy take over as Best Man in my absence…not happening,” Burr ruffled Patrick’s hair, “I’ll go back in a few days, believe me. No one is missing my ugly mug right now.”

Patrick smiled. He wasn’t lying; they would have understood, but he was happy Burr had been able to make it. They saw each other so little anymore, outside of when their teams played against each other, so when he and Jonny had decided to finally get married for real, they’d called Burr and Patrick had asked him to be his Best Man. He wanted to make sure Burr knew he was just as important to him now as he was when he was a Hawk and that nothing had changed. After they had told Sharpy about the wedding, Patrick had made a point to explain his reasons for asking Burr, afraid that Sharpy would take offense, but Sharpy had just told him to get over himself, hugged him and then went off in search of Abby with a wink.

“I guess I better get up…it’s kind of a big day, huh?” Patrick ducked his head, teasing as he pushed the covers back, climbing out of the bed to stand next to Burr.

“Only the biggest of your life you jerk,” Burr caught him in a headlock.

Patrick punched lightly against Burr’s leg, not really putting up much of a fight. Burr was pulling them out of the room and down the hall. “Hey, Burr?” Patrick stopped.

“Yeah?” Burr loosened his hold on Patrick’s neck but didn’t let go all together.

“I’m really glad you made it.”

“Me too, Peeks.” Patrick could hear the fondness in Burr’s voice even if all he could see were his own feet. “Just a couple more hours.”

Sometime later, after Patrick had escaped the myriad of questions from both his and Jonny’s moms about a million things he knew for a fact he and Jonny didn’t really care about one way or the other, he found Jonny outside setting up the chairs and tables they had bought, with help from Patrick’s dad. Over by the grill Jonny’s dad was showing Burr how to filet the fish they had caught the night before. Patrick was barely able to contain himself as Burr looked up at him, alarmed, and a good bit green around the gills as he watched Jonny’s dad expertly gut the fish.

Patrick was on a quest for Abby, though, couldn’t stop but did manage to pinch Jonny’s ass on his way by, throwing a devilish grin over his shoulder when Jonny had jumped. Sharpy was down at the lake with the kids, taking turns tossing each of the kids in by the straps of their life jackets. He switched off with Sharpy as Sharpy headed back up to the cabin to assist in whatever Abby needed help with.

Patrick did manage to tackle Jonny into their bedroom a couple hours before everything was supposed to start and only about 15 minutes before Erica had warned him they would all need to start getting ready. Patrick locked the door and hoped they would at least get a couple minutes to themselves before everything really ramped up. They’d barely seen each other since the night before.

They were sitting propped up against the headboard; Patrick’s head on Jonny’s shoulder as Jonny traced lazy patterns onto Patrick’s hand in his lap.

“Last chance to make a run for it, Toews,” Patrick peeked up shyly at Jonny, trying to make a joke of it but failing to hide some of the worried edge to his voice.

Jonny looked down at their hands in his lap, their fingers laced together. He ran his thumb over Patrick’s bare ring finger, “I told you, I’m marrying you today. No take backs.”

“No regrets at all?” Patrick leaned into Jonny.

“Only that you seem to suddenly be doubting this for some reason,” Jonny turned, eyes full of concern as he pressed his lips to the side of Patrick’s head.

Patrick sighed, trying to find the right words, “I don’t doubt us. That’s not it, like at all…it just all seems…too good to be true. I guess I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop, or for me to wake up and we’re still rookies and this has all been a big, fat, really elaborate dream.”

Jonny reached over and pinched Patrick’s side. Patrick jumped. “Not a dream,” Jonny promised, the corner of his mouth curling up.

They sat together; not speaking, leaning heavily on each other for a couple more minutes until Jess started pounding on the door.

The girls all crowded into the spare room as Jonny and Patrick set out to get the kids ready first. Addy was still holding fast to her princess pirate outfit, until she saw what Ryker was wearing.

Jonny was halfway through buttoning her ‘pirate’ dress when Ryker had emerged from the bathroom, high-fiving Patrick on his way, in his swimming trunks announcing that he was ‘ready’ and that was all it took before Addy was quickly revising her outfit choice. She’d asked what Jameson, Maddy and Mav were wearing, and the odds on favorite seemed to be whatever they could swim in. In the end, she went with her favorite pirate swimsuit with a ruffled top and a built in belt for her sword that Andree had bought her earlier in the summer. Patrick had nearly forgotten to pack the swimsuit until Jonny had reminded him, saving both their asses from what surely would have been a huge meltdown. They topped the look off with a pair of thick brown leather boots that were too small for Ryker, the eye-patch she sometimes spent days at a time wearing that Jonny was convinced would screw up her vision, and the tiara Zeus had bought her for her last birthday.

“All done, Bug.” Jonny stood up, twirling Addy in front of the mirror.

“Do I look like a princess pirate, Papa?” Addy asked excitedly.

“You are the fiercest, most beautiful princess pirate I have ever seen,” Jonny assured her. “Just remember, if you want to go swimming, you have to take your boots and tiara off or you’ll lose them in the lake, okay?”

Addy nodded in all seriousness.

“And what else before you can go swimming?” Jonny asked.

Addy thought for a moment, her finger tapping against the side of her head, “Life jacket,” she yelled, jumping up and down, clapping her hands.

“That is correct,” Jonny took her face in his hands and kissed her quickly, “Okay, go find the other kids and listen to Megan if you go near the lake. Your daddy and I have to finish getting ready and then it is show time!”

Megan was the daughter of a friend of his mom’s and she was a trained lifeguard. They’d asked if they could hire her for the day so everyone wouldn’t have to worry about the kids near the lake during and after the wedding, and the kids would be able to have fun without their parents breathing down their necks all day.

An hour before the wedding, the Official, Tom, arrived. He was an old friend of Jonny’s dad and Jonny had known him his whole life, usually seeing him once or twice whenever he’d come back home to visit. Andree showed Tom around, introducing him to everyone and ducking into the room so he could briefly talk to Jonny and Patrick before they finished getting ready.

David and Burr did succeed in splitting Jonny and Patrick up in that last hour. David had pulled Jonny out of the room and led him into the spare room, once the girls were done, just before Patrick’s sister had descended in on their brother with hugs, tears, and a worryingly high amount of some of the most inventive and colorful language Burr had heard. Which was saying a lot considering his job. Burr would never go against Mama Kane, but he was slightly less afraid of the Kane sisters and after a little arguing, he managed to get them out of the room as well.

“You scared?” Burr asked, lounging back on the bed, locking eyes with Patrick in the mirror as Patrick got dressed.

Patrick shook his head, working the last of the buttons on his shirt. He’d opted for a white short-sleeve lightweight cotton button up, light grey linen pants and his favorite pair of heather grey TOMS Jonny had gotten him the Christmas before last. Patrick smoothed his hand down the front of his shirt, “Nope, not scared.”

“Excited?” Burr laughed.

Patrick’s grin was instant and shocking, “Fuck yeah! You got the rings?” Patrick asked, turning around to face his Best Man. Patrick was ready to go…ready to do this now!

Burr patted the front pocket of his shirt, “I got you covered, Peeks. Stop worrying.”

A quick knock sounded at the door before Sharpy stuck his head in. “You ready to go, Peekaboo?”

Patrick turned around to face Sharpy, holding his arms wide, “Let’s do this!”

“I’m so glad you two are getting hitched to each other because you are both so damn lame it’s best that you contain it and not spread it around as much as possible.” Sharpy deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

Burr hoped off the bed, slipping out of the room before Patrick.

Sharpy stopped Patrick with a hand to his chest. Patrick froze, looking down at himself to see if he’d missed anything. His buttons were good, his fly was zipped. Sharpy readjusted Patrick’s collar…the one that Patrick knew for a fact was perfectly pressed because his mom had ironed it just this morning…brushed imaginary dust off Patrick’s shoulders, smiled and then moved aside.

When Patrick stepped out into the hallway the first thing he noticed was Burr and David huddled together, talking in the corner but his eye caught a movement to his left and Patrick’s breath caught in his throat. Jonny was about ten feet away from him deliberating with himself about whether he should tuck his shirt in or not. He hadn’t noticed Patrick yet.

Patrick looked back to Sharpy who winked at him before shepherding Burr and David down the hall and outside, before turning back to Jonny. Jonny was mumbling something to himself about creases or something and Patrick couldn’t take his eyes off him.

“My vote is for untucked.” Patrick’s voice was barely above a whisper but Jonny still jumped as if he had shouted.

Jonny smiled brightly when he saw Patrick, the worry quickly seeping out of his eyes as his whole body seemed to relax.

Jonny was wearing a shirt similar to Patrick’s and was wearing linen pants as well but his were a light sandy cream color that offset his tan in an almost dizzying way. Patrick swallowed heavily, willing himself to neither cry nor do something stupid like pushing Jonny back into the room and effectively pissing off their moms and everyone else by being late and thoroughly debauched, to their own wedding. But damn, Jonny looked good. Patrick couldn’t get over how disarmingly attractive Jonny looked, which was saying a lot because Patrick had always thought Jonny was basically the hottest guy he’d ever seen, in his own ‘Jonny’ way, though Patrick would never fully admit to it out loud. But to himself, Patrick could admit that Jonny looked absolutely gorgeous.

Jonny reached out, closing the distance between them with a single step. “We can’t be late,” Jonny warned.

Patrick sighed, long-suffering, “They would all probably hunt us down if we snuck off, huh?”

“I can’t believe it’s finally here,” Jonny ran the tip of his finger through the hair just above Patrick’s ear. “You look amazing.”

Patrick couldn’t help the blush the bloomed up into his cheeks at the awe in Jonny’s voice. Jonny ran the pad of his thumb up the slope of Patrick’s cheek and down his jawline. Jonny’s eyes tracked his fingers’ path as if he was incapable of not touching Patrick.

“Everyone’s waiting,” Patrick’s voice broke, barely above a whisper. He would gladly stand here, in the hallway with Jonny, all day but they did have something slightly more important to attend to. It’s not that Jonny wasn’t tactile by nature, because he was, but this was still a rare mood. Unabashed and totally, completely mesmerized by Patrick. Patrick wanted to soak it all up.

Jonny pulled Patrick against his chest, his hands dragging against the fabric at Patrick’s shoulders as Patrick looped his arms around Jonny’s waist, twisting his fingers together to hold tight. “I really don’t want to share you with anyone right now,” Jonny admitted, his lips brushing the skin at Patrick’s neck.

Patrick shivered and took a deep breath, leaning back so he could look Jonny in the eyes. “Marry me, Jonny. And then I am all yours.”

That seemed to spark Jonny because the next thing he knew, Patrick was being led out the back sliders, laughing openly as Jonny walked them between the rows of seats a little more quickly than was strictly necessary.

Everyone was sitting around talking to each other which allowed Jonny and Patrick to make it almost all the way to Tom before anyone noticed them. All the kids were huddled together in a circle off to the side but Addy stopped for a quick moment to wave to them before returning her attention to the pile of rocks and Tonka trucks they were playing with in the dirt.

Jonny and Patrick took their place with David and Burr standing just off to the side. They stood a couple feet apart, facing each other. Tom started speaking, placing a hand gently on each of their shoulders and Patrick let his words wash over him. He closed his eyes for a moment, not paying as close attention to what Tom was saying as he probably should, but honestly it didn’t matter what was being said. He was about to marry Jonny in front of the people that meant the most to them and that was all that mattered to him.

When Patrick did open his eyes, Jonny was staring at him with so much emotion, his smile was so wide, so all-encompassing. The corners of his eyes were crinkling, yet there was an intensity so raw it made Patrick shudder.

Jonny’s mom let out a low sob at one point and Jonny rolled his eyes at Patrick. Patrick couldn’t help but to laugh.

“Do not give me that look, I am allowed to cry at my son’s wedding!” Andree whispered harshly, twisting a handkerchief around her finger and dabbing at her eyes. Donna, reached over and grabbed Andree’s hand. They weren’t separating the sides by families and Patrick wasn’t really surprised to see his and Jonny’s moms sitting in the front row beside each other with their husbands on either side of them. Donna wiped at her eyes quickly before placing hers and Andree’s hands in her lap with a determined nod.

Patrick turned back to Jonny as Tom continued.

As much as they were used to playing in front of packed arenas all the time, with thousands of fans watching their every move, it was disconcerting to be standing up in front of a couple dozen of their closest friends and family with all the attention squarely on them. Patrick scrunched his nose up at Jonny as Jonny reached over and took Patrick’s hand in his, breathing out contentedly at the contact as his fingers tightened slightly around Patrick’s.

“Before we get down to the official business, is there anything you boys would like to say to each other?” Tom asked, squeezing their shoulders gently before stepping back.

Patrick was kind of caught off guard. He’d thought they would just repeat the usual vows and be done with it, but Tom nodded at him with a soft smile.

Patrick was going to have to wing it. Some of the best and worst moments of his life came from ‘just winging it’ and all Patrick could do now was pray that this would not be completely horrible.

He took a deep breath, looked around at all the people he loved most in the world, waiting for him to begin…and then he saw Addy.

Their daughter.

“Who would have ever guessed that that little monster would have so completely turned our lives upside down?” Jonny laughed, groaning in agreement as Patrick continued, “We were just starting to find our way with each other when she came along but I knew she was it, just like I always knew you were it for me. We had to face a lot of truths with ourselves and with each other; some that we didn’t necessarily like, but she pulled us through.” Patrick took a deep breathe, “Having her made our lives easier and infinitely harder all at the same time and I never regretted it for a single moment. You gave me my life back, Jonny. Our friendship all those years ago changed me…and your love saved me. You believed in me when it was really hard. When I was at my worst, you saw the best in me. You believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself and you pushed me to be a better person so that when your mom showed up on our doorstep with a baby that didn’t even have have a name…I knew we could do it.” Patrick bit at his lip when his voice started to shake. “I love that you don’t make fun of me when I watch Disney movies with the kids and almost always end up crying. I love that you always pack an extra pair of socks for practice because mine always have holes in them. I love that you’ll still kiss my nose even when I’m sick. I love that you don’t get upset when we use every pillow and blanket in the house to build a mega fort in the living room, but you’ll tell me how I can make it better, make it stronger. I love that we’ve somehow managed to build our little family up with pieces that aren’t biologically ours, but are ours because somehow they made their way into our lives and chose us. When I said I wanted us to adopt a little boy who needed us, needed our love; who had been hurt by so much already…you never even questioned it. You knew it would be hard, with our jobs, but you never hesitated. I love you and Addy and Ryker beyond anything else in this world. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you and our kids…And I really can’t wait until we’re both so old you can’t beat me at everything anymore.”

Jonny leaned forward and kissed Patrick’s nose before he straightened back up and cleared his throat. Patrick held onto his hand a little tighter this time as Jonny began, “You’ve always been so much stronger…so much more amazing than you ever gave yourself credit for. We’ve known each other since we were 13 and I’ve never doubted you once.” Jonny stopped, biting his lip for a moment, “I am the man I am today because of you. You carried us in those first few months after we got Addy…when I was so scared I was going to screw everything up, when I was terrified of falling in love with that little girl only to lose her…and we did lose her. That was without a doubt the worst time of my life but you promised that we would get her back and we did. I love that you have no shame and no limit of love and energy and positivity and goofiness when it comes to the kids. What I love the most, though…is that over the years, you’ve finally started to trust yourself as being the amazing person I saw all along. Watching you, first with Addy and now with Ryker…I get this feeling in my stomach every time I turn the corner and you guys are having a dance party, or when the four of us are huddled up in our bed watching cartoons…that I know we were meant for each other. We were meant to find each other and our family, because nothing else…no one else could ever come remotely close to being as infuriatingly wonderful as you are. I can’t wait to watch Addy and Ryker grow up because I know how much they love you and look up to you and with you as their guide, they are going to grow up to be the most amazing people. Because you are an amazing father and I can’t wait because I know you are going to be an amazing husband as well. You were the first person I truly loved and I know you will be the last. I love you more than anyone has a right to love and I promise to love you more today than I did yesterday…for the rest of my life..”

Patrick could hear everyone sniffling around them but he was too focused on Jonny. On the way he was trying to hold everything together despite how shaky his voice was, and despite the fact that he had tears pooling in his eyes just as badly as Patrick did. When Jonny finished, Patrick couldn’t resist as he launched himself forward, kissing him quickly.

“Not yet, Patty,” Erica whispered loudly, her voice thick with emotion.

Tom only winked at him, when Patrick shrugged his shoulders apologetically. Tom stepped forward, giving everyone a moment to collect themselves before he continued.

“Daddy, why are you and Papa crying?” Addy’s eyes were so full of concern as she slipped her tiny fingers into Jonny’s free hand, looking up at Patrick.

Ryker hurried over, “Addy, not now…this is big stuff, we can’t interrupt.”

Patrick reached out with his own free hand and pulled Ryker back against him, patting lightly at his chest, “It’s okay, buddy.” Patrick looked to Jonny, all the emotions of the past week seeming to peak all at once as he stood there in front of their friends and family. Their kids standing between them as Jonny held tightly to his hand, connecting the four together, as they should be. Patrick reached across and tickled Addy’s neck, “Papa and I are not sad, Buggy. We are so happy…so happy because we have the best little monsters in the world and we are always going to be a family, right!”

“Because we’re getting married?” Addy asked, her high-pitched voice carrying as the worry and tension started to leave her little body.

“Because we are getting married!” Jonny promised.

Addy nodded her head. Patrick looked back to where Tom was standing, watching their exchange with open delight. “Sorry about that. I think we are ready to continue,” Patrick ducked his head.

Tom laughed loudly, clapping Patrick on the back once more, “Never apologize for a child’s curiosity, my boy!”

As Tom continued once more, Ryker reached up and tucked his fingers into Patrick’s hand against his chest. Patrick’s vision blurred with fresh tears but he didn’t even try to stop them at this point. His hands were full of something far more precious and when he locked eyes with Jonny, the tears swimming in his eyes let him know he wasn’t alone.

He would never be alone again. He finally knew, without doubt, that nothing was ever going to take his family away from him and he finally knew that he deserved it. He deserved it all because Jonny and their kids had made him realize that he had a place where he belonged and mattered for far more than what he could do with a puck on the ice.

“I’ve married a lot of couples in my time…of all genders, races, ethnicities, beliefs,” Tom stated loudly, “and though the group assembled here today is small, the love you all hold for this couple, for their children, and for each other is stronger than almost any I’ve ever seen. If nothing else, remember and be proud of the family you’ve built and created around you because that is what is most important above everything else in life.”

Tom took a deep breath, “Patrick Timothy Kane the Second, do you take Jonathan Bryan Toews to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?”

“I do!” Patrick said quickly, purposely keeping himself from shouting, “I really, really do!”

Tom shook his head and smiled, “And do you, Jonathan Bryan Toews, take Patrick Timothy Kane the Second to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?”

Jonny bit his lip, trying to hold back the fact that he wanted to smile so fully, so brightly it was making it hard to actually talk. He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down enough so he could speak, “I do.”

“Can I have the rings?”

Burr stepped forward, handing the rings over before squeezing Patrick’s shoulders and stepping back.

Jonny reluctantly let go of Patrick’s hand before loosening Addy’s grip on his other hand, moving her over until she was standing in front of him. Jonny took the ring from Tom.

When Patrick had originally agreed to marry him, when Addy had still been a baby and Patrick’s sisters had been camped out, literally, in the spare room of their condo, Jonny had gone out and ordered the rings the very next day. They had been in the middle of a Cup run, and Jonny probably should have been more focused on that, but all he could think about was that Addy was finally theirs and Patrick had said yes, so he’d set out immediately on finding the perfect rings. It took him all of about 20 minutes of looking in the first store he went into before he found them. They were made of Tungsten Carbide with red and black carbon fiber inlay and they were perfect. He’d had a simple 1988 engraved on the inside of both.

They had been sitting in the safe at his parents’ house ever since and Patrick had never seen them before. Bryan had just handed them safely over to his son that morning and Jonny had relinquished them to Burr, making him swear to neither lose them nor let Patrick see them before the ceremony.

“Now repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed.”

Jonny took a shaky breath, “With this ring, I thee wed.” Jonny twisted the ring in his finger so Patrick could see the engraving before he lined it up with his ring finger.

Patrick gasped when Jonny reached for his hand and slid the ring on his finger, running his thumb along the surface once it was in its proper place. He hadn’t really thought too much about what the rings would actually look like but he’d just always assumed that Jonny would go with the traditional gold bands. The brushed metal felt strong and solid against his skin; the shiny black and strips of red had a classic yet completely original look to it that looked exactly like ‘them’ to Patrick.

As the ring slid into place, Patrick finally understood why his mom had freaked out that one time she’d misplaced her wedding ring and couldn’t find it for almost four hours and had turned their entire house upside down. He’d thought it was incredibly silly, at the age of 9, and didn’t see what the big deal was. Now…he gets it. Now, he can’t think of any reason he would ever take his ring off, though he knew he would have to during games. That thought alone made it harder to breath as he kept staring at his finger, afraid that if he looked away, it would vanish.

Jonny squeezed his hand lightly, drawing Patrick’s attention back.

Tom was holding Jonny’s ring out to him and Patrick took it quickly, apologizing in a whisper as he closed his hand around the metal. The year of their birth, the combination of the numbers that would forever be synonymous with them was engraved delicately on the inside of Jonny’s ring as well.

“Repeat after me, Patrick. With this ring, I thee wed.”

Before he could stop himself. Before he could second-guess the raw emotion coursing through him in that moment, Patrick brought the ring to his lips, kissed the cool metal and with shaky hands, he slid the ring onto Jonny’s finger, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Andree and Donna were both a mess, not even trying to stop the tears at this point. Their husbands rubbed their backs soothingly as they clutched at each other. Patrick tore his eyes away from Jonny’s, risking a quick look around. Sharpy grinned proudly, giving him a thumbs up from where he sat next to Abby who was crying softly on his shoulder. His sisters were huddled in on each other, torn tissues in their laps and trying not to ruin their makeup. Patrick couldn’t look at anyone else because he was already emotional enough. Addy seemed to understand that these were happy tears but the concept was still tricky to her and he didn’t want her to upset her more than she already had been. He took a deep, shuddering breath trying to calm himself down.

Tom clapped his hands together, “Well then, boys! It is with great honor and delight that I now officially pronounce you married. You may now kiss your husband.”

Patrick resisted the urge to jump up and down as he shuffled forward, making sure not to crush Addy and Ryker between them. He reached up, running the pad of his thumb across Jonny’s cheek as his other hand curved around the back of his neck. Jonny was absolutely beaming, there was no other way to put it. His smile was so wide it looked painful as he reached out for Patrick and crushed their lips together. They kissed for a second or for a year, Patrick couldn’t really tell, but they broke apart once the whistling and catcalls broke through. Jonny rested his forehead against Patrick’s, not moving for a moment, as they breathed each other in.

Addy grabbed ahold of the bottom of his shirt, getting restless. “Does this mean we get cake now?”

Patrick burst out laughing, “We’ll get some cake very soon, Buggy.”

Once the clapping and whistling died down, Tom raised his voice over the crowd once more, “It is my pleasure to present to you, Misters Jonathan and Patrick Toews!”

Patrick and Jonny turned towards their family and friends, smiling so hard Patrick was sure he would end up with a headache before the day was over. He couldn’t believe he was now officially a Toews. This was real life…his life, now!

Addy held her arms up towards Jonny and Jonny picked her up. “Are we married now, Papa?”

Jonny laughed, poking her in the belly, “We are married now, Bug.”

Everyone stood up and started swarming them but in the midst of it all, Patrick felt Ryker’s hand slip into his with a slight tug. Ryker was facing him, but Patrick had a hard time hearing him over the excited din of everyone trying to talk over everyone else. Patrick pulled them to the side away from the crush of people that were crowded around Jonny. Bending down, Patrick caught Ryker in the middle of what he was saying as Ryker pulled impatiently at Patrick’s hand. “Dad! Dad are you listening to me?”

Luckily Patrick was already kneeling because when the full weight of Ryker’s words hit him, he had to sit down.

Dad? Did he hear that right? Did Ryker just call him dad?

Ryker rolled his eyes, waiting for Patrick to catch up. “I’m sorry, bud…what were you saying?” Patrick stuttered out, trying to control his face.

“Now you have Papa’s last name just like Addy, right?” Ryker led cautiously.

Patrick nodded his head, still trying to wrap his mind around Ryker calling him Dad and Jonny, Papa. This was huge, bigger even than the wedding, maybe. Patrick had long-since resigned himself to the fact that Ryker would never be able to call them that because of what it meant to the memory of his biological parents.

“Does this mean that I get to have Papa’s last name, too?” Ryker asked, his eyes wide with mostly curious wonder, but also an edge of hesitation.

Patrick felt like the wind had been knocked out of him for the second time in as many minutes. He shook his head, trying to think about how best to approach the situation. He looked over Ryker’s shoulder to where Jonny was standing in the middle of everyone, looking back at Patrick with clear worry in his eyes, not knowing what was going on.

When they had officially adopted Ryker, they’d had the option of changing his name if they wanted but had known it wouldn’t be right. They didn’t want to strip Ryker of his past or make him feel like he had to be someone he wasn’t to be a part of their family. They’d reasoned with each other that if he changed his mind in the future they could always have it changed then, but it had to be his decision.

Patrick never actually thought that would happen; never thought they would be at a point where Ryker felt he could be a part of his new family completely without having to give up his mom and dad in the process and they would never ask him to do that. Patrick never thought it would actually happen but that hadn’t stopped him from wanting it more than anything else in the world.

Patrick cupped Ryker’s cheek in his palm, “We would be so incredibly happy if you wanted to do that, Ryker. But it is not something you have to do. It can only be done if it is what you want.” Patrick ran his fingers through Ryker’s hair. “But I want you to know that if you decide that you don’t want to…that it doesn’t feel right or fair to your mommy or daddy, it will never change how much we love you. Do you understand?”

Ryker nodded, his tiny hands clutching at Patrick’s much larger hand, twisting Patrick’s wedding ring back and forth. “I understand,” Ryker leaned in, wrapping his arms around Patrick’s neck.

Patrick pulled Ryker against him, his arms tightening slightly across his back. Ryker buried his face in Patrick’s neck and Patrick did the same as the two hugged it out where Patrick was still sitting on the ground.

Patrick could feel hot tears on his neck as he tightened his arms around Ryker.

Promises fell short with Ryker because his parents had promised to be around forever. Promising him something didn’t mean anything because Ryker didn’t trust promises with absolute blind faith like Addy did. Patrick knew that promising him that everything would be okay would fall on deaf ears and that the only way he could reassure his son would be to show him every day what he wanted so badly to promise him with his every breath. That was the only promise Patrick could make and he had to make it to himself.

Patrick pulled back, smiling sadly at Ryker as he swept his thumbs under the boy’s eyes to catch any remaining tears. Ryker smiled back, eyes full of sadness but also of hope and determination.

Ryker nodded his head. “I want that. I want to have the same last name as you and Papa and Addy.”

“Are you sure?” Patrick choked on the words before they even left his throat.

Ryker nodded again, smiling brightly. “I’m sure!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts??
> 
> I usually do not have an emotional connection with the chapters/fic because it's just different when it comes from you, I guess...there is no "newness" to it...I don't get to experience it new. But I have to say, I think this might be my favorite chapter of the entire series. I just really hope you all liked it as well!!


	22. All About Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny and Patrick - their wedding night - and the morning after!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I switched the rating on this fic to "Explicit" specifically because of this chapter so if you are not comfortable with content of that nature please skip this chapter or start at the second half!! This fic has never been about porn but I knew this scene was going to happen from the very beginning. Hopefully it will come off as being more about the emotions of the moment, then the actual sex itself but regardless, just wanted to throw that warning out there!!
> 
> I have been freaking out about this chapter because it is literally my first attempt at writing any sort of a sex scene, ever, and Meg pretty much co-wrote it with me so she deserves just as much credit for it and without her it would have been decidedly more lame, hahaha!!
> 
> Also, I spent 2 1/2 extremely stressful weeks in Florida, only to come back home a couple weeks ago and have things only get worse so I was only able to work on this bit by bit and it took way longer than I expected but, surprisingly, life doesn't seem to much care if I need to finish my chapters or not, lol!!
> 
> I'll shut up now...hope you like it!!

When Sharpy has accused Patrick of being a screamer, he wasn’t completely wrong. Patrick did have the tendency to become rather vocal during sex, allowing his body to be overcome by sensation and just let go. However, with three years of having Addy right done the hall, prone to waking up at random times, Patrick had learned to control himself. They were always adapting, becoming more inventive. Constantly finding new, most of the time quick, and pretty much always near silent ways of getting off together.

Neither Patrick, nor Jonny, would ever deny the intense sense of pleasure that they got just from feeling their skin rub together, no matter what circumstances brought them to that point or how quickly they had to finish. But Patrick often yearned for those slow moments when they could take their time, not a care in the world. The times when Jonny would take his ‘be better’ mantra and apply it to making Patrick fall apart bit by bit.

Tonight was going to be one of those nights. 

The cabin was theirs alone. No time limit. No possible interruptions from little ones who needed a glass of water or a closet check for monsters. Just Jonathan and Patrick Toews; alone and ready to celebrate finally, finally getting married.

Patrick sat on the edge of their bed patiently, clad only in his boxers, waiting for Jonny to return from securing the house. Goosebumps prickled up his arms and back as the shear anticipation sent chills up and down his flushed body. He wanted Jonny. Patrick couldn’t actually remember the last time he hadn’t wanted him. From the first time they’d met as teenagers until now, it just always seemed inevitable…like it was meant to be. And now Jonny was his, forever and for always. He subconsciously twisted the wedding band on his finger a few times, relishing the feeling of having that simple token of their love there forever, and reminding himself to breathe.

He lifted his head when he heard the bedroom door open, watching as Jonny entered, carefully shutting the door behind him and clicking the lock. The small action made Patrick smirk. Sensible Jonny always being prepared, even if they were literally the one ones in the entire cabin. Jonny turned slowly, already unbuttoning his dress shirt. Patrick sucked in a breath, enjoying the sight in front of him.

“Aren’t you glad that you finally decided to take Sharpy up on his offer to take the kids camping so we could be alone?” Jonny ginned.

“Rule!” Patrick’s voice shook, ripping his eyes away from Jonny unintentional strip tease.

They only had one rule in bed. No talking about the kids or the team during sex. 

Jonny shrugged in acceptance, pulling his shirt off of his shoulder, and unbuttoning his pants; letting them fall down his legs, before he stepped out of them and moved towards Patrick. Patrick’s breath hitched. Jonny pulled him upright and tilted his head back, giving Patrick a devilish grin before swooping in and placing a searing kiss on Patrick’s lips. Patrick melted against him, gripping his hand on Jonny’s biceps, holding on tightly. Jonny pulled away, gently pushing Patrick back until he was lowered completely onto the bed. Patrick scrambled ungracefully to move up the bed, and was rewarded by Jonny following and pressing his body into Patrick’s from chest to toe. The feeling sent shocks all through Patrick’s already over-sensitized body. He shuddered at the sensation. Jonny let out a growl at that and moved his mouth to Patrick’s throat. He licked a thick strip up the expanse of skin causing Patrick to whimper in response. Jonny took that as his cue. He made his way downward, stopping when he reached his chest, paying special attention to Patrick’s sensitive nipples. He took one in his mouth, sucking on it until Patrick was squirming beneath him before pulling away and blowing on the sensitive skin. Patrick hips bucked up. Jonny could feel just how hard he was.

But Jonny wasn’t ready for the main event…not yet. He wanted Patrick to come apart at the seams, so torn apart by passion and desire that he begged for Jonny. Begging for Jonny to take care of him.

He had big plans for tonight.

He let the tip of his nose graze the skin on Patrick’s abdomen as he made his way further down, feeling the heat rise even more to the surface of Patrick’s skin. He stopped when he reached the fabric of Patrick’s boxers. Hooking his fingers on the waistband, and pulling them down. Patrick let out a sigh of relief at the loss of restriction. Jonny lifted his body, pulling the fabric the rest of the way off, before setting his sights on Patrick sprawled out on the bed in front of him. He licked his lips at the sight and lowered himself again. His eyes focused hungrily at Patrick’s cock. He let his breath fan over the sensitive head, causing Patrick to arch nearly off the bed.

“What do you want Patrick?” Jonny asked gruffly, letting his slight stubble rub against the sensitive skin of Patrick’s thigh. Patrick mumbled some incoherent sounds, but made no attempt at actually forming words. “All of these years of having to be quiet, and now I can’t get you do even let out a single word?” Jonny punctuated this by reaching up and grasping the base of Patrick’s cock, giving it a firm squeeze.

“Fuuuck.” Patrick gasped. 

“Nope. Not good enough Patrick. Look at me and tell me what you want.” Jonny demanded.

Patrick let out a huff, raising himself up onto his elbows and looked Jonny dead in the eye. “If you don’t put my dick in your mouth right now, and then fuck me into the mattress, I will divorce your sorry ass first thing tomorrow morning!” Patrick gritted out.

“You wouldn’t even dare.” Jonny smirked toying with him a little longer, Patrick wore a look of frustration, but before he could reply, Jonny was sliding his mouth down Patrick cock, taking as much of the length in his mouth as possible.

“Ahhhh. Ugh. Jesus. Oh my God.” Patrick spit out. Jonny had him exactly where he wanted him. He set to work, swirling his tongue around the swollen head of Patrick’s dick and then moving down again, he let his bottom teeth scrap gently at the sensitive vein on his way back up, sending Patrick into another series of curses and sounds.

Quite frankly, Patrick was surprised that he wasn’t levitating at this point. He sure as hell felt like he should be. Just when he thought it couldn’t get any better, he felt Jonny’s fingers apply steady pressure to his perineum. He pulled Jonny off his dick quickly. “Oh shit. Get inside me now. I’m not cumming in your mouth dammit. I want you to fuck me so hard.” Jonny wanted to laugh at the change in Patrick’s demeanor, but he was powerless to deny his husband of whatever he could possibly want. Jonny stroked softly, placating, at the inside of Patrick’s thighs that were red and irritated from Jonny’s stubble.

“Alright baby. Whatever you want.” Jonny reached for the lube that he had stocked in the bedside table in anticipation of tonight’s events.

Patrick groaned again, impatient with how long Jonny was taking. Jonny looped his fingers around Patrick’s wrists, pushing them firmly into the mattress. “No Patrick, you have to wait until I get you all ready. I’m going to make you feel so good baby, but you have to be patient.” Patrick grunted in protest, but spread his legs nonetheless so that Jonny could settle between them again.

Jonny had every intention of wiping that look right off of Patrick’s face. Jonny snapped the cap off of the lube and drizzled some down his finger, rubbing them together to warm it up a little before moving to rub the slick fingers against Patrick’s hole. Jonny watched as Patrick’s mouth dropped open a little and his dick twitched. He wasted no time pushing the first finger in. It slid in easily. Even with all of the stress with moving and expanding their family, they never could get quite enough of each other, and while Jonny didn’t mind whether he was the one giving or receiving, Patrick most certainly preferred to be the one on the receiving end. Jonny slipped the finger in and out a few times before adding a second. This one met a little more resistance, Jonny patiently continued and began crooking his fingers. Jonny knew that he had found the spot when Patrick’s arms flew away from his chest and his hands began gripping the sheets. Jonny quickly pressed into that spot a few more times, before sliding in his third finger.

“Jonathan Toews. I swear if you don’t stop dicking around...” Patrick started, but was cut off when Jonny captured his lips in a biting kiss. Skillfully plunging his tongue into Patrick’s mouth. He pulled away from Patrick only to strip himself of his boxer briefs and to pour more lube onto his dick. He kissed Patrick again, spreading his legs farther apart, and slowly began to push in. Patrick gasped with every single movement.

When Jonny was buried deep, he grabbed Patrick’s face gently, forcing him to look at him. “I bet I could make you come just like this. No moving. Just buried deep inside of you. You’d like that wouldn’t you? You’re so easy for it anyways, Patrick. Always so needy. Ready for me to take care of you. Do you want me to take care of you now, Patrick?” Patrick nodded furiously, wrapping his legs tightly around Jonny’s waist, his arms wound around Jonny’s back and his nails began to dig into the overheated skin. Johnny hadn’t even started moving and Patrick was already almost over the edge.

Take care of him, Jonny did. He pulled out gently, then plunged back in. Making Patrick feel every inch of him. Patrick let out a cry of pleasure as Jonny really began to drill into him. He could feel Patrick tightening around him after a few minutes, could feel his muscles contracting around his dick and knew that Patrick was close. Jonny was too. Seeing his gorgeous, flushed husband fall apart in front of him, had left Jonny desperate to get himself some relief too, but Patrick had to come first. Always. “Come on baby. Let go.” Patrick whimpered again, but Jonny knew how to get him going. Jonny nudged at the skin behind his ear, biting gently at Patrick’s earlobe, his voice nearly haggard from exertion, “Patrick. Timothy. Toews.”

And with that, Patrick lost it. He came in between his and Jonny’s chest in thick, hot spurts. The pure blissed out look on his face was enough to do it for Jonny. In one, two, three thrusts he plowed all the way into Patrick and stayed there, dropping his head to the other man’s shoulder as he released his load. 

Patrick smiled, and ran his fingers through Jonny’s hair, letting himself come down from the high. He released his legs from around Jonny’s waist and let them stretch out to the side. He placed a kiss on Jonny’s forehead before rolling the two of them over so Jonny was now on his back, his dick slipping out in the process. Patrick moved off the bed to go get a washcloth to clean them both up. Jonny was way too fucked out of his mind right now to go again anytime soon, but Patrick was pretty sure that he would have his turn with Jonny at some point before the night was over. He rinsed out the cloth after cleaning himself up and moved towards the bedroom. Jonny had his eyes closed and was humming quietly to himself, smiling softly behind the arm that was flung over his face. He opened his eyes, grinning at Patrick when he came over to the bed. He let Patrick clean him up before pulling him back down on the bed with him. They curled around each other easily. Wrapped up in the tight embrace.

“I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone as my husband.” Jonny’s voice was barely above a whisper. All of the emotions of the day getting caught in his throat in what felt like the first time they’d actually stopped all day. Patrick smiled at that thought as he drew lazy shapes on Jonny’s stomach with his finger. “I always knew that I was going to marry you, Patrick.”

“Me too. I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.” Patrick agreed, leaning up to kiss Jonny lazily once more before they both drifted off.

 

*

 

“Do you think everything is okay?” Patrick asked, leaning around the counter to look out into the backyard. “I think maybe we should go check on them.”

Jonny smiled, licking the last bits of oatmeal off his spoon. “Sharpy promised to call if anything happened. Besides, they are probably already awake…I’m sure everything is fine.” Jonny put his bowl in the sink, moving over to box Patrick in against the counter, kissing lazily at Patrick’s neck.

“He said they were going to come back as soon as they woke up.” Patrick pulled away from Jonny.

Normally, Jonny might have felt the slightest bit offended by Patrick’s lack of interest in what Jonny was doing considering how easy Patrick had been for Jonny’s mouth the night before. But Jonny knew that he was just worried about Ryker; this was, after all, their first night away from both him and Addy since the adoption and Patrick had been restless all night. When the sun came up and Patrick was still chasing sleep, Jonny had pulled Patrick back against him and they’d talked quietly; about the upcoming season, about surprising Patrick’s parents for their anniversary. Soon they would be going to meet Ryker’s new teacher. They’d never had to deal with supply lists and school shopping, Addy still had another year before she started preschool and this was all slightly intimidating new territory for them.

It seemed to work well enough, distracting Patrick until some of the tension had left him as they curled around each other, Jonny’s thumb ghosting patterns on Patrick’s hip as Patrick rambled on about which school subjects had been his favorite growing up.

Jonny had been worried about Ryker being away, too, he just internalized his worry because he knew it would only make Patrick feel even worse. It felt too odd, for Jonny; too quiet, being in the cabin all alone without the kids running around or televisions left on even though they weren’t being watched. There was a calmness that bordered on emptiness and it made Jonny want to cling to Patrick all the more closely. But Jonny knew this was a big step in testing what progress they had been making and for all the shit he gave Sharpy, he knew they could trust him, Bur, Duncs and Seabs with the kids, without question.

Jonny leaned back against the counter, pulling Patrick along with him. “If we go track them down then that means we don’t trust them.”

“Maybe,” Patrick mumbled, his fingers fumbling with the drawstring of Jonny’s sweats. Patrick remembered something from the day before, his face lighting up as he tugged playfully at Jonny’s shirt. “Guess what Ryker told me yesterday.”

“What?”

“He wants to change his last name to match ours.”

“He said that?” Jonny asked. He’d been wondering all night what Ryker had said to Patrick after the wedding. For the rest of the night Patrick had been practically floating around the room, his smile so wide, he was practically vibrating with happiness. Bur had teased the two the anticipation for their wedding night activities after the world’s longest engagement but Jonny had a feeling it had less to do with him and more to do with whatever Ryker had said to him. But he knew that Patrick would tell him when he was ready, if it was for him to know, so he hadn’t pushed the subject. Now, Jonny could understand why Patrick had been so happy. This was another piece of their family, their lives together, falling into place.

Patrick nodded quickly, “I told him he didn’t have to, you know; that it’s not something he has to do to be a part of our family, that we would love him no matter what…but he said he really wants to do it.” Jonny watched as all the worry that had been swimming deep in Patrick’s eyes seemed to melt away, only to be replaced with an even deeper joy that looked to completely overwhelm him.

Jonny hugged Patrick to him, hating that he had to be the voice of reason but knowing he needed to prepare Patrick because, while he knew Ryker wouldn’t lie about something like this, he knew it would be too easy for Ryker to let his emotions overtake him and say things he might not want in the long run.

“That’s so great,” Jonny smiled softly, taking Patrick’s hands in his as he pulled away. He needed to be able to look in Patrick’s eyes for this; to see all of him, “but I think we still need to give him a little time. Yesterday he’d asked me about what it meant to get married, why it was such a big deal and why the grandmas were so freaked out about everything being perfect. I’d tried to explain it to him well enough but he’d seemed particularly caught up in the idea that me, you, and Addy would all have the same last name. We need to make sure that he’s not doing this, not because he actually wants it, but because he feels left out.” Jonny leaned in to kiss the corner of Patrick’s mouth. “I want it so bad, but not if it means he will regret it in a few years because he got caught up in the moment and now feels like he’s lost a part of himself. Or grow up resenting us because he feels like we took it away from him. He’s trying to get back what he lost, but more than that, he is trying to find his place in all of this. He went from having no family to having a very large extended family filled with grandparents and so many aunts and uncles and cousins, but remember what Noel said? Even though he has all of us in his life, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still feel alone at times. We have to make sure, as his parents, that we don’t…all of us…try to patch things over by changing his name and then expect everything to be fine afterwards. It won’t be a magic fix.” Jonny leaned his forehead against Patrick’s, “When we go back home and go see Noel, we’ll talk to her and see what she thinks. If she thinks it will help and Ryker still wants to do it, we’ll go down to the courthouse right then and there, you have my word. But we have to play this careful, for Ryker.”

Patrick leaned in against Jonny, “I know…I just hate that we have to second guess him,” Patrick whispered, nosing at Jonny’s neck.

Jonny tightened his arms around Patrick, “It’s not that we are second guessing him. I don’t think he was lying when he told you he wanted to change his last name but I think everything was just overwhelming to him. We just need to make sure with him. He’s been through too much already to risk making this worse with good intentions.”

“I know,” Patrick sighed heavily, “I just really hate that he might not ever be able to just live his life like other kids, like Addy. That he is always going to have this dark cloud over his childhood that even if he wanted to forget, he’ll never be able to.” Patrick shrugged, frowning, “I don’t want him to forget his real parents, but more than that, I want him to be able to go a day without being sad, even if that means forgetting them…and yes, I know how much of an asshole that makes me.” Patrick groaned.

Jonny kissed Patrick’s nose, “That doesn’t make you an asshole, that makes you a parent. No parent wants their child to be sad all the time, no matter what the circumstances.”

Patrick shrugged, “He called me Dad…yesterday when he was trying to talk to me. I think he got pissed because I couldn’t hear him over everyone and he just blurted it out.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not sure if it was intentional or not…he didn’t really react to it.” Patrick worried at the fabric of Jonny’s shirt between his fingers. “He called you Papa, too.”

Jonny…didn’t really know how to respond to that. He’d been waiting…hoping for the moment when Ryker would stop referring to them by their names, but he’d also been afraid of the growing hope that might never being fully realized. Afraid that that moment would never come and what that would mean. Jonny closed his eyes, resting his head against Patrick’s, silently taking it all in.

Jonny tried to put into words everything, but nothing was big enough; nothing properly encompassed all the emotions that were coursing through him at the moment as the two settled against each other and into the stillness of the house.

A few minutes later the back door opened slowly. Patrick and Jonny stood up straight as Ryker stepped into the small dining area. Sharpy had one hand covering Ryker’s eyes and the other hand covering his own as they made their way carefully through the doors.

“I hope everyone is decent!” Sharpy shouted loudly, his voice carrying through the cabin. “Little man needs to use the bathroom and I would hate for him to be scared for life because some people can’t keep it in the bedroom.”

Jonny smirked. He kind of wanted to see how far Sharpy could get with his eyes closed but Ryker was in front of him and would likely be the one to get hurt if they ran into anything. He cleared his throat loudly. “We’re standing right here.”

Sharpy froze, pulling Ryker back to his chest, “Please tell me you are wearing clothes? I mean, Ry could probably just find a bush or something if you two aren’t…finished.”

Patrick laughed, walking over towards the two. “Put your damn hands down, we were just finishing up breakfast you incredible dork.”

Sharpy breathed out heavily, pulling his hands back from both his and Ryker’s eyes. “Sorry, Peeks! Just figured the two of you might still be…”

Patrick coughed loudly, turning his attention to Ryker. “Did you have fun camping?”

Ryker nodded enthusiastically, “Uncle Bur showed us how to find the Big Dipper and Addy put worms in Brooks’ sleeping bag.” Ryker practically shouted, jumping from one foot to the other, “But can I please go to the bathroom now?”

Patrick ruffled the boy’s hair, “Don’t forget to wash your hands.”

Ryker ran off in a hurry. Patrick turned back to Sharpy, “How did it go?”

“He did great! He slept next to me and at some point in the middle of the night, Addy woke up and drug her sleeping bag over so she was between him and I but he never woke up.” Sharpy clapped his hand down on Patrick’s shoulder.

“Everyone else still asleep?” Jonny asked. It was still pretty early, only a little past 8am.

“Nah, all the little rugrats started stirring not too long after the sun came up. The boys are getting everything packed up and then they’ll be making their way back up now that the coast is clear. I figured we’d be walking in on some kind of nasty, but your kid insisted on using the bathroom in here because it’s clean.” Sharpy rolled his eyes, staring pointedly at Jonny who just shrugged his shoulders. “Taking a break between rounds, are we? I was thinking we’d take the kids back to the hotel and let them swim in the pool if you two would like some more time to play.” Sharpy poked playfully at Patrick’s stomach.

Jonny’s fingers scratched gently at the back of Patrick’s neck, “We’ll come with you guys.” Jonny declared, not missing the way Patrick’s shoulder’s relaxed slightly under his fingers.

“Lame!” Sharpy announced loudly with wink, “Whatever, I’ll go back and help with the rest of the little monsters and let the boys know the plan.” Sharpy rolled his eyes, heading towards the back door before turning back. “Look, I know it was rough letting us take the kids last night. That couldn’t have been easy but I think it might have been good for everyone and I promise everything was fine. I wouldn’t joke around about this.” Sharpy squeezed Patrick’s shoulder, “Thanks for trusting us…I know it was a big deal.”

Patrick nodded, reaching blindly for Jonny’s hand beside him.

Sharpy smiled, ruffling Jonny’s hair before escaping quickly out the back door.

Patrick rested his head on Jonny’s shoulder. “Do you really not mind going with them…I just…”

Jonny grinned, tilting Patrick’s face up with his thumb, “I get it, I missed them, too.”

Ryker, by all accounts, had done well his first night away from them. But Patrick was practically thrumming with pent-up energy, anxious to see Ryker and Addy as soon as they had woken up. Truth be told, Jonny was pretty restless himself. The four of them had stuck so close all summer; they’d formed their own rhythms and routines around each other without even realizing it. The upcoming season was going to be an adjustment period for everyone, Jonny could already tell. The beginning of the season was going to be the worst, until they all got used to Jonny and Patrick living part of their lives on the road once again, and the kids got used to them being away so often.

Patrick raised up on his toes to kiss Jonny, his entire body relaxing when he realized Jonny really did understand and wasn’t just placating him.

A small pair of arms circled around Patrick and Jonny waists. Patrick laughed against Jonny’s lips before looking down at Ryker, whose face was buried between them.

“I missed you,” Ryker breathed out heavily; contentedly.

Jonny knelt down, “We missed you too, buddy. Did you not have fun?” Jonny asked. Maybe Ryker had just been afraid to upset Sharpy earlier and had only acted like he’d had a good time?

Ryker shook his head, “It was really fun and Uncle Duncs can’t start a fire, he lied. But do we have to do it again?” There was no mistaking the enthusiasm and genuine delight in Ryker’s voice; it was clear he was being honest. But he still looked cautious as he reached up to slip his hands in Patrick’s and Jonny’s, linking the three together.

Patrick bent down, holding the boy’s hand tight in his. “We’re going to go play in the pool at the hotel for a little bit because everyone is going to start heading back home really early tomorrow.” Patrick knocked his shoulder against Jonny’s, “But how about tonight, we build a big blanket fort in the living room and eat pizza and make ice cream sundaes and watch movies until we can’t stay awake any longer? Whatever you and your sister want to do!” Patrick promised.

Ryker bounced up and down, his eyes lighting up.

“But it’ll be our secret, okay? You can’t tell anyone…especially not the grandmas because they will probably ground us,” Jonny motioned between him and Patrick. Addy and Ryker were quite scandalized by the idea that their grandmas had the ability to ground their dads, “and we can’t camp out if we are grounded, can we?” Jonny reasoned, trying to keep a straight face. He knew their mom’s wouldn’t actually get upset but the kids thought it was funny that Jonny and Patrick, even at their age, were still ‘afraid’ of their moms, so they tended to play it up. 

Ryker’s eyes went wide as he shook his head. “No.”

Patrick grinned, “Okay, let’s go get everything we need to go swimming at the pool. Everyone else will be back soon and then we can leave after everyone eats some breakfast.”

Ryker nodded, throwing his arms around Patrick’s shoulders with so much force it almost knocked Patrick over. Ryker pulled back before doing the same to Jonny, who was a little more prepared, tightening his own arms around the little boy. “I love you, Papa.” Ryker whispered.

Jonny cupped Ryker’s face in his hands, kissing his forehead softly, “I love you too, buddy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/Questions??
> 
> Lastly, I am thinking there will likely only be 1 more chapter after this...but I have a couple ideas to possibly keep this series going one way or the other but probably not in the same format as these last two fics...I don't know, let me know what you think!! But the chapter after this one will likely be the end of this fic!!


	23. Everything I Never Thought I Deserved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is here!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so not ready for this...but here it is!! *cue the tears because I don't handle separation very well*

“Why are we here so late? Do you have practice? I don’t see anyone else here. Is Brandon here? I think we are alone.” Ryker rambled as they made their way down the tunnel and towards the ice. Ryker and Addy wobbled on their skates, still not accustomed to walking on the rubber mats that were in place to protect their blades.

“Cause it trabition, Ry!” Addy exclaimed, excitedly, clutching at Patrick’s hand.

“Tradition, Ads.” Patrick corrected, tugging playfully at the braid poking out from under her helmet. “But, yes. This is a tradition that Papa and I have had for a very long time.”

“What are we doing?” Ryker asked, stopping as Jonny opened the door that led from the bench area onto the ice. Addy stepped out, fearlessly. She quickly fell onto her butt as her laughter got lost in the empty arena. Ryker looked at the ice skeptically. He was still learning, and while he was able to skate without needing to hold onto either Jonny or Patrick, or the boards anymore, it always took him a few minutes for him to get acclimated to the feel of the ice under him.

Jonny held his hand out, helping Ryker onto the ice. “Well, at the beginning of every season, the night before the home opener, we come out here to the arena and shoot the puck around for a little bit. It’s a tradition, like Addy said.” Ryker nodded, satisfied enough with the explanation. He let go of Jonny’s hand and skated over to where Patrick and Addy were chasing each other around the net.

Jonny reached over the boards and dug around in the practice bag he’d brought with them. He quickly found what he was looking for in the bag, balancing their sticks along the boards. He held the puck in his hands, feeling the weight settle against his palm. The puck was old, and worn with no writing left on either side after many years of abuse.

During their first training camp – before he and Patrick had even played their first NHL games, before they had promised each other they would make Chicago remember, make Chicago their own – Jonny had taken one of the practice pucks to hold onto, more out of sentimentality over the experience than anything else. In a moment of self-doubt, Jonny had wanted something to remember the experience by just in case he never got the call to the big house. He had wanted to have a tangible reminder of how close he’d come.

On the night before the first home game of the season, he and Patrick had snuck into the arena, with a little help from one of the security guards. Jonny had tossed the puck onto the ice and they’d spent the next hour imagining the possibility of winning it all as they lazily passed the puck back and forth between them.

It became a tradition for them. Something they did every year before all the seats filled up…before the expectation of the entire city sat heavy all around them. They would stand on the ice, just the two of them. Sometimes they would spend the entire time in their heads; not uttering a single word to each other the entire time they were on the ice, picking up easy conversation as they made their way to the dressing rooms. Maybe it really didn’t do anything but Jonny always felt more centered by the time they left. And Patrick always appeared much more calm and relaxed when tended to let the nervous and excited energy overtake him.

It wasn’t until after they’d won the Cup in 2010, when Patrick had innocently suggested the use one of the many Championship pucks floating around, that Jonny had admitted to the significance of using their puck. Jonny had never brought it up before and Patrick had never paid close enough attention. It was about tradition, not superstition, Jonny had insisted. Patrick in response had simply shrugged and tossed his puck aside, tapped his stick on the ice and had never mentioned it again.

“Got it?” Patrick asked, knocking his stick against Jonny’s skate and pulling Jonny’s attention back to the present.

Jonny smiled, tossing the puck at Patrick, “Got it.”

They passed the puck back and forth, as Ryker and Addy skated around and between them. Addy was teaching Ryker how to skate fast and then slide on his stomach into the net or through Patrick’s legs. It wasn’t long before Jonny and Patrick’s sticks and puck were abandoned in favor of a final game of tag, ensuring that they would all sleep easily and heavily that night.

“Just a couple more minutes and then we’re gonna head back home.” Patrick called out to the kids as he skated over to where Jonny was sitting on the boards in front of the benches.

“Ryker’s getting better…don’t you think?” Jonny asked, as Patrick hoisted himself up onto the boards next to Jonny.

“Mhmm.” Patrick hummed. Ryker still wasn’t really a fan of playing hockey, but he still liked to watch their games. Especially when they were on the road. His skating was definitely improving though.

“His teacher called this afternoon while you were at your meeting.” Jonny said as he nudged Patrick’s shoulder, “She said he’s starting to have more good days than bad.”

Patrick nodded at that. School had started back up a couple weeks before the preseason, and even though they were in the thick of training, it had allowed them more time to start a routine and get everything prepared. They had had the summer all to themselves. Jonny and Patrick had made a conscious effort to spend as much time with Ryker and Addy as they could, but the realities of full time hockey careers, the rapidly approaching 3rd grade and first days of preschool had still managed to seemingly spring up out of nowhere on them.

They had met with Ryker’s teacher at the school’s Open House a week before classes had begun and his new teacher, Ms. Mills, had requested a one-on-one meeting with them at their convenience because she knew the situation would prove to be rather unique. Ryker was starting the 3rd grade, and the school was made familiar with his history from both before and after the adoption and wanted to make sure everyone involved was on the same page concerning making the transition as easy on Ryker as possible. Jonny and Patrick had met with Emily Mills and discussed the issues they’d been having and the ways in which they were working with him, should a problem ever arise. They’d given Ms. Mills a copy of their traveling schedule for the season, noting that bad days would likely coincide with them being away for long periods at a time when they were on the road. She had assured them that they would feel out the situation and, given some time to adjust for everyone, she was confident that everything would be just fine.

The reality was, Ryker’s first day of school had been rough. On everyone.

Ryker had tried to say he wasn’t feeling well, but he had buckled when Jonny suggested he needed to go to the doctor. Patrick had wanted to give in once Ryker swore he would clean both his and Addy’s room every day if he didn’t have to go to school. It was hard to see that kind of raw desperation in Ryker’s eyes, but they’d held firm, reassuring Ryker that they would be at the school to pick him up at the end of the school day.

It was also Addy’s first day of preschool, and Patrick had been less than inclined to give up both Ryker and Addy on the same day, even if only for a couple hours. Addy had chatted happily all the way to her new school. Patrick was driving and Jonny couldn’t stop himself from looking back at her over and over again.

“Are you sure this isn’t too soon? She isn’t even 4 yet,” Patrick said gripping the steering wheel tightly, his eyes flicking nervously to the rearview mirror.

“I’ll be 4 in 15 days.” Addy practically sang from behind them. “Ry told me so.”

“This will help her get used to being around a bunch of kids before she starts kindergarten.” Jonny reached across the center console to take Patrick’s hand in a comforting gesture. “We researched the statistics and we’ve toured all the schools. She’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, well…I might not be.” Patrick bit his lip, flipping the blinker on with a little more force than strictly necessary.

Patrick had been hilariously offended when Addy had insisted that Jonny and Patrick only needed to walk her to her classroom door, but not inside. She gave them each a kiss on the cheek, wearing the most serious expression Jonny had ever remembered seeing on her small face and had walked deliberately into the room after introducing herself to her teacher, Mr. Drummond.

Jonny and Patrick were halfway down the hall, when the door had flung back open and Addy was running towards them in tears, throwing herself at the two of them.

“I was trying to be a big girl, Papa…but I already miss you and Daddy and Ry.” Addy had sobbed into Jonny’s shoulder.

Five minutes and three kisses each later, with another promise to not forget her, Jonny and Patrick were finally on their way to practice.

That first day had been exhausting for everyone. Pickups had been less dramatic, but the stress of the day had them all ready to crash before they made it properly into the house. They’d ended up falling asleep; a mess of arms and legs tangled up on the couch after homework not 10 minutes into the movie Ryker had picked out to watch.

They had settled into the routine of school and practices leading up to the start of preseason with a growing sense of accomplishment. They were a team, and they were all working together to get each other through their transition from the summer and back to reality.

Some days were better than others, of course.

The Hawks had to be on the road twice during the preseason. The first time, a three-day trip, only saw Jonny leaving as Q let Patrick sit those two games out in order to see what a promising young rookie could do with an opening in the roster.

Ryker became increasingly clingy and agitated as the days passed, but Jonny had made it a point to call or Skype throughout the day and they had used their map they’d created to study the places Jonny would be while he was gone.

Jonny and Patrick both went on the second trip, their last preseason game before the home-opener at the UC, but they would only be gone for a little more than 24 hours. They had dropped Ryker and Addy off at their schools in the morning and would be home in enough time to pick them both up the following day.

Ryker had done well, according to Jackie. Jonny and Patrick felt marginally better. Like they were finally able to let the breath they had been hold in, out for the first time in a long time. For the first time, they really felt like they weren’t drowning in the constant worry that gripped them.

They had conquered the beginning of the school year. Now, in the dimly lit arena, Jonny and Patrick sat on the boards while Ryker and Addy chased each other in wide circles; with the knowledge that the following day would throw them headlong into the new season. If everything over the last month felt crazy and out of control at times, from this moment on their lives would be nothing short of chaotic.

Jonny looked over at Patrick, knocking their shoulders together, “You nervous for tomorrow?”

“Nope.” Patrick beamed back at him, leaning into Jonny. “Been a long time coming.”

Addy laughed loudly from the other side of the rink as she sat down heavily on Ryker.

“Watch your blades!” Jonny and Patrick called out at the same time.

“Did your mom make it in alright? I still can’t believe she wouldn’t let us pick her up at the airport.” Jonny asked, shaking his head. Whenever Jonny usually found himself wondering where Patrick got his stubbornness from, he never had to look any further than Donna Kane. Once her mind was set one something, anything, there was absolutely no changing it.

Patrick shrugged. “She’s gonna be here for a while…at least until Jacks pops that kid out. I’m surprised she’s even letting me pay for her rental.”

“Can you blame her? You said you were going to rent her a Hummer.” Jonny reminded Patrick.

Patrick laughed, “Empty threats…but her face was priceless.”

“I got everything set up for the game tomorrow. I got them in one of the suites. With Jacks being as far along as she is, I don’t want her around a bunch of drunk assholes.” Jonny grimaced, his face scrunching up hilariously.

Patrick laughed loudly, shoving at Jonny’s shoulder, “Better not let Jacks hear you say that or she’d probably murder you in your sleep with fishing line or something. She hates when people act like being pregnant makes her incapable of doing shit.”

“I told her I got the suite tickets so the kids could get up and move around if they get restless. She won’t argue me on that one.” Jonny puffed his chest out.

“If you say so.” Patrick leaned over and kissed Jonny’s cheek.

“Ewwwwww!” Addy shrieked, skating towards them fast enough that she ran right into Jonny’s legs. She wrapped her arms around his calves to keep from falling down. “Get a roooooooooom!” She sang out with a grin.

She was clearly hanging around Sharpy too much. He was an awful influence on her and was not above hiding behind small children after he stirred shit up.

Patrick rolled his eyes dramatically, poking playfully at Addy’s helmet when Ryker carefully made his way over. “If we are so ewwwwwww then maybe you should close your eyes.”

 

*

 

They’d had two options after the wedding. Wait for someone to find their marriage license and run the story in every media outlet they could find, or control the chaos and announce it themselves.

Three days after they were married, before they were even back in Chicago, the Blackhawks PR released a prepared statement from Jonny and Patrick, along with a group picture they had taken of everyone standing on the dock a few hours after the ceremony. Half of the adults and all the kids were in their bathing suits and soaking wet, Jonny’s shirt was untucked and rumpled from giving the kids piggyback rides, Patrick and Sharpy were, for some reason, wearing matching plaid swimming trunks. Abby and Jackie were standing back to back with their bellies on full display.

It was probably the least professional picture they could have chosen, but it was also Jonny’s favorite. It captured the essence of that day perfectly and it had taken them all of 5 minutes to pick it out for that purpose alone.

It had been a little over a month since the news broke. They’d fielded countless calls and granted a few radio interviews to contain the overwhelming interest in their marriage. Their relationship had been common knowledge. They’d never formally announced that they were dating but never hid it. Never denied it. Eventually the media had moved past it after a while.

Their marriage, however, had only fanned the flames once more as both the local and national media were practically salivating over Chicago’s two most high-profiled athletes not only dating but actually marrying each other.

Patrick stood inside the locker room with the rest of the guys, just minutes before the start of the first game of the season. The rush of the crowd was so loud as it spilled down the tunnel and through the dressing room doors that had been flung wide open. They got the nod to head out as the time on the digital clock counted down. Crow led the way as everyone filed out. Patrick hung back with Jonny as many of the guys clapped him heavily on his shoulder pads. Sharpy ruffled Patrick’s curls with a wink. Patrick took a deep breath, squeezed Jonny’s hand quickly before following after Sharpy. Seabs was waiting just outside the door, offered a fist bump to him and Jonny and then took off down the tunnel, jumping onto Sharpy’s back with a loud cry.

“No regrets?” Jonny scrunched his nose, nodding towards the rink.

Patrick shook his head, breathing in steadily, “Not a single one. Let’s do this!”

Jonny smiled brightly, leading them both down the hall. Patrick hesitated for a moment, letting Jonny take the last few steps before bursting out onto the ice, falling in line with the rest of the team to a round of thunderous cheering from the fans.

Patrick gave himself a moment to take it all in before he stepped onto the ice as well.

The cheering grew louder as Patrick looked up at the scoreboard to see the image on the screen. The camera was following his every move, focused on his back as he skated slowly around the net. In bright white letters across his shoulders, sticking out against the familiar crimson red that meant he was home, was the name TOEWS positioned just above the 88.

The crowd was possibly the loudest Patrick had ever heard it be as Jim sang the National Anthem and once the puck dropped, neither the Hawks nor the Predators took their foot off the pedal. It felt more like both teams were fighting for the last playoff spot instead of it being the first game of the season, but these were the kind of games Patrick lived for. Jonny scored their only goal of the first period on a partial breakaway shorthanded and they went into the first intermission tied.

Q went right to the video room to review a few specific plays, leaving them to themselves as they prepared for the second period. Jonny was just about to remove his jersey when Jackson, one of the equipment assistants motioned towards him and Patrick, “You two might want to see this.”

Patrick looked to Jonny, who just shrugged as they both followed Jackson out of the locker room and back down the tunnel.

“I was out on the bench grabbing the bottles to refill them for the second period,” he offered up as explanation, pointing up at the screen above center ice.

One of the staff that played games with various fans during the break was talking loudly into the microphone. Jonny wasn’t really sure what was even going on until he heard Addy’s high-pitched voice filling the arena, as he and Patrick looked to each other and then back up to the screen. Katie, Jonny recognized the intern, was standing between Addy and Ryker on one of the landings. Jackie and Donna were standing just off to the side, both trying to hold back their laughter. In front of the kids were two large buckets full of random articles of clothing and accessories of all different colors.

Patrick nudged Jonny and the two slid onto the edge of the bench to watch. Behind them, fans were banging on the glass trying to get their attention.

Katie crouched down between Addy and Ryker, “We’re best buds, huh?” She asked as Addy gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up, “But can you tell everyone else what your name is?”

“Adelaide Kane Toews!” Addy nodded proudly.

Katie turned the mic towards Ryker, “Ryker Matthew Toews.”

“Those are some pretty awesome jerseys you two have on.” Katie exclaimed, pointing at Ryker and Addy, “Can we see the back?”

Ryker and Addy turned around and the entire arena “Awwwwed.” The jerseys had been gifts from the Bowman’s. Ryker’s jersey had PAPA 19 on the back while Addy’s had DADDY 88.

“You guys wanna play a game?” Katie asked as Ryker and Addy turned back around to face the camera. Ryker was twisting the bottom of his jersey around his thumb but he nodded excitedly along with Addy.

“Okay, here’s the deal. When I say go, you can pick anything you want out of your bucket, as many things as you want…you gotta put as much on as you can until the buzzer. Then we’ll see who wins, sound good?”

Ryker and Addy nodded once more. They stepped up to the baskets as Addy stuck her tongue out at Ryker.

Jonny leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he watched, along with Patrick and the rest of the crowd. He was fascinated by how the determination settled into Ryker and Addy’s faces. It couldn’t be denied that they were just as competitive as Jonny and Patrick were when the mood struck them.

Katie shouted “Go” and the two took off. Sequins and feathers were flying. Fabrics of all different colors were being tossed around.

Addy was struggling trying to put a green frilly tutu on and almost fell. Ryker reached out to steady her.

Patrick watched as the clock counted down. Addy was laughing as she practically dove into her basket trying to shove as much stuff on to her tiny body as she could.

About half way through, Ryker abandoned his own basket, running over to Addy and started wrapping her up in anything and everything he could find.

Jonny laughed loudly, elbowing Patrick. He pointed up at the screen as Ryker plopped a huge red and yellow polka dot hat on Addy’s head. Ryker balanced a huge pair of bright green clown glasses on Addy’s nose and wrapped a billowy rainbow boa around her neck until you could barely see her face at all. The people behind Jonny and Patrick had given up on trying to get their attention and were now laughing along with the rest of the crowd.

“Well, I don’t think this has ever happened before.” Katie looked towards the camera. “I don’t think we even need to go to the crowd to decide on the winner…what do you guys think?” Katie asked as she held her mic out towards the rest of the arena. Everyone went wild. “I think we have our winner! Congratulations Ms. Addy.”

Addy started jumping up and down, her huge smile barely visible under all the fabric and feathers she was practically swimming in. Addy turned quickly, throwing her arms around Ryker, who barely had enough time to catch her without the both of them falling down.

Jonny shook his head as Katie started talking about an upcoming raffle. Ryker and Addy could be seen on the screen running back towards Jackie and Donna. Jonny gently shoved Patrick off the bench as the two made their way back towards the locker room, shaking his head, still laughing.

The rest of the game played out much like the first period. Fast and intense, if a little chippy. Patrick netted the game winner in OT and was named the first star of the game. JR was waiting for him after he did his loop as the familiar strains of “Rock You Like A Hurricane” blasted from the rafters. Patrick handed his stick over the glass to a kid that looked to be around Addy’s age that was perched up on some guy’s shoulders and banging loudly on the glass.

Jonny, who had been the second star of the night, slapped Patrick on his shoulder with a bright smile before heading down the tunnel. Patrick turned his attention back towards JR. 

“Not bad for the first game of the season, huh?” JR laughed, holding his mic out towards Patrick.

Patrick grinned wildly, “It’s a good start.”

“You guys looked like you didn’t lose a step over the offseason. A lot of people say these first few games of the new season don’t mean anything in the long run. Was this game a message to the rest of the league? Because you guys were relentless?”

Patrick wiped the sweat out of his eyes, squinting into the light of the camera. “We want to win every game. Whether it is the first game of the season or the one that gets us in the playoffs. You never want to fall one or two points shy of making it to the post season and then have to think of all the games you could have won that you didn’t. Both teams were ready to go. We are not okay with losing no matter what game it is so we wanted to come out firing on all cylinders.”

JR leaned in closer against the roar of the fans still in their seats and crowded around the boards closest to them. It was almost impossible to hear anything over the rush. “This was a special day all around, wasn’t it? You’ve got a hell of a statement on your back, my friend.”

“Maybe,” Patrick admitted with a shrug. “This is who I am now. We’ve never tried to hide anything before so why stop now?”

“Why was this so important for you to do now?”

“Because that question is still being asked.” Patrick started, his voice shaky as he was still breathing heavy from the game. “But I understand that this isn’t common practice in our sport to make a change like this halfway through a guy’s career, but honestly the thought never occurred to me to not do it. Because Jonny has been with me every step of the way. Since we were rookies and through all the Cups and all the times I did things that I am not proud of. He’s always had my back, no matter what.” Patrick paused for a moment, smiling, “You know, it’s just that…Jonny was blowing chocolate milk bubbles with the kids this morning at breakfast and two weeks ago he drove to the vet every day to check on a baby bird that fell out of a tree because our daughter insisted we had to fix its booboos. He agrees to help anyone before he even knows what is being asked of him; whether it is new equipment for teams that can’t afford it or spending an entire day at Navy Pier with a kid from Make-A-Wish or bringing our kids to the food bank to put together packages for soldiers overseas. He’s the kind of guy that…he can make anyone a better person just by being around him, by setting the right example about how to be a good person for not only our children but for everyone and by some miracle he never gave up on me. And believe me, there were plenty of times when he probably should have.” Patrick took a deep breath, looking to his left where Jonny was standing just inside the tunnel with Addy perched on his hip and Ryker clutching his hand. “Jonny has given me everything I never thought I deserved. Our kids…our entire crazy family; basically the best life imaginable. And he gave me his last name. That’s why this was important for me. Because he’s given me so much and I will spend the rest of my life making sure he never regrets it for a single moment.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been the craziest ride. Can you believe it's been more than a year since the very first chapter of 'Dreams' was posted?? I don't even know what to say, so I think for once, I am going to just not say anything at all!!
> 
> I would love to know what you thought of not only this chapter, but the verse in general!! Would you be open to little glimpses into their lives every now and then or should I just leave it be with this?? I love these guys so much and I could go on and on with them, but I would like your opinions since you all were the fuel behind all of this in the first place...
> 
> ps: the scene in the beginning, with Jonny and Patrick and the kids at the arena was actually based on a gifset of Jonny and Patrick passing a puck back and forth in the very dimly lit arena the night before the home opener(not sure what season) that I've seen on tumblr. I don't know how to link on here but look around for it if you are interested. For some reason, it struck me as something I needed to include in this. In my head, its something they do every year and once Addy was in the picture they just started bringing her along and then Ryker as well.
> 
> as always, feel free to drop me a line on tumblr - dannybriereisaliferuiner

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr and say hey = dannybriereisaliferuiner


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